Hello!!! :D I've spent so much money this week!!!! My heart is bleeding! A pint bottle of Bulmers Cider, a chicken wrap for lunch, Captain America's for dinner with flatmates and Castlewhite people, snacks at Tesco (SO UNNECESSARY!), dinner at Wylam with coursemates (Jerome's bday dinner!). T____T
Oh well. The dinner at Wylam was fun! Jerome, Adib, Yong, Sam, Sunil, Narina, Andrea, Jesse, Kaumal, Nadine and Ozma were there. Kaumal is from Cork (she's Pakistani I think) and she's super nice! It was a really nice dinner filled with laughter I guess. Wylam is a Chinese restaurant btw. It was so expensive though. I had king prawns with hot garlic sauce, and that comes with boiled rice, and that was €15.80. Craziness! The food was not amazing, but it was pretty good. I should stop going for prawns, love them so much, but I just hate that it just comes with prawns only. We sang happy birthday to Jerome even though we didn't have a cake or anything. It was really awkward cuz way after that, while everyone was having their own conversations, a really cheesy recording of "happy birthday" started playing. And everyone at our table were like "awwwww~" and I really thought that the people at the restaurant put it on after they found out it was Jerome's bday when we sang him the song, that they put it on for HIM. Then after a second, we kinda realised that, wait, it could be for some other table. And we started laughing. Then one of the waitresses came out with a tiny cake and candle on it and walked past us over to the other table with three girls. OHMYGOSHHH. We all laughed. so. hard. man! It was absolutely hilarioussssssss. Oh and we found out that Dr. Markos (one of our physiology lecturers) is most probably married to Dr. Ruane? Also one of our physiology lecturers. That's... awkward. *shrug shoulder*. And Yong was saying that, during the exam time before winter break, she was so bored of studying that she googled our lecturers. And "did you know that *pause, with me thinking she's going to say something really interesting* Dr. Healy, was really fat before?" HAHAHAHA. WHUT. She's just so blunt. It's was just really funny.
ANYWAY. At the dinner we found out that Yong got 90 on her spot exam, the one I got 64 on. UGHHHHH. I know, it's only 5%. I'm not too upset about my mark (prob said this before) but it's just upsetting that EVERYONE ELSE did better than I did except for like 9 other people. That's pretty depressing. Haha. But then. I really didn't know much about what I was doing. But still I thought I was pretty prepared for that. :/ oh wellzzz. So yea. I really need to get a hold of myself man. I haven't been doing much studying at all!!! Getting a bit worried. Our first MCQ, the one that is the first domino that falls, bringing along with it a waveeeeeee of many many... many others, is two and a half weeks away. When that first MCQ hits, oh gosh. The rest of the tests (as well as a big exam in March too) will just keep on coming a week or two after the previous one. We're gonna be swamped! So yea. I should really get on top of things now while I still have breathing room. Should really go to the library more and you know, take control of my life!!! And get a good hold on studies. Etc etc etc pep talk. Ok. Tmr I'm going for lunch in the city (money money money~~~) with seniors. :D Hope it's fun! Sleepy!!
I actually just watched KONY 2012 today. :/ It actually made me really sad. Just about how unfortunate some people are. Once again, feeling so blessed. And feeling that it's so weird how we can be living in such luxury when there are people out there who are living like that. Sometimes I think it's so hard for us to make revolutionary changes because we're too comfortable with our lives. Like the corruption and stuff that goes on in Malaysia. We all know it. We joke about it. We shake our heads at it. But we don't do anything to change it. Bersih was great, but time moves on relentlessly as I always say. If you don't keep spreading it, things get old, any news becomes old news. So that's why in my opinion, KONY was a great achievement because they gave it a deadline. 2012. They knew that people will move on and forget the feelings they felt while hearing the news about Kony. They really did everything in a remarkable way. Hats off to them. But I'll watch the other videos about them saying that the video was not fair in the sense it fed people the wrong ideas etc. But still. So hard to find people these days who get up and actually take action and try and change things. :)
OH YEA!!! Now that it's past midnight, it's the 1st of Feb! BIRTHDAY MONTH! Haha. But the point is, a month of this new year has already gone by. It's been so quick!!!! Scary how time flies :O People!! Make time go slower for you by spending it wisely and making the most out of it yo!!!! But anyway. This begs the question: what have you achieved in that one month? Have you grown up in any way? What have you learnt? You know? It feels like a month has gone by. I keep reminding myself of my resolution. But... have I really achieved anything? Turning 20 in 12 days yo. Sigh. I should sleep. Gnite!! :D
1/2/13 01:43 Fri
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Compare~!
OH NO! hahaha. I think I've mentioned this before. But honestly, I was rereading the last paragraph of my last post and. I really don't know how I'm supposed to turn 20 and act 20. *shrugs shoulders* How does one grow up? How does one shed the skin of childishness off and embrace adulthood? Haha. Adulthood seems pretty farfetched, I guess it's more like being a young adult. :/ But yea. Maybe I'll grow out of it? Maybe I won't. We'll see.
