Tears.

It's funny what tears can do, isn't it? 


So guys, today is the 13th of December. No, it's not a Friday. But anyway. Yes. It is the day our VCE results come out. For me, it's just my Methods results but it still holds the same weight for me as it will next year. It is important to me. The fact that I only had ONE subject to focus on this year means that it was my chance to ensure that I would get a really good score for it. Next year, with 5 subjects to handle which are equally important, I won't have that much time to focus on a single one. 


So anyway. I told you guys the exam was hard right? After the exam, my mind kept wandering and thinking what score I will get. Before the exam, I really wanted to get like a 48 so it'll get scaled up to 50. But after the exam, I knew for sure, without a doubt, that that will be impossible. In my heart, I knew that it would be amazing if I got over 40. The number '38' kept coming to my heart, it was what I thought I would get. I was so angry that my friends here just wouldn't believe that me when I said I did badly, still annoys me. Oh well. So anyway. I was so so so hoping that somehow I didn't do that badly. But when that thought came, I immediately discarded it, for false hope kills, we all know that.


Today, THE day, I got up a few minutes after 7.30am to check my results which was up on the internet at 7am today. I logged in with my student number and put in the PIN number. There were two drop-down labels: 'View your VCE results' and 'View your ATAR' (which is your ENTER score). I was chatting with Tur yesterday and she was supposed to help me view my results. We synched the time on our phones and said we'll wake up at 7.30am, and 4.30am her time. She was supposed to give me a (Y) (thumbs up) if I got above 40, and a (N) (thumbs down) if I got below. I sent her a text when I got up and she didn't reply. So I just had to do it myself because I wanted to know. I sat there staring at the screen, preparing myself? Psyching myself up? I don't know. Then I just clicked it. Here it is: 

MA11 - Mathematical Methods (CAS)

• GA 1: A
• GA 2: A
• GA 3: A
• Study Score: 38

There it is. A 38. I'm not even lying when I said that that number was what I was expecting to get. Even though I had prepared myself, my heart was still crushed at the realization that I just couldn't do it. My mum had gotten up at that time. She came down and she was like 'Gasp didn't you sleep? How could you not sleep?' and I told her it was my results. She got her glasses and she looked at it. The foreboding 38. It was then I started crying. Well, not really crying, just tearing up. She then told me it was okay. I did well. Then after a few hugs and consoling words with my tears dripping down, she went up to have a shower. I was on Facebook and Maria, one of my Methods buddies, asked me how I went. She got a 38 as well. There were other Methods people online, but I didn't have the guts to ask them what they got. After a while, I went back to bed. 


Sigh. 


You know what was the most haunting thing that I kept thinking of as I laid there on my bed? The horror and embarrassment I'll face when I find out what the other Methods buddies got. There were some of them who always didn't do better than me. And there's this one girl who always says how I'm so much better than her etc. What if I did worse than them? How could I face myself then? Horrible. 


Anyway. I've talked to Em Archer, the most amazing girl I've met whose smart and funny and dedicated. She got a 41, Em Russo got a 37, and Sar Banting got a whopping 43! Bants has always been amazing, I knew she would blow everyone away. Janet, from my old school got a 35. I really want to know what Adhy (from Indo school) got, and Jazz and Finks who are both in my Methods class too. 


What made me a tiny bit annoyed was the thread me and my friends have. My friends here, they have this Facebook Message where all of them are in it and they talk about everything there. Just updates and stuff. Funnily enough, nobody posted their scores there. Which I thought was kind of weird. I'm not myself in this thread though, just so you know. I put up stuff before and I always just felt ignored. Oh well. I hardly post stuff up anymore. But today I just told them that I didn't do too well as expected. Then after that, I posted the scaling report, asking them 'whether they've checked it out'. I also said that 'even after the scaling, I still did crap'. A 35 gets scaled up to 41, a 40 gets scaled up to 45. So I reckon that I'll get a 42. Still crap but better than below 40 I guess? Then I said that 'I'm going to watch dramas now (my Korean shows, but I ended up watching Cars, the movie), Wheeeeeeee.' Obviously I was being sarcastic about the 'whee'. Was that not obvious? Or do they just not know me? And Celine was just like 'Thanks, really making me feel great'. I'm actually a little sick of it. I posted my status as 'shoot you!'. And I was gonna say like 'I was being sarcastic' or something but just gave up. Why should I have to explain? 


Do you know, I had a dream that some girl from school was like 'who is this? (pointing to me)' and Celine said 'That's my friend. She's awesome and I love her.' Hah. It's just the stress man. There was this incident, I shall name it 'ridiculous', that happened and I shall tell you soon. Seriously. So OVER it. 


Anyway. I think that my mum is sort of crushed with disappointment. I did tell her. I told her that I didn't do well, that she didn't need to expect anything from me. True story hey. Hope she listened to my warning and discarded all traces of hope. But I guess it's human nature to hope, for even I did, even though I knew that reality is harsh. I think the fact that I cried, the fact that tears were pooling at my eyes, then rolling down my cheeks, just sort of softened her reaction. So from disappointment, it became disappointment and sympathy, transferring some of the attention away from the disappointment. Is that not true? 


Therefore, apart from the fact that tears and crying makes your eyes all puffy, your face blotchy, your nose runny, your heart broken and your mind weary; they allow something that should have brought on wrath/punishment/major disappointment, merely bring a soft chiding and a tissue. 


Sorry, I guess, to my parents, and to myself. Next year will be tougher, but I will not allow myself any slack at all. CAN ME HEAR ME??? Methods will be my bottom subject, the one that the extra 10% is taken from. The others, I will get amazing scores. Let's just hope. 

Happy Beginning of December!

Hello people! 


I just realized a few hours before that it was the FIRST of DECEMBER! Yes, the first day of the last month of the year 2010 has finally arrived. Oh, it is much dreaded yet it brings much excitement, does it not? For one, I'm dreading the year to come, the year I turn 18, the year of THE BIGGEST exam of my life (hey, it somewhat determines my future ok..), the year where I'm supposed to be matured. That last question just brought up a slight panic in the back of my mind. Can I actually grow up? Oh, that's a scary thought. Really. Let it be, shall we? :) 


It brings much excitement because it signifies the dawning of Christmas! Also known as Jesus' birthday, Christmas is a really awesome celebration!!!! I AB. SO. LUTE. LY. LOVE IT! I think the best part, the part that makes me get all excited and euphoric (UNDERSTATEMENT!) is when you go to all the shopping malls and the carols are all playing. Does it not bring you a wonderful feeling? It makes me so happy! I LOVE Christmas mass because of the wonderful Christmas carols that we sing in place of the hymns. I LOVE IT! My favorite church back home always sings Joy To The World as it's last hymn when the mass is ended, and after that it's We Wish You A Merry Christmas, and during those songs, I just feel like Christmas is more than the gifts. I don't know. I just love the feeling I get when I sing and smile and everyone around you is happy too. Gosh. Makes me so happy and excited. 


