At The Very Edge!!!

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited to tell you all this story that spans through 3 days and 2 nights. Because it was AWESOME!!!!! 


I WENT TO KUDAT! 


Haha. More specifically, I went to The Tip Of Borneo. Apparently it's a very famous attraction. But I've been wanting to go for quite some time already. It's just the thought of me looking at the sea, not just ANY sea, but the sea that meets the edge of SABAH. I was so desperate to go. 


When holidays arrived in November, I kept telling everyone to bring me to Kudat. I told Jason, I told Steph, I told Moses. I kept asking them to bring me there cuz there was no way I would drive there. Ok. Backstory (HIMYM REFERENCE!): I met Moses, Eugene and Joseph some time ago at Jessie's house when all of us were having dinner there. But I only got to really know them these past few weeks. It all started with the time with Jessie after they played badminton (check previous post!). :D Then after that, Moses kept asking me for yam cha, but I was always busy/lazy. Then there was once after Jessie flew to KL for her vacation with her family that I went yam cha with them at 11+ cuz I just got home or something. It was then that I asked them to bring me to Kudat again. I think I asked Moses to bring me there before via Whatsapp. So I kept telling them that I was serious. Then subsequent yam cha's included them saying that they wanted to sleepover there in Kudat, make it an overnight trip. I was a lil squeamish about that because I knew that my parents letting me go to Kudat with friends is already a long shot, due to the fact that we had to drive there and stuff. But staying over in Kudat would make my chances slimmer because my mum doesn't even know who they are. So then they got serious, and they confirmed the trip the day before, and didn't even give me details and stuff so I didn't dare tell my mum. The day before we left, we went yam cha with Jessie and they told me it was 100% on and when I got back, I had to kinda beg my mum to let me go, cuz she actually said no. It took a longggg time and even some tears and pleading. The thought of me not being able to go was horrifying because: I was the reason for the trip, Eugene took a BUS down from Keningau for the trip, I REALLY WANTED TO GO. But she wasn't so keen at the thought of someone young driving me so far. And I actually said that Jessie was going, cuz well, I would've been the only girl and I don't think she would've allowed. She mightttttt have, if she knew who they were. She kept telling me off for getting permission so last minute and everything. 


I actually told her what I knew to be true for a very long time. I said (haha ugh) 'you know, I always tell you where I go, I never lie. (I KNOW. IRONIC!!! But still kinda true) How easily would it be for me to just tell you I'm sleeping over at a friend's house and go off to Kudat. So many people I know always lie to their parents about where they're going. But I never do that.' etc etc something like that. It is really true. They've never been too strict about me going out with friends, and I truly appreciate that, that's why I'm always honest about where I'm going and things like that. I know, so ironic. A small lie is still a lie. And gosh, after I got permission, I was sooooooo paranoid oh. Lying in my bed, I was soooo worried. I kept thinking about the possibilities, of me getting into a car accident and like in the movies, they show the distraught family saying 'I shouldn't have let her go!' kinda thing. And I kept praying and praying and praying, and I confessed that I lied and broke commandment number 4 and asked for forgiveness and prayed for safety etc. I spent ages just praying and hoping nothing will go wrong. 


The next day, 28/12/11, woke up early for Kristy's bday surprise. Got Steph to pick me up and we went to her house and did the surprise. It was really successful. After all the unsuccessful ones, it was great. Kiki's surprise was -.- cuz her brother left his phone downstairs, so Kiki was the one who opened the gate for us. -_____- Then Steph's one was funny cuz we were late. And her dad said she was upstairs, so all of us were making our way to the downstairs bathroom and wait for her there, then her mum said she was in there getting her uniform, and after a dumbfounded pause, we all scrambled and stumbled and ran to the stairway. But we were too late, and Steph opened the door to see all of us there. Haha. So Kristy's one was great. :D After that, we went to have breakfast and the guys picked me up from wherever I was. Haha. Eugene told me they were actually just going to Karambrunei. And the thing is, I NEvER KNOW WHETHER THE THINGS THEY ARE SAYING ARE TRUE OR NOT!!!! So I just kinda nodded. Then we passed Karambrunei and I knew we were going to Kudat. I was so excited!!!!!!!! ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!! 


I love road trips! We stopped at the first row of road-side stalls and bought corn. It was so funny, cuz that's when we started taking photos. And it's just so weird, cuz normally the guys I hang out with never wanna take photos, but they were always so eager. (Well, Moses only actually). They kept asking me to take photos of them, of the food etc. etc. -.- FUN! Ok.. thennnnn we drive and drive and go for toilet stops and the back wheel got stuck in mud. (What's that called? When you accelerate but the wheel just spins in the mud without going forward?) And finallyyyyy we ARRIVE at KUDAT! We actually passed the turning for The Tip of Borneo on the way to Kudat. We were going to go there, but decided to check into the hotel first. (Tip Of Borneo is like 30 mins from the town of Kudat). So in the end we checked into the Upperdeck Hotel. RM100 per night for two queen beds!!! :OOOOO WITHOUT TAX!!!! I was pretty mind blown. And the bottles of water they provided were complimentary. So it was really good. Clean (sheets smelled like laundry soap), hot water, reasonable bathroom. Really good. Just the bathroom slippers they gave were super slippery when the floor is wet. Haha. Eugene almost fell on his face once. 


Oh ya. I had TARAP for the first time there in that hotel!! We bought it together with the corn. It was... interestingggg. But I didn't reallllyy like it. It was not that bad I guess, just the texture was a lil weird. But oh yea!!! FIRST TIME!!! :D :D Then after that, we went to grab some food at this Chinese shop recommended by the Chinese receptionist downstairs. Pretty cool you know. I've neverrrr met anyone who was able to converse so naturally with strangers. I'm talking about Moses. He chatted to the receptionist, and the Chinese aunty who was managing the shop we went to, ppl who helped us take photos etc. COOLIO!! Haha. So we had fish cake soup at the shop. 'Chun juan', it's called. YUMMY!! :D THEN we went down to the Tip of Borneo!!! It was surprisingly a longgg drive there, and the road was in pretty bad shape. And finally when we got on the second last stretch of straight road, when you can finally see the blue of the sea, I wound down my window and wanted to shout out my excitement. I. WAS. SO. EXCITED. The guys kept saying that they were helping me fulfill my dream, and in a sense, I guess standing at the TIP OF BORNEO was really one of my small small dreams. So the last last stretch of road was by the sea. It was soooo pretty! The sea was super calm yo!!!! Then we parked the car and WALKED WALKED WALKED down hill then up hill to THE. TIP. OF. BORNEO!!!!!!! WOWOWOWOWOWWWW!!! 


WOW. 


We reached the famous structure of the globe, and took photos. Then walked down the steps to the border. Just a sign that says 'do not go past this border'. It was so pretty. I was at the tip of Borneo!!! It was pretty surreal, to be honest!!! WHEEEE! Took awesome photos! Standing on the railings and stuff, the four of us. Hahaha. The sea is justtttt soooo beautiful!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 Love it to the max. LOVE SABAH! I just kept picturing the map of Sabah, and imagining a dot that represents me, righttttt at the edge of Sabah. On one of the dog ears. Haha. Then we headed back to the hotel. It was pretty overcast so we didn't think we would've gotten a good sunset. But on the way back, the sky started clearing up and it looked like the sunset would be good. But we were already halfway, so we just headed back to the hotel, with the sun setting behind us. Haha. 


We headed back to the hotel and each of us took turns to shower. Then the receptionist pointed us to a small seafood restaurant for dinner. It was pretty interesting. The shops were tiny! And we were going to this one that had more people, but we didn't really wanna wait for a table, so we went to the next shop, Kudat Seafood Restaurant or something. It only had like 7 tables or so. It was really small. But it was SO GOOD and SO CHEAP. The butter prawns were sooooooo yummmyyyy. Had battered sotong which was good too, and vegetables and stuff. I had another plate of rice. :O I WAS REALLY HUNGRY OK! They were all saying that I ate so much. -.- Moses was really getting along with the shopkeeper. And the bill was RM58!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO. CHEAP! Like jaw-droppingly cheap man!!! Who pays that little for a seafood meal???? Oh ya, when we were sitting at the restaurant waiting for our food, I needed to pee. I checked out the bathroom but I didn't wanna go cuz it was disgusting. YUCK. So I sat there, holding my pee. And when I couldn't hold it any longer, Joseph actually sent me back to the hotel to pee. HAHAHA. Granted, the hotel was prob like 2 mins away, but still. THEY'RE SO KIND TO ME SOMETIMES!!! Then after that we drove around town, stopped to yum cha and just sat there and chatted. Kinda scary cuz everyone kept looking at us. At me I guess. Cuz I dunno. SO WEIRD. I was so uncomfortable. So worried that they were like gonna smash our car cuz we parked right in front of the shop. 


