Hey. It's been a while. A longgg while. I'm back in Ireland. And you know, when I think about it, I still am not sure whether I'm doing the right thing. I mean, dentistry. Is it for me? I feel so many doubts and I wonder whether other people feel it too. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. Am I being a coward by not stepping over the edge and going for something that won't make me feel so many doubts? Or am I being brave by sticking to this? hmmmmmmm hmmm hmmmmm!!!!!!!!!
ANYWAY. I've been watching Grey's. And it's killing me. It makes me so scared. Scared of an unlived life.
Krystell. When you read this, watch the last few episodes of Season 5. Seriously. But if you don't have time. Just watch the last episode. The last episode of Season 5.
Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
I have to go to bed. I'm sorry I've neglected this blog. I'll be back! I have to make more of an effort to do all these things, to write! Nights. All the best. Take it in strife. Conquer second year. Be strongggg Krystell!
27/9/13 Fri 00:56
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Ohana.
Hello! HELLOE HELLOE HELLOE! One down, two more to goooo!!!!!! So, I'm supposed to start studying already. But thought I should blog. Cuz. You know.
Anyway. The biochem exam this morning was ok. I don't know whether I've said this before, but there were three sections: Biomolecules, Metabolism and Dental Case Studies. I only studied for Case Studies and 3/4 of Metabolism. I had studied biomolecules like a month ago but didn't have time to revise it. But yea. Yesterday I wasn't feeling very motivated so I didn't start studying till it was too late. And guess what? I actually didn't get to sleep in the end!!! :O I know. Extreme! It's my first time not sleeping for an exam. I took a nap for about an hour at midnight yesterday? But that was about it. It was because I didn't have time to finish what I had left of Metabolism, and because I didn't touch biomolecules, I could not afford to not finish what I had planned to finish for Metabolism. So yea. The exam went ok in the end. I'm pretty sure I can pass so that's a YAY. But oh gosh. I was soooo tired. I was dizzy, my eyes were so dry and I could feel my sympathetic nerves being stimulated, activating vasoconstriction in my subcutaneous vessels. Hahaha a taste of physiology for you.
Finished the exam, came back, tidied my stuff, took a shower. Oh and omgggg. Because the shower drain has been kinda clogged for a few days and it kinda floods cuz the water drains so slowly, I decided to clear it out (not for the first time) to have a good shower experience that I deserved in my sleep-deprived state. I've done it before so I kinda knew what to expect. But this time it. Was. So. Horrendous. I actually almost puked, I was so. DISGUSTED. I had to dig my fingers in the drain (covered with plastic bags of course) and tug the HUGE clump of hair out. And there was this omg-I-don't-know-how-to-describe-it-but-it-just-made-me-so-sick-I-held-my-breath smell that wafted out from the drain. YUCKSSSS. I was successful, mission accomplished. And I poured bleach around and down the drain, wanted to bleach my hands too but was like, neeeeh. Hahaha.
ANYWAY. I dried my hair, moisturised face, and CRASHEDDDD for four hours. Haha. Omg. Naps on soft and warm beds are an amazing blessing from heaven. Seriously man. We're so blessed! Yong and I napped together then I forced both of us to get up lest we won't be able to sleep tonight. And we cooked dinner. Yummy chicken thigh stuffed with stuffing from Tesco, boiled poppies and spuds. :D 'Twas yummy! I didn't put the chicken skin down. I put the oven on the fan setting, then on the grill setting for the last 10 minutes. Skin turned out crispy. Win!!!
Recently I discovered Kyle Landry, a youtube pianist that does his own arrangements on covers, he also plays his own compositions. He's like so pro and the music sounds so great to my ears that I'm determined to touch the piano again when I go back. Haha. Loveeee his Harry Potter medley, which is the first thing I heard from him. He has a cover of the "I'll make a man out of you" Mulan song and it made me start looking up Disney songs. OMG I so wanna watch Mulan again. Then I came across LILO AND STITCH songs. Seriously. I hereby exclaim that Lilo And Stitch is my all time favourite animated movie man! I really really really really love it so much. It's not just those feel-good movies with a happy ending. It's actually kinda heartbreaking. :'( The fact that Lilo is not a typical main character who's pretty and smart. She's awkward and has no friends, and comes from a broken family. "We're a broken family, aren't we?" SUPER SAD. And while listening to one of the songs on Youtube, saw a comment that made me realise something. Pudge the fish controls the weather!!!! And Lilo's parents died in a car crash on a rainy night. :( SO SAD. It's seriously such a great movie!
Anyway. Should get studyingggg! Can't wait till EXAMS ARE OVER. Soon!!!!!!!!!! So soon I wanna put my fist in my mouth. HAHA. Kinda worried though cuz the next two papers are worth 70% of the whole subject. :/ And yet here I am telling you aboud a non-existent cartoon character. Haha. GBYE!!!
Sat 00:38 18/5/13
Anyway. The biochem exam this morning was ok. I don't know whether I've said this before, but there were three sections: Biomolecules, Metabolism and Dental Case Studies. I only studied for Case Studies and 3/4 of Metabolism. I had studied biomolecules like a month ago but didn't have time to revise it. But yea. Yesterday I wasn't feeling very motivated so I didn't start studying till it was too late. And guess what? I actually didn't get to sleep in the end!!! :O I know. Extreme! It's my first time not sleeping for an exam. I took a nap for about an hour at midnight yesterday? But that was about it. It was because I didn't have time to finish what I had left of Metabolism, and because I didn't touch biomolecules, I could not afford to not finish what I had planned to finish for Metabolism. So yea. The exam went ok in the end. I'm pretty sure I can pass so that's a YAY. But oh gosh. I was soooo tired. I was dizzy, my eyes were so dry and I could feel my sympathetic nerves being stimulated, activating vasoconstriction in my subcutaneous vessels. Hahaha a taste of physiology for you.
Finished the exam, came back, tidied my stuff, took a shower. Oh and omgggg. Because the shower drain has been kinda clogged for a few days and it kinda floods cuz the water drains so slowly, I decided to clear it out (not for the first time) to have a good shower experience that I deserved in my sleep-deprived state. I've done it before so I kinda knew what to expect. But this time it. Was. So. Horrendous. I actually almost puked, I was so. DISGUSTED. I had to dig my fingers in the drain (covered with plastic bags of course) and tug the HUGE clump of hair out. And there was this omg-I-don't-know-how-to-describe-it-but-it-just-made-me-so-sick-I-held-my-breath smell that wafted out from the drain. YUCKSSSS. I was successful, mission accomplished. And I poured bleach around and down the drain, wanted to bleach my hands too but was like, neeeeh. Hahaha.
ANYWAY. I dried my hair, moisturised face, and CRASHEDDDD for four hours. Haha. Omg. Naps on soft and warm beds are an amazing blessing from heaven. Seriously man. We're so blessed! Yong and I napped together then I forced both of us to get up lest we won't be able to sleep tonight. And we cooked dinner. Yummy chicken thigh stuffed with stuffing from Tesco, boiled poppies and spuds. :D 'Twas yummy! I didn't put the chicken skin down. I put the oven on the fan setting, then on the grill setting for the last 10 minutes. Skin turned out crispy. Win!!!
Recently I discovered Kyle Landry, a youtube pianist that does his own arrangements on covers, he also plays his own compositions. He's like so pro and the music sounds so great to my ears that I'm determined to touch the piano again when I go back. Haha. Loveeee his Harry Potter medley, which is the first thing I heard from him. He has a cover of the "I'll make a man out of you" Mulan song and it made me start looking up Disney songs. OMG I so wanna watch Mulan again. Then I came across LILO AND STITCH songs. Seriously. I hereby exclaim that Lilo And Stitch is my all time favourite animated movie man! I really really really really love it so much. It's not just those feel-good movies with a happy ending. It's actually kinda heartbreaking. :'( The fact that Lilo is not a typical main character who's pretty and smart. She's awkward and has no friends, and comes from a broken family. "We're a broken family, aren't we?" SUPER SAD. And while listening to one of the songs on Youtube, saw a comment that made me realise something. Pudge the fish controls the weather!!!! And Lilo's parents died in a car crash on a rainy night. :( SO SAD. It's seriously such a great movie!
Anyway. Should get studyingggg! Can't wait till EXAMS ARE OVER. Soon!!!!!!!!!! So soon I wanna put my fist in my mouth. HAHA. Kinda worried though cuz the next two papers are worth 70% of the whole subject. :/ And yet here I am telling you aboud a non-existent cartoon character. Haha. GBYE!!!
Sat 00:38 18/5/13
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Bravery.
Hello! I feel. SHOOOO. LAZY it's ridiculous. I already know that I don't have enough time to finish studying everything, and I kinda feel the stress and I know how much I'm leaving out for this Biochem exam already. And yet I'm not trying to make up for it. It's like, the laziness of my conscious mind overcomes the panic of my subconscious. hahaha. 'Tis awful sad. So I decided to come and blogggg instead of doing absolutely nothing.
