Cancer: My experience.

11.35pm 19/11/10


Ok. I kind of like Indo school, but not really. As you know, I'm taking Indonesian as a second language because it's similar to Malay, and I actually like my home country (it's still home). So yea. We take lessons on Saturdays for like.. 3 hours, from 9 to 12.15 with recess included. The thing I like about Indo school is that I've met more people and they're pretty cool. Well, I don't have that clicked connection with anyone of them in my class. But oh well, you have to be super lucky to get that right? So anyway. There are a few people that have made Indo school a life-changing experience. Well, not really. But one thing leads to another no? :) 


So there's Adhy who's in my class. But he's not THAT important (haha.. he's alright..). Then there's his sister in Yr 12, Melina, and her friends, Anisa and Zoraya who are sisters. (they're in the kiddies class thought they are like Yr 11 or something because they can't understand Indo). They are all Indonesians which is really cool I think. :) Anyway. I met Melina and another girl, Marini when I was in the Yr 12 class for a while. Yea. I wanted to do 3,4 Indo this year, but NOOOOOO we couldn't in the end. But regardless, I'm SO GRATEFUL that I actually got one or two lessons in the Yr 12 class because I got to meet Melina. (Btw, Anisa and Zoraya are like Mel's family friends, and they always ditch Sat school. I don't blame them..). 


So anyway. There was this month, not so long ago, when Melina started complaining a lot about being tired and sick and things like that. Her back was acting up and so was hay fever and things like that. And then there was this one day when Anisa and Zoraya weren't there (or like they were doing a test in class or something) and Mel was telling me about her work and how her boss was really annoying, asking her to carry stuff that she didn't want to carry. And then she said: '.. Cuz you know I have cancer right?'. S.H.O.C.K. NO! Haha. Yea it was pretty full on. But being me, kind of slow and kind of blur, I kept my cool. She was in remission. She was just saying how she couldn't carry heavy stuff and couldn't work too hard because she has like machines in her brain that keep her blood flowing and things like that, and she's pretty weak. So anyway. That was scary. Then a few weeks after that, she didn't come to Indo school which was a shock because she NEVER ditches. 


Then a few days after, I saw on Adhy's Facebook status, asking for mercy from their god (they're all Muslims yea) and saying that his sister's cancer came back. When I saw that, I tell you, I was completely overwhelmed. I know it's kind of uncalled for, because it's not like she's my lifelong friend or something. I also am not sure what exactly came over me. But she's actually one of the sweetest person I've met. She has her own lingo that she uses. I love the way she calls Saturday 'Sat-day' and things like that. She's also really nice and stuff. So yea, when I found out, I just started crying. What was I feeling? I guess I was feeling the unfairness (is there such a word?) of the world, times a hundred. Just.. angry and helpless I guess? I called my mum and told her and everything. The worst thing, I felt, is really the helplessness. All you can do is pray and hope for the best. 


Anyway, I remember that that was just before holidays. Before I went back to Malaysia for two weeks. That was September I think. So I couldn't go and visit her in the hospital for that time. She had leukaemia. Blood cancer. Oh gosh. She had it before and got better. I don't remember when. Gotta clarify that with her. Anyway. At that time they were on a holiday in Indonesia and it happened. Then when it got worse, she flew back to Australia and apparently she was in very bad, critical condition or something. She was lucky that her dad called his company thingo and immediately flew her back and stuff. Anyway. It was tough then she said. She had chemo and everything and the chemo (naturally) affected her really badly, especially on her limbs. She couldn't move her fingers properly and couldn't walk. They were just limp. And apparently she was in a wheelchair after that, and could only walk properly after THREE years. Three years. Imagine how long that is. It's so sad. 


But I really look up to her. Seriously. She's so strong it's amazing. On her Facebook box thingo, the one where you describe yourself, she says something sort of like if she could do it once, she could do it again but now she's more prepared. She knows what she has to do so that the chemo won't affect her that badly this time. She knows what she can or can't do. And she's been doing pretty well. I've been to visit her a few times. Can you see my squinty Asian eyes? It's been open SO MUCH it's probably bigger than yours now (GASP!).


11.04pm 20/11/10


Can I just say that it's almost 2011!!! How weird would that be? Gosh, time is traveling so quickly. I'm going to be the reminiscent old woman soon. Haha. So anyway. Back to the topic. 


Ok. So she had cancer first in 2006 if I'm not mistaken. Around that time she, together with her family, was back in Indonesia for about a year or so. It was like for a break from Australia or something, I'm not sure. So there, she got really sick and stuff and she was actually diagnosed with lupus. She said that she's thankful that they misdiagnosed her because if not, she would've gotten treatment in Indonesia and she didn't want that. She was in a really critical condition at that time, and with her dad's help who called his company and arranged things and stuff, she got flown back to Aus as soon as possible. At that time, there were LOADS of problems. She kept getting infections and things like that. She had problems with her limbs. Oh and she had to take a bone marrow test in Indo. (yes, THE bone marrow test that you always see on TV with the huge needles and everything). And in Indo, she had to be awake for it and she said it felt like a drill. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine that type of pain. But here in Aus, she gets sedated, thank goodness. She got a lot of fevers the first time she had cancer, and it was all just horrible. Oh apparently she had hallucinations too due to the side effects of the medicines she was taking. She saw the stuff from the horror movies she watched come to life, and all sorts of things. She said that she has vowed to never watch horror movies ever. I don't blame her. If Ju-On came to life in my head, I seriously would not know what to do. She also had to get this machine thingo to be put into her brain to keep some tube stuff open. All really scary.