Then we drove around town. Most shops were closed. And we saw AH GUAS!!!!!!!!!! :O :O I was SOO excited you know!!!! HAHAHA. I was so surprised cuz I didn't think such a small town would have any ah guas. And for some weird reason I felt that I HAD to wear a cap to cover my face to protect myself or something when we drive past them. It was so cool oh!!!! Hahaha. And then we were just driving and driving in the dark street, and the night air was cool. And I was sitting in the passenger seat at that time with Moses driving, and I stuck my hand out the window to feel the cool air. And I asked everyone to stick their hands out too!!!!! Only Eugene didn't do it. Spoiler!!! But so cool!!! Driving down the street with a hand sticking out from each window!! YEA!!! Then we went to another different shop for yum cha. Sat there and drank and chatted. Haha. Then we went back to the hotel and chatted and stuff. Found out more about each other la. Like Moses and I are both the youngest, Eugene is the middle child. And like my list for the 'ideal guy' or whatever. So funny. Then slept after saying GOODNIGHT. 


Then next day!!! Haha we actually said we'll go see the sunrise. WHAT A FAIL MAN. Haha. :D :D :D We woke up and we went for breakfast!! We went to the same chinese shop. But sadly they didn't have any food! As in no MEATBALLS. But it was ok. Apparently during the tsunami in 2004, (I THINK that was when it was) you could see sea tornados from the shore. Kinda creepy. A tornado so close, in MALAYSIA. But there were photos of the tornado on the wall of the shop. And Moses was chatting away with the shop keeper. How nice. Thennn we went back to the hotel. OMGOSH. They were talking about staying another night. I. WAS. SO. TERRIFIED. TO. ASK. MY. MUM. And I didn't want to be the only one that couldn't, then all of them would have to go home cuz of me. You know? Haha. But in the end I plucked up my courage to ask my mum after their relentless prodding. But not enough courage to do it over the phone, I did it on Whatsapp. Saying that's what they wanted, and all of them had permission. And I didn't drive there. We wanna see the sunrise etc etc. Haha. And it was A YES!!!!! Well, more like a 'do what you think is right' kind of thing. I felt so bad though. Guilty. T-T But well, it was kind of worth it. 


So we packed up and checked out. We were going to stay at the chalets at the Tip of Borneo. They wanted to have a bbq too!!! So we went to a supermarket, tried to find chicken wings, coal, and a wire mesh for the bbq. But couldn't find any. Kept asking around, and in the end found this tinyyyy shop that sold frozen chicken wings. Bought a packet of sausages too yummyyyy. And they were able to find a wire mesh at this other hardware shop too. Then we headed down to Tip of Borneo!!!!! We drove up and down, deciding which chalet to go with (there were a few different ones). WE FINALLYYYY decided on one.. I think it was RM160 a night. Two single beds. And Moses kept SAYING I'll share with Joseph. AND I HONESTLY CAN'T TELL WHEN HE'S KIDDING! -.- Mo and Eu took the chicken wings out and cleaned them. So cool oh.. never saw how it was done before. They 'massaged' the meat, and squeezed the dried/dead blood out from the vein, plucked chicken hair out. YUCK. I just stood there, watching, moral support yo! Then the guys wanted to swim in the sea. I didn't, cuz I only brought clothes for ONE NIGHT. (Means no underwear yo haha). So we were at the beach, and I dropped Eu's phone onto the sand................. I KEPT LAUGHING AND APOLOGISING. Felt so bad but please, it was hilarious! Hahaha. And then they went into the sea and I just sat at the beach, but the sandflies were VICIOUS. Seriously. They ATTACKED me. So I packed up and went to the room, wanted to shower. A while later, saw Moses asking me to go to the beach. Didn't get to shower, then I went down. And they were burying Joseph in the sand. Hahaha. IT WAS FUNNY. Took photos photos photos!!!! YAY! 


Then all of us showered. And I found out that Leong was in KUDAT!!!!!! With all the volleyball guys, they had a competition in town. Hahahaha. WHAT A SMALL WORLD! WHAT A COINCIDENCE! Seriously?!?! I found out cuz I was trying to get a charger for Moses. Eu knows Ah Siaw (the coach) quite well, so he was texting him and they agreed to meet for dinner. Sooo, we went down to the Tip of Borneo, to watch the sunset!!!!!!!!!! When we went, this tour group from China or Taiwan was there too and the tour guide was speaking in Chinese, saying that it wasn't allowed but he was gonna bring them down to the rocks where the sea met the rocks!!!!!!! I WAS ASTOUNDED! I wanted to go too!!!!!!!!!!!! I looked at Moses and Eugene and was like.. I WANNA GO! Pleaseeeeeeee! At first they said it wasn't a good idea and such. I was pleading with them. In the end Moses said he'll bring me down too, following the tour group. SUPER. DUPER. EXCITED! In the end Eu and Joseph followed suite. OMGYSOHHHHHH. It was EPIC! I can't describe the feeling I had. I was soooo euphoric, sooooooo EXUBERANT. It was truly surreal and Amaaaazing. I was on the rocks, a lil slippery in places where moss grew. I stood at the edge of the sea, at the edge of the left donkey ear of Sabah, at the Tip of BORNEO! I saw the rock pool (the hole thing filled with sea water with a rock inside it?) with my own eyes, after seeing it on brochures and on the internet forever. I stood on a rock, sun setting behind me, with my hands in the air! Photos! It was truly awesome! And the sun set. It was spectacular! Honestly.. just so so beautiful! THIS WORLD IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PLACE YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! The tide was coming in, so the tour guide was ushering everyone to climb back up, that it was no joke, very dangerous and stuff. We were gonna climb up, then I remembered that I said that I wanted to shout 'I'M STANDING AT THE EDGE OF BORNEO' while I was AT the Tip of Borneo. I was so flustered! Cuz the tour guide kept asking all of us to climb up, and I wanted to shout, but felt embarrassed. And in the end I just shouted, '我正在站在沙巴的最角头!!!!!!!!!' really loudly. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOO OUTRAGEOUS! SO SILLY! SO AWESOME! SO LIVING-LIFE-TO-THE-MAXIMUM man!!!!!!! It was sooooooooo.... once in a lifetime thing. Then we climbed back up. Watched the remaining of the sunset at the border. And it was beautiful. I could see the sun sinking below the horizon, honestly. And as the sun was disappearing, I shouted 'BYE BYEEEEEEEEE' to the setting, orange, blazing, breath-takingly beautiful sun of 29/12/11. (Kinda embarrassing, cuz there were other people there too haha). 