Jason gave me a quote he found in the Game of Thrones book.
"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?" "That is the only time a man can be brave."
He told me that quite a while ago. But I think how true that statement really is only hit me recently. It's so true don't you think? It's like that "It takes a night to make it dawn; it takes a day to make you yawn; it takes some cold to know the sun" kinda thing (from Life is Wonderful by JMraz yoz). It takes fear to know what bravery is.
Like for me. I have doubts about whether this course is for me. I could do so many other things that will let me enjoy myself so much more and suffer so much less, like being a teacher or event manager or something like that. I am so scared that I'm wasting my time (and money) doing this. What if in the end I'm just too awkward and uncoordinated that I just suck? What if in the end I don't get to help people in the way I want to? Sure, I might have a bright future in the sense that I'll be able to be financially independent, but what if I'm not happy during the process, and I make myself suffer so much, all these sleepless nights, not to mention deteriorating health!!!! I actually can't pinpoint what it is that makes me so doubtful and worried. It might even just be my laziness talking, with the thought of all these studying and self-discipline I have to force out of myself for the next few years (and a few years after that too if I wanna specialise) bringing me down.
But then. I guess all these fears are what makes me brave. I keep it all in, pack those feelings up into the box that is marked "You'll get over it" and continue to sleep at 6 or 7am every night (morning?) just to try and pass my exams... Continue to miss home and struggle to be content standing on my own two feet... Continue to not quit. I guess in other words, I could say I'm brave.
I hope so. :/
Anyway. I should really study. Hope people are happy, and that those I love are even happier haha. On a side note, HOME is so close. So close I start hyperventilating when I think about. So close that it's suffocating me and making me implode! So close I can't think about it lest I can't study. Haha. Can't wait! Goodbye! :D
Thurs 01:34 16/5/13
Jason gave me a quote he found in the Game of Thrones book.
"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?" "That is the only time a man can be brave."
He told me that quite a while ago. But I think how true that statement really is only hit me recently. It's so true don't you think? It's like that "It takes a night to make it dawn; it takes a day to make you yawn; it takes some cold to know the sun" kinda thing (from Life is Wonderful by JMraz yoz). It takes fear to know what bravery is.
Like for me. I have doubts about whether this course is for me. I could do so many other things that will let me enjoy myself so much more and suffer so much less, like being a teacher or event manager or something like that. I am so scared that I'm wasting my time (and money) doing this. What if in the end I'm just too awkward and uncoordinated that I just suck? What if in the end I don't get to help people in the way I want to? Sure, I might have a bright future in the sense that I'll be able to be financially independent, but what if I'm not happy during the process, and I make myself suffer so much, all these sleepless nights, not to mention deteriorating health!!!! I actually can't pinpoint what it is that makes me so doubtful and worried. It might even just be my laziness talking, with the thought of all these studying and self-discipline I have to force out of myself for the next few years (and a few years after that too if I wanna specialise) bringing me down.
But then. I guess all these fears are what makes me brave. I keep it all in, pack those feelings up into the box that is marked "You'll get over it" and continue to sleep at 6 or 7am every night (morning?) just to try and pass my exams... Continue to miss home and struggle to be content standing on my own two feet... Continue to not quit. I guess in other words, I could say I'm brave.
I hope so. :/
Anyway. I should really study. Hope people are happy, and that those I love are even happier haha. On a side note, HOME is so close. So close I start hyperventilating when I think about. So close that it's suffocating me and making me implode! So close I can't think about it lest I can't study. Haha. Can't wait! Goodbye! :D
Thurs 01:34 16/5/13
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The Mind Always Wanders...
Hello. You know. Today was kinda Mother's Day but it felt like it was more yesterday, because of the time difference and also the fact that I woke up late today. And I'm soooo grateful for my mum you know. So grateful for my parents, for them giving me the life I've had and continue to have. How I receive so much unconditional love. But of course it's not all rainbows and unicorns. So many fights and arguments and angryyyyyy tears!!!!!! But still. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for them. Honestly!!! I probably wouldn't be any sort of high-achiever at all, on the path to a bright future, though I can't really see where it leads from where I'm standing though.
And also, I've been thinking about Melina too. And how I listened to K-Love and started crying. Which was kinda embarrassing cuz I was actually on Skype with Jason doing nothing. :/ Haha, hung up when I started crying but I think he knew. Sad oh. I wonder how her family is doing now. Death is so absolute it freaks me out.
I just watched some K-Love videos on Youtube and I was just reminded of the heartbreaking book, The End of The Spear, how -SPOILER ALERT- his daughter passed away so suddenly and, even more heartbreaking, how he handled the whole situation. Seriously it makes me so sadddd to think that life is so unfair!!! UGH. "Ain't even grey but she buries her baby". I should reread that book. And Have A Little Faith, which showed me that some people kneel before God out of true desperation as they have absolutely no where to turn. Whereas some of us kneel before God only when the sun momentarily hides behind the clouds. :(
Anywho. Exams are almost over. Well not really. Not at the half-way point yet. Still have three papers left but it's less than 2 weeks before I'm free. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?! To me, it feels so ridiculously surreal that I'm gonna be flying home already after a year of not being home, not really being with my family for so long, being away from the comfort of homeeee. It's crazy!!!!! But here I am, not studying. Haven't really blogged properly and this isn't a great post too cuz it's just random thoughts I'm pulling out of my rattled, sleep-deprived brain. I don't have that study feel AT ALL today. Seriously so depressing. So yeaaa. I'm blogging cuz I'm procrastinating.
I better go. When I was in the toilet just now, I suddenly thought of getting those thin long flags that tourist guides have for when I'm flying home. So my family can spot me walking out of the arrival hall. HAHA. My brain is weird. Apologies. Ciaozerrs!
Mon 02:04 13/5/13
And also, I've been thinking about Melina too. And how I listened to K-Love and started crying. Which was kinda embarrassing cuz I was actually on Skype with Jason doing nothing. :/ Haha, hung up when I started crying but I think he knew. Sad oh. I wonder how her family is doing now. Death is so absolute it freaks me out.
I just watched some K-Love videos on Youtube and I was just reminded of the heartbreaking book, The End of The Spear, how -SPOILER ALERT- his daughter passed away so suddenly and, even more heartbreaking, how he handled the whole situation. Seriously it makes me so sadddd to think that life is so unfair!!! UGH. "Ain't even grey but she buries her baby". I should reread that book. And Have A Little Faith, which showed me that some people kneel before God out of true desperation as they have absolutely no where to turn. Whereas some of us kneel before God only when the sun momentarily hides behind the clouds. :(
Anywho. Exams are almost over. Well not really. Not at the half-way point yet. Still have three papers left but it's less than 2 weeks before I'm free. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?! To me, it feels so ridiculously surreal that I'm gonna be flying home already after a year of not being home, not really being with my family for so long, being away from the comfort of homeeee. It's crazy!!!!! But here I am, not studying. Haven't really blogged properly and this isn't a great post too cuz it's just random thoughts I'm pulling out of my rattled, sleep-deprived brain. I don't have that study feel AT ALL today. Seriously so depressing. So yeaaa. I'm blogging cuz I'm procrastinating.
I better go. When I was in the toilet just now, I suddenly thought of getting those thin long flags that tourist guides have for when I'm flying home. So my family can spot me walking out of the arrival hall. HAHA. My brain is weird. Apologies. Ciaozerrs!
Mon 02:04 13/5/13
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Hello, Jessie. :)
Got your email. Haha. I'm hoping you know I feel bad for not replying, but I also know you know that it's cuz I'm having exams. BUT. Almost there! :D
I also don't know when you'll come onto my blog again. But when you do, just thought you'd appreciate this song!
Thank you for keeping my fishies alive haha!
Sending some love back, Krys.
Wed 11:19 8/5/13
I also don't know when you'll come onto my blog again. But when you do, just thought you'd appreciate this song!
Thank you for keeping my fishies alive haha!
Sending some love back, Krys.
Wed 11:19 8/5/13
Friday, May 3, 2013
Don't Be Scared!
This song is so beautiful! It's so sad that her songs stemmed from such heartbreaking circumstances. Watch till the end ok!
Anywho. I can't believe it's almost over! My first academic year is almost done!!!! We have about 18 days left till the LAST PAPER. And it's seriously crazy to think that we've made it. I mean made first year. Hahaha my head will probably explode when/if I graduate after 5 years and it'll be even more seriously crazy. -.- Denise has her semester break now and she's flying home!!! Wheeee welcome home!!! I can't wait till it's my turn. And I just thought about how weird it is that you've just been flying in Msian airports. Sigh. Kinda miss the grundgy-ness of the airports haha. Appreciate the company you'll have ok!!!! I mean your WESTERN friends. Cuz like, you're blessed with coursemates you are chillaxed with yo!
