Bravery.

Hello! I feel. SHOOOO. LAZY it's ridiculous. I already know that I don't have enough time to finish studying everything, and I kinda feel the stress and I know how much I'm leaving out for this Biochem exam already. And yet I'm not trying to make up for it. It's like, the laziness of my conscious mind overcomes the panic of my subconscious. hahaha. 'Tis awful sad. So I decided to come and blogggg instead of doing absolutely nothing. 

Jason gave me a quote he found in the Game of Thrones book.

"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?" "That is the only time a man can be brave." 

He told me that quite a while ago. But I think how true that statement really is only hit me recently. It's so true don't you think? It's like that "It takes a night to make it dawn; it takes a day to make you yawn; it takes some cold to know the sun" kinda thing (from Life is Wonderful by JMraz yoz). It takes fear to know what bravery is. 

Like for me. I have doubts about whether this course is for me. I could do so many other things that will let me enjoy myself so much more and suffer so much less, like being a teacher or event manager or something like that. I am so scared that I'm wasting my time (and money) doing this. What if in the end I'm just too awkward and uncoordinated that I just suck? What if in the end I don't get to help people in the way I want to? Sure, I might have a bright future in the sense that I'll be able to be financially independent, but what if I'm not happy during the process, and I make myself suffer so much, all these sleepless nights, not to mention deteriorating health!!!! I actually can't pinpoint what it is that makes me so doubtful and worried. It might even just be my laziness talking, with the thought of all these studying and self-discipline I have to force out of myself for the next few years (and a few years after that too if I wanna specialise) bringing me down. 

But then. I guess all these fears are what makes me brave. I keep it all in, pack those feelings up into the box that is marked "You'll get over it" and continue to sleep at 6 or 7am every night (morning?) just to try and pass my exams... Continue to miss home and struggle to be content standing on my own two feet... Continue to not quit. I guess in other words, I could say I'm brave. 

I hope so. :/ 

Anyway. I should really study. Hope people are happy, and that those I love are even happier haha. On a side note, HOME is so close. So close I start hyperventilating when I think about. So close that it's suffocating me and making me implode! So close I can't think about it lest I can't study. Haha. Can't wait! Goodbye! :D 

Thurs 01:34 16/5/13