We then drove back into town to meet them. Found Leong. Told him that I was staying with three other guys and he was so funny! His reaction was: 你跟他们睡? with his eyebrows shot up and his lips and teeth not moving, cuz he didn't want them to see what he was saying (they gave us privacy, went outside so we could talk, but he was facing them). It was hilarious!!! And he was like 'take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!'. Andddddd I found out that Samsung and Bberry chargers were actually the same. ......... HAHAHA. Means Mo could've used my charger all this while. OPPS. We were hungry so we went ahead to dinner. AT THE SAME PLACE. SAME BUTTER PRAWNS. (Honestly, it set a new standard for butter prawns man. So going back to eat more!) So we went to town for nothing. Didn't really need the charger, and didn't eat with Ah Siaw. Haha. Then we went back to the chalet. THEN. We tried to bbq. What a fail mannn. Cuz it was pitch black on the beach, so we borrowed torch lights and everything. And Mo and Eu bent the wire mesh so it became like a table kinda thing. But we had no coal, so we were gonna use like firewood or something? Was that realistic? But anyway. It started raining, so we just gave up and trod back to the room. Fail attempt. Haha. Next door to our room were these Brunei guys and girl. And they were like.. yea. Staring at us. Hahaha. But they're so nice though!!! Friendly, and one of the guys was cute too. :P Then night time, I actually fell asleep first. But woke up from the sound of Mo's laughing or somethingggg. Then we started chatting. Joseph went out all of a sudden in the middle of us talking. And he didn't come back for ages. Kinda weirrrrd. But the three of us continued chatting. OMG epic! Moses actually helped me flick my blanket. Cuz I was somehow reminded of super distant memories where my sis used to do that all the time for me. And there'll be this awesome layer of air that cools your legs, making the blanket feel a thousand times softer. And I was like DO IT! DO ITTTT! And he actually did!!!!!! HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA. EPICNESS! I was so surprised he actuallyyyy did it. But he didn't do it right. He flicked it so hard it touched the ceiling! -.------ Hahaha. But he got it right. It was GREAT. HILARIOUS. Haha. Then the next day. We went up to the Tip of Borneo for the last time!!! Tried to take mental pictures with my mind.. tried to store the beautiful scenery in my memory where I'll neverrr forget it. Was so sad we had to leave!!!!! Then we went back to Kudat to fill petrol. And I said bye bye to the town as we were leaving it. 


We went to the the bee farm next. Funny thing, there were no bees. Haha. I was hoping to get a taste of some PROPOLIS. If that's what you even call it. Honeycomb. Something like that. The honeycombs from the bees making the honey? It's sooooo yummy! I love honey! But there was literally nothing there. So we left. Then it was a long drive home. Bought corn again and such. 


Sigh sigh sigh HAPPY, CONTENTED, SIGH FACE! It was amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. Can't believe I actually got to go to the Tip of Borneo. And what a great first time as well!!!!!!! So much fun!!! :D :D :D :D 


Haha, I guess we should always look at all these small desires as dreams. Label them as dreams. Because then, fulfilling these small tiny dreams will be AMAZING. It just accentuates the fact that life is made up of small steps. And we should keep going forward step by tiny step. So in a sense, we should dominate life by checking dream by tiny dream off our list. :) Living life, like a BOSS! (Or like a sir, if you're British) Hahahahaha. 9gag much? :D Life is awesome! THANK YOU MUM AND DAD FOR LETTING ME GO! 

Regret?

I wish that I.. got an A for Chemistry. I wish that it was enough to meet the requirements of the Unis I applied to. I wish that I could make my parents proud. I wish that I had studied harder. Wistful wishes. Useless wishes. Useless regret.   

Premature Arrival.

No expectations, no heart break. 


That's what Denise said. But in my opinion, it's human nature to always hope even when you tell yourself not to. Everyone always has an expectation, some are just tucked into the super dark corners of our hearts. 


Well, tonight I went to City Mall with Tur, Micah, Dudu and Wan Rong. We went to The Cross to check out the Christmas Tube. It was good, more about that next time. Then we went to Yu Hing to have dinner. Wan Rong suddenly said that they were saying on Facebook that you could check your results already. We didn't think it was true, then suddenly I received a text from Tian that said we really could get our results online. No one at the table cared, they just continued on chatting, and I did try logging in with my UEC candidate number and IC, but I couldn't get in. I thought it was probably cuz I was using my phone and it couldn't process all the chinese words or something. So I left it. 


We then walked around City Mall, killing time, then after that we went to Lintas Yen Ai to meet Steph. Tur, Dudu and I were the first ones to arrive. When we got a table, I went to the toilet, and when I got back, Dudu and Tur had already checked their results. I just stood there, seriously stunned. My heart was in my throat, I just stood there with my mouth open. Then I pulled a chair and sat down and asked how their results were. Tur and Dudu failed Chem. They. Failed. Chem. It was such a shocking reality, that people sitting right in front of me actually failed something. Let me just tell you that in UEC, we have A1, A2, B3, B4, B5, B6, C7, C8 then F9 which is a fail. To be honest, I didn't expect Tur to fail, but the fact that she did scared me. Made me think I got a low B. Then I asked Dudu to help me check mine using his iPhone 4S (NEW PHONE!!! My Blackberry was out of batt). I thought my candidate number was 068 or 086. But they both weren't right!!!! Then Micah, Wan Rong and Steph arrived and all of a sudden everyone was in a frenzy. Micah, WanRong and I were frantically calling people, trying to find out the candidate numbers of those who sat near us, hoping we could get ours. The three of us were talking on the phone and getting phone numbers and stuff. I kept calling Kenneth, who sat two seats in front of me, but he didn't pick up!!!!!!!! Wan Rong got her results, not that bad, no fails. Her Chem was a B5 or B6, which comforted me because I gave her half of my objective answers (via SMS). Dudu helped me get a hold of Ker's number. He sat in front of me. And I called him, and he didn't know his number!!!!!! Then Micah got his and he did quite well. He didn't get any Cs I think. I was the only one left who didn't get mine!!!! Steph didn't wanna look at her. But in the end she did. She didn't fail anything, which was really good. She also got my chem answers, and she got a B too, so I was comforted. She got C8 for Physics. Scary! Then I called Leonnie, who sat beside me. She didn't have hers either!!! I was going crazy!!! We were all so loud and frantic. The waiter who was an ex-UEC student, was kinda smiling and people were noticing us cuz we were all kinda talking at the same time. WanRong sat two seats to my left, and her number was 050. So I counted and Dudu tried numbers around 062, but they were all wrong!!! Then suddenly she said that I'm supposed to be a smaller number than her. Dudu tried 042, THEN I REMEMBERED that mine was 038!!!!!! HOW CAN I FORGET A NUMBER LIKE THAT? 38!!! SUPER EASY!!! The page loaded, and Dudu said 'I got it'. 


Breath stuck in throat. I looked at it and here it is.

序号/No	科目名称/Name of Subjects	成绩/Result
01	华文 Chinese Language	---
02	马来西亚文 Bahasa Malaysia	B4
03	英文 English Language	A1
04	数学 Mathematics	---
05	高级数学 Advanced Mathematics	---
06	高级数学(Ⅰ) Advanced Mathematics(Ⅰ)	A1
07	高级数学(Ⅱ) Advanced Mathematics(Ⅱ)	A2
08	历史 History	---
09	地理 Geography	---
10	生物 Biology	B4
11	化学 Chemistry	B3
12	物理 Physics	B3

At first glance, it's not so bad right? That's what I thought. My immediate reaction was: RELIEF, not so bad; I GOT AN A FOR MATHS 2?? UNEXPECTED; dreams-for-Monash-crushed-though-they-were-kinda-crushed-before-I-got-the-results. 


By that time, the hype had kinda died down already. We were all calling up friends and stuff and telling and asking etc etc. Then Steph asked Feiven and after navigating her to the website and giving her instructions, she got her results and OH. MY. GOSH. Jaw drop. Shock. Disbelief. SHAME. That's what I felt. She got 5As. FIVE As. FIVE. Chi, BM, Eng, Bio and Maths 1. (For those of you who don't know, Feiven is my competitor in academic results. By my own standards la.. just a target that I have to keep myself motivated). Slowly, I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower. I got three, and she got five! Then I really started thinking about my chances to get As for Bio and Chem. But everyone was kinda over talking about results, so I just kept quiet about it and then I got home. I opened up my results again and really looked at it. Bio- B4, Chem- B3, Phy- B3. Kinda messed up. 


Bio was supposed to be the easiest out of the three for me. I would've expected to get better results for it than Phy!! But granted, I didn't revise before the exam. Seriously. Since it was the last paper, and those who had dropped Bio were already celebrating, I didn't revise. I watched TV. I WATCHED TV. The Bio exam, I knew that I had studied the stuff before, I just didn't remember cuz I didn't revise. So, I accept the B4, but doesn't mean I'm not disgruntled by it. Phy, B3?! Phy was my WORST subject. I gave up all the stuff on Electric and Magnet! I kinda hated the subject, but I got a BEE THREE?! And Chem. Oh GOSH. When Chin Chui Kim (our Chem teacher) was handing down our UEC mock papers, she said to me that she was expecting an A for me. She had high hopes because I did well on the mock. I kinda cheated on objective, and I felt so undeserving (still do), but seriously, I'm so ASHAMED. I'm such a let down. I seriously don't know how I can face her. She was like my favourite teacher. 