Anyway. Should continue studying!!! Tmr is Dad's birthday!!!! AND. The 5th is election day!!!! OMG. There's so much going on, I don't know whether it's the fact that everyone is more politically aware now and is fed up of the government, or whether it's cuz I'm closer to the voting age now so my social network would also be the same, but everyone is really fiery now regarding change and such. INI KALI LAH. So yea. I don't know, kinda worried that change won't come, or change will come but with consequences. Wish Malaysia all the best I guess. :) It's a beautiful nation, but every nation has it's flaws. Hopefully this will lessen them.
BYE!
Fri 23:42 3/5/13
Anywho. I can't believe it's almost over! My first academic year is almost done!!!! We have about 18 days left till the LAST PAPER. And it's seriously crazy to think that we've made it. I mean made first year. Hahaha my head will probably explode when/if I graduate after 5 years and it'll be even more seriously crazy. -.- Denise has her semester break now and she's flying home!!! Wheeee welcome home!!! I can't wait till it's my turn. And I just thought about how weird it is that you've just been flying in Msian airports. Sigh. Kinda miss the grundgy-ness of the airports haha. Appreciate the company you'll have ok!!!! I mean your WESTERN friends. Cuz like, you're blessed with coursemates you are chillaxed with yo!
Anyway. Should continue studying!!! Tmr is Dad's birthday!!!! AND. The 5th is election day!!!! OMG. There's so much going on, I don't know whether it's the fact that everyone is more politically aware now and is fed up of the government, or whether it's cuz I'm closer to the voting age now so my social network would also be the same, but everyone is really fiery now regarding change and such. INI KALI LAH. So yea. I don't know, kinda worried that change won't come, or change will come but with consequences. Wish Malaysia all the best I guess. :) It's a beautiful nation, but every nation has it's flaws. Hopefully this will lessen them.
BYE!
Fri 23:42 3/5/13
Thursday, May 2, 2013
In An Ideal World...
YOU! Tell me that you're gonna fight!
Thurs 18:33 2/5/13
Friday, April 26, 2013
Camping!
Yong has basically moved into my place. Hardcore studying!!! All we do every day is sleep, eat, and shower only. Life is soooo boring you won't believe it. Also, biochemistry is sucking the soul out of us. No joke. Metabolism is absolutely ridiculous it makes me wanna puke. So yea. Study! And pray this is worth it because life is short.
Hope everyone is keeping well. :) Tur's bday passed, Steph compiled videos of us wishing her happy bday, will post mine up probably haha. And I'm kinda talking to Fiona again after so long, that's great! Next time I wanna talk about, Rachel Rostad and how evil lives in us and we have choices!
One of the walls on my phone.
What our current life revolves around. Hah. Cooking is our source of entertainment.
Sat 02:09 27/4/13
Hope everyone is keeping well. :) Tur's bday passed, Steph compiled videos of us wishing her happy bday, will post mine up probably haha. And I'm kinda talking to Fiona again after so long, that's great! Next time I wanna talk about, Rachel Rostad and how evil lives in us and we have choices!
One of the walls on my phone.
What our current life revolves around. Hah. Cooking is our source of entertainment.
Sat 02:09 27/4/13
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Strive.
Either make it or break it, my choice. Strive is what I have to do now. :'(
Wed 12:05 17/4/13
Wed 12:05 17/4/13
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Fading Into A Memory.
Heya. :) Yesterday was.. tough for me. I cried a lot, and I don't even know why. It's not like I was very close to Melina or anything. But I guess it's cuz she was my friend. The first person I actually call a friend that passed away, a friend I would willingly take time out to spend with her. And I dunno. I couldn't grasp the fact that I would never be able to take trips out to go and visit her, that I'll just never ever see her again. She's gone. All that's left is the memories I made with her. It's so hard to really accept the fact that death is final to those people still living. Whenever I thought about that, I would just tear up again. But the waterworks really started when, for some unknown reason, I started listening to Christian songs on 8tracks again, and I came across Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets. "Sometimes I think: what would people say of me when I'm only just a memory, when I'm home where my soul belongs?". Then I went onto K-Love's channel on Youtube and listened to the live performances, and I dunno why. It just got to me. I don't understand!!!!!!
Going to bed was tough. I was scared cuz I was in an empty room by myself, and being alone scares me. And I just missed Melina. I wish that I visited her more often, I wish I spent more time fb msging her. :( :(
Today I'm fine, just that my eyeballs ache from the crying. I worked with Pei to get her present to Tur done. :D She sent me photos of the really cute card she wrote to Tur, a short story with drawings about their friendship, and a photo of herself with Tur. And I got my own photos prepared and uploaded all of them, paid for them to be printed and posted to Tasmania! Hopeeee it arrives before or on her birthday!!!
But anyway. On the topic of the death of a friend and such, I don't really know what I want to say, don't really know how to put my feelings into words, don't even know what I'm thinking! And I don't even dare imagine what I'll feel when someone closer to me passes away. And I'll be lying if I say I haven't kind of reassessed my choices on this course I'm studying and whether it's something I truly want to do. Sigh. Just.. Life is short. Don't do anything half-heartedly.
Listen to the lyrics, they ring so true to my heart. :)
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
Tue 23:32 16/4/13
Going to bed was tough. I was scared cuz I was in an empty room by myself, and being alone scares me. And I just missed Melina. I wish that I visited her more often, I wish I spent more time fb msging her. :( :(
Today I'm fine, just that my eyeballs ache from the crying. I worked with Pei to get her present to Tur done. :D She sent me photos of the really cute card she wrote to Tur, a short story with drawings about their friendship, and a photo of herself with Tur. And I got my own photos prepared and uploaded all of them, paid for them to be printed and posted to Tasmania! Hopeeee it arrives before or on her birthday!!!
But anyway. On the topic of the death of a friend and such, I don't really know what I want to say, don't really know how to put my feelings into words, don't even know what I'm thinking! And I don't even dare imagine what I'll feel when someone closer to me passes away. And I'll be lying if I say I haven't kind of reassessed my choices on this course I'm studying and whether it's something I truly want to do. Sigh. Just.. Life is short. Don't do anything half-heartedly.
Listen to the lyrics, they ring so true to my heart. :)
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
Tue 23:32 16/4/13
Monday, April 15, 2013
The Rain Keeps Falling.
I just received a sad message that my friend, Melina, just passed away. I first met her in Saturday School in Glenwaverly doing Indonesian when I was studying in Melbourne. Met her through her brother, Adhy who was in my class. Melina was a year my senior. She was always so.. cheerful, talking about her week and silly stuff. We used to hang out during recess. I remember she was working in Nandos or something and she complained to me about how she was getting back aches and couldn't lift boxes and stuff, how she was getting more tired recently. Then a week or two later she told me that she had cancer before but now it was back. She had Leukaemia. So she had to stop school and everything and got admitted into hospital. I tried to visit her every weekend after Indo school or on Sundays. Got lost more than once trying to find the Children's Hospital even though I'd been there before. I went there sometimes with Indo school friends and sometimes alone. She couldn't many types of food because the therapy made her digestive system very selective and dodgy. She couldn't eat anything fat or sweet, she had to check her blood sugar level every day too. It was really a new experience for me. How she was so weak and couldn't even go to the toilet by herself because she was physically incapable of pulling herself out of bed.
I remember she told me how people didn't dare to eat in front of her because they worried about how she might get a craving for that food but would not be able to eat it. She told me that she didn't mind because when people eat it, she felt like she was eating it. Like how when I had braces just put on and it was sore and I couldn't chew, I would demand that my family order certain dishes I would've eaten even though I couldn't have any of it, just to make myself feel better. We talked about that. So I bought McD downstairs with one of her friends cuz I was hungry and we went back up to eat and keep her company. I've watched movies with her before. I ta paued food for her and her mum before on the way to the hospital. I went to her house and saw her drawings and cool stuff and we went to get Bubble Tea, and went to ta pau pizza and stuff like that.
When I wasn't in Melbourne anymore I kept in touch with her. She got better, then one day she fb messaged me saying her cancer was back. And even then I was worried. I have read a few fictional books on cancer. The pain in your body that's just everywhere. How cancer goes, then it comes back. For so many years you're just battling, and then one day it gets stronger and it wins and you lose. It's relentless. Just a long, endless fight. Sometimes people get tired.
I was kind of planning to go to Melbourne during my summer holiday in June to see my sister and see Steph and Tur and there were other things I wanted to do. The two things that I really really looked forward to doing was going to visit Melina and going to the youth I went to. I even almost fb-ed Melina to tell her that I might be in Melbourne and that I would definitely go and visit her. But I never did that... and now it's too late.