Anyway. I just want to remind all of you to recall, as 2010 draws to a close, whether you've fulfilled your new-year's resolutions. For me, it's sort of undecided. My resolution was not to snack in-between meals because I go overboard ALL THE TIME. Anyway. Because I'm in the boarding house where snacks aren't exactly available, I sort of don't do it anymore. I eat loads, with dessert and everything. But just less snacks. Occasionally I do buy my own, then I totally overeat and everything. And when I'm home, gosh, nobody can stop me!!! So yea. Undecided. But worst of all, the resolutions that I fulfilled for 2009 has broken. It lasted for about half a year. The no knuckle-cracking and crossing-legs habit has come back. It just took a sore, undergoing growing-pain hand to break my resolution. So I guess I'm adding it on to this year's list. So I shall try to conquer this before 2010 ends!!! Hopefully you guys will fulfill your resolutions too! It could be the small habits you have that aren't that great for you, or something that you just want to change about yourself to be a better person. 


So yes. Do your best to change for the better, even in a small tiny way, just so you can say you've grown a little in the year 2010. 


Well guys, Happy December!! :) Enjoy your last month of the year and live it to the fullest. Hopefully next year you'll be able to look back at this year and smile and nod. :) 


Goodnight guys.

The Year Of Drowning.

Yup. Hey guys. We just started our induction week at school. Yes. Induction for Year. Twelve. And I reckon that how this week is, is how it will be most of next year. 


I. Am. Stressed. 


Today is Tuesday, and we only started our sort-of-Year-12-but-not-really-official-yet classes yesterday. Despite that, I'm already really stressed about the work load. There was no 'since you've all finished exams, let's play Pictionary!' kind of scenario. It was just handouts after handouts and then beginning of lessons. Already, I have a Chemistry revision booklet to finish by this week, and all the English texts that I have to read before next year. We've started some stuff in Specialist Maths and Physics too. Oh gosh. I already feel the throbbing headache I always get when I feel slightly overwhelmed by the amount of work needed to be done. 


It's not that bad, I guess (what?). We have all of the year-end holidays to get them done. But I really really want to finish it by this week (the Chem work, that is). I just don't want to have to work during the holidays, especially because Pei and Steph are coming (next post!!) and then I'll be back in MALAYSIA!!!! I'm just really lazy. Ugh. (Single room, next post too!!!) And also because I'm alone, there's no annoying roommate that sleeps uber early anymore, thus I have gone back to my pattern of sleeping late ie. 12am and after. So I'm actually REALLY sleepy right now. 


I am facing a HUGE dilemma right now (AGAIN?). Yes, yes. Gosh. I don't know whether I should drop Physics for Psychology. Before, it was Physics for Accounting. The thing is, Physics is just REALLY ANNOYING. It's not that it's not interesting, it actually blows your mind at how energy is transferred bla bla bla. But the way it is taught here just.. makes my head implode multiple times! I groan and hit my head with my pencil case when the next period is Physics. It's just too much 'inference' and 'do this prac and you'll understand' stuff. I guess I'm too Asian. Too used to the really concise and probably not-so-fulfilling explanations I got in M'sia I guess. Psychology is amazingly interesting, that's what EVERYONE (seriously!) tells me. But the thing is, it gets scaled down!!! Either that or it stays where it is. 


Oh goshhhh. I'm going overboard with looking at the score I might get. Ugh. WHAT DO I DO? Well, I'm sort of leaning towards Psych. Accounting is just something boring. Psych is way more interesting, and my mum already gave me the green light anyway. But the thing is, will I be able to get more than a 40 to not get scaled down? I just checked the scaling sheet, what if I did Biology then? It gets scaled up or not at all. UGHHHHH. I'll ask my friends tomorrow. I just PRAY that God will show me what I should do (corny?). But yea. Hopefully I won't make the wrong decision. :S :/

Progress And Goals.

Wednesday, 24/11/10


Hey guys. So this week, we have our Companionship Program. It is a school program where, for a week, we do community service at a place we signed up for. Today is the third day of it, and I am reallyyyyy tired. So I am doing my companionship at the Salvation Army store with Celine and Kate. I initially wanted to do something at Tear Australia, which is something like World Vision but on a much, much smaller scale (I think). That's what I want to do you know? Help the poor, etc. etc. Haha. Anyway. They rejected me (sad. Better get used to it though huh? :P) and I was at a stage where I couldn't care less, so I just went with Celine and Kate. The place is near Celine's house, and Celine did her companionship there last year. Kate just wanted to get it arranged because she couldn't be bothered thus she just went with Celine. And in the end, I went with them too. 


I have to say, I am really enjoying it so far. Well. It's from 9am-3pm. So it's really, really tiring. But I just love the shop! It's an Op-Shop and it's called the Salvos. And it's uber cool! There's SO MUCH stuff there, and it's all donated, which you gotta admit is kind of cool. There're clothes, books, toys, knitting needles, DVD-players, laser discs, porcelain stuff (like china, but probably not so fine?), luggage bags, jewellery, shoes, bags, some furniture, roller blades! It really has LOADS of stuff. And I'm constantly surprised at the amount of customers that come into the shop. AND also the amount of donations we get in a day. It's so cool!!! Anyway. What we do there, is the clothes will be sorted into their respective price buckets (by the supervisor), and we hang them up onto this rack according to their prices and we tag them with a price tag. Then of course we arranged them in the shop. There's the 'colour sequence' that we have to follow. White-cream-beige-yellow-brown etc etc. It's pretty cool. Other than that, we just walk around the shop tidying up the racks and stuff. The bookshelf was sorted by us today and the prices were slightly knocked down. 


I'm really unfit though. I'm SO TIRED from standing. My legs are ridiculously sore. It's really bad. So. What's really sad is that I wanted to get this really nice handbag that wasn't too old-looking but big enough for me. BUT IT WAS GONE TODAY. That's actually really really sad. Looks like I'm sticking with my ultra sad, green bags. That's just me I guess. DOOMED. Haha. Anyway. I have my eyes on another bag. I'll get it tomorrow. Today, I bought, wait for it, COOK BOOKS! I'm really excited. 


This holiday when I go back, I'm going to be prepared mentally. I have set some goals that I have to reach during my stay in Malaysia. Well, I don't really know whether you'll call it goals. More like, things that I want to do. (Gosh, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?) Haha sorry. I'm just kind of tired. So this holiday when I go back, I'm going to GO TO THE GYM EVERY SECOND DAY! Well, I may go every day, but I'll see how it goes. I just really want to improve my fitness you know? And of course, I also want to try to tone up some of the fat that has been accumulating in my upper thighs and tummy. Pretty sad really. I just don't exercise in Australia. Haha.