So yea. There it is. Now I'm totally clueless about where I'm headed next year, since Monash U and Melb U both require at least A2 for all maths and science subjects (got their conditional offers). Ideas and ideas and options and options are swimming and swimming in my head, round and round. I have no idea. 


But, the facts are: 


1. When we succeed in the future (success coming with hard work, of course (maybe like TRUCK-TRUCK-TRUCK-LOADS of it)), UEC results will just be another paper. I appreciate all the times us Zhongers spent in the library, studying, and moving around to get help from the smart students; I appreciate the STRESS and the STRESS and the STRESS I felt, to the point where I always imagined myself to be super exhilarated by the end of UEC that I pictured myself falling off a cliff; I appreciate the feeling that I've become smarter cuz I learned lots of weird and useless but kinda-fun-in-a-nerdy-way this year. 


2. After UEC, I said that I will miss Maths. I do. Even more so cuz I ACED it. BAM! Haha. Seriously. It was the craziest, most mind-boggling, frustrating, out-of-this-world, amazing, CRAZIEST thing I've ever learnt in my life; with the weirdest and randomest methods of solving problems; with the one A4 page working that looks like the work of geniuses when glanced at. 


3. God has a plan. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan. We might not be able to see it, but we gotta be patient and pray! I have no doubt that God has a plan after what happened with Tur last time. (I even just talked to her on the phone a while ago, just talking about results and what ppl are saying on Facebook,and how we're gonna tell our parents and such. WOAH! WHO KNEW?) Maybe God wants to teach me a lesson, or He doesn't want me to go to Monash or Melbourne U, or He's gonna bring me to a different uni, maybe a different country, maybe even a different course, or He wants me to meet with certain ppl who'll play a part in my life? You never know. No matter where I end up, what I end up studying, I'm sure I'll be there following God's plan. Just gotta pray hard! :D

DOOM!

doom  (dm)

n.

1. Inevitable destruction or ruin.

2. Fate, especially a tragic or ruinous one.

3. A decision or judgment, especially an official condemnation to a severe penalty.

TWO DAYS TO DOOMS DAY! The day I get my DREADED UEC RESULTS. Like my Methods exam results last year, I'm sure my results this year will be similar. I won't do incredibly badly, but I won't do well enough. I won't reach everyone's high expectations. Yesterday night before bed, I was lying in my bed, lights off, eyes closed, and SUDDENLY I imagined myself getting my results and only getting two As, one for English, one for Ad. Maths 1. MY EYES IMMEDIATELY FLEW OPEN and I was so so so so super worried and distressed. I whatsapped ppl and only Jason replied. It was after midnight. And I just kept ranting on and on about results and stuff. I'm worried. I'm worried. I HOPE I WON'T CRY WHEN I GET MY RESULTS. The worst is, 'I won't do well enough' means I won't be able to get into the course of the universities I applied to. That means I'll have no where to go, that means I'll be LOST. 


PLEASE, do not say that I'll do fine, that I'll be able to reach the requirements bla bla bla. Cuz highly likely I won't be able to do that. I just pray that... I don't know. That where I my results that me will be where God wants me to study. That it'll be the right place for me, it'll give me life satisfaction, it'll give me a good future job. etc. etc. etc. etc. 


TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEA.

BECAUSE OF THE TEA FROM STARFLY LAST NIGHT, (well, I'm not entirely sure if that was the cause, but oh well) I HAD THE MOST HORRIBLE DREAM ABOUT MY FAMILY AND IT BREAKING APART AND SEPARATION AND IT ALL FELT SO REAL. IT FELT SO SO SO REAL. I was crying when I woke up and when I woke up, I immediately started sobbing badly. I have dreams that make me cry, but they would involve death of something else, Something that couldn't be helped. And they were always just super sad tears falling from my eyes. But this was something that happened because of negative and bitter reasons (I'm talking about the dream). I was sooo disturbed. I immediately whatsapped Kat and told her about it and she reassured me it wasn't real. So I went back to sleep, and woke up with super swollen eyes. Now. I have super swollen eyes. And now I shall go to sleep. 


Gosh, I hate crying. I hate dreams. I pray that what I dreamed will never happen in real life. Seriously, God have mercy!

God Had A Special Purpose!

On Saturday, the day before yesterday, I had made plans to go watch an open volleyball competition at Wisma MUIS. The school team's boys had joined and I wanted to watch Leong cuz he actually got to play. 


So on that fated day, I was supposed to wake up at 7am, and Fiona will come over at 7.30am. We would go grab breakfast and go watch the match which ould be at 9am. The night before, just before bed, Denise whatsapped 'Sweet dreams' to me and I replied something along the lines of  'My dreams are never sweet. Either I dream, or I don't.' kinda thing. Haha. And BAM. That night, I kept dreaming for some reason!!! I dreamt that I was so stressed about my further education and I kept calling my agent (IDP) and talking to them about my options and stuff. SO STRESSFUL. I didn't get a lot of rest, and I kept waking up. I was kinda awake when my alarm rang at 7, but I must've turned it off and not to snooze, cuz the next time I woke up, I knew I was late. I woke at 9am man!!!! I checked my phone and sure enough, I had a few missed calls and a load of whatsapps from Fiona. I called her and she had left. She didn't wanna ring the doorbell or horn for my kakak to open the gate. I don't know why! GOSHHH. I was soo upset!! We were supposed to go shopping after the match. PLANS RUINED! I ended up going alone to watch the match, but it wasn't so bad cuz Pei was there. I was telling Fiona how upset I was and how sorry I was, and she said that it doesn't matter, cuz God has a special purpose. I just looked at that IM and was like MEH. SO SAD. 


There was another match at 6pm. Jason was supposed to go with me. But he ditched me last minute. And FOR SOME REASON, maybe because of what happened on the 10th, I asked Tur and she agreed to come with me. OOOOOOO! What a turn of events! I was kinda excited la, cuz we hadn't hung out in a while, just the two of us. So we watched the match and talked a lot. She told Pei and I about her trip to China and stuff. And I said that my kakak cooked me maggie for lunch, and that my kakak's maggie kinda sucks. Not yummy at all. Tur then said her maggie is the best. So I asked her what time she would be done with church the next day, and she said around 1pm. Then I said that I'll go over to her house and she can cook maggie for me. She was like okie!! She had to leave around 8pm to pick her mum up from the airport. 


So on a sidenote, I picked up Jason after their match, and ate dinner at Tanjung Aru (I WAS SOOOO HUNGRYYYYY!!!). And then we went back to watch SCVC's match. The matched were alright. The school team lost all of their matches, which was expected. SCVC only lost one. But I think they all played really well. They were all quite good matches to watch. Leong has lots of potential!!!! His spikes can score man!!! I think he just needs to work on his reaction in normal digging and stuff. Bla bla. MY HOTTIE (remember him?????? EX hottie btw) did very well compared to the last time I saw him play (QGDZ). But apparently he plays much better during training or something. 


SO ANYWAY. The next day, I had a craving for FRIES. I wanted to eat nice FRIES. And for some reason I thought of SUTERA HARBOUR FRIES. Haha. So I asked Tur whether she wanted to have some fries with me and she was ok with it. So I had lunch with Leong and we went to pick Tur up at around 2.30pm. It was super funny cuz I usually recognize the road Tur's house is on with a sign that says Lintas Court, BUT THE SIGN WASN'T THERE. I had a gut feeling that the turning had come up (there's about 4 or 5 turnings from the main road, one of which was the one for Tur's house), BUT THERE WAS NO SIGN! So we missed it and had to make a huge round back. And when I got the turning right, righttt at the end of the road, the LINTAS COURT SIGN WAS RIGHT THERE. Someone had moved it there for some reason. -__________- I was shouting my jovial frustration at the yellow sign, and Leong just stared at me. PFFT. ANYWHO, we got to Sutera, and Leong went swimming, and Tur and I had fries!!!! Leong's mum and sis came after that, so I didn't need to wait for him to send him back home. So Tur and I had fries, chicken wing, and a banana boat after!!! Then we walked around the harbour for a lil while, sun was shining really brightly, then we left. I asked her if she was eating at home, and she was, and so I invited myself over for dinner cuz dad wasn't gonna have dinner with me. 