But you know what the worst thing is? The fact that I ate lunch, skyped Jason, watched an episode of Criminal Minds. Finished that and then went on FB and I got an fb msg from one of the girls, Marini, who was from Indo School who visited Melina with me once or twice. She told me the news. And I was shocked and just reread it and covered my mouth. "Not sure if you heard, but Melina passed away tonight :(". That was the message. Then my phone rang, it was Paul and he asked if I was home, he wanted to pass me a peanut butter cookie he baked. I was excited. Ran downstairs to let him in and got it from him. Talked a while. I came back, read through the condolence messages, sent one to her mum and Adhy. Cried a bit. Got a whatsapp from Denise asking me if I've heard of the app, WeChat. I took a bite of the peanut butter cookie which is really good and reminded me of Kak Piang, the peanut butter pancake we get back home. Googled it, looked at photos of Kak Piang. And now I'm typing this. If you don't get what I'm trying to say, this is it: Life just goes on. My biochem textbook still lays opened on my desk, begging me to study it. My bowl which I had my lunch in still needs to be washed. I take another bite of the cookie. My phone flashes indicating another message from loved ones talking about the awesomeness of my favourite chocolate cake my mum baked.
Rest in peace Melina. Though we were never really that close and I've left Melbourne for almost two and a half years now, you've taught me so much. You've been so strong and so brave, always fighting and being positive. You always complained about the plain, tasteless food the hospital served you; and about all the exercises you had to do to keep your mobility up, but you never really let it get to you. It's so unfair but we all know that life is unfair anyway. I cried when I first learnt that your cancer came back, and I cry now at your passing because to me, you were always that cheerful girl with a huge heart of love and kindness. And I just pray that your soul will be at peace now, and I pray also for your family, that they may be strong, knowing that you have touched the lives of others, including myself. :)
I want to end this with an excerpt from the book I'm reading, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, written by David Wroblewski. This is the part where they explain the past of Edgar's parents before he himself was born, and it's about his mum having a stillbirth in the middle of the night in the tub and the husband, in the same night, building a casket for the baby.
John Green definitely had it right, there's a Fault in our Stars.
You'll be missed, Melina! :'(
15th of April 2013, Monday, 17:37
Soundtrack of this day: 寂寞寂寞就好－田馥甄
I remember she told me how people didn't dare to eat in front of her because they worried about how she might get a craving for that food but would not be able to eat it. She told me that she didn't mind because when people eat it, she felt like she was eating it. Like how when I had braces just put on and it was sore and I couldn't chew, I would demand that my family order certain dishes I would've eaten even though I couldn't have any of it, just to make myself feel better. We talked about that. So I bought McD downstairs with one of her friends cuz I was hungry and we went back up to eat and keep her company. I've watched movies with her before. I ta paued food for her and her mum before on the way to the hospital. I went to her house and saw her drawings and cool stuff and we went to get Bubble Tea, and went to ta pau pizza and stuff like that.
When I wasn't in Melbourne anymore I kept in touch with her. She got better, then one day she fb messaged me saying her cancer was back. And even then I was worried. I have read a few fictional books on cancer. The pain in your body that's just everywhere. How cancer goes, then it comes back. For so many years you're just battling, and then one day it gets stronger and it wins and you lose. It's relentless. Just a long, endless fight. Sometimes people get tired.
I was kind of planning to go to Melbourne during my summer holiday in June to see my sister and see Steph and Tur and there were other things I wanted to do. The two things that I really really looked forward to doing was going to visit Melina and going to the youth I went to. I even almost fb-ed Melina to tell her that I might be in Melbourne and that I would definitely go and visit her. But I never did that... and now it's too late.
But you know what the worst thing is? The fact that I ate lunch, skyped Jason, watched an episode of Criminal Minds. Finished that and then went on FB and I got an fb msg from one of the girls, Marini, who was from Indo School who visited Melina with me once or twice. She told me the news. And I was shocked and just reread it and covered my mouth. "Not sure if you heard, but Melina passed away tonight :(". That was the message. Then my phone rang, it was Paul and he asked if I was home, he wanted to pass me a peanut butter cookie he baked. I was excited. Ran downstairs to let him in and got it from him. Talked a while. I came back, read through the condolence messages, sent one to her mum and Adhy. Cried a bit. Got a whatsapp from Denise asking me if I've heard of the app, WeChat. I took a bite of the peanut butter cookie which is really good and reminded me of Kak Piang, the peanut butter pancake we get back home. Googled it, looked at photos of Kak Piang. And now I'm typing this. If you don't get what I'm trying to say, this is it: Life just goes on. My biochem textbook still lays opened on my desk, begging me to study it. My bowl which I had my lunch in still needs to be washed. I take another bite of the cookie. My phone flashes indicating another message from loved ones talking about the awesomeness of my favourite chocolate cake my mum baked.
Rest in peace Melina. Though we were never really that close and I've left Melbourne for almost two and a half years now, you've taught me so much. You've been so strong and so brave, always fighting and being positive. You always complained about the plain, tasteless food the hospital served you; and about all the exercises you had to do to keep your mobility up, but you never really let it get to you. It's so unfair but we all know that life is unfair anyway. I cried when I first learnt that your cancer came back, and I cry now at your passing because to me, you were always that cheerful girl with a huge heart of love and kindness. And I just pray that your soul will be at peace now, and I pray also for your family, that they may be strong, knowing that you have touched the lives of others, including myself. :)
I want to end this with an excerpt from the book I'm reading, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, written by David Wroblewski. This is the part where they explain the past of Edgar's parents before he himself was born, and it's about his mum having a stillbirth in the middle of the night in the tub and the husband, in the same night, building a casket for the baby.
In the house they put two blankets in the bottom of the casket and laid the swaddled baby inside. It wasn't until then that he thought about sealing the casket. He looked at Trudy.
"I've got to nail it shut," he said. "Let me take it out to the barn."
"No," she said. "Do it here."
He walked to the barn and got a hammer and eight nails and the whole way back to the house he brooded over what he was about to do. They'd set the casket in the middle of the living room. He knelt in front of it. It had turned out looking like a crate, he saw, though he had done the best he could. He drove a nail into each corner and he was going to put one in the center of each side but all at once he couldn't. He apologized for the violence of it. He laid his head against the rough wood of the casket. Trudy ran her hand down his back without a word.
He picked up the casket and carried it to the birch grove and they lowered it into the hole and shoveled dirt over it. Almondine, just a pup at the time, stood beside them in the rain. Gar cut a crescent in the sod with the spade and pounded the cross into the ground with the flat side of the hammer. When he looked up, Trudy lay unconscious in the newly greened hay.
She woke as they sped along the blacktop north of Mellen. Outside the truck window the wind whipped the falling rain into half-shapes that flickered and twirled over the ditches. She closed her eyes, unable to watch without growing dizzy. She stayed in the Ashland hospital that night and when they returned the following afternoon, the rain still fell, the shapes still danced.
John Green definitely had it right, there's a Fault in our Stars.
You'll be missed, Melina! :'(
15th of April 2013, Monday, 17:37
Soundtrack of this day: 寂寞寂寞就好－田馥甄
Friday, April 12, 2013
Safe Flight!
Pray that Kel will have a safe flight and that the plane will land safely. Have mercy Lord!
02:00 Sat 13/4/13
02:00 Sat 13/4/13
Made Me Smile HAHA.
This is for you too, Cu!! Was rereading old blog posts/procrastinating. Came across this. Hahahaha. OMG. I can't wait to go home and reread my album!!! SEE? Thanks Dummy. But. It should be you getting the present. HAHA But like I said. You've probably received enough presents to last a life time. All the pens, the photos, the mini album, the CAP etc. Lameeee. And you call me cheapskate. Pls la. I spend so much money on you la! hahaha. Anyway. Read this and smile. :) This blogpost was dated 12/9/2011. :D
Love you Denise!
12/4/13 18:28 Fri
Love you Denise!
12/4/13 18:28 Fri
BUTTIFUL.
To my Dummy. HAHAHA. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOZZZZ!!!! And I guess happy Tmo too! haha. I hate that you didn't receive my card when you were in KK with Wenjia and JH. :( And I actually hate that I can't be there to be your excuse as to why you can't go on a date with cutie pie keningau who has a bouquet of roses and heart-shaped chocos for you. (HAHA). As in, I hate that I can't be the one to bring you out for.. erm. Nandos and Chatime or something like that. Haha.
We're both 20 now. BAM. How does it feel???? As if nothing has changed right? Same here. You're going to the US soon man. When I think about it I actually worry a lot. Influences can be powerful.. they can change a person. But I know you're a smart cookie (hahaha not so smart cz you still owe me loads for the Dumbo Jar btw!) so I guess you'll kinda be silly but be ok.
Sorry I didn't call you. Doesn't mean I care less!!!!!
