My Emptiness.

Continuation. Get your popcorn.

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So I'm still really tired. I had my Indo Oral fake SAC today. I have no idea why, but they call the exams (or Outcomes, which is the right word for it) SACs, and SACs are only for 3, 4 subjects. It's so stressful to hear them calling it a SAC. But anyway, I thought I did okay. I've never really been good at speaking. But this time it was okay. Oh and it was different. It wasn't like back home where we prepare a script and memorize it and stuff. This oral was just a conversation. It was quite enjoyable. But I thought I could have done better. I got an A for it. So I guess that's okay. I'm too tired to care.

I had my Eng outcomes a few weeks back. I had the written response one, and the oral one. Both were based on The Kite Runner. The written one, I thought I did okay, but seriously I'm not too confident, it's just really subjective. The topic was 'In rescuing Sohrab, Amir finds redemption not only for himself but for Baba. Do you agree?'. The other topic was about the social classes of Hazaras and Pashtuns. Or something like that, I don't really remember. For the oral, I partnered up with Bill (a China guy who is really annoyingly smart and speaks in a weird accent but is quite fluent in English). We did the politics of Afghanistan at the time setting of the novel and also its current political situation. Or something. I thought we did okay.. but I was kind of nervous for that one. I also thought I could have done better. BUT OH WELL. It's just an outcome.

About The Kite Runner, I think it is an amazingly awesome, awesome book! Seriously. I think the more that I think about the book, the more I think the plot is amazing. I found a plot hole though, but not until after my classmates brought up some issues about the book. The more I analyse the book, the more epiphanies hit me (about the book of course, not about my life. That would be great though). So yea. It's so cool!! The ending was absolutely hands-down amazing. I felt some parts were a bit rushed, at the end of the book especially. But then to think that it was the author's first novel, wow. I'm still struggling to be really critical. It's hard for me. I'm fine with analysing how the author writes his book, how he uses the language and words, how he arranges his plot. But then for the characters, I find it really hard. Like we have to see that when the character does that, she shows that she views the world as such. Etc etc etc etc etc. It's hard for me to connect the characters' words and actions to he/she's belief, views, attitudes etc. So anyway, back to The Kite Runner. It was my classmates that revealed to me that Amir was actually not a good guy. I would never have thought of that. I always just go along with the story, nodding my head and accepting it. They said that Amir was just a bad person with all he did. Then I realized that, yea, they do have a point. But then you consider everything that was going on at the time, it makes sense. But then my question is: why didn't Rahim Khan do something about it if he knew? HUH??? He could have like talked to Amir or something to at least let Amir know that he wasn't the only one bearing that guilt. ARGH!!!!! To think that the author wrote a story that lasted three generations, how thick and well-written the plot is, it's all so amazing. I'm just going to stop here now.

I dropped Physics. Just to inform you guys. I took up Literature. I'm a bit sad that I couldn't do History, but that's the way it is. I can't have the cake and eat it. STUPID CAKE. Anyway. Literature, it's hard. It's hard in the way that everyone in that class is like so awesomely perspective and sharp and critical and smart. And I'm just a shallow Malaysian who doesn't know anything about The Catcher in the Rye, The Adoration of Jenna Fox ETC ETC ETC. Seriously. I don't have a clue of all the books they talk about in class. We have done A Doll's Play, by Henrik Ibsen. It's a play. It was quite simple but then that was too me only. Little (seriously little) did I know that it was more than what the characters said or did. Whoa. The play was on a whole other level than what I initially thought it was. It goes so much deeper. It was good. We are doing Pleasantville, a movie. It's quite interesting because I watched it before in MAS. I thought it was a weird and boring film. Seriously. I didn't even finish watching it. But now after analysing it (with so much help from everyone else. Heh), it actually seems like a great movie. O.O So yea. That's how different and hard I find it. I'm quite happy that I've dropped Physics because in Literature, it's so not stressful. It's quite enjoyable sometimes and there's hardly any work.

Yesterday I actually bought pizza from down the road. I went there earlier to apply for a job and I saw them making pizza and thought it would be nice to have some. And since Kev and Kel were working late, I decided to just go for it. It was a nice treat for me. But me, being so me, I ordered a pineapple and ham pizza, when I don't even like ham. It was a wood fire pizza, so it was different. It was quite nice, but a bit expensive. I paid 9aud for it and it was only a medium and the cheapest one. But anyway. It was a nice treat after walking for 2 hours and walking so much for the past few days. Sigh.

Oh and I would like to elaborate the story of my first maggie. The other day when mum was still here, I was hungry and had a sudden craving for Maggie. Mum was asleep so I just told her that I'm going to cook my own maggie. I did. It was curry, with an egg! =D It was nice!!!!!! Granted, the noodles were a bit overcooked, but it was still nice. When I finished it, I was so proud of having cooked my first maggie ever. So I decided to cook another one. Curry too, with an egg. While I was cooking it, my mum woke up and I told her I'm cooking maggie. It was also a bit overcooked. But oh well. Later that night I told her that I actually had two packets of maggie. She was so shocked. As expected, she didn't realize that I was actually cooking my second one. So yea. Since then, I've only cooked another maggie, and that was Asam Laksa, with an egg. =D I have indeed grown up. Tur, you no longer have to cook maggie for me. =D

Today at Indo school during recess, there were people selling crepes. The canteen doesn't open and so we always bring our own food there. But this time they were selling crepes, making them on the spot. It cost 3aud. It was okay, nothing special. I had one with strawberry jam and chocolate. It was so yum!!! Just wanted to mention that because it was a treat as well.

