Quitter.

I'm so sleepy. Eyes are aching in my eye sockets. Haha. Maybe cuz I watched Grey's Anatomy and OMGGGGGGGGGGG so sad how could they do that eeeeeeee next episode next week aahhhhh nooo!!!! 

So anyway. Two points. Number one. I got the results for the spot exam for my topographical anatomy module. It's only worth 5% for the whole thing. I got like 64% of that 5%. It's pretty depressing cuz there's only like 9 other ppl out of 45 or so that did worse than me. BUTTTTTTT. OH WELLLLLLLLL. I really wanna do like amazingly well this year so I can hopefully apply for a scholarship somewhere. That requires studying tho, which I haven't done much of. :/ ::awkward silence:: 

Number two! I was doing a survey just now just because I was bored or something. Or maybe cuz if you do the survey you have a chance to win some prize. Hah, I don't even know what the prize is. But I did it anyway. It was just about how undergrads are finding their time in UCC so far. And there was a question about how motivated I am about my studies and how am I enjoying UCC so far etc. Strongly agree, agree, neither, disagree or strongly disagree? I think I chose neither? Can't really remember. But anyway. I'm just worried. Am I completely happy here? Mmmmmmmm maybe not. The activities I do, the friends I have. *shrugs shoulders, pout out bottom lip, raise eyebrows, tilt head to one side, hold pose for a while*. Hahaha. Am I happy I got a place in UCC? Yes. I deserve it, I worked so hard for it. Whether I appreciate it or not, that's a different thing. I'm just really scared. I've been scared for a while now. I'm scared that I'll pack up and leave because of the "am I completely happy here" thing. It's not like I haven't done it before. TTSS to Box Hill to Genazzano back to TTSS. I'm a quitter, that's what I am. That's why every time someone gives me a pat on the back saying I did so great in the Leaving Cert in such a short time, when I think of how I pushed myself so hard, I hold on to that feeling because UCC is the reward I got for that effort. And I deserve it. I do. So many want this opportunity but don't get it. Butttttt. I'm a quitter. I'm floating. I don't know. *shrugs shoulders, pout out bottom lip, raise eyebrows, tilt head to one side, hold pose for a while*

On a totally unrelated note, BIRTHDAY TREPIDATION. I would really like to thank the people who celebrated my birthday for me last year. The ones who planned stuff, bought me stuff, brought me places. The ones who cared enough to do something about my birthday. I really do appreciate it. :D I don't know how I'm gonna let go of my teens and become 20. The things I say, the thoughts I think, the actions I do and the attention I pay. I'm like a kid. I don't know how to be 20, how to be mature! Ugh. And is it silly to say that I'm not looking forward to my birthday because I'm scared it'll go by unnoticed? I've always felt this way. But oh well. I've decided to throw all the worries etc into the ice cold wind and just, let it be. Every little thing is gonna be alright. :D 

I had baked salmon today. (Asked Louis, Ray's housemate, how he cooked it last time when I was there in Eastbourne for NYE dinner). It was really yummy. ^_^ 

19/1/13 Sat 01:45