Hmm. I guess. Just wishing you all the best, once again, in everything you do! Study hard, I know you do. Be sincere and be the best you can be. And I know you're having loads of fun there. Haha.
Miss you lots yo. Seriously. :)
HAHAHAHA omg. I spent like an hour writing this and finding photos man. Hahaha SO COOL I FOUND THIS.
That was my one shining moment where you exclaimed your love to me for the whole wide world to know!!!!! MUAHAHAHA. See? It was never one-sided! :P I rmbr also how we used to skype, and fb msg and chat on fb wall post comments, and it was a race to see who could type faster and multitask and answer all of them. HAHA. Then we invented sclscp, and like. Life was never the same. HAHA. (I can imagine your scrawly writing drawing the heart as a butt. You're the only person who can't draw a heart.)
THIS. Is a three way relationship YOU'D wanna be in. ;) Miss this dude man. Too bad it didn't really work out in the end. hahaha.
Wind blowing in our faces, both wearing yellow, excited for class trip. Caught in the moment.
Lastly. You know this cuz I've said it again and again and again your ears are probably bleeding. Thanks for everything yo. For the memories and the advice and the prayers and the stupid conversations and mostly, for the friendship! Happy birthday, cu!!! :D
Fri 13:03 12/4/13
We're both 20 now. BAM. How does it feel???? As if nothing has changed right? Same here. You're going to the US soon man. When I think about it I actually worry a lot. Influences can be powerful.. they can change a person. But I know you're a smart cookie (hahaha not so smart cz you still owe me loads for the Dumbo Jar btw!) so I guess you'll kinda be silly but be ok.
Sorry I didn't call you. Doesn't mean I care less!!!!!
Hmm. I guess. Just wishing you all the best, once again, in everything you do! Study hard, I know you do. Be sincere and be the best you can be. And I know you're having loads of fun there. Haha.
Miss you lots yo. Seriously. :)
HAHAHAHA omg. I spent like an hour writing this and finding photos man. Hahaha SO COOL I FOUND THIS.
That was my one shining moment where you exclaimed your love to me for the whole wide world to know!!!!! MUAHAHAHA. See? It was never one-sided! :P I rmbr also how we used to skype, and fb msg and chat on fb wall post comments, and it was a race to see who could type faster and multitask and answer all of them. HAHA. Then we invented sclscp, and like. Life was never the same. HAHA. (I can imagine your scrawly writing drawing the heart as a butt. You're the only person who can't draw a heart.)
THIS. Is a three way relationship YOU'D wanna be in. ;) Miss this dude man. Too bad it didn't really work out in the end. hahaha.
Lastly. You know this cuz I've said it again and again and again your ears are probably bleeding. Thanks for everything yo. For the memories and the advice and the prayers and the stupid conversations and mostly, for the friendship! Happy birthday, cu!!! :D
Fri 13:03 12/4/13
Thursday, April 11, 2013
My Footsteps.
Hello. It's been a while. Haha. Like a few days. But to me it always feels like ages. Like if I get used to whatsapping someone every day, when one day goes by without whatsapping that person, I'll actually feel like it's been AGES even though it's just been a day. Yes I know. I'm just that way. Anyway. Just now I went over to Sunil's housewarming dinner thing at his new places in The Bramleys. He was cooking and everything and I was a bit nervous because it wasn't the usual gang, which is the Malaysians, and some of the Canadians (Sunil, Jesse, Andrea), Kaumal, and maybe Ozma and Nadine. He invited some of the Irish, and Sam and I were the only Malaysians going. But anywho, I just went. The food was great and his place was really nice. It was a one person apartment, and I was really jealous he had a place to call home because he's gonna stay there for the rest of the course. I REALLY WANT THAT FOR MYSELF. (But I've already put down the deposit to stay in Uni Hall. So I guess me and my future place-to-call-home-where-I-can-bake will have to wait till 3rd year).
So the dinner itself. I dunno whether I was just tired, but I felt sooooo awkwardddd and at many times, I felt like I was a deer caught in the headlights. I thought back to meeting the Malaysians and how it is when I'm with them. I never feel pressured or awkward or anything. But with these other people I'm not that comfortable with, I feel like my mind is perpetually running this marathon trying to find a topic to talk about. BLAAAAAH. So jealous of those people who can just talk so fluently with whoever walks up to them, whereas I stutter and say the wrong thing. UGH. Maybe it's also because I'm just weird. With my awkward taste in everything. I'm sorry I can't talk about dresses the way all the girls can, all the technical terms regarding different designs of dresses. I can't talk about lipstick or make up or any of that sort because I don't really use any. I can't talk about those gym machines and calories because I only ever use the treadmill and I don't freakin count calories. I can't talk about how J-Lo had twins and how Katy Perry is dating John Mayer because I don't have any clue they did/were/are doing that. I'm just awkwarddddd. The way I dress says enough. I wore a striped green and white skirt and a grungy-looking loose singlet thingy that says has the word Rebel on it, as well as a horse with fire or somethinggggg that I bought for 5pounds. -.-
I think it's kinda safe to say I'm just awkward because I'm me. And it makes me a little bit sad that Sam's getting along so well with them, and she's going to Kinsale with one of the girls etc. And I'm not upset because I feel left out (not a new feeling, I must admit), but because of the "Be Inclusive" thing. I don't think I would've hesitated to ask her if she wanted in if our positions were switched because, in my head, being from the same country, we're kinda on the same team and we look out for each other and make sure the other is surviving and not living miserably. When I say "BROTHERHOOD" which we used to kid about when referring to the other Malaysian that "tak ajak laaaa!!!! Brotherhood waaaaaa", I kinda meant it lo. Brotherhood.. or sisterhood haha (cuz Adib is a Party Girl). "The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." Make a difference PEOPLE! Make that tiny effort to say hello to that one person. You know? Ugh. (I should go to volleyball. I'm such a pig -.-). Also, I would just like to note like a silly whiny teenager that, I'm fine with her not asking me along on any of her stuff with the other girls. Sure, maybe a little upset, but you know, I'm not a baby. I don't need to be hand-held to cross every single road.
(The quote is a quote someone quoted (haha) in a youtube comment to the video of Jenna Marble's Draw My Life video, which I LOVE, and made me cry. Cuz... some people are lost. And I wouldn't have known that about her before seeing that video. But she shows us that it's ok to be lost. :) You'll eventually find a way.)
Ok. Nvm. Back to sticking out like a fat purple freckled thumb. (...) Haha. In my head I just imagine all of us normal humans walking on the beach, making footprints as we go. But when I look back, I find that my footprints are different than everyone else's. Cuz, I just stick out like a sore thumb.. awkwardly. Haha. MY LIFE SHOULD BE A MOVIE. How artsy fartsy that scene will be man.
Anyway. Sam (the dude from England) started blowing Maltesers in the air then catching it in his mouth and eating it. It was so cool and ppl started trying it was so funny. Then Matt the Canadian was like "Oh you're such a tease. A maltease!" HAHAHAHA BA DUM TSSSSS man!!! I thought that was hilarious!
Also. I played "Shine A Light by McFly" on my guitar!!! As in, I played the full song. Well, I still am a little slow changing chords, but I kinda sang and did the whole song. So, achievement of the.. year, tick! haha. I also did up my study timetable. Starting tmr, it's gonna be hardcore studying. DO I WANNA GO TO MELBOURNE? Work for it!!!!! I just don't wanna fail. :/
Oh. Kinda chatted to Kel today. She's leaving Korea on Sat and flying home. Mum and dad were supposed to go visit her, but because of the nuclear threat thingy by North Korea, she's going home. I'm actually happy with that because, though there were so many jokes on the internet about the threat, I actually found it scary. Anyway. I'm kinda worried about Kel though. Korea was kinda her time to be by herself and do her own thing and live and find herself. But now that she's going home, I don't know if she's found what she's looking for. I feel that she's just as sad and lonely as before. As empty as before. And I just pray pray pray that God will give her a purpose in some shape or form or person or job. Anything to make her feel full! Please, have mercy Lord! But anywho. I was whatsapping her while I was walking over to Sunil's with Sam, Nadine and Daniele. This is part of our whatsapp convo.
I just found that funny. But it's nice to know she thinks I'm capable of it. Also, before that, when I was at home and chatting to her, I kinda asked her why she dropped out of Architecture. Because, yes, I've thought about the fact that I might just be not passionate about this thing. I enjoy the life here (most of the time) and the ppl I've met are great. (Narina and Yong especially!!!) But I was wondering if there was a reason for me being so crappy and not-driven in this course, or whether I have just become a lazy pig. It was nice to talk to her about it. She just told me to study. And she said that I could always ask her for help, email her and she's help me condense info and get good headings for my summer exam essays. It was kinda touching oh. :)
Also. I broke my retainers. First it was just the upper. I broke it before I left for Eastbourne. Asked seniors Paul and Erica for help, but have to wait for their exams to be over. Made an appointment to see an ortho (first consultation free!!!!) to get a quote for a new pair. Wore the bottom one ystd, and wanted to wear it again tonight (got out of bed to put it on!) and it broke. zzzzz. I think my lower left canine is rotating inwards back to its original position too. But I dunno if it was like that before. Also, worried about gum recession. WHY IS LIFE SO WORRISOME. Hahaha.