After really yummy and simple dinner at her house, we watched What's Your Number on her laptop. Kinda ok. Hot guy. Haha. Then she showed me photos from her China trip. After that, we were supposed to go Yen Ai but it was closed, so we went to Star Fly at Damai. Drank milk tea, ate stuff and chatted. We caught up with one another, talked about crushes and talked about friends and just talked and talked till 11pm. 


It felt good. It felt great. It was great. 


I'm sorry if this post is a lil draggy. Not feeling too well now and I just wanna sleep. But anywho, if I hadn't woken up late on that fateful Saturday, I wouldn't have done all this hanging out with Tur. We wouldn't have gone back to the way it used to be. Last time, it only worked with her when it was the four of us. But now, it can work if it's just us two. :D 


They say that you can only appreciate the presence of something if you know what you feel like in its absence. So true. ;D

It was a good weird!

On the 10th, my class had a gathering to distribute our class tshirts and also for sharing. Before I get to the main point, I just have to say that I LOVE our class tshirt though it's nothing spectacular. It just represents my class very well: very colourful and loud, all different components coming together very well. Like NASI LEMAK (referring to the Namewee movie, Nasi Lemak 2.0). Haha. So true. Also, sharing was ok. Not monumental like our farewell for Keryn, JC and Elsa. But ok la. And pfft of COURSE I didn't say all I wanted to say. Go figure.


Anyway, my main point of this post is Tur. We kinda didn't really stay in touch. I hadn't seen her in a long time. And just throughtout he whole yar, we didn't really talk much. Only for the last few months. So totally didn't expect her to keep looking for me to chat to me about stuff that happened during the holidays. She told me about her trip to Taiwan and stuff ike that. Itwas really unexpected. It just kinda left me befuddled. It was kinda weird, but it was probably a great weird. Haha. I was pleasantlyyyy surprised yo! :D

JESSIE'S HOUSE.

Haha. These few days have been busy yet great. Nothing amazing, but it's been good. I've been going out a lot with Jessie, and naturally that includes Jason as well. Hahaha. They come as a package deal yoz! 


Ok. Jessie just finished her SPM today, congrats to her! While she was still having it, before I'd officially graduated, I've been to her house a few times at night. I was supposed to be the 'babysitter' or 'grandma' as I call it, to just make sure she studies or something. In my mind, I was supposed to just chill and do stuff on my laptop or read a book or something and not bother her at all, but that was kinda a fail. I guess it was cuz there was lotsa stuff going on with her Sports Day preparation as she's the CAPTAIN OF GREEN HOUSE 2012 (GO MARTIANS!) (their mascot is Marvin the Martian haha), and we kept talking about sports day. SORRY. But anyhow, those nights were fun. It included the night where I left her house on a Friday night, 11pm, and there was a police check, and it WAS THE ONLY TIME I didn't bring my license out. Awesumz. I left it in Steph's bag and thank goodness her house wasn't so far from Jessie's house. Before I left home for Jessie's, I went to find my wallet but it wasn't there. I was panicking cuz I thought I might have lost it in SGCC which was where Steph, Tian and I went to use the toilet before that day. It was either that or I had left it in her bag. Police checks aren't that common so I just left without my license and I sent a text to Steph asking her to check her bag for my wallet. She said she will. So I chilled at Jessie's. Then when I left, I actually looked at my phone for the time, I saw that it was Friday night, and I wondered whether there will be a police check, but I brushed it off, thinking I wasn't that unlucky. (I've encountered a police check before, when I was going to Steph's house on a Fri or Sat night 10pm+) THEN, I actually turned out to use the highway, thought better of it, and U-turned back to use the smaller road which had the police check. THEN, I actually wanted to just drop by Steph's house to see if my wallet was there (CUZ SHE DIDN'T TEXT ME BACK) and called her but she didn't pick up, so I was like NGEH. Then BAM, police check. AWESOMEEEEE. It was all pretty funny. I kept saying I'd just left a friend's house and I accidentally left it there. But the police still insisted on seeing it. So I called Sophia (Steph's sis) (THANK GOD I HAD HER NUMBER), and she checked for me and YAY my wallet was there. HUGE RELIEF. And I actually had to ask her mum to drive out to bring it to me. OMKKKK!! -.- Haha. Her mum is now like my bff. Pffttt. 


Then there was the time Jason and I went to Jessie's house while she had a House Meeting. They were discussing what games to play when they lead their future J1 students during orientation class. Jason and I were just minding our own business, playing with our phones and such, then they wanted to try the games out and asked us to join in. Super farnayyy. It was so fun. Played all the party games. There was one where everyone sat in a circle, and one person stands in the middle, holding a broomstick upright with a finger. Then that person calls out a name and releases the broomstick from hold, and the person who was called out has to SCRAMBLE to grab it before it hits the ground. Hilarious. That was super fun. Then I got to 3-point-turn Alex's Ninja King. ^____^ 


Then there was the time, oh wait that was last Friday, I brought Jessie to watch Breaking Dawn and Jason came along. We went to Party Play to eat supper after. I always said they should have live music, and now they do. It's a nice place to go to. :D 


Then, the day before yesterday I was chilling at home, watching HIMYM, and Jessie called to ask if I wanted to eat stuff with Moses, they just finished playing badminton. Then I went and it was 'OH SO AWKWARD' when I saw here were other ppl there!!!!!! *GASPPP* But it was really enjoyable, yet somehow just.. I dunno. The stuff Moses always says makes me blush OHHHH. Zzz. When he keeps setting me up with the other guys he brings. ZZZZ. ALWAYS HAPPENS. Actually it's not just Moses, it's also JESSIE and whoever is in their gang. -.- (yes Jessie, I know you'll read this!!!!!). Haha but it is enjoyable but GAH!!!! 


Then on Wed, we (Jessie, Jason and I) were supposed to watch Puss In Boots. Oh ya, it was also her LAST DAY OF SPM! Total congrats man! Though she didn't really FEEL anything, but I think it's a big thing so yea. She finished her paper at 1pm, and Jason and I went to hers at about 2pm. She had a prom night on Thursday, so I was supposed to help her choose a dress. So she took out ALL the dresses (sooo many!) and tried them on one by one. Haha. All the dresses were either too casual, had no WOW factor, or were GREAT but had that one catch that was a deal breaker. In the end, the dresses left were just those she had worn before and though that was ok, i just wasn't fun, you know? Though we're Malaysian and our proms are not that grand and amazing, where everyone stressed over getting dates and stuff for, but it was supposed to be a fun thing, and it wouldn't be fun if you wear something you've never worn before! So, from watching Puss In Boots and finding matching heels for the dress we should have already chosen, we changed our plans to shopping for a dress. In the end we shopped at Wisma Merdeka. It was so successful. In the second shop we went into, Jessie found a potential dress. And at the third shop, she found another one that we eventually decided on. Fastest shopping ever! It was this longgggg PURPLE tube dress. The shade of the dress was really nice. Though it was a little long, it was really elegant and the colour of the dress was the WOW factor. It helped that it wasn't too showy or dressy, kinda simple, just right for Jessie. Hahaha. 


Then yesterday was the day of her prom! In the morning, Jessie came over to my house. I gave her a couple of pairs of heels to bring home to decide on later for the dress. After we chose those heels, we brought Oysters, my dog, to the vet. OYSTERS IS SO THIN NOW IT'S KINDA SCARY. It was kinda funny, cuz we were both kinda clueless about going to the vet. And we had a little trouble carrying Oysters by ourselves and stuff, but it was alright in the end. Oysters has heart worm and bacteria in the blood or something. SIGH. Soda (may you rest in peace!!) had heart worm, slow death but inevitable death. Lobsters (RIP!!!!!!) was like Oysters, super thin and the way she stood and walked was the same as how Oysters is doing it now. So yea. Not hoping for much but still saddens me deeply. My FB status was: We don't really love our dogs very much, but we appreciate their presence. Which is totally true ya know!! So sad. Then after the vet, we picked Jason up, then went to 1Borneo for the Popular Book Fair!!! Spent like RM200 there on books and a photo album!!! :D They were good buys, but I just don't know if they're books I'll enjoy. Hope I do!!! 


