That's what Denise said. But in my opinion, it's human nature to always hope even when you tell yourself not to. Everyone always has an expectation, some are just tucked into the super dark corners of our hearts.
Well, tonight I went to City Mall with Tur, Micah, Dudu and Wan Rong. We went to The Cross to check out the Christmas Tube. It was good, more about that next time. Then we went to Yu Hing to have dinner. Wan Rong suddenly said that they were saying on Facebook that you could check your results already. We didn't think it was true, then suddenly I received a text from Tian that said we really could get our results online. No one at the table cared, they just continued on chatting, and I did try logging in with my UEC candidate number and IC, but I couldn't get in. I thought it was probably cuz I was using my phone and it couldn't process all the chinese words or something. So I left it.
We then walked around City Mall, killing time, then after that we went to Lintas Yen Ai to meet Steph. Tur, Dudu and I were the first ones to arrive. When we got a table, I went to the toilet, and when I got back, Dudu and Tur had already checked their results. I just stood there, seriously stunned. My heart was in my throat, I just stood there with my mouth open. Then I pulled a chair and sat down and asked how their results were. Tur and Dudu failed Chem. They. Failed. Chem. It was such a shocking reality, that people sitting right in front of me actually failed something. Let me just tell you that in UEC, we have A1, A2, B3, B4, B5, B6, C7, C8 then F9 which is a fail. To be honest, I didn't expect Tur to fail, but the fact that she did scared me. Made me think I got a low B. Then I asked Dudu to help me check mine using his iPhone 4S (NEW PHONE!!! My Blackberry was out of batt). I thought my candidate number was 068 or 086. But they both weren't right!!!! Then Micah, Wan Rong and Steph arrived and all of a sudden everyone was in a frenzy. Micah, WanRong and I were frantically calling people, trying to find out the candidate numbers of those who sat near us, hoping we could get ours. The three of us were talking on the phone and getting phone numbers and stuff. I kept calling Kenneth, who sat two seats in front of me, but he didn't pick up!!!!!!!! Wan Rong got her results, not that bad, no fails. Her Chem was a B5 or B6, which comforted me because I gave her half of my objective answers (via SMS). Dudu helped me get a hold of Ker's number. He sat in front of me. And I called him, and he didn't know his number!!!!!! Then Micah got his and he did quite well. He didn't get any Cs I think. I was the only one left who didn't get mine!!!! Steph didn't wanna look at her. But in the end she did. She didn't fail anything, which was really good. She also got my chem answers, and she got a B too, so I was comforted. She got C8 for Physics. Scary! Then I called Leonnie, who sat beside me. She didn't have hers either!!! I was going crazy!!! We were all so loud and frantic. The waiter who was an ex-UEC student, was kinda smiling and people were noticing us cuz we were all kinda talking at the same time. WanRong sat two seats to my left, and her number was 050. So I counted and Dudu tried numbers around 062, but they were all wrong!!! Then suddenly she said that I'm supposed to be a smaller number than her. Dudu tried 042, THEN I REMEMBERED that mine was 038!!!!!! HOW CAN I FORGET A NUMBER LIKE THAT? 38!!! SUPER EASY!!! The page loaded, and Dudu said 'I got it'.
Breath stuck in throat. I looked at it and here it is.
序号/No | 科目名称/Name of Subjects | 成绩/Result |
01 | 华文 Chinese Language | --- |
02 | 马来西亚文 Bahasa Malaysia | B4 |
03 | 英文 English Language | A1 |
04 | 数学 Mathematics | --- |
05 | 高级数学 Advanced Mathematics | --- |
06 | 高级数学(Ⅰ) Advanced Mathematics(Ⅰ) | A1 |
07 | 高级数学(Ⅱ) Advanced Mathematics(Ⅱ) | A2 |
08 | 历史 History | --- |
09 | 地理 Geography | --- |
10 | 生物 Biology | B4 |
11 | 化学 Chemistry | B3 |
12 | 物理 Physics | B3 |
At first glance, it's not so bad right? That's what I thought. My immediate reaction was: RELIEF, not so bad; I GOT AN A FOR MATHS 2?? UNEXPECTED; dreams-for-Monash-crushed-though-they-were-kinda-crushed-before-I-got-the-results.