(OMG. I HAVE TO REPLY FB MSGES I'VE NEGLECTED FOR TOO LONG!!!! (which is like, 5 days!!)).
Ok I should go to bed considering hardcore studying starts tmr!!! (Had beef ramen noodles I bought from Eastbourne just now for lunch. YUMZ. But I put in big chilli from jia jia that's not spicy so that's sad). Haha GNITE. Sorry for the long post. If you even reach this part of the post. TLDR! Hahaha. (stands for too long didn't read just in case future me forgets). BYE.
Fri 03:15 12/4/13
JUMP! JUMP! It's DUMMY'S BDAY!!!!
So the dinner itself. I dunno whether I was just tired, but I felt sooooo awkwardddd and at many times, I felt like I was a deer caught in the headlights. I thought back to meeting the Malaysians and how it is when I'm with them. I never feel pressured or awkward or anything. But with these other people I'm not that comfortable with, I feel like my mind is perpetually running this marathon trying to find a topic to talk about. BLAAAAAH. So jealous of those people who can just talk so fluently with whoever walks up to them, whereas I stutter and say the wrong thing. UGH. Maybe it's also because I'm just weird. With my awkward taste in everything. I'm sorry I can't talk about dresses the way all the girls can, all the technical terms regarding different designs of dresses. I can't talk about lipstick or make up or any of that sort because I don't really use any. I can't talk about those gym machines and calories because I only ever use the treadmill and I don't freakin count calories. I can't talk about how J-Lo had twins and how Katy Perry is dating John Mayer because I don't have any clue they did/were/are doing that. I'm just awkwarddddd. The way I dress says enough. I wore a striped green and white skirt and a grungy-looking loose singlet thingy that says has the word Rebel on it, as well as a horse with fire or somethinggggg that I bought for 5pounds. -.-
I think it's kinda safe to say I'm just awkward because I'm me. And it makes me a little bit sad that Sam's getting along so well with them, and she's going to Kinsale with one of the girls etc. And I'm not upset because I feel left out (not a new feeling, I must admit), but because of the "Be Inclusive" thing. I don't think I would've hesitated to ask her if she wanted in if our positions were switched because, in my head, being from the same country, we're kinda on the same team and we look out for each other and make sure the other is surviving and not living miserably. When I say "BROTHERHOOD" which we used to kid about when referring to the other Malaysian that "tak ajak laaaa!!!! Brotherhood waaaaaa", I kinda meant it lo. Brotherhood.. or sisterhood haha (cuz Adib is a Party Girl). "The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." Make a difference PEOPLE! Make that tiny effort to say hello to that one person. You know? Ugh. (I should go to volleyball. I'm such a pig -.-). Also, I would just like to note like a silly whiny teenager that, I'm fine with her not asking me along on any of her stuff with the other girls. Sure, maybe a little upset, but you know, I'm not a baby. I don't need to be hand-held to cross every single road.
(The quote is a quote someone quoted (haha) in a youtube comment to the video of Jenna Marble's Draw My Life video, which I LOVE, and made me cry. Cuz... some people are lost. And I wouldn't have known that about her before seeing that video. But she shows us that it's ok to be lost. :) You'll eventually find a way.)
Ok. Nvm. Back to sticking out like a fat purple freckled thumb. (...) Haha. In my head I just imagine all of us normal humans walking on the beach, making footprints as we go. But when I look back, I find that my footprints are different than everyone else's. Cuz, I just stick out like a sore thumb.. awkwardly. Haha. MY LIFE SHOULD BE A MOVIE. How artsy fartsy that scene will be man.
Anyway. Sam (the dude from England) started blowing Maltesers in the air then catching it in his mouth and eating it. It was so cool and ppl started trying it was so funny. Then Matt the Canadian was like "Oh you're such a tease. A maltease!" HAHAHAHA BA DUM TSSSSS man!!! I thought that was hilarious!
Also. I played "Shine A Light by McFly" on my guitar!!! As in, I played the full song. Well, I still am a little slow changing chords, but I kinda sang and did the whole song. So, achievement of the.. year, tick! haha. I also did up my study timetable. Starting tmr, it's gonna be hardcore studying. DO I WANNA GO TO MELBOURNE? Work for it!!!!! I just don't wanna fail. :/
Oh. Kinda chatted to Kel today. She's leaving Korea on Sat and flying home. Mum and dad were supposed to go visit her, but because of the nuclear threat thingy by North Korea, she's going home. I'm actually happy with that because, though there were so many jokes on the internet about the threat, I actually found it scary. Anyway. I'm kinda worried about Kel though. Korea was kinda her time to be by herself and do her own thing and live and find herself. But now that she's going home, I don't know if she's found what she's looking for. I feel that she's just as sad and lonely as before. As empty as before. And I just pray pray pray that God will give her a purpose in some shape or form or person or job. Anything to make her feel full! Please, have mercy Lord! But anywho. I was whatsapping her while I was walking over to Sunil's with Sam, Nadine and Daniele. This is part of our whatsapp convo.
I just found that funny. But it's nice to know she thinks I'm capable of it. Also, before that, when I was at home and chatting to her, I kinda asked her why she dropped out of Architecture. Because, yes, I've thought about the fact that I might just be not passionate about this thing. I enjoy the life here (most of the time) and the ppl I've met are great. (Narina and Yong especially!!!) But I was wondering if there was a reason for me being so crappy and not-driven in this course, or whether I have just become a lazy pig. It was nice to talk to her about it. She just told me to study. And she said that I could always ask her for help, email her and she's help me condense info and get good headings for my summer exam essays. It was kinda touching oh. :)
Also. I broke my retainers. First it was just the upper. I broke it before I left for Eastbourne. Asked seniors Paul and Erica for help, but have to wait for their exams to be over. Made an appointment to see an ortho (first consultation free!!!!) to get a quote for a new pair. Wore the bottom one ystd, and wanted to wear it again tonight (got out of bed to put it on!) and it broke. zzzzz. I think my lower left canine is rotating inwards back to its original position too. But I dunno if it was like that before. Also, worried about gum recession. WHY IS LIFE SO WORRISOME. Hahaha.
(OMG. I HAVE TO REPLY FB MSGES I'VE NEGLECTED FOR TOO LONG!!!! (which is like, 5 days!!)).
Ok I should go to bed considering hardcore studying starts tmr!!! (Had beef ramen noodles I bought from Eastbourne just now for lunch. YUMZ. But I put in big chilli from jia jia that's not spicy so that's sad). Haha GNITE. Sorry for the long post. If you even reach this part of the post. TLDR! Hahaha. (stands for too long didn't read just in case future me forgets). BYE.
Fri 03:15 12/4/13
JUMP! JUMP! It's DUMMY'S BDAY!!!!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Familiarity.
Yesterday at like 3 or 4am Tur skyped me suddenly. It was pretty sudden cuz we haven't skyped in AGES. Turns out that Steph was at her place doing models that are due on Fri. It was really really fun ohhhhhh. Not necessarily chatting to each other. But just watching them interact and tell jokes and tease each other and LAUGH. OMG how I miss their laughter. And Tur was wearing this really cute kimono-like pajamas that her bf's sister gave her. (YES, she has a bf and he seems really nice!). And her bf came over to grab something so I kinda met him. It was nice. What I'm trying to say is that. It's one thing to know they'll always be there for you. But it's another thing to remember how it used to be when everyone is together. The bants and the laughter and the ridicuuuloousssss omg-I-can't-breathe-lack-of-oxygen-my-stomach-hurts-I-can't-stop sound of laughing. Just the familiarity of silly conversations and non-stop playful snides at each other. It was really so fun. I realised how much I truly missed them you know!! Missed how it used to be when we were all in one country, hanging out. After we ended our Skype call, I went on to check flights to Melbourne straight away lo. That's how much I felt it in my heart that I miss them!!!! There are cheap air tickets in my summer holiday! So who knows? I might just go if I really think it's worth it. But then I kinda feel undeserving of it because I'm doing pretty badly in uni. :/ So this is motivation for me to buck up I guess. JIA YOU!!!!!!!! So yea. I put this sticky on my desktop. Hopefully it'll give me the drive that I had for the Leaving Cert. (I also had a sticky for my Leaving Cert. It said something like, How much did you pay?? And for these four months? Work hard! No regrets! 做人不能半途而废!! or something like that).