Then it was time to get ready for her PROM! We spent some time looking for JEWELRY, looking for earrings, necklaces and such. Haha. Then she took her shower, blew her hair out nicely, then got dressed in the lovelyyyy dress. She was supposed to go to her friend's house to get ready and get make up on and stuff, but she decided to not go with make up. (She doesn't even need it!) She asked me to help her do something with her hair. 'DECORATE ME' she said. Hahaha. At first I was kinda lost. Cuz she has bangs and bangs are hard to go around. But in the end I just kinda clipped one side of her hair simply, and needless to say, she was BEAUTIFUL. Haha so corny, but totally true!!!! She really really looked great!! Hope she had an amazing time!!!!! 


Now Jessie is in THAILAND after a few days in KL. Haha remember the epic 'Purple solo girl who keeps smiling to her phone'. Hahaha more soon about my hol-holidays!!!!

Freddie Mercury.

"I've lived a full life and if I'm dead tomorrow, I don't give a damn. I really have done it all." 


I wish we could live our lives to the fullest, so much so that we can actually say that out loud. 

One Step Closer- Christina Perri.

Watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly fades away somehow. 


It's kind of true you know. Like when you see a friend that you don't usually hang out with or you don't really like standing alone due to some reason, well, of course you always could make the choice of not bothering at all, or sometimes, you just throw all throw away all inhibitions and go over and accompany them. Or maybe it's just me, cuz I know the feeling of standing alone and it's not a nice feeling. 

2PM!

OOMMKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!


AWESUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Burb.

Do you know what BRB means? It means Be Right Back. It doesn't mean Bye. It means that you will return to your computer/phone after a while and continue the conversation. I don't understand why BRB is used when they just don't bother to continue to conversation after. It's like they're pretending, living in their ideal world where everything is still fine. Pretending that the bonds they feel for each other are still mutual and strong, when it's actually just perfunctory, just acting out the roles of what they used to do so naturally, cuz it's what everyone assumes to still be true. 


The part of Beastly that stuck with me: when the dude (who has turned ugly) calls the dad (who's been postponing their meeting for breakfast or something for weeks) and he gets voicemail, and he just says, Why don't we just stop pretending. And he hangs up. 

Sister/Brother.

I pray that I will find a bff sister or a brother wherever I head to next year. I pray that I'll feel like I'll always have someone then. No matter what. :)

Comfort And Connections.

They read Korean symbols (or alphabets or whatever you call it), not the phonetics of it (the spelling?)! And they do it together! And now they're singing Korean songs at the top of their lungs with feeling and emotion (the way I LOVE to sing), with the lyrics open on their Mac screen before them. And they're doing it together! 


It's makes me literally shake my head in amazement and maybe also longing. The fact that they've both found a common interest in Kpop and have even gone to the extent of learning the language that they can even chat to Koreans online, makes my jaw drop. Seriously. I'm talking about my cousins who are brother and sister, both younger than I am. 


I get that kinda feeling that's like "yerrrrrrrr. I wishhhh upon a distant, distant star that I had that with my sisters". I always get that feeling when I think about Steph and how she's so close with her family. I just get that feeling whenever I see family members interacting effortlessly with each other. Storge love man. Storge! Gosh I wish I could record what they're doing now and show it to you guys. They're singing and acting out the emotion of that song perfectly, and scoffing at each other when they get the words wrong. I'm so glad I stayed awake to be able to witness this scene that probably goes on only at night when everyone else is asleep.


Also, on a side note, I have decided to follow Kpop yo. Hahahaha. 


They lol like I lol when watching RM. I hardly ever lol like that with my own siblings/family. 


I've deduced long ago that this is the difference between East Malaysians and West Malaysians. West Malaysians reallyyy pursue their hobbies and interests you know? Ugh. More soon. Going to bed. 

LIES.

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me. 

You, have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I'm nothing.

You, have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don't already see them.

I walk with my head down trying to block you out cuz I never impress you.

I just wanna feel ok again.

Sometimes I think that it would've been better if my mum never suffocated us with the pressure of being great achievers in school. Since young, it was all about the exams and results and the certificates and qualifications. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if we're super smart and we excel in everything we do. That's the point. Maybe I'm not cut out to be that kind of model student. I'm no one special, I'm no one outstanding. I'm just quirky me who struggles with time management, exams, and social problems. But it's not like I don't try. Every single thing I participate in at school, all I think about is getting that certificate. Certs and certs and certs, I've got tons of them. And it's all because since young, my mum will go on and on about extra curricular activities and how they're so important for future applications to universities. So I did that. I focused on doing all I could to get that cert. I participated in lots of competitions and such, not thinking about anything else but to get that cert. I don't regret that. What I regret is just the outlook of my mum who has always enforced her view on how we should aim for dentistry and medicine and such. WHY did she do that? I guess she wanted the best for us. But I think it left little space for me to grow into what I like to do. That's why I'm so lost now. I don't know what I like, what I want to do with my life. WHY did she do that when she wasn't even a Science student? What if I'm like her and I just wanna study arts? The point is that I think she should have taken a different approach to this matter. Now I'm stuck on this path and I don't know where to go and I'm bitter because she keeps on nagging and nagging and I don't think I can do dentistry and what does she know when she didn't even study Science. 


You know, I don't even know why I went into Science. Well, of course it was because I could. But I think it would be more gratifying to study Arts. Seriously. Why do you want to study dentistry or pharmacy? Because you're interested in teeth and chemicals? Seriously? Whereas if it were arts, it would be because you LOVE what you study. History and politics and literature. It wouldn't feel useless like how maths probably feels. You know? 


Omygosh. I don't really know what I'm saying. My dad and I just went to get her from the airport (just flew in from Melbourne) and I actually woke up so early even though I was dead tired because I'm her daughter. Obligations vs. Inclinations. I can't say I wasn't inclined but I definitely felt obligated to welcome her back. but that's not news so whatever. Then we went to eat Ngiu Chap and everything was well and then BAM. She talked about my interview. The thing is, on the day of the interview, I already talked to her on the phone and I told her about the interview. It sucked. She said that it was ok, that there wasn't anything you can do about it already. But just now, she did a total 180 and she was astounded when I told her basically the same thing I told her on the phone. And she started kinda telling me off. The interview was bad because I blanked out. I was nervous or something and I just couldn't think of what to say. Is it really so bad that I froze up? As if I did that on purpose. Yes, I thought the interview was a waste of time because my UEC results will not meet the requirements. Yes, I would've rather been in KK participating in TTStar. But I knew that I was already in KL, that the appointment has already been made and so I prayed for it, I wanted to do my best. But I just froze. Is it really my fault? Maybe. But whatever. My mum just thinks I did it on purpose or whatever. She told me off and basically she said I sucked and a primary 1 kid could do better than I did. Yea. 


As if I don't already see that. 


That's why I'm so so envious of Steph's family. When Steph does badly in exams, her mum will just say it's ok and just asks her to keep working hard or something like that. You see, her mum can see that Steph works hard and that's enough. 


I wish my mum could see that in me too. I wish that she didn't enforce something she didn't do herself upon me. I'm sure she would say it's ok if I said I wanted to do Arts. But it's not like I would even if I wanted to because of the obligation I feel to go into some course that gives me a professional degree. I wish she told me more about her youth. Her school and uni days. A friend's mum told him that she wasn't really the kind that studied hard and the kind that did well. I want to know that stuff about my mum. But I don't, and now all I feel is stifling obligation. A role I need to mold myself to fill. 


I just wish.. I wish that she didn't make me feel so obliged to do all these things. I can't find myself. What do I want to do? 


