Heya. :) Yesterday was.. tough for me. I cried a lot, and I don't even know why. It's not like I was very close to Melina or anything. But I guess it's cuz she was my friend. The first person I actually call a friend that passed away, a friend I would willingly take time out to spend with her. And I dunno. I couldn't grasp the fact that I would never be able to take trips out to go and visit her, that I'll just never ever see her again. She's gone. All that's left is the memories I made with her. It's so hard to really accept the fact that death is final to those people still living. Whenever I thought about that, I would just tear up again. But the waterworks really started when, for some unknown reason, I started listening to Christian songs on 8tracks again, and I came across Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets. "Sometimes I think: what would people say of me when I'm only just a memory, when I'm home where my soul belongs?". Then I went onto K-Love's channel on Youtube and listened to the live performances, and I dunno why. It just got to me. I don't understand!!!!!!
Going to bed was tough. I was scared cuz I was in an empty room by myself, and being alone scares me. And I just missed Melina. I wish that I visited her more often, I wish I spent more time fb msging her. :( :(
Today I'm fine, just that my eyeballs ache from the crying. I worked with Pei to get her present to Tur done. :D She sent me photos of the really cute card she wrote to Tur, a short story with drawings about their friendship, and a photo of herself with Tur. And I got my own photos prepared and uploaded all of them, paid for them to be printed and posted to Tasmania! Hopeeee it arrives before or on her birthday!!!
But anyway. On the topic of the death of a friend and such, I don't really know what I want to say, don't really know how to put my feelings into words, don't even know what I'm thinking! And I don't even dare imagine what I'll feel when someone closer to me passes away. And I'll be lying if I say I haven't kind of reassessed my choices on this course I'm studying and whether it's something I truly want to do. Sigh. Just.. Life is short. Don't do anything half-heartedly.
Listen to the lyrics, they ring so true to my heart. :)
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
Tue 23:32 16/4/13
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