Thursday, 25/11/10


So yes. I just really want to get my fitness up so I don't need to psych myself up before, say, going up a flight of stairs? Haha. And the other thing is, I want to cook EVERYDAY. In the Salvos, I bought TWO cookbooks and I'm SUPER excited. They were like $2 each. Why not? And they were both on the food I love most (well, that's actually debatable because I eat almost anything). One is pasta, and the other is cheesecake. YUM!!!!!!! Of course, I'll be using mum's stash of cookbooks to cook some Asian food too, don't worry. :) But yea. I'm really excited. I've always loved cooking, just gotta actually be good at it. Haha. So yea. I'll wake up early everyday, go to the gym (or maybe Bukit Padang? But maybe not?). Then I'll cook/bake something. Then I'll chill, read a book or something. Then I'll go and play volleyball!!!! Whoooo!!! :D :D 


So yes. I'm really excited. Also excited of the fact that I CAN DRIVE! (which you don't know about yet, I'm sorry) And also that I'll be going grocery shopping!!! Oh, how easily I can excited. Anyway. Yes. That's ages away though. 


The weather's been going crazy. It's been super hot for about a week now. But today, it rained really heavily and it's pretty chilly now. Gosh. Talk about Melbourne being Melbourne. 


Also, can I just point out another reason to be excited: Community Channel's Natalie Tran (GO ASIANS!!) is going on a trip around the world sponsored by Lonely Planet! How exciting! I wish I could do something like that. How awesome. :D Haha. She's really funny, just thought I should share that. 


Now, I shall crawl back into my hole and eat my lone apple. :) Have a great week. :D

Refined.

Here it is guys. This is the post where I explain why I changed my URL from GeekoOutlet to GeekoOutletRefined. :D 


Ok. So yes, you know how before, I was so much more depressed and stuff? Well, I wouldn't call it depressed though, I just classify it as 'down' because I know other people out there are feeling much worse than I can imagine. But anyway, I used to focus so much on the negative things, dwell on them and over-think and everything. It was pretty horrible. And I used to be all pathetic and like 'oh.. whyyyyyy did that happen? Why would they do things like that? I feel so alone' etc. etc. 


But now, I have turned over a new leaf and am renewed. :)


Now I stand by the notion that we have to be positive. We can't just waste our time feeling down and trying to analyse things and dwell in our misery. Life is too short. I just think that we shouldn't do that, because when the years go by and we look over our shoulder and see what our life was, would we really just want to see how we 'struggled' and how 'tough' our life was? Would you actually want that to be your life? Want that to amount to what you call your life? There are always others out there who are so much worse off than we are. But that's a little beside the point. When I look back to the journey I've taken, the whole 16+ years, I cringe at the amount of time I wasted on being sad and frustrated and just.. bothered. All the times I wasted on the couch just thinking about my problems. I want to be able to look back at my life and see how I tried my hardest to make the most out of everything. No regrets, right? 


Be positive, that's also my motto. Do you seriously want to spend your whole life thinking that you have a tough life? Seriously? Cuz that is just SAD. 


I know it's not easy. I, personally, will try my best to not be hypocritical and to be strong and positive. :) 


Want to hear something really geeky (pfftt what's new?)? Be an absolute value and put a modulus sign around you. BE POSITIVE! :D :D :D


So yea. Have a good night everyone!!! :D

Cancer: My experience.

11.35pm 19/11/10


Ok. I kind of like Indo school, but not really. As you know, I'm taking Indonesian as a second language because it's similar to Malay, and I actually like my home country (it's still home). So yea. We take lessons on Saturdays for like.. 3 hours, from 9 to 12.15 with recess included. The thing I like about Indo school is that I've met more people and they're pretty cool. Well, I don't have that clicked connection with anyone of them in my class. But oh well, you have to be super lucky to get that right? So anyway. There are a few people that have made Indo school a life-changing experience. Well, not really. But one thing leads to another no? :) 


So there's Adhy who's in my class. But he's not THAT important (haha.. he's alright..). Then there's his sister in Yr 12, Melina, and her friends, Anisa and Zoraya who are sisters. (they're in the kiddies class thought they are like Yr 11 or something because they can't understand Indo). They are all Indonesians which is really cool I think. :) Anyway. I met Melina and another girl, Marini when I was in the Yr 12 class for a while. Yea. I wanted to do 3,4 Indo this year, but NOOOOOO we couldn't in the end. But regardless, I'm SO GRATEFUL that I actually got one or two lessons in the Yr 12 class because I got to meet Melina. (Btw, Anisa and Zoraya are like Mel's family friends, and they always ditch Sat school. I don't blame them..). 


So anyway. There was this month, not so long ago, when Melina started complaining a lot about being tired and sick and things like that. Her back was acting up and so was hay fever and things like that. And then there was this one day when Anisa and Zoraya weren't there (or like they were doing a test in class or something) and Mel was telling me about her work and how her boss was really annoying, asking her to carry stuff that she didn't want to carry. And then she said: '.. Cuz you know I have cancer right?'. S.H.O.C.K. NO! Haha. Yea it was pretty full on. But being me, kind of slow and kind of blur, I kept my cool. She was in remission. She was just saying how she couldn't carry heavy stuff and couldn't work too hard because she has like machines in her brain that keep her blood flowing and things like that, and she's pretty weak. So anyway. That was scary. Then a few weeks after that, she didn't come to Indo school which was a shock because she NEVER ditches. 


Then a few days after, I saw on Adhy's Facebook status, asking for mercy from their god (they're all Muslims yea) and saying that his sister's cancer came back. When I saw that, I tell you, I was completely overwhelmed. I know it's kind of uncalled for, because it's not like she's my lifelong friend or something. I also am not sure what exactly came over me. But she's actually one of the sweetest person I've met. She has her own lingo that she uses. I love the way she calls Saturday 'Sat-day' and things like that. She's also really nice and stuff. So yea, when I found out, I just started crying. What was I feeling? I guess I was feeling the unfairness (is there such a word?) of the world, times a hundred. Just.. angry and helpless I guess? I called my mum and told her and everything. The worst thing, I felt, is really the helplessness. All you can do is pray and hope for the best. 


Anyway, I remember that that was just before holidays. Before I went back to Malaysia for two weeks. That was September I think. So I couldn't go and visit her in the hospital for that time. She had leukaemia. Blood cancer. Oh gosh. She had it before and got better. I don't remember when. Gotta clarify that with her. Anyway. At that time they were on a holiday in Indonesia and it happened. Then when it got worse, she flew back to Australia and apparently she was in very bad, critical condition or something. She was lucky that her dad called his company thingo and immediately flew her back and stuff. Anyway. It was tough then she said. She had chemo and everything and the chemo (naturally) affected her really badly, especially on her limbs. She couldn't move her fingers properly and couldn't walk. They were just limp. And apparently she was in a wheelchair after that, and could only walk properly after THREE years. Three years. Imagine how long that is. It's so sad. 


