My Footsteps.

Hello. It's been a while. Haha. Like a few days. But to me it always feels like ages. Like if I get used to whatsapping someone every day, when one day goes by without whatsapping that person, I'll actually feel like it's been AGES even though it's just been a day. Yes I know. I'm just that way. Anyway. Just now I went over to Sunil's housewarming dinner thing at his new places in The Bramleys. He was cooking and everything and I was a bit nervous because it wasn't the usual gang, which is the Malaysians, and some of the Canadians (Sunil, Jesse, Andrea), Kaumal, and maybe Ozma and Nadine. He invited some of the Irish, and Sam and I were the only Malaysians going. But anywho, I just went. The food was great and his place was really nice. It was a one person apartment, and I was really jealous he had a place to call home because he's gonna stay there for the rest of the course. I REALLY WANT THAT FOR MYSELF. (But I've already put down the deposit to stay in Uni Hall. So I guess me and my future place-to-call-home-where-I-can-bake will have to wait till 3rd year). 

So the dinner itself. I dunno whether I was just tired, but I felt sooooo awkwardddd and at many times, I felt like I was a deer caught in the headlights. I thought back to meeting the Malaysians and how it is when I'm with them. I never feel pressured or awkward or anything. But with these other people I'm not that comfortable with, I feel like my mind is perpetually running this marathon trying to find a topic to talk about. BLAAAAAH. So jealous of those people who can just talk so fluently with whoever walks up to them, whereas I stutter and say the wrong thing. UGH. Maybe it's also because I'm just weird. With my awkward taste in everything. I'm sorry I can't talk about dresses the way all the girls can, all the technical terms regarding different designs of dresses. I can't talk about lipstick or make up or any of that sort because I don't really use any. I can't talk about those gym machines and calories because I only ever use the treadmill and I don't freakin count calories. I can't talk about how J-Lo had twins and how Katy Perry is dating John Mayer because I don't have any clue they did/were/are doing that. I'm just awkwarddddd. The way I dress says enough. I wore a striped green and white skirt and a grungy-looking loose singlet thingy that says has the word Rebel on it, as well as a horse with fire or somethinggggg that I bought for 5pounds. -.- 

I think it's kinda safe to say I'm just awkward because I'm me. And it makes me a little bit sad that Sam's getting along so well with them, and she's going to Kinsale with one of the girls etc. And I'm not upset because I feel left out (not a new feeling, I must admit), but because of the "Be Inclusive" thing. I don't think I would've hesitated to ask her if she wanted in if our positions were switched because, in my head, being from the same country, we're kinda on the same team and we look out for each other and make sure the other is surviving and not living miserably. When I say "BROTHERHOOD" which we used to kid about when referring to the other Malaysian that "tak ajak laaaa!!!! Brotherhood waaaaaa", I kinda meant it lo. Brotherhood.. or sisterhood haha (cuz Adib is a Party Girl). "The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." Make a difference PEOPLE! Make that tiny effort to say hello to that one person. You know? Ugh. (I should go to volleyball. I'm such a pig -.-). Also, I would just like to note like a silly whiny teenager that, I'm fine with her not asking me along on any of her stuff with the other girls. Sure, maybe a little upset, but you know, I'm not a baby. I don't need to be hand-held to cross every single road. 

(The quote is a quote someone quoted (haha) in a youtube comment to the video of Jenna Marble's Draw My Life video, which I LOVE, and made me cry. Cuz... some people are lost. And I wouldn't have known that about her before seeing that video. But she shows us that it's ok to be lost. :) You'll eventually find a way.)

Ok. Nvm. Back to sticking out like a fat purple freckled thumb. (...) Haha. In my head I just imagine all of us normal humans walking on the beach, making footprints as we go. But when I look back, I find that my footprints are different than everyone else's. Cuz, I just stick out like a sore thumb.. awkwardly. Haha. MY LIFE SHOULD BE A MOVIE. How artsy fartsy that scene will be man. 

Anyway. Sam (the dude from England) started blowing Maltesers in the air then catching it in his mouth and eating it. It was so cool and ppl started trying it was so funny. Then Matt the Canadian was like "Oh you're such a tease. A maltease!" HAHAHAHA BA DUM TSSSSS man!!! I thought that was hilarious!



Also. I played "Shine A Light by McFly" on my guitar!!! As in, I played the full song. Well, I still am a little slow changing chords, but I kinda sang and did the whole song. So, achievement of the.. year, tick! haha. I also did up my study timetable. Starting tmr, it's gonna be hardcore studying. DO I WANNA GO TO MELBOURNE? Work for it!!!!! I just don't wanna fail. :/ 

Oh. Kinda chatted to Kel today. She's leaving Korea on Sat and flying home. Mum and dad were supposed to go visit her, but because of the nuclear threat thingy by North Korea, she's going home. I'm actually happy with that because, though there were so many jokes on the internet about the threat, I actually found it scary. Anyway. I'm kinda worried about Kel though. Korea was kinda her time to be by herself and do her own thing and live and find herself. But now that she's going home, I don't know if she's found what she's looking for. I feel that she's just as sad and lonely as before. As empty as before. And I just pray pray pray that God will give her a purpose in some shape or form or person or job. Anything to make her feel full! Please, have mercy Lord! But anywho. I was whatsapping her while I was walking over to Sunil's with Sam, Nadine and Daniele. This is part of our whatsapp convo.

I just found that funny. But it's nice to know she thinks I'm capable of it. Also, before that, when I was at home and chatting to her, I kinda asked her why she dropped out of Architecture. Because, yes, I've thought about the fact that I might just be not passionate about this thing. I enjoy the life here (most of the time) and the ppl I've met are great. (Narina and Yong especially!!!) But I was wondering if there was a reason for me being so crappy and not-driven in this course, or whether I have just become a lazy pig. It was nice to talk to her about it. She just told me to study. And she said that I could always ask her for help, email her and she's help me condense info and get good headings for my summer exam essays. It was kinda touching oh. :) 

Also. I broke my retainers. First it was just the upper. I broke it before I left for Eastbourne. Asked seniors Paul and Erica for help, but have to wait for their exams to be over. Made an appointment to see an ortho (first consultation free!!!!) to get a quote for a new pair. Wore the bottom one ystd, and wanted to wear it again tonight (got out of bed to put it on!) and it broke. zzzzz. I think my lower left canine is rotating inwards back to its original position too. But I dunno if it was like that before. Also, worried about gum recession. WHY IS LIFE SO WORRISOME. Hahaha. 

(OMG. I HAVE TO REPLY FB MSGES I'VE NEGLECTED FOR TOO LONG!!!! (which is like, 5 days!!)). 

Ok I should go to bed considering hardcore studying starts tmr!!! (Had beef ramen noodles I bought from Eastbourne just now for lunch. YUMZ. But I put in big chilli from jia jia that's not spicy so that's sad). Haha GNITE. Sorry for the long post. If you even reach this part of the post. TLDR! Hahaha. (stands for too long didn't read just in case future me forgets). BYE. 

Fri 03:15 12/4/13 

JUMP! JUMP! It's DUMMY'S BDAY!!!!