I kind of know the answer to be completely honest. But I know society is cruel and money makes the world go round. And dentistry is money. 


Gah. I don't know what I'm saying.

Already Gone.

Ted: It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone.
Marshall: Preserving something that's already gone, sounds like environmental law.


Ted: I don't know. We struggle so hard to hang on to these things that we know are gonna to disappear eventually, and that's really noble, but even if you save every rainforest from being turned into a parking lot, well then where are you gonna park your car?

UEC OVER.

I didn't really study thaaaat hard. 


I did work hard, but I know what I'm capable of, and that wasn't it. UEC was hard. It was super hard. Some papers were crazyyyyy. Like it got to the point where I just looked at the clock, and I just feel the hopelessness washing over me. The Ad Maths Two objective paper was ridiculous. I probably did a little more than half only, guessed the rest without even looking at the questions and who knows how many of the ones I did I got wrong. Physics was hard it's just not my subject. Chem was embarrassing. My teacher had like hopes for me getting an A. It's pretty much impossible now. Bio was ok because it was the last paper and at that point, I just didn't care much anymore. But I do feel a little heaviness weighing my heart because I didn't really revise, and so there were questions that I knew I've studied before, but couldn't recall the details. So yes that pretty much sums it all up. 


The main thing I wanted to say in this post is that UEC was hard and I probably will end up going to a uni that's not my first choice, or even for foundation or A-levels. But, but, but, but, I don't regret staying for S3. Seriously. Yes, I do wish I could rewind and pull myself together earlier in the year. But well, time doesn't rewind. I don't know where I'm going to go next year. All the unis I applied to, I probably won't get in (like I'm 90% sure I won't get in due to my results). People might look down on me and my choice to stay. 


But honestly, I would do it over again and get the same results if it gave me the same experience I was blessed to have had this year.

UEC

It's almost here!

Indescribable!

The feeling I feel now is indescribable! Oh wait, maybe it's not that hard to describe. I feel... Elated! It's the feeling of incredible happiness! One that comes with the joy of feeling blessed, knowing there're people around you who appreciate you, and most of all, it comes with the knowledge that you have what it takes to make the peopl you love feel happy and appreciated. This is the kind of feeling that makes me think of 'afterglows'. Means it's just the immediate response after a great thing happening. For example, Lee Chong Wei winning. And you get so hyper and you think the world is good. Then your feet touch the ground again. But it's pretty unbelievable cuz I've been feeling really really blessed for a long time. Maybe I'm learning how to be positive and to keep myself happy, to appreciate more, I don't know. But let's get to the point.


K.T.P.S. That's the thing that's giving me this incredible joyous feeling right now. It's us, this friendship between Steph, Pei, Tur and I. It's just been growing stronger as we push past the obstacles and make effort to be close friends for each other. Took a while (like 8 months) but I think we're really back to where it used to be, where it felt so good. And Pei, Tur and I just gave Steph her bday present today. It was a diary and a book with yellow, recycled paper (that looked really rustic) and it had a green cover. And in that green book, we each wrote how we met each other. Some of our stories go back to primary school, and the stories of coincidence and chance are just amazing! How we all came together, it's not chance man! It's God's work!! And after that section, we each wrote stuff about Steph herself. What we thought of her and what we loved about her etc. We've been trying to get it done since her birthday, and we finally did! We gave it to her today. And just now she sent all of us a text saying


'Oh my goshhhh!!! I dont know i'm that easy crying girl lo!! Argh!! I just read finish the one u guys intro. Haven finish yet and i cried like dono what ady. Argh... I didnt want to read finish first cause i with my sis in room, and i dont want they know. Haha!! Thanks thanks thanks thanks girls... Love u all forever and ever and ever.. Cry cry cry... Tears are my best friend in my house for this month i think.. Argh! I'll continue the book soon. When i'm ready! I thought i have immune ady. But still... Hahahahahaha.. Study now. Jia you!:)'


I seriously feel so blessed oh. I felt so so so happy after I read that message. I felt the feeling that you'll feel when (refer to above), just all of them at one go! I think I might be alone in the intensity of my grateful and happy and 'this is so surreal' feelings. But I think it's because I've had a..tough time this year in regards to all these friendship stuff, especially with them. But these past few days, it's been amazing! 


Just the other day, we had a career talk. And both of the Sci classes had to attend. Us four walked to the Lecture Hall together with Feiven and Priscilla. And when we were getting seats, somehow, Feiven and Priscilla didn't sit with us even though we pulled chairs for them. *everything happens for a reason*! Seriously!!! So it was us four, and it was amazing!!! We all chatted and laughed and whispered and joked around. It was really fun! Non of us slept even though we were all complaining about how sleepy we were. There was this guy who talked about Agriculture, but he mainly just spoke about palm oil trees, and he even gave each of us palm oil seeds. We went on to play with the seeds and Steph even named each of them. There was Guluk, Ah Bian and the other two I can't remember. 


It seriously felt like old times. I don't know. I just feel that every piece of the puzzle has fallen into place and things are finally back to how they used to be. 


It feels like the feeling where you believe that friendships actually last.

BROOKS BLOOKS BOOKS.

I've found this really nice blog that reviews books. And it's the main cause of my TBR list increasing exponentially. -.- I can't wait to start!!!!! 

http://booksandmovies.colvilleblogger.com/

4 Weeks.

From today onwards, imma study intensively. I finally feel the pressure and the time shortage. I kinda know I'm actually short of time. 4 weeks to cover all subjects? Well, I just keep praying that I'll be able to put in my best. No regrets!!! I wanna be able to have fun after UEC, with no nagging worries and guilt on my mind that I could've done better. Just..pray for me so I'll have the strength to do this, mentally and physically. I'm gonna have even less contact with my friends than before. Sigh. Gotta be strong! Planned a weekly time table yesterday. Bio and chem today! No regrets!!!!!!!!!

Clara

To sing like no one is listening, to dance like no one is watching, to eat like it won't go straight to my thighs, and to love like I was designed to.

Soh truez.

‎"你以为只有受伤的人才痛吗? 那伤人的那一个呢? 他连喊痛的资格都没有，甚至连关心的资格也没了.." 


*SLAP* STOP BEING SO POOHLISH! QUIT BEING MISO!

You'll Never Walk Alone

I was napping with the tv radio on, it was tuned to the Gold channel, playing super old songs that were really nice. And when I woke up after oversleeping, THIS song started. And I had just prayed this morning to ask for strength and God's grace and everything.. and I don't know. Everything happens for a reason. Even oversleeping. Hmmm...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Denise gave me my super belated birthday album today. I seriously am sooo surprised that she gave it to me. I found out about it on Steph's birthday cuz I saw Fiona writing the card and I saw my name. But I thought Steph was doing it. And it turned out to be Denise, which is AWESOME. Seriously la. It just makes it even more of a surprise! I seriously have no idea why she would do the album for me, since my birthday was in February. Like I don't understand why she would have the idea to do it for me. You know? 


UGH. I just read it just now and I came down to facebook it. I was lying on my bed, sleeping sideways, reading the album and I kept crying ohhhh. So touched, the words everyone wrote were just normal words. But they all felt true and I just was so overwhelmed oh. -____- 


Sure, the album is plain and just normal. Like it's not those nicely decorated, creatively laid-out albums some people get for their birthdays, but I LOVE IT, JUST THE WAY IT IS. Seriously. Love it so much, I just wanna read it and read it again. I wish I could tell the WHOLE WORLD that they did that for me. Cuz though it may seem small, it's the best gift I've received man! Words and memories and photos are the best things you can ever give me, and I got them all in one small album. 


So here, I would really like to express my gratitude to Denise. Though apparently we were close in S1, I have no memory of you, and we kinda drifted. And we became close again this year. And it's just such a crazy friendship. So many heated feelings bla bla. I never get jealous over anyone but you. WHY? It's just different. With you, I'm like the youngest child, I'm spoilt and I'm the brat and you're the responsible one. With you, I whine and whinge and throw tantrums and lash out with my mood swings. And we kinda drifted in the holidays.. bla bla. Things aren't the same, but I dunno. It's still awesome. I know I can still count on you and slap you. I really, really do love this album. When I think about it it just makes me wanna cry again. I REALLY LOVE IT SO, LIKE I LOVE YOU. 