But I really look up to her. Seriously. She's so strong it's amazing. On her Facebook box thingo, the one where you describe yourself, she says something sort of like if she could do it once, she could do it again but now she's more prepared. She knows what she has to do so that the chemo won't affect her that badly this time. She knows what she can or can't do. And she's been doing pretty well. I've been to visit her a few times. Can you see my squinty Asian eyes? It's been open SO MUCH it's probably bigger than yours now (GASP!).


11.04pm 20/11/10


Can I just say that it's almost 2011!!! How weird would that be? Gosh, time is traveling so quickly. I'm going to be the reminiscent old woman soon. Haha. So anyway. Back to the topic. 


Ok. So she had cancer first in 2006 if I'm not mistaken. Around that time she, together with her family, was back in Indonesia for about a year or so. It was like for a break from Australia or something, I'm not sure. So there, she got really sick and stuff and she was actually diagnosed with lupus. She said that she's thankful that they misdiagnosed her because if not, she would've gotten treatment in Indonesia and she didn't want that. She was in a really critical condition at that time, and with her dad's help who called his company and arranged things and stuff, she got flown back to Aus as soon as possible. At that time, there were LOADS of problems. She kept getting infections and things like that. She had problems with her limbs. Oh and she had to take a bone marrow test in Indo. (yes, THE bone marrow test that you always see on TV with the huge needles and everything). And in Indo, she had to be awake for it and she said it felt like a drill. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine that type of pain. But here in Aus, she gets sedated, thank goodness. She got a lot of fevers the first time she had cancer, and it was all just horrible. Oh apparently she had hallucinations too due to the side effects of the medicines she was taking. She saw the stuff from the horror movies she watched come to life, and all sorts of things. She said that she has vowed to never watch horror movies ever. I don't blame her. If Ju-On came to life in my head, I seriously would not know what to do. She also had to get this machine thingo to be put into her brain to keep some tube stuff open. All really scary.


So this second time, she said that it's much smoother than before. But she lost her hair in like the first 3 weeks. As in ALL of her hair. She said it took like a couple of months the first time. That's pretty scary. Yes, I was taken aback when I first saw her bald. It was scary. But she still looked like her. :) Anyway. She had problems with her digestion and her blood sugar and stuff. And because of her meds, she was really hungry and kept eating and eating. And her pancreas and stuff couldn't take it so it didn't digest properly. And she became fully bloated, like a pregnant woman, she said. And the doctors had to put her on a diet. I'm not kidding. A diet. As in she could not eat for TWO days. Nothing at all. And just very little water. They had to make the food go down first. It was all because she couldn't excrete it as well. So anyway. Now she's on a low-fat low-sugar diet. Before, her blood sugar was SOARING high, she was (or is, I think) temporarily diabetic. She had to check her blood sugar level before all meals a few weeks back. But now she's getting it back slowly, which is really good. 


It's not all been smooth sailing though. She's not perfect. When I was back in Malaysia, Marini went to see her after Indo school one day. And that time she was in a really, really bad mood. I feel so sad for her mum who has to be uber patient and caring, and also really strong to have to see Mel suffer like that. But anyway. Mel was really hungry that day, but she couldn't eat. And the food that the nutritionist gave her wasn't nice. The medicine makes Mel's taste buds weird, so some stuff just tastes bad to her. Anyway, she was like really grumpy and didn't want to eat what they gave her, but she was really hungry. And she was complaining and everything and gosh. Marini said that it was so sad. It is. :(


Anyway. She's been out of hospital for a while now. Not in remission, just being able to stay at home. I just spent a whole day just chilling at her house with Marini. It was funnnn!! :D :D I bought lunch for me and Mel both (just noodle soup, with fish ball and nothing deep fried). And Marini bought Mee Rebus. And we trained to her house and just chilled there. It was fun. We talked about loads of stuff, like rapists and stalkers. Our 'scariest moments in our lives' and Mel talked a bit about her cancer stuff. And also about Indo school stuff, school stuff. Just general things. It was fun. And we went out for a walk in the path way thing (she lives in a unit) leading to the main road. The weather was awesome. It was warm and sunny and we took some photos. :) Then we had some ice cream!!! Yayyyy!! The doctor asked Mel to break into a normal diet reallllyyy slowly and he suggested to start with ice cream. And for dinner, we went down the road to get pizza! It was exciting because it was Mel's first time actually walking to a place! She had her crutches and everything of course, but it was fun I thought. We bought BBQ Sauce Chicken Pizza. It was yummy!!! :) Which reminds me, I bought a piece of baklava. Had a bite of it, it's not yummy. But oh well. Will eat it tomorrow. So yea, we took away pizza and went back to her house. Chatted more and chilled. Marini had to go at about 6.30pm or something like that. And I left soon after. :) 


It was a tiring day, and I was uber paranoid walking back to the boardo because it was dark (9pm! It takes an hour to get back by train). Sent silent prayers to God. :) I'm glad I'm safe. 


So yea. Melina has changed my life. It's so amazing though, kind of unbelievable. She had to have fat and blood intravenously dripped into her system because she was so weak and things like that. And also she can't sit on the floor because she won't have the energy to get back up. It's all these little things you know. It makes you realise how better off you are. All the small tiny things that you don't realise. How you have the energy to run to catch an elevator, a train or something. How you have the energy to jump the last couple of stairs. How you can walk in the drizzling rain or sweat in the heat without risk of getting a major infection. It's really, really amazing. And also, every time I feel tired, I stop myself and say, Mel is more tired than I am. When ever I feel the pain from a cut or a bruise, I stop myself and say, Mel is in more pain than I am. And I think that we should all be just a little bit more aware of things like these. It's just like how they say to think of the hungry children out there. It's the same thing. Just that this is more close to home.


Of course, you always have to live life. She was telling me just now about a best friend who broke off with her all of a sudden and just didn't talk to her anymore, didn't even greet her in school anymore. And she told me how when one of her close friends told the girl that Mel was sick, she was crying and crying and saying sorry over and over again. So you just gotta live everyday like the way you want it to be. 


This is my motto (I'm serious. I think it's awesome ;D): that we have to live life with no regrets. Seriously. We create our own history, we make our own difference. Which means that what ever we do, whatever we decide, and most of all, whatever we don't do, it's our life. And whether we are able to look back on it down the road and be proud of that moment is up to ourselves. So yea. :) No Regrets. :)


That's why it's a life-changing experience for me. And you know what the best part about it is? It's that it gave birth to our relationship. We were ok friends before, but I would never have thought that if would come to this close relationship. It's really comforting for me, the friendship I have with her. This would have never happened if she didn't get sick. It's awesome because I never really believed that friendship could last if you don't see each other everyday. Well, not seeing each other everyday doesn't really matter, but if you really don't talk to each other and things like that, then the friendship won't last. It might, it'll just be really hard (goshhhhhh how optimistic am I?). So the most outstanding thing is that I don't go to her school, and she lives ages away from me, but we're still pretty close friends. 


