Meant To Be.

I'm happy!! :D Yet sad cuz funerals are going on and such. Sigh. But anyway. It's just. I feel so. Happy oh! Like how I feel every time I meet with one of the girls (Steph/Pei/Tur) or like anyone else and we have a great great catch up session and a great lol session and I drive away feeling so elated and blessed. Sigh. It's just because I've had these two great days. 

So it started off yesterday with volleyball. It was just so FUN! I wasn't amazing, could've moved faster and stuff but then I think I improved since last time. We were in evenly-matched teams and it was just a great game. Back and forth. Apparently someone messed up on the UCC volleyball FB page and said that there was no training. So it was just 12 of us. :D So we didn't do any of the drills, just played. And I was so competitive and so unfeminine. Haha. Like how I am when I watch badminton or football or any sport. I'm not really competitive, just hyper and exuberant and I'll be very vocal about my triumphs and frustrations. Hahaha. If anyone has seen me watch sports, ohgosh, they'll see a whole side of me they wouldn't have known existed. Embarrassing if my future bf (oh, please exist!) saw that side of me on the first date. HAHA. HAWKWARDSSSSS. 

And thennnnnnnn. It was the charity dinner. Where I had so much fun. Where I did throw my head back and laugh OUT LOUD (oh I'm shooooo ladylaaaiiikkeeee giggles). All the teasing and the jokes going back and forth and the laughter and the eating and everything! It just felt like. Wow. If this is the kind of people that surrounded me throughout my uni life, I would be. So contented man. I would feel. Happy. Just how everyone interacted with everyone else, I really haven't smiled so much just listening to other people's conversations going on. Felt like home, where the guys and the girls mix around and tease each other. Haha. I know, I'm repeating myself and going on and on about the same thing. But I'm just really glad I went to that dinner. Thank God! And I pray that there are lots lots more to come! Really! Please God! Let me get to know them better! Let there be more gatherings! And I know this sounds so like "oh why don't you just go back to Malaysia then", but let me speak Chinese and punch guys and etc. 

And then today. Church was great! It was the same older priest that was holding the service the first time I went to the Honan (the church on campus). So I was pretty excited! His sermon was really good oh! And yes, I'm gonna talk about it here. Here goes~~! (haha squiggles are seal). The gospel reading was about the wedding in Cana. How Jesus was just a guest, and the couple became husband and wife and there was wine being served to all the guests. Then the wine ran out. The couple was like oh no there's no wine left. And the mother of Jesus, if I remember correctly, ask Jesus to do something about it. etc etc Jesus asked the servants to fill the jugs with water, and when one of the servants or someone tasted the water, it was the finest wine or something like that. (I'm no bible expert, don't judge if I got facts wrong!). 

So anywayyyyyy. The priest, (I call him the Jedi cuz he has this long grey beard and during orientation, when the Chaplaincy (church ppl) were giving their talk about the services they have, they introduced him as the Jedi), addressed that reading. 

He said that. Today our water is diluted. It is diluted with selfishness, greed, laziness and all of that stuff. But no matter how dilute it is, Jesus is able to turn that water into wine. :D In the gospel, Jesus wasn't high and mighty. He was merely a guest in the wedding of His neighbour/friends. So we have to remember that Jesus is always happy to just be a guest in our lives. We should always invite Him in. Let Him be a guest. :D The priest went on to say that. Sometimes, when we feel our worthlessness, when we feel undeserving or unworthy of God's love, we should always remember that we are not worthless, that we are exactly where God wants us to be, that for everyone one of us, He has a specific plan. :D He also said that. We should not think of our shortcomings, our sins, our selfishness etc with grief and despair, but with the recognition that God is big enough to forgive us and bless us with His grace, with the recognition that God will accept us and love us even with all our faults. 

This sermon really spoke to me lo. As I have or may not have mentioned before, I'm kinda having an identity crisis hahaha. I'm kinda battling with myself. About my actions and whether it's right or wrong. And this could lead into a whole crazy debate about philosophical ethics, about whether the consequence is what determines whether the action is right or wrong, or regardless of the consequence (even if nothing bad happened), whether the action is in itself right or wrong. HAHA MAN, I sound smart. Haha the lecturer mentioned this in our Ethics and Law lecture introduction. About the crazy partying, drinking and clubbing. Sigh sigh sigh faceeeeeeeeee. I always feel really undeserving because these actions are nothing to be proud of, etc etc etc la. Just felt that it's wrong to numb your senses with alcohol to "have fun". And to go out, deprive yourself of sleep, just to be felt up by despo drunk dudes and be pushed around a super packed dance floor and to kill your feet by wearing high heels. What's the point? you know?!!?!?!! 

So yea. So I guess the part about feeling worthless, how I'm being so lame and BLEH, really spoke to me. That God really made us who we are. That He knows what we're going through. This is some part of His plan. That even if we fail, He still loves us. I did a super-mini-tear-up (not unusual) in church when I heard this sermon. Cuz it was wow, for me. So maybe I'm not perfect. I make stupid decisions cuz of pride and cuz of peer pressure and cuz I don't wanna be left out and cuz I hate being alone etc etc etc. But God still accepts me. My thoughts are kinda jumbled up so yea. This is all I can come up with. Oh ya, you know, when you leave some great event where you had loads of fun and just had a great time and you feel so blessed, like the gathering I had last night? You get this happy feeling and the photos you took, you'll be like, man, that was great, so proud I was a part of it. !Blessed!. Like how I felt about Germany (the snow, not the pub crawl zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and the trip around England after. For the nights out with my flatmates, after drinking and clubbing. I never get that feeling and I just feel so crap the next day. Guilty, depressed, identity crisis etc etc. Unless I get Chipsy Kings garlic mayo chips which are AMAZING then I'll be totally YAY. But yea. Just wanna make the point that, the feeling you get is different. Thoughts still jumbled. MOVING ON NOW. 

Then after church. (yes, there's more to the story!) Went to the city with Paul (4th year dent) and Sam. Went to Uncle Pete's for yumz pizza! Then went grocery shopping (Sam went home) and then met Paul again for O' Conail's Chocolate. Had hot chocolate and brownies, and Narina met up with us too! It was a nice nice chat over drinks. It was a great day. And when I got home, skyped Jason. Talked talked and watched how his mouth goes into an O shape when he concentrates on his geeky game HAHA. And then I was just feeling oh so blessed and happy. Like. REALLY happy. And I wish this feeling could last forever! 

And now, I just pray that God, may You have mercy, bless me with people and gatherings and food and great company to share it with, and etc etc so much more!, that I may always feel that I'm meant to be here in UCC, in Ireland so far away from home, that I will be happy. 

21/1/13 Mon 00:45