Gonna study then sleep. Nights yall!
Haha omg!!! Eating koropok with chopsticks. WHY HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!! You don't get oily bits on your hands afterwards. BEST IDEA EVER! Haha and realised Tur played POU! :D (Isn't my Pou so handsome??? :D)
We're blessed in many ways. :)
Fri 01:52 5/4/13
Gonna study then sleep. Nights yall!
Haha omg!!! Eating koropok with chopsticks. WHY HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!! You don't get oily bits on your hands afterwards. BEST IDEA EVER! Haha and realised Tur played POU! :D (Isn't my Pou so handsome??? :D)
We're blessed in many ways. :)
Fri 01:52 5/4/13
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Something More?
Every time I listen/read stuff about God or having faith or Christian stuff, I feel kinda down because... I think it's because when I see what others are doing with their lives, and how it's so God-centered and how they put everything down before God, I dunno, I look at myself and I don't see something more. It's just that me who goes through life day by day, only occasionally looking up and praying, that me that's kinda without peace. The Christian mixes on 8tracks are great. :)
Part of the confession prayer in Ray's church on Easter Sunday: "Forgive us when we live by our own strength and try to do Your work our way. Forgive us when our Christian lives seem a duty and not a joy. Forgive us when we live for this world alone and lose our perspective on heaven". It's kinda true. Recently I've been thinking about how it's hard not to swear. Not swearing kinda sucks the craic out of you. (Irish word!!!) And I don't swear (out loud anyway). I think that the me I really wanna be is one who gives the impression to others as a nice and approachable person. That's why I don't swear. But then recently, I was thinking of giving up on that to fit in more. You know? Then I read that prayer, and I realised that that's kinda losing your perspective on heaven. Living for this world alone. So yea. I guess I stand by my decision to not swear even if it makes life harder. :)
Breathe in us a new spirit of service and make us joyfully obedient to your will, that we may serve you gladly all our days. Amen.
Thurs 4/4/13 03:33
Part of the confession prayer in Ray's church on Easter Sunday: "Forgive us when we live by our own strength and try to do Your work our way. Forgive us when our Christian lives seem a duty and not a joy. Forgive us when we live for this world alone and lose our perspective on heaven". It's kinda true. Recently I've been thinking about how it's hard not to swear. Not swearing kinda sucks the craic out of you. (Irish word!!!) And I don't swear (out loud anyway). I think that the me I really wanna be is one who gives the impression to others as a nice and approachable person. That's why I don't swear. But then recently, I was thinking of giving up on that to fit in more. You know? Then I read that prayer, and I realised that that's kinda losing your perspective on heaven. Living for this world alone. So yea. I guess I stand by my decision to not swear even if it makes life harder. :)
Thurs 4/4/13 03:33
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Eastbourne!
Hello! I'm here in Eastbourne with Ray!!! Had a great great time with Aunty Doris and Emer before they flew back home ystd! It was filled with food food food and more food! We had Thai the first night I arrived, then dim sum FEAST in Brighton, then Spanish food for dinner (not really that special but it had GREAT banoffie pie for dessert!), then an awesome carvery buffet as their last meal! The dessert was unexpectedly great! It was a lemon and orange sponge cake, but the sponge was excellent!!! Really moist and soft, and it came with a jug of very well-made custard!!!! Haha. So happy. :D But now they're gone and it's just me and Ray and our laptops and our work. UGH. My eyes are perpetually dry cuz I keep staring at my laptop screen. Which is kinda my fault cuz I youtube and facebook and do lame stuff like that, but also because I'm using a softcopy of the biochem text book now. Meh. A few days left here. BETTER STUDY HARD! Can't have another repeat of the disastrous DS exam!! :/ Gonna have KFC later I think YAY!
Excuse my never-perfect hair!
Oh and Happy April!!! :D It's the month of Denise and Tur's bday!
Tue 19:13 2/4/13
The amazing feast!!
Excuse my never-perfect hair!
Oh and Happy April!!! :D It's the month of Denise and Tur's bday!
Tue 19:13 2/4/13
Friday, March 29, 2013
Unpredictable Indeed! :(
Heya. So very quickly, FIRST YEAR LECTURES ARE DONE! We finished our last test on Wednesday. OMG it was kind of a joke la the test. The lecturer gave us the exact same paper as last year's one. He didn't even bother changing the sequence or whatever. I guess he didn't think we would have last year's paper? I don't know. It was ridiculous though. The amount of time I could've saved NOT studying extra material. UGH. But oh well.
It was fun!!!! Yong and I ordered food from Mania Stream, the Malaysian chef that delivers food to your place if you order, and it's only 3.50euros. That night it was Nasi Dagang with chicken or fish (Mackerel) curry. It was SOOOOO yummy. It was kinda like nasi lemak, it was coconut milk rice (according to the internet anyway) and then it had half a boiled egg, and then the curry was so yummy. OMG. I had no idea why I hadn't ordered her food more often. Oh and we fried an egg too!! Then we watched Tangled!!! HAHA BEST MOVIE! Sam joined us a bit later. We watched the movie together then at the end when the credits rolled right, they played a really happy song, and you can just imagine the actors and actresses dancing in a silly way in front of the camera like they do in some of the typical movies. So I dunno why, Sam and I naturally started becoming spastic or like Yong said, as if we had seizures. It was so fun oh.. just dancing like that on the bed while sitting down hahaha. Then Sam left after we had a chat, and Yong stayed till 3.45am!!! We just watched a couple of episodes of HIMYM, watched Youtube videos. It was kinda nice, but I kinda wondered why it had to wait till we're at the end of first year to actually hang out you know?
High on life!!
Then on Thursday, went for lunch in the city with Sam, Yong and Andrea. Ate in the Natural Bakery or something like that, the orange shop. Had smoked turkey sandwiches with BRIE in them, SO YUMMY. Had dessert after that with Yong, I had an apple crumble I think which was 2.60euro (30 cents for cream!!!), and I have to pay Yong for that because I didn't have cash then!!!! (I haven't paid her, gotta remember to do so!). Then bought some groceries stuff in the English Market. I actually bought ONE chilli padi and one tomato for an Asian spaghetti meal I was gonna have with pan fried cod! And the scale couldn't detect the negligible weight of that one chilli padi, so the asian lady at the till just charged me 15cent for that. T.T I FELT SO CHEATED!!!!!!!! But oh well my meal was yummerz! I gotta learn how to pan fry fish properly!!! Yong came over after dinner to print her tickets, and stayed after that to hang out till about 1am. :D
Today (technically ystd) was Good Friday. Didn't go to church tho because it wasn't in the Honan. And I didn't wanna go to some boring church where I can hardly understand the priest. Feel kinda guilty :( But I spent some time with my flatmates in the living room. They had a party last night at our place. Oh gosh. Someone set off the fire alarm, they hit the button that you're supposed to hit when they're actually a fire. -.- Don't know if we're gonna get fined for that. :/ Then, some half naked guys no one knew broke the window in the stairwell outside our apartment by kicking it. Sigh. -.- and our toilet's blocked too. THANK GOODNESS I'm leaving tmr, hope it gets fixed by the time I get home. :D Then I ironed my clothes at Yong's place. Then dinner at hers too. Pan fried cod, garlic chilli broccoli carrots tomato spaghetti, and boiled potatoes cuz I love eating butter with boiled potatoes. Hahaha. Had strawberries with dodgy Tesco chocolate mousse and a great chat with Yong!!! We talked about boys and funny stories etc. It was so nice to be talking on topics which you talk about in high school you know? It was great. :D Packed and I skyped my mum!!!!! It was so funnyyyyyy. She was at the Sutera gym (weird cuz she doesn't go there often) and she was lying on the floor, she said she was doing stretches. OMG. So there she was, lying on the floor IN A PUBLIC PLACE and SKYPING her daughter. HAHA she always does all these embarrassing stuff UGH. Love her for it though. So funny.
So yea. I'm gonna open a Savings Account in AIB cuz they have the best interest. :D Oh, I'm going to London btw to visit Ray. I'm leaving tmr!!!!! And I'll be able to see Aunty Doris and Emer too cuz they'll only be leaving on the 1st! I'm SO EXCITED OHHHHH, cuz I'll be seeing someone from HOME. :') Can't wait!! Spending a week there, then I'll come back and hardcore study cuz I'm so ashamed of my DS exam that I don't ever wanna repeat it. Remember! Pack your toiletries and chargers tmr!!!!
The reason I asked my mum to skype was because I had a stress episode. About how life is short and all that. It was brought on by seeing Yee Kee post on facebook about the anniversary of her dad's passing. :( It's so sad. And I'm always just absolutely terrified that that will happen to me. It's so scary. And I don't skype with my parents often at all. The last time I skyped my dad was the 20th of Feb. That's more than a month ago!!!! We just don't have the habit I guess to skype regularly. :( This needs to change!!!! So yea. I had a good chat with my mum tho. It was nice.