And you know what? I absolutely CAN'T WAIT for her to get better. Then we can go on Asian outings and have movie marathons and eat lots of yummy Asian food together. :D :D 


Stay strong Melina! :) We love you very much!!! 

Sanity Took Leave.

What's been hurting me: needless to say, myself. It's just I feel so empty! Well, not the kind I used to talk about before, the kind that comes about with the present situation's emo-ness and loneliness put together. It's the kind where you just feel that your life is meaningless. Yea. I'm not depressed, don't get the wrong idea. It's just.. This past month or so, I've just been doing NOTHING. Facebook is a big part of that, and yes, Facebook IS nothing. It's meaningless to me. The only reason why I keep it is because it's, unfortunately, the only means to communicate with my friends back home. It's not like we actually communicate anyway. But it's just a way to look for each other and give feeble comments. Anyway. So yea, I've spent almost all my waking hours which are not spent at school on Facebook. Apart from that, I've been going onto Youtube, watching movies, watching Vampire Diaries online... and that's about it. No reading, no blogging. That's been my life. That's what's been hurting me. Well, not really hurting. More like.. just really annoying and bothering me. I don't want my life to amount to nothing. And as far as it goes, my life IS nothing. Don't worry. I've amended that. Well, at least I'm in the process of doing so. I have asked Tur to change my Facebook password. I just don't want my life to be all about depending on Facebook you know? I don't want that to be all I do. I haven't even emailed by friends for AGES. That's so sad. Because I've been too lazy or too 'busy' to do so. What an excuse. Someone please slap me. So yea I plan to not go on Facebook until after their SPM. I've changed Tur's password too. SPM is like in 7 days or 6 or something like that. But I plan to not go on Facebook even after that. Just until that itch goes away, until I no longer automatically move my mouse onto the Facebook icon once I go onto Safari. :) I'm going through a withdrawal period. :D


So anywayyy. The other day, last week on Tuesday I think? I went absoluuuutely insane. It was the second day of THAT time of the month and I was SO INCREDIBLY emotional. I never got that before. Like I've had the times when I get angry and frustrated easily, but this was nothing like that. My emotions were all over the place. Not kidding. I was happy one moment then angry, then emo, then upset, then hyper. It fluctuated like MAD and I. COULD. NOT. STAND. IT. It was making me sooooooo crazy and soooo insane. It was bad when I saw nobody online, and there wasn't anyone I could talk to. Wow. I WOULD NEVER want to feel that way again. All the heightened emotions. I couldn't take it man. Anyway. That was when I implemented Project Tur-Skype. :D I Facebook-Messaged Tur and gave her the links and everything to download Skype. Then we met online for the first time on SKYPE (NO TO FACEBOOK!) and her microphone didn't work. -.- I was insane at that time, so I tried desperately to look for one for her IN KK. And in the end, Mike BOUGHT one for her and dropped it off to HER house. Oh gosh. I owe him my sanity.. 


Well. We've had a few chats and stuff. That's why my eyes are barely able to stay open now. Because for a long time, I've been sleeping early. Yes, early as in 10pm or later, never past midnight (unless I have homework due or Jessie is online or something). This is thanks to my roommate who sleeps VERY EARLY. So now I feel like how I felt back home when I used to sleep late every night. Because of the 3 hour time difference, and Tur having tuition all the time until 9.30pm her time, I've been having to sleep at like 1am or later these few days. So yea. REALLY tired now. Gonna sleep really early tonight. I'll be revising my Gen A stuff (last exam tomorrow!!!) and then SLEEP! :D 


The happenings which I will post about next have changed my life. :)

Karma.

Hey guys. Yea I know. I kept it up for a while. Sigh. I'm seriously telling you, Facebook has some kind of ridiculous hold on me. I think that it's because of the restlessness I get all the time. So I just sit there and click 'refresh' and close the window and open it again. And again. 


So guys. (haha to the fact I always deceive myself to the fact that there is a chance someone actually reads this). The latest thing is my exams. My Year 11 exams that in my childish opinion, doesn't matter. I just thought/think that I could, for once in my life, not study so hard for these exams. My whole life, or let's say, for my entire high school life (since form 1 or Year 7), it's been about studying for exams. And studying means sleeping at 12am or later, memorising stuff and being able to recite CHAPTERS from the text book. (yes, there actually IS a reason why I call myself a geek). So yea. After my Year 12 exam (Maths Methods), I just thought that I.. you know.. kind of deserved to NOT study like a crazy Asian idiot for once. But well, my mum has been totally ROAR about it. Well, not ROAR. She's just been pestering me to study and study and sometimes, IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. My whole life I've delivered good grades. 


Sigh. Gotta chill. Anyway. The fact that I didn't want to study made me complacent about it. (apparently 'contented' is a synonym of 'complacent' :D). Which I don't mind, because it's my own decision. And I know what kind of results I'm gonna get. Just average. "OMYGOOSHHHHHH JUST AVERAGE?????? WHAT KIND OF ASIAN ARE YOUUUUUU?". (-.-) I know. I'll probably feel the sting when everyone else gets better results than me. But oh well. I'm not a hypocrite, I don't complain about things that are of my own fault (I try not to anyway). But karma, I'm telling you. Or maybe it's God. Haha. I'm sure it's God who controls karma anyway. Well. So I had my Gen A (General A, aka AGM (Advanced General Maths), aka Specialist Maths Units 1,2)(phew) exam yesterday and there was this tough question at the end (this is Tech Open, means the one with a calculator and notes). It wasn't that tough, it was just that I didn't understand the sentence they used. So I was stuck there for quite a while, just trying to interpret what the person was trying to say. So imagine my elation when I finally GOT IT. And when I got out, and the discussion was going on and everything, I found out I did a REALLY REALLY... REALLYYY silly mistake. I square rooted (9+4m^2) to (3+2m)!!!!!! WHO DOES THAT???????? Oh gosh. So that was karma case number one. :) THEN, today I had my Literature exam and BOY am I glad that I'm not doing Lit anymore next year. The exam was on Othello, The Great Gatsby, and a poem which was The Second Coming. So there was Section A: the analytical essay, Section B: extract analysis, then it was questions for the poem. So GUESS WHAT? I did the same text, The Great Gatsby, for both Section A and Section B. And apparently we're not supposed to do that. WHO KNEW (Pink.. -.- (the song))? Ugh. Oh well. 