Living life here, it is certainly sort of looking up, what with me back on track and everything. I'm still a bit lonely sometimes, which makes me really sad to think about what I had in the past. But anyway. Sometimes I still get really frustrated and disappointed. Frustrated when my brother does stupid and seriously inconsiderate things that just inconveniences other people in the house. Like how when he takes out the glad-wrapped watermelon to eat, he doesn't even throw the glad-wrap away but just leaves it there. Small things like that that should be taken care of are necessary to make living together easier and reduces conflict. But I always try to placate myself. I just stare at the glad-wrap, think of how inconsiderate it is, then pick it up and throw it away and clean the area up. Get over it. It's like how my Chem teacher always says, just build a bridge and get over it. Sometimes she says 'well, cry me a river and build a bridge to get over it'. I think that's funny. Have I ever told you guys? (If I have then TOO BAD. Hear it again). There was once Ms. Grant (the Chem teacher)'s very good friend, Ms. Spoori (the one who let us watch Transformers 3 in Consumer Sci last year because she got us lost in the brewery excursion) was passing through the classroom holding a couple of long sticks that looked like bamboos. Ms. Grant asked her what that was for and Ms. Spoori answered 'I'm building a bridge and getting over it'. HAHA.

On the previous topic about dominoes, well, I don't know what was the first domino that hit down the rest. Just want to mention that. And it is because of this reason that I get scared when I don't post things for a long time. I tend to forget things, things that seemed significant at the time. So yea. It's pretty sad. It's pretty sad that things that seemed so important at the time suddenly became non-existant in your head. =(

Ok. I have a confession to make. I've been losing my mind. Seriously. Proof? I forgot Tur's birthday!!!!! Well, technically I didn't forget, I just got the date wrong. Seriously! Gah. I am such an idiot. I put the date down in my mind as 24th of March. As my birthday is on the 12th of February, or 12/2, I get confused easily because Tur's is actually the 24th of April, which is 24/4. Multiply by birthday by two! Then there's SOMEONE'S birthday on the 24/3, then there's Sotong's birthday on 12/4! It's so confusing. So I don't know why, I just put the wrong date in my mind. I was so stressed that I would forget to wish her, I kept reminding myself again and again. I set an alarm on my phone to remind me too. Then I sent her a text to wish her and HAH. It wasn't even her birthday. Gosh. Anyway. It was kind of hilarious, to me. Hopefully I won't forget again. SORRY TUR.

Anyway. You know the disturbing, stressful dream I had that I mentioned in previous post? It was about this. I dreamt that I forget Pei's birthday as well! That I wished her on the wrong date as well. And after I pressed the 'send' button, I realized it was wrong and I tried to stop it but I could virtually see the 'envelope' containing my birthday wish fly away as I reached out for it. I was so devastated that I made the same mistake again. And then the dream changed to something I don't remember. So yes. I hate those stressful dreams. Gah. It haunts me. Haha.

For this holiday, I have some stuff to do. I have to finish up my exercises for AGM chap 11, then going on to do the chapter review, and then the revision sheet. I might do extra questions from the website, but I'm not sure. There's also Methods. I have to finish up chap 4 and then do the review. After that I'm going to go back to chap 1 and 2 to do the reviews and I'm going to do revision questions from the website and also the Checkpoints book. Then I have to do Chem questions for chap 5 and 6. I have to read the text book for Chap 5 and 6 (we don't really use the text book much, but it comes out in tests, which is why I do so badly because I never study the text book). Then I have the Chem 'project' to do. Better get that done soon. Then for English, I have to watch the movie Gran Torino. Hmm.. For Literature, I have to read. Then I have to go get some work certificates, like working with children check and stuff like that. This is to broaden my job opportunities. Then I have to clean the house. There was something else but I don't remember now. Oh and also I have to remember to keep myself sane and focused and alive. Ok. Let's leave all these unchecked boxes. Moving on.

For Literature, our long term homework is to read. We have to make this reading journal. This is to note down our thoughts and things like that. It's a bit disconcerting because when I came here last year, I promised myself that I wouldn't read. I was coming here to study. I knew how I could get carried away with books (I did break that promise though..). And so now I find myself without my bookshelf and with a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny almost non-existent selection of books. I will have to go to the library or Borders (WHEE) to read. So we have to do at least 10 texts. Of these 10, no more than two can be a film, at least two must be Australian, at least one from the 19th century, at least one from the 20th century, at least one poet and at least one play. So yea. I find myself lost because the books I read are in no way close to the league of books I'm expected to read for this class, and also to the league of books my classmates read. So yea. I'm a bit worried. I haven't started and it's due by the end of the 2nd term. Sigh. I'm currently reading a Nicholas Sparks novel, Nights in Rodanthe from the public library. But it isn't exactly a classic. We're not exactly limited to classics, but then we're supposed to challenge ourselves. I think it's a great opportunity. But then the public library isn't exactly great. They only have one copy of each book. And it's really hard to find books, unlike Borders, with their great computers.

Anywayyyyy.. It's Earth Hour today. 27th of March, Saturday, 2010, 8.30pm-9.30pm. Apparently over here, they do Earth 'Weekends' and things like that. Where it's lights off for the whole weekend. I don't know, I've heard of it. But anyway. I think tonight we're going to eat pizza in the dark and watch The Time Traveller's Wife, which we have at home. So cheers to that. My friends, (if you have arrived to the very end of this post, congratulations) do Earth Hour okay.

See you! I don't think my blabbering is done. There are still loads of things. But till then I guess. Now, I shall watch TV and fold the laundry. Later I'm going to clear my desk and then do Chem project. Stupid meaningless project. Sigh. =D