By that time, the hype had kinda died down already. We were all calling up friends and stuff and telling and asking etc etc. Then Steph asked Feiven and after navigating her to the website and giving her instructions, she got her results and OH. MY. GOSH. Jaw drop. Shock. Disbelief. SHAME. That's what I felt. She got 5As. FIVE As. FIVE. Chi, BM, Eng, Bio and Maths 1. (For those of you who don't know, Feiven is my competitor in academic results. By my own standards la.. just a target that I have to keep myself motivated). Slowly, I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower. I got three, and she got five! Then I really started thinking about my chances to get As for Bio and Chem. But everyone was kinda over talking about results, so I just kept quiet about it and then I got home. I opened up my results again and really looked at it. Bio- B4, Chem- B3, Phy- B3. Kinda messed up.
Bio was supposed to be the easiest out of the three for me. I would've expected to get better results for it than Phy!! But granted, I didn't revise before the exam. Seriously. Since it was the last paper, and those who had dropped Bio were already celebrating, I didn't revise. I watched TV. I WATCHED TV. The Bio exam, I knew that I had studied the stuff before, I just didn't remember cuz I didn't revise. So, I accept the B4, but doesn't mean I'm not disgruntled by it. Phy, B3?! Phy was my WORST subject. I gave up all the stuff on Electric and Magnet! I kinda hated the subject, but I got a BEE THREE?! And Chem. Oh GOSH. When Chin Chui Kim (our Chem teacher) was handing down our UEC mock papers, she said to me that she was expecting an A for me. She had high hopes because I did well on the mock. I kinda cheated on objective, and I felt so undeserving (still do), but seriously, I'm so ASHAMED. I'm such a let down. I seriously don't know how I can face her. She was like my favourite teacher.
So yea. There it is. Now I'm totally clueless about where I'm headed next year, since Monash U and Melb U both require at least A2 for all maths and science subjects (got their conditional offers). Ideas and ideas and options and options are swimming and swimming in my head, round and round. I have no idea.
But, the facts are:
1. When we succeed in the future (success coming with hard work, of course (maybe like TRUCK-TRUCK-TRUCK-LOADS of it)), UEC results will just be another paper. I appreciate all the times us Zhongers spent in the library, studying, and moving around to get help from the smart students; I appreciate the STRESS and the STRESS and the STRESS I felt, to the point where I always imagined myself to be super exhilarated by the end of UEC that I pictured myself falling off a cliff; I appreciate the feeling that I've become smarter cuz I learned lots of weird and useless but kinda-fun-in-a-nerdy-way this year.
2. After UEC, I said that I will miss Maths. I do. Even more so cuz I ACED it. BAM! Haha. Seriously. It was the craziest, most mind-boggling, frustrating, out-of-this-world, amazing, CRAZIEST thing I've ever learnt in my life; with the weirdest and randomest methods of solving problems; with the one A4 page working that looks like the work of geniuses when glanced at.
3. God has a plan. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan. We might not be able to see it, but we gotta be patient and pray! I have no doubt that God has a plan after what happened with Tur last time. (I even just talked to her on the phone a while ago, just talking about results and what ppl are saying on Facebook,and how we're gonna tell our parents and such. WOAH! WHO KNEW?) Maybe God wants to teach me a lesson, or He doesn't want me to go to Monash or Melbourne U, or He's gonna bring me to a different uni, maybe a different country, maybe even a different course, or He wants me to meet with certain ppl who'll play a part in my life? You never know. No matter where I end up, what I end up studying, I'm sure I'll be there following God's plan. Just gotta pray hard! :D
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