(BTW, sorry about all the brackets, which could means something like a thought above a thought, or a voice over, or a sarcastic comment. This is just the train of my thoughts which is ALWAYSSS running). Ok. Drumroll. My Methods exam. THE ONE THAT MATTERS. Oh goshhhhhhh. It was like something I've actually experience before. You know when you're in an exam, and you're doing maths, and you are feel your cells hurrying because you KNOW you don't have enough time and you just skip ahead of yourself and do questions halfway, get stuck, and go to the next question without finishing that one? That's what I did for my Methods Tech Open, and I did it for A LOT of questions. So yea. It was kind of expected and the paper. Oh goshhhhhhh the paper was SOOOOO HARD. We've been doing like LOADS of past papers and trial exams. Like 10, and if you want to count them by Tech Open as one and Tech Free as one, then it would've been like 20. Or so. I don't know. I never counted. Anyway. So the past VCAA ones, which is the ____ (insert own noun here.. company? thingo?) that produces our exam papers, they were all ok. Like they weren't easy peasy, they were some tough ones, but they were all do-able. Then you come to the other trial exams, like Insight, Kilbaha etc, they were all SO HARD. Like you-just-get-so-lazy-and-just-give-up-half-way hard! They were crazy. But THIS YEAR'S exam was like those ones. It was just so harddddddd. I'm serious when I'm saying that it was hard. I was doing the paper, literally sitting there and trying to think, and my exact train of thought was: 'THIS is the exam that actually matters. THE VCE exam. And I can't do it.' So yea. For Tech Free, they were pretty easy but the last question. It wasn't particularly hard, just that there's never been those kind of questions before so, naturally, with me being me, I got stuck. I THOUGHT of similar triangles BUT kept focusing on the area. ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It was just the ratio!!!!!!!! 


You know, the worst thing was when I came out and a few days after that, my friends asked me how I went, and I told them I didn't do very well. It was hard and everything. And they all just kept saying "I'm sure you did fine. You'll be fine". But I'm NOT the kind of person who says things without meaning them. The kind that say negative things so that they'll get reassurance. The kind that put negative captions for their photos saying "oh I look so fat" so people will comment saying otherwise. GOSH. I. DID. BADLY. Oh well. We'll just cross our fingers and hope that everyone else did worse than I did hey? :) Results get out on the 13th of Dec! FREAK OUT!!!!!! I seriously don't know what to expect. Gah. 


Tomorrow I'm sitting for my LAST exam this year!!!! How uber exciting!!! But like I said, I haven't been breaking my back over it, so it's all good. :) I've been watching a lot of movies. And because of my insane restlessness on the day I finish my Methods exam, I downloaded this software that allows me to play DS games on my Mac. And I'm playing Harvest Moon DS!!! WOOO!!!!!! I now have 4 chickens who love me (HAHA) and a horse! And of course crops. OH and I also have a Mushroom Shed. That's a bit sad. But oh welllll. I've watched: (prepare yourself) Die Hard, Die Harder, Die Hard with a Vengeance (all not THAT great). Repo Men (-.-), Cop Out (kind of bad), Whip It (LOVED IT!), Avatar The Last Airbender (couldn't even finish it), The Book Of Eli (AMAZING!!!!!), Date Night (-.-), Kick Ass (ngeh), Eclipse (was actually better than expected), Youth In Revolt (stupid movie) and Killers (not too bad, try hard of Mr and Mrs Smith). :D :D So yea. 


What's been hurting me and my insanity for that couple of days NEXT POST! :D 

First Day

4/10/10


Hey guys! Wow I know. It's been ages since I posted an actual up-to-date post. 


So. Here's the thing. We have now officially entered into Term 4! The last term of the year! Daylight savings is activated :O Which means that I'm an additional hour apart from Malaysia, which is kind of messy in terms of meeting friends online because of the time difference. -.- Ok.. My two weeks of holidays were spent back HOME and it was absolutely WONDERFUL. I really, really enjoyed myself back home. I think that I've always loved Malaysia, but after coming to this different country, I've learnt to love Malaysia MORE for everything that it is. So holidays. I got my driver's license!!!!! I got my P's! :D I'm really happy about that. I spent a lot of time on it and my right arm is slightly darker than my left arm (because we drive on the right hand side), but I GOT IT!!!! YAY!!! The examiner was super bored and really just wanted to get it over and done with. I don't blame him, I was his last student and it's been going on the whole day. The part where I was supposed to check the mirrors and everything before driving, and the part where I had to pull my handbreak at the intersection, he was like 'jalan saja jalan saja'. It was pretty funny. Anyway. The best part is mum allowed me to drive BY MYSELF only after sitting with me for like 2 days. I think I just succeeded in boring her so much because of my slow speed, and also because she was busy, so she just couldn't be bothered. But really. YAY for my driving license! :D :D 


Ok. I met up with friends and stuff. And did a bit of Methods. Oh and another highlight is that our previously new puppy which is not so much new and not much of a puppy now, was run over by mum accidentally. Because she's still kinda new, she still doesn't know to avoid the moving vehicle with deadly wheels on it. THANKFULLY mum didn't squish her. The puppy is black and it's a reminder of Soda (a male dog which was like our guard dog. He was kind of fierce and always sat in front of the front door) who died of old age (and also, I always imagined his name being spelt with a Zet even though it doesn't make sense). Anyway, so we named the black, also sausage-like puppy Sarsi (I wanted Soda Pop, or Sardine or something, but I guess Sarsi is fine). Anyway. She was injured and stuff, couldn't walk properly and went on an IV drip. She didn't eat and drink and stuff. And one day she did drink but vomited it out. And it so totally reminded me of Lobsters.  


5/10/10


Lobsters is (have I never told you about her?) Kev's dog. She.. well.. I can't really remember now. I think she was sick, either that or it was old age. She just didn't eat anything, didn't drink. And even then, she kept vomiting, and you could tell it was absolutely NOTHING. Seriously, I was so shocked and appalled at how fast she lost weight. She really had no belly and it was just scary. The vomit was always sour, and my guess was it was just gastric juices. It was pretty horrible. When she walked or tried to get up, you could see her legs not having enough strength. They just kept slipping on the floor again and again. It was really horrible. She died in the vet clinic my brother took her to. It was really a sad time. She's been with us for ages and she was so pretty. Rest in peace Lobsters! :( 


So yea. Sarsi. With all the not eating and vomiting (though seriously not as bad as Lobsters), but I think it was the not eating and the trouble-with-walking that really tugged on my heart. Seriously. I was so worried all the time, and there was one day I woke up and I just felt super down and upset. It was pretty bad. But all good I guess. She started eating and drinking and she PEE-ED! :D She still gags (not vomit, but just gags) as if she's going to vomit but she doesn't. So I guess that's good. I just really really really hope that there's nothing really wrong with her. 