So this second time, she said that it's much smoother than before. But she lost her hair in like the first 3 weeks. As in ALL of her hair. She said it took like a couple of months the first time. That's pretty scary. Yes, I was taken aback when I first saw her bald. It was scary. But she still looked like her. :) Anyway. She had problems with her digestion and her blood sugar and stuff. And because of her meds, she was really hungry and kept eating and eating. And her pancreas and stuff couldn't take it so it didn't digest properly. And she became fully bloated, like a pregnant woman, she said. And the doctors had to put her on a diet. I'm not kidding. A diet. As in she could not eat for TWO days. Nothing at all. And just very little water. They had to make the food go down first. It was all because she couldn't excrete it as well. So anyway. Now she's on a low-fat low-sugar diet. Before, her blood sugar was SOARING high, she was (or is, I think) temporarily diabetic. She had to check her blood sugar level before all meals a few weeks back. But now she's getting it back slowly, which is really good. 


It's not all been smooth sailing though. She's not perfect. When I was back in Malaysia, Marini went to see her after Indo school one day. And that time she was in a really, really bad mood. I feel so sad for her mum who has to be uber patient and caring, and also really strong to have to see Mel suffer like that. But anyway. Mel was really hungry that day, but she couldn't eat. And the food that the nutritionist gave her wasn't nice. The medicine makes Mel's taste buds weird, so some stuff just tastes bad to her. Anyway, she was like really grumpy and didn't want to eat what they gave her, but she was really hungry. And she was complaining and everything and gosh. Marini said that it was so sad. It is. :(


Anyway. She's been out of hospital for a while now. Not in remission, just being able to stay at home. I just spent a whole day just chilling at her house with Marini. It was funnnn!! :D :D I bought lunch for me and Mel both (just noodle soup, with fish ball and nothing deep fried). And Marini bought Mee Rebus. And we trained to her house and just chilled there. It was fun. We talked about loads of stuff, like rapists and stalkers. Our 'scariest moments in our lives' and Mel talked a bit about her cancer stuff. And also about Indo school stuff, school stuff. Just general things. It was fun. And we went out for a walk in the path way thing (she lives in a unit) leading to the main road. The weather was awesome. It was warm and sunny and we took some photos. :) Then we had some ice cream!!! Yayyyy!! The doctor asked Mel to break into a normal diet reallllyyy slowly and he suggested to start with ice cream. And for dinner, we went down the road to get pizza! It was exciting because it was Mel's first time actually walking to a place! She had her crutches and everything of course, but it was fun I thought. We bought BBQ Sauce Chicken Pizza. It was yummy!!! :) Which reminds me, I bought a piece of baklava. Had a bite of it, it's not yummy. But oh well. Will eat it tomorrow. So yea, we took away pizza and went back to her house. Chatted more and chilled. Marini had to go at about 6.30pm or something like that. And I left soon after. :) 


It was a tiring day, and I was uber paranoid walking back to the boardo because it was dark (9pm! It takes an hour to get back by train). Sent silent prayers to God. :) I'm glad I'm safe. 


So yea. Melina has changed my life. It's so amazing though, kind of unbelievable. She had to have fat and blood intravenously dripped into her system because she was so weak and things like that. And also she can't sit on the floor because she won't have the energy to get back up. It's all these little things you know. It makes you realise how better off you are. All the small tiny things that you don't realise. How you have the energy to run to catch an elevator, a train or something. How you have the energy to jump the last couple of stairs. How you can walk in the drizzling rain or sweat in the heat without risk of getting a major infection. It's really, really amazing. And also, every time I feel tired, I stop myself and say, Mel is more tired than I am. When ever I feel the pain from a cut or a bruise, I stop myself and say, Mel is in more pain than I am. And I think that we should all be just a little bit more aware of things like these. It's just like how they say to think of the hungry children out there. It's the same thing. Just that this is more close to home.


Of course, you always have to live life. She was telling me just now about a best friend who broke off with her all of a sudden and just didn't talk to her anymore, didn't even greet her in school anymore. And she told me how when one of her close friends told the girl that Mel was sick, she was crying and crying and saying sorry over and over again. So you just gotta live everyday like the way you want it to be. 


This is my motto (I'm serious. I think it's awesome ;D): that we have to live life with no regrets. Seriously. We create our own history, we make our own difference. Which means that what ever we do, whatever we decide, and most of all, whatever we don't do, it's our life. And whether we are able to look back on it down the road and be proud of that moment is up to ourselves. So yea. :) No Regrets. :)


That's why it's a life-changing experience for me. And you know what the best part about it is? It's that it gave birth to our relationship. We were ok friends before, but I would never have thought that if would come to this close relationship. It's really comforting for me, the friendship I have with her. This would have never happened if she didn't get sick. It's awesome because I never really believed that friendship could last if you don't see each other everyday. Well, not seeing each other everyday doesn't really matter, but if you really don't talk to each other and things like that, then the friendship won't last. It might, it'll just be really hard (goshhhhhh how optimistic am I?). So the most outstanding thing is that I don't go to her school, and she lives ages away from me, but we're still pretty close friends. 


And you know what? I absolutely CAN'T WAIT for her to get better. Then we can go on Asian outings and have movie marathons and eat lots of yummy Asian food together. :D :D 


Stay strong Melina! :) We love you very much!!!