Appreciate ok! Don't wait until misfortune hits for you to learn how to appreciate stuff. :)
Nights people!!! I've been sleeping so late these past few days. -.-
Sat 30/3/13 04:04
It was fun!!!! Yong and I ordered food from Mania Stream, the Malaysian chef that delivers food to your place if you order, and it's only 3.50euros. That night it was Nasi Dagang with chicken or fish (Mackerel) curry. It was SOOOOO yummy. It was kinda like nasi lemak, it was coconut milk rice (according to the internet anyway) and then it had half a boiled egg, and then the curry was so yummy. OMG. I had no idea why I hadn't ordered her food more often. Oh and we fried an egg too!! Then we watched Tangled!!! HAHA BEST MOVIE! Sam joined us a bit later. We watched the movie together then at the end when the credits rolled right, they played a really happy song, and you can just imagine the actors and actresses dancing in a silly way in front of the camera like they do in some of the typical movies. So I dunno why, Sam and I naturally started becoming spastic or like Yong said, as if we had seizures. It was so fun oh.. just dancing like that on the bed while sitting down hahaha. Then Sam left after we had a chat, and Yong stayed till 3.45am!!! We just watched a couple of episodes of HIMYM, watched Youtube videos. It was kinda nice, but I kinda wondered why it had to wait till we're at the end of first year to actually hang out you know?
High on life!!
Then on Thursday, went for lunch in the city with Sam, Yong and Andrea. Ate in the Natural Bakery or something like that, the orange shop. Had smoked turkey sandwiches with BRIE in them, SO YUMMY. Had dessert after that with Yong, I had an apple crumble I think which was 2.60euro (30 cents for cream!!!), and I have to pay Yong for that because I didn't have cash then!!!! (I haven't paid her, gotta remember to do so!). Then bought some groceries stuff in the English Market. I actually bought ONE chilli padi and one tomato for an Asian spaghetti meal I was gonna have with pan fried cod! And the scale couldn't detect the negligible weight of that one chilli padi, so the asian lady at the till just charged me 15cent for that. T.T I FELT SO CHEATED!!!!!!!! But oh well my meal was yummerz! I gotta learn how to pan fry fish properly!!! Yong came over after dinner to print her tickets, and stayed after that to hang out till about 1am. :D
Today (technically ystd) was Good Friday. Didn't go to church tho because it wasn't in the Honan. And I didn't wanna go to some boring church where I can hardly understand the priest. Feel kinda guilty :( But I spent some time with my flatmates in the living room. They had a party last night at our place. Oh gosh. Someone set off the fire alarm, they hit the button that you're supposed to hit when they're actually a fire. -.- Don't know if we're gonna get fined for that. :/ Then, some half naked guys no one knew broke the window in the stairwell outside our apartment by kicking it. Sigh. -.- and our toilet's blocked too. THANK GOODNESS I'm leaving tmr, hope it gets fixed by the time I get home. :D Then I ironed my clothes at Yong's place. Then dinner at hers too. Pan fried cod, garlic chilli broccoli carrots tomato spaghetti, and boiled potatoes cuz I love eating butter with boiled potatoes. Hahaha. Had strawberries with dodgy Tesco chocolate mousse and a great chat with Yong!!! We talked about boys and funny stories etc. It was so nice to be talking on topics which you talk about in high school you know? It was great. :D Packed and I skyped my mum!!!!! It was so funnyyyyyy. She was at the Sutera gym (weird cuz she doesn't go there often) and she was lying on the floor, she said she was doing stretches. OMG. So there she was, lying on the floor IN A PUBLIC PLACE and SKYPING her daughter. HAHA she always does all these embarrassing stuff UGH. Love her for it though. So funny.
So yea. I'm gonna open a Savings Account in AIB cuz they have the best interest. :D Oh, I'm going to London btw to visit Ray. I'm leaving tmr!!!!! And I'll be able to see Aunty Doris and Emer too cuz they'll only be leaving on the 1st! I'm SO EXCITED OHHHHH, cuz I'll be seeing someone from HOME. :') Can't wait!! Spending a week there, then I'll come back and hardcore study cuz I'm so ashamed of my DS exam that I don't ever wanna repeat it. Remember! Pack your toiletries and chargers tmr!!!!
The reason I asked my mum to skype was because I had a stress episode. About how life is short and all that. It was brought on by seeing Yee Kee post on facebook about the anniversary of her dad's passing. :( It's so sad. And I'm always just absolutely terrified that that will happen to me. It's so scary. And I don't skype with my parents often at all. The last time I skyped my dad was the 20th of Feb. That's more than a month ago!!!! We just don't have the habit I guess to skype regularly. :( This needs to change!!!! So yea. I had a good chat with my mum tho. It was nice.
Appreciate ok! Don't wait until misfortune hits for you to learn how to appreciate stuff. :)
Nights people!!! I've been sleeping so late these past few days. -.-
Sat 30/3/13 04:04
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Fatty Fat Biscuits... For Fatty Me!
I LOVE THESE BISCUITS SO MUCHHHH I DON'T CARE THAT THEY EACH CONTAIN 85 CALORIES AND 35.1% FAT. And yes, I just googled these figures because... well, I won't know them off the top of my head. I DON'T COUNT CALORIES!!!!! (Haha, remember when we were in Raleigh during Project Phase, we were all under the tarp for lunch or something and they were talking about how many calories our high-calory lunch contained etc, and Alice kept saying exasperatedly that IT'S STUPID TO COUNT CALORIES. Hahaha well maybe she didn't say it like that, but yea. GOOD TIMES). JAMMIE DODGERS NOM NOM.
Oh, I watched Easy A just now though I'm supposed to be studying. It's a greaaaaat movie. I think Emma Stone is absolutely beautiful. The colour of her eyes are so wow! Totes LOLed at David Letterman complimenting her when she was on his show.
Oh, cooked ASIAN SPAGHETTI last night for dinner. It wasn't really asian. But it just doesn't really have a sauce. I was aiming for the one that mum always cooks at home which I LOVE. She usually puts prawns in it or make it a vegetarian dish. Last night, I just put eggplant, fresh tomatoes, chicken (in case my flatmates don't eat eggplants), garlic and chilli in, with some herbs. I was SO WORRIED the girls wouldn't like it. It was the first time in ages that I cooked something that's NOT stir-fry chicken with rice. It turned out ok, so relieved. It wasn't anything like my mum's dish, but it was yummy and chilli hot so I liked it and apparently so did the girls hehe.
Tues 19:36 26/3/13
Monday, March 25, 2013
Embracing The Future, Not Forgetting The Past!
So I was bored, I was finding ways to procrastinate. But I didn't wanna go on FB. So what did I do? I went to read my first few posts in this blog!!! Ohmygosh. Life has actually changed so much. It's kinda hard to grasp that idea because we're here NOW and it just seems so natural and maybe we don't properly think back to what the old times were like. Well, maybe you do remember a couple of memories here and there. But you don't remember how life actually was! The mundane day-to-day stuff. Like studying for Sejarah and doing projects. Gosh. It seemed like ages ago. Well, it kinda was, it was 2008... I was 15!!!! haha. And now I'm 20. Woah, time is scary. But yea. I'm so glad I blogged man and talked about amazingly trivial things. I kinda miss life back then. Now I feel like my posts are mostly about... changing and being better and being strong and surviving. :'( I guess when you're out of high school, out of that amazing family of 50 other ppl with whom you spend 6 days a week with, when you're hardly ever alone and can just always fall back to your circle of friends with whatever's on your mind. But now... adulthood without a boyfriend or girlfriend is full of lonely self-searching paths. bla bla bla bla. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for the life I've had so far. :D :D :D Memories are awesomeeeeee.
Mon 21:56 25/3/13
Mon 21:56 25/3/13
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Fancy A Hot Drink?
LOVE dipping biscuits in my hot drink, either milo or hot chocolate or just warm milk. :D
Milo in my milo cup that I brought from Malaysia. :D
I love the biscuit when it's become soggy. So NICE. But then it's the WORST first world problem when it breaks off from the rest of the biscuit and you try and retrieve it with your spoon and you scoop and you scoop but just end up breaking it into small small pieces and you end up with tiny specks of biscuit and you do a rage face and flip the table due to anger. :P Study bye!
Mon 01:03 25/3/13
Milo in my milo cup that I brought from Malaysia. :D
I love the biscuit when it's become soggy. So NICE. But then it's the WORST first world problem when it breaks off from the rest of the biscuit and you try and retrieve it with your spoon and you scoop and you scoop but just end up breaking it into small small pieces and you end up with tiny specks of biscuit and you do a rage face and flip the table due to anger. :P Study bye!
Mon 01:03 25/3/13
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