So. I guess that's about all that really happened back home apart from the usual meeting up with friends. But I did get a little bit of Methods done. NEWSFLASH! My exam, as in the VCE exam, is in 31 days!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm actually pretty stressed because I feel like I'm still sort of rusty with the first few chapters which are really confusing. Gah. Anyway.. Slowly I guess. :/ Pray!! :D


19/10/10


Ok. Sorry guys. UGH I KNOW. I did try. But seriously. A few weeks have gone and things have changed too. My exam is now closer and I'm still pretty stressed. I went through a really stressed time when I was sure that a 50 wasn't possible for my paper. But now I'm starting to think it's alright again. Before, I think I went just a little bit crazy and I seriously thought I couldn't do it. Like I kept getting these REALLY REALLY simple questions wrong and stuff. It was horrible. I wasn't nervous, I wasn't focused, I wasn't anything. I just couldn't. do. it. But on Monday, we had a practice exam after school that ran until 8pm (3 hours for both papers, not including reading time!). And that was alright. I think that the paper was a little bit too easy but still, CONFIDENCE BOOST. So that's not too bad. I am now in the process of getting my notes all sorted out, and I still have practice papers I can work on. So GO ME!!! 


Ok there are other stuff happening too, but why don't I just post this one up first, seeing as it's been a draft for way too long. Stressed for tonight (muck-up) you'll soon know why. 


I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!!! Wait. Rephrase. I NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!! 


Love life. :D

My Thoughts Today.

Ok this post will be about what happened today (like my usual boring posts about my day) rather than about updates and stuff like that. 

We shall start off with yesterday night. It was past midnight and I was chatting with Jessie. It was such an awesome conversation!!!!!!! BUT THEN, DARN YOU EBUDDY, I forgot to copy and past the conversation (Ebuddy doesn't save your conversations) into my private diary! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT!!!!!!!!!!! Please, hit me in the head! It was really a great conversation and also had my story in it. Argh! Can't believe it! So I went to sleep with a frustrated heart BUT hopeful too, as Jessie had SABAH OPEN the next day (today)! ANYWAY. The point is, that I slept pretty late. 

This morning, I woke up (after snoozing my alarm a couple of times) and took a quick shower. I made toast and did some sandwiches for recess. This is all for Indo school yea.. Just in case you didn't know. Ok. So when I left the boarding house, HAH I saw the tram running away from me. Yay! I had twenty minutes though, so I just walked to the train station which is 4 stops away (pretty far actually). And because I was worried about missing my train, I walked REALLY fast. I had these boots on which weren't THAT comfortable. So yea I basically power walked in the freezing cold with numb fingers and breath getting in my face (walking into my breath which obscures my view for a while) for TEN minutes or so. I have decided ((8) to follow Jesus. The hymn!! You know??) though, that I shall walk to the train station from now on. I really need to get some exercise done. 

ANYWAY. I got to Indo school fine and it was a pretty good class. It was a bit weird. But not too bad. Towards the end of the class for like 15 minutes or so, we got to play sepak takraw. I actually really like that sport and support it! As in, I can't play it, but I really look up to people who can play it and I would definitely watch it on tv and stuff. It's really amazing how they can do all those stunts and stuff. Anyway. The ball came towards me and as a really -.- (lame, is that the word?) reflex, I reached out my hand to 'volleyball' it. It totally smacked right into Alwi's face. He was standing next to me. Pretty funny. But kind of sad. Ngeh. (Sad in the sense that my volleyball skills are totally GREAT). So, we had pretty good fun (at least I thought so. And also was trying to keep warm too), then we went back to class for like the last 20 minutes or so. 

Then after Indo school, I was supposed to go down to the city to meet this girl and her sister from the boarding house. This girl is Joanne, she's Korean and she's in Year 7. She came here for 4 weeks to try it out to see whether she liked it here or not. Being one who knew what a huge difference it was with someone helping out, I talked to her and walked with her and stuff. I knew what it was like (or is like) to be alone and lonely, and seriously, it really sucks. So I wanted to make a difference. My rational was that even if I didn't know her, doing all these would make her experience here much better and when she goes back to Korea and thinks back, she won't think of how alone and homesick she felt but how it wasn't too bad. Trust me. I've had experiences where I looked back and just shuddered at that memory. Not fun. :( Anyway. So yea Joanne's sister, Noella, studies in Melbourne University. Dentistry. Which is really mind-blowing (at least to me) because, Noella knows Pat. Pat, Kel's best friend. Noella and Pat- same course, same year, same uni. So yea COINCIDENCE? So naturally, Noella asked Pat to come along. And Pat lives in Glen Waverly, which is where my Indo school is. Anyway. Pat asked Kel to come. And I was supposed to train there to meet Joanne and Noella. But I contacted Pat and she said that Kel was coming to pick her up. Just would like to point out that Kel was coming to HER up. Not me. 


Anyway. I was pretty sullen in the car. And you know what went through my mind? Identity. I was thinking about how Kel will be introduced to Noella and Joanne. Would she be introduced as Pat's best friend, or would she be introduces as my sister. 


ANYWAY. A long time has passed since then. About a month or more than that. Blame the lazy me. I'm seriously slipping man. But I will really TRY ok! Every night I shall spend about half an hour or more on my blog. After study time which is 7-9pm. Good luck with that! It is now a new term, a new beginning, new heartaches etc. 


Let us decide that tomorrow will be a good day, shall we? :D

I Started. Now Where Do I Finish?

Hey guys! I'm back! I mean, back on Blogger. Anyway. I'm typing in the dark (like yesterday) because my roommate, Morgan is asleep already. So here's some stuff that you haven't been updated on. =) (ruuunnnnn for cover!!!!!!) 


So just like most boarding houses, I share a room with another girl and will definitely get a single room next year for Yr 12. My roommate goes to a different school than we all do, because apparently she was enrolled into the school and then the boarding shut down. So they came here. Anyway. It's pretty weird I think. I mean, after thinking about it, (yes, thinking) about it, I get the feeling that she's erm.. in a way not genuine. Ok wait. Background information. She's from the country side, just like most of the girls here. Not genuine as in I think she's sort of desperate to be a city girl. But I could be wrong (just like I am on almost everything). Oh well. It's not too bad. But with the huge chop/stamp that has the word 'FAILED' in uge red letters, stamp that onto the relationships I have with the boarders. They're all okay. We do talk about pretty superficial stuff, they are nice. They took pretty good care of me when I first got here. They are all pretty funny. But then just anything other than superficial? Down goes the stamp onto the imaginary line that links me and the other girls. 


It's a big difference. Seriously. It's not that I don't know about these things, it's just that I've never witnessed/experienced it first hand or know the people directly. What 'things' am I talking about? You know. Sex (:O), drinking, andddddd. That's about it I think. I don't know. THOSE things, you know? I was so shocked at how 'exposed' these people are. And they're about the same age as I am! =( To be honest, I actually. Ok. I was chatting and when I came back I forgot what I wanted to say with that sentence. Moving on then. There was this one time I was chatting with one of the boarders on a Friday. I asked her what her plans were and she said she was so angry. She explained that it was because Mrs Kennedy (our boarding supervisor) didn't allow to spend the weekend away. I asked her why and where was she going. She said she was going to stay overnight in her boyfriend's farm (country side too). I was like. Ermmmmm wellll. In my mind I was like 'obviouslllllyyyyyy she'll say no' but I just said something like 'what? Why wouldn't she let you?'. I'm so amused. 