PEOPLE, BACK OFF. She's my territory and only I can SLAP HER! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Hahaha. I shall give more coherent details when I'm sober and not drowning in tears and snot and gratitude and other incomprehensible feelings. 


All in all, LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. 


I'm not lucky, I'm BLESSED! YES!

I'm Not Lucky, I'm Blessed.

YES!

On Top Of The World!

I WENT JOGGING WITH STEPH JUST NOW AT BUKIT PADANG AND WE WENT UP UP UP THE HILL AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!! 

Before Bed.

Jessie said: 'I like it when it rains when it's almost time for bed. It's DA BEST!'.

Agreed! Heat, please abate!

On This Day In 2010...

I LOVE: the warmth when your laundry just comes out of the dryer. :D

SILLINESS!

TODAY WAS SUPER DUPER FUN! And crazy.. And silly. And spontaneous. And amazzzinnnnggg. AND HAPPY! It was seriously a great day! Where do I start?? 


Ok so remember we had the QGDZ competitions? And there were all these hot players who were totally tall, dark and handsome on the court. Well, for me it's totally just Number 7. But my other friends (well, kinda just 'friend') thinks Jason and Darryl (Number 12 and Number 6) are very hot too. Hahaha. Jessie, you should be proud of your two close friends! :P So yea. Most of my friends know that I really like Number 7. And ugh, when I say like, it's not a crush! It's just.. eye candy!!! Seriously! Haha. He's not THAT good looking, but he's hot. There's a DIFFERENCE! So yea. I always nudge my friends when I see him. You know that silly 'nudge your friend with your elbow' and hushed 'it's HIM! It's HIM!' and internal high-pitched squeals? Yup. That's what happens with all my friends when I see him. Haha. Sorry, but he was just so HOT on the court, shooting 3-pointers!!!! 


Anyway. Christabelle knows about him being my eye-candy. And Number 7 is in the same year as her, he's just in the class next door. And Christabelle told me they used to Whatsapp each other and text each other. He was a good friend to her, the guy who she could always rely on when she needed some kind of help. Hahaha. UGH. Way to make me super excited in a jello kind of way. Hahaha. So just now during second recess, Steph accompanied me to look for my club's treasurer to sort up some financial stuff. The treasurer was in Junior 2 and the whole class was somewhere else. Junior 2 classes were adjacent to Senior 1 classes, which is HIS year. And when I passed Christabelle's class, I was talking about Number 7 to her and she was telling me about how they used to text and she suddenly said "OMYGOSH I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU TO HIM!" and started walking towards his class. I squealed CHRISTABELLE! NO! but she just opened the door of his class. I didn't stay to see what was going to happen. I dragged Stephanie off back to class. I was thinking about WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED after that. And I just kept smiling at Chris' spontaneity. I LOVE IT! 


Kristy, who is the other friend who thinks No. 12 and No. 6 are totally hot kept saying that she wanted to meet them and be friends with them. Haha. I've told her stories about how I tell both of the guys about Number 7's hotness. And she keeps saying I'm so lucky to know them and keeps asking me to bring her along when I go and chat with them. The thing is I'm not THAT close with them, and what I have with them is usually just passing conversations when I see them around. Haha. 


So anyway. For third recess, Kristy said she'll follow us to the canteen. SO 要 oh her!!! And I saw Jason outside his class (which is next door to us) and cuz we were all standing outside out class (Kristy and I and maybe some others) waiting for everyone else, I went over to talk to him intentionally, bring Kristy along. Haha. I forgot what I asked him about to get a conversation going. But Kristy cut in and said 'Hi, 我们是不是朋友哦?' HAHAHAHA. SO FUNNY. SO SO SO FUNNY! 够要哦她!!!!!! SO DESPERATE SERIOUSLY! So we went to get my lunch from the guard-house, and went to canteen. And we kept looking out for Number 7. It was just super silly and kinda exciting in a lame way.


Also, I kinda have kinda a proper crush on this guy who's kinda small but who I think is very hot. Like he's not that much taller than me, and he has a small build. But UGH. WHEN I SEE HIM, I JUST GET NERVOUS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Hahaha. STUPID JITTERY BUTTERFLIES. So yea, just one day, I realised he was hot. Like suddenly some button was pushed, or God decided to let me have some excitement in my life, and BAM, I liked him. It was just kinda a fun thing at first. Then he hurt me with his cold replies THAT ONE DAY (not long ago) and then after that I kinda realised I really do do do likeyyyy himmmm to the point where I'm scared to look him in the eyesss. Hahahaha. UGH. "I really like the guy I kinda like", was what I told my friend just now. AND we shall refer to him as MY HOTTIE. *giggle giggle giggle*


So yea. During lunch we were sitting at the table next to the main entrance of the canteen. And nearing the end of lunchtime, MY HOTTIE was leaving the canteen with a bunch of friends. (Funny cuz before QGDZ, I've never seen him in the canteen before. But now, I see him all the time. It's not like we weren't friends before.. just kinda noticed only now..) And he turned his head as he was crossing the threshold of the entrance, and he looked at me and gave his awkward cringe-smile that's just his. And THOUGH he hurt me and I vowed not to like him anymore, I FORGAVE HIM. Yes, I forgive him for hurting me though I'm sure he doesn't even know he did that. OH How LAME and PETTY. Haha. So yea. That's how happy I was. WHEEEEE. 


Fourth recess. Steph and I went to look for the treasurer again. When we passed MY HOTTIE'S class, he kinda just woke up and he waved and hi-ed me! WHEEEE! Super cool super happy super awesome! Twice in a day! WOOHOO!!! So the treasurer, she was there. And we talked. And when I went out from the class, Christabelle and her friend Sylvia were walking towards us. And she stopped. And said something to Sylvia. And she put her arm through mine and started dragging me towards NUMBER 7's CLASS. I was saying no and kept pulling myself away. It's quite embarrassing, seriously, cuz I took like.. 5 photos with him in his basketball jersey during QGDZ, and added him on Facebook and everything. I'm pretty sure he knows who I am. -.- SO LAME. But who cares right? Haha. Imma leave soon anyway. :P HAHA. So yea. she dragged me and she kept saying that she won't introduce me to him, that she'll introduce me to the guy who sits beside him. She kept saying that it'll make her day. I don't know if I myself was kinda leaning towards actually meeting Number 7, or if I was just so kind and that I wanted to help make Christabelle's day. Haha. But I eased up on my resisting and I kinda protested weakly. Haha. She even guilt-tripped me and said I didn't take her out during the holidays. -.- Which I DO feel kind of bad for. But yea. 


So CHRISTABELLE linked arms with me and she walked over to a guy who was sleeping. And NUMBER 7 WAS SITTING RIGHT BESIDE HIM! AAAHHHHH! Hyperventilate! (-.- not really. Hahaha). And it was kinda awkward cuz when the guy woke up, it turned out to be Barry. I already know him and I didn't need to be introduced. We went to the same church last time. Haha. Haha. After that, we kinda like.. 'yea... so.. that's my friend. yea.. bye'. Haha. And I went back to class after me and Steph and Christabelle chatted for a while. Steph was laughing at how lame MY HOTTIE looked cuz he was half-asleep. And we were just talking about guys. AHHHHHHHH! And when I walked back to class, passing by MY HOTTIE'S class, he was sleeping. And APPARENTLY Jessie saw me checking him out. UGH. SO EMBARRASSING! EEEEEEEEeeeeEEeEeee!!! -__________________- hahaha. Spotted. HOW LAME! 


So yea. Super lameness! It was AWESOME. When I woke up from my nap just now, I was still so tired even though I slept for about an hour. And I suddenly started thinking about all that happened today. Including random conversations with friends like Jason, talking about Mr. Ooi and how lame he was sometimes. And just all the hype about number 7. And I started getting all excited and I woke up instantly. Haha. 


OH, the craziness is really driving me nuts. But I'm seriously enjoying this. Doing all these SILLY things. Happy sigh-face. 


Today was AWESUMZ. Euphoric! Just like the post below-below-below-below...just HIGHER.