Anyway. I'm really a sore thumb here. Seriously. Half the time I'm not even being myself. Honestly speaking, I'm actually a real geek (hah as if you don't know that already). As in, I could say my favourite subject was Maths. Shocker! Haha. But then when I came here I had to (well.. not had to. I was like) 'oh I have Methods next. Ugh.' or something like that for every maths and sci class when in actual fact those are the classes I most enjoy. I would so rather go for a whole day of logical maths and science classes (well.. maybe not a whole day) than Eng and Lit. Half the time I had to conceal myself and act like I hate maths and science, that I dread it, and that I don't study when I actually do. Oh well. It's gotten better now. They sort of know that I'm smart in a way and yadda yadda. The whole boarding is not maths and science. They're all doing the 'white subjects' as they call it. Like Food Tech, Phys Ed (Physical Education), History and stuff like that. That's fine. The thing is that I think it's hard to relate to them because of that. Sort of. Yea it is actually. But it's not too bad (and please don't think I'm saying those aren't good subjects. Just talking about not being able to relate and stuff). 


Awkward part coming up! You know I was so.. embarrassed about what I believed to be true. You know what I think is true, what is me. Like how I am so geek as to never swear, and.. drumroll, actually AM a Catholic? (Did I mention my school was Catholic?). So we have to go to mass every Sunday together. Ok. Things like praying before meals and actually meaning it, and going to mass, it's all different here. I was so totally worried before. Me? I actually want to go to mass every week. I actually listen to the readings and the priest's sermon. I actually kneel and pray and mean the words in my heart. I was really so worried about mass before. I was so worried so worried. I was wondering how I would be able to look like I don't care but still listen and stuff like that. And of course there was the thought running through my head amongst all this. The thought that goes something like 'You shouldn't be ashamed of those kind of things. You should be proud..' and stuff like that. It was really worrying for me. I did not want to stand out more than I already did. But don't worry. It all ended well. It turns out I could sort of do whatever I wanted. It wasn't too bad. That's a huge relief. 


Well. I'm really tired. Gotta get up for Indo school tomorrow! Gnite world! Stay safe! =)

Where Do I Start?

There're so many things that have happened. And I owe it all to myself that I am so lost and don't even know where to begin. I have thousands of meaningless, foolish rants to share, news that will be entirely new to you, anddddd basically just nothing that comes to anything. =) 


I guess I shall start with where I am now. As you might have found out from the previous post, I am in a boarding house now, in a totally different school. (You must understand that at this very moment that I'm talking, I'm not feeling very content. Shall explain more about this feeling that is NOT love.) So yes, I have transferred school and it's now my third week. So far so good I guess. There are a lot of small differences (ok. Wait. Maybe not THAT small) that I don't really like. I don't know. I'm more of a laid-back kind of girl (a hippy, I told my mum) who doesn't like too many rules binding her down. I guess. I'm not too sure about it. It depends really. I'm too lazy to analyse the full picture. THE POINT IS, I'm now going to a private school. So yes, I'm dressed everyday in this drab uniform which is GREY, the most boring colour when it's by itself, and wearing a blazer. Pfftt I don't even want to mention the tunic. Tunic they call it, when it's a pinafore. Yes. The pinafore that most schools use back home. And it's GREY! Well, to be honest, it actually doesn't look THAT bad, the idea is worst. 


Ok. Pedantic. That's a pretty new word to me, and it definitely applies to the school. I just dislike how most teachers conform to the school rules (it's good in a way I guesssssss ngeh). Like in my old school, when a student was late, it was up to the teacher whether she would need a late pass or not. A late pass. It's pretty much just a paper saying you're late. It doesn't serve any other purpose whatsoever. Back home, being late would mean a demerit or something, but here it just means being even later because you have to GOOOO and get the late pass. In my old some teachers wouldn't ask you to get a late pass, it depends. But so far, ALL the teachers ask you to get a late pass in this school. But it actually does serve a purpose. It is actually recorded down and shows up in your transcript the number of time you've been late. Still. It's pretty annoying. (I know I know. I'm just this foolish girl. It's GOOD that the teachers abide by the rules and everything. Doesn't mean I like it. Ngehhh). 


The boarding house is actually not on campus. So that means I tram down to school every morning. It's pretty inconvenient. And the distance is just a little too far to walk. But it's not so bad I guess. I live in a suburb called Camberwell. It's a pretty nice suburb I guess. It has Borders, so I'm happy. But I don't really have time to go down to the shops or anything (pfft as if I have company to go with). I've only been down once. 


OK MOVING ON. As mentioned in a post before, I have to do 6 subjects in school. I have got to admit, it's not that easy. Means that I'm doing 7 subjects including Indonesian outside of school. I really, really dislike not having any frees to do my work. It's really, really, stressful/annoying/upsetting/STRESSFUL. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I used to use all my frees to do my homework or do some studying or something. But now I don't have that time I feel so overwhelmed like there's this humongous tidal wave growing higher and higher above my head and it's going to crash down on me soon. It's THAT stressful to me. And my fall-back subject, Literature, is ironically the one giving me the most stress. Seriously? I have Outcomes (like big tests or fake SACs, which are important tests for Yr 12 subjects that go into your average) for Literature lined up. I just had one today and I'm going to have one a week or so later. ARGHHHHH!!!!! It's SO ANNOYING. Ok. Why did I choose Lit as this fall-back subject (ARGHHHHHHHHH)? Well. I was thinking of doing like Food Technology (Home Economics, but just cooking) or something like that, but I thought that it would be a pretty good opportunity to expaannnndddd my knowledge and learn about the classic books and stuff. We're doing The Great Gatsby now which is pretty good, except for the fact that I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE BOOK (and I had a fake SAC today hah) (and that I also have Julius Caesar to read for English). I also don't like the fact that this Lit teacher, Mr. Rooney, is so... not literature. It's so English. But I have a suspicion that I'm prejudiced because I loved Ms. Touvoli's classes from my old school. He is going to make us do oral stuff which is English. And I don't know, it just doesn't really seem like a Lit class. It's just basically English. Like today out fake SAC was a creative response which I don't think you do in Lit. Oh wellllllllll..... I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm broadening my amazingly narrow scope of knowledge. Sniff. 


Anyway, it's 11pm. I'm going to bed. Shocker huh? When did 11pm stop me? Haha. It's another story, for another day (How I Met Your Mother reference!!!!!!!!). Gnite world! 


Reminder: THE feeling empty, people in boarding, lost, books movies list, prefect, piano, food, youngest, refined! 


Note on refined: IN YOUR FACE!!!!!