Yesterday was great!!! Was having lunch with Sam in the only dim sum restaurant in Cork, Yuan Ming Yuan, when Yong (KL girl) and her bf visiting from Nottingham came as well. SO FUNNY. It was kinda fun cuz we sometimes had conversations with Yong though she was sitting at the other table. And Yong was facing me, whilst Sam had her back to her. So it was awkward but funny when we caught each other's eyes. Pretty fun. Then the dinner. We went to Istanbul Turkish Kebab House. It was me, Sam, Narina, Andrea, Sunil, Jasyot (Jesse), Pouya (Iranian but from London) and Lucas. It was really fun! Love talking to Pouya cuz it's just that funny conversation with loads of sarcasm and jokes. After dinner, we even went to Captain America's for dessert. I had the strawberry cheese cake. But it wasn't really cheesy so it was kinda disappointing. But all in all, it really was a fun night. :D Looking forward to more!
Volleyball today was really really. Bad. I didn't play very well, made a few mistakes, but then it got worse because my teammate kinda got angry (he's a good player, so he got frustrated and kinda gave up) which made me kinda give up as well. And I got kinda annoyed at the wasted opportunities too. That's not a good thing. Cuz I was frowning and stuff. :/ Sigh. Kinda sad as well because we played with 4 girls and 2 guys instead of 3 and 3, because one guy didn't come. And two of the other girls were not very good. Don't really wanna continue playing in the match because it's not fun and kinda a waste of timem because I should study. But I know I will because I made a commitment.
BUT ANYWHO. My mum took pictures of her diary entry she wrote when she flew back from Cork after me settling in here. It was pretty touching. Sad. She wrote "I've said many a time, uni is the best of God's gift. Take it and spend it wholeheartedly." She always said that uni is the best time of your life. For me it doesn't feel that amazing, I guess I feel kinda indifferent about it. Trying to keep my head above the self-pity waters at times. :) Skyped my mum and dad today. Kinda. They were having dinner, yummy fooddddd. And I could hear the dogs barking and barking. It was kinda annoying. But how I would love to be there under the whooshing fan, with the noisy noisy dogs, and the yummy oily food, and my mum always eating more even tho she said she's done, and my dad putting on some music after dinner. Hahaha. It's ok. Soon. :D :D
The weather is. So. Bad. now. Sure it's not as cold as the rest of Ireland and the UK, but it just keeps raining! And since early afternoon, the wind has been crazy. As in, I've been listening to it whooshing really loudly again and again. Till now. Ugh.
Sat 26/1/13 21:37
Oh yea. Was youtubing and not studying (I NEED TO STUDY!) and came across this song.
"Compare, where are you are and where you wanna be and you'll get, no where." ;)
Yesterday was great!!! Was having lunch with Sam in the only dim sum restaurant in Cork, Yuan Ming Yuan, when Yong (KL girl) and her bf visiting from Nottingham came as well. SO FUNNY. It was kinda fun cuz we sometimes had conversations with Yong though she was sitting at the other table. And Yong was facing me, whilst Sam had her back to her. So it was awkward but funny when we caught each other's eyes. Pretty fun. Then the dinner. We went to Istanbul Turkish Kebab House. It was me, Sam, Narina, Andrea, Sunil, Jasyot (Jesse), Pouya (Iranian but from London) and Lucas. It was really fun! Love talking to Pouya cuz it's just that funny conversation with loads of sarcasm and jokes. After dinner, we even went to Captain America's for dessert. I had the strawberry cheese cake. But it wasn't really cheesy so it was kinda disappointing. But all in all, it really was a fun night. :D Looking forward to more!
Volleyball today was really really. Bad. I didn't play very well, made a few mistakes, but then it got worse because my teammate kinda got angry (he's a good player, so he got frustrated and kinda gave up) which made me kinda give up as well. And I got kinda annoyed at the wasted opportunities too. That's not a good thing. Cuz I was frowning and stuff. :/ Sigh. Kinda sad as well because we played with 4 girls and 2 guys instead of 3 and 3, because one guy didn't come. And two of the other girls were not very good. Don't really wanna continue playing in the match because it's not fun and kinda a waste of timem because I should study. But I know I will because I made a commitment.
BUT ANYWHO. My mum took pictures of her diary entry she wrote when she flew back from Cork after me settling in here. It was pretty touching. Sad. She wrote "I've said many a time, uni is the best of God's gift. Take it and spend it wholeheartedly." She always said that uni is the best time of your life. For me it doesn't feel that amazing, I guess I feel kinda indifferent about it. Trying to keep my head above the self-pity waters at times. :) Skyped my mum and dad today. Kinda. They were having dinner, yummy fooddddd. And I could hear the dogs barking and barking. It was kinda annoying. But how I would love to be there under the whooshing fan, with the noisy noisy dogs, and the yummy oily food, and my mum always eating more even tho she said she's done, and my dad putting on some music after dinner. Hahaha. It's ok. Soon. :D :D
The weather is. So. Bad. now. Sure it's not as cold as the rest of Ireland and the UK, but it just keeps raining! And since early afternoon, the wind has been crazy. As in, I've been listening to it whooshing really loudly again and again. Till now. Ugh.
Sat 26/1/13 21:37
Oh yea. Was youtubing and not studying (I NEED TO STUDY!) and came across this song.
"Compare, where are you are and where you wanna be and you'll get, no where." ;)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Change? What do you mean by "change"?
HEYA! So. Very quickly now! I have not studied much. And the work load just keeppppppps piling up and up and up so high, and the days of all the MCQ tests and continuous assessments and exams are just getting closer. SIGH FACE. I sleep too much. And spend the rest of the time eating/making stuff to eat. And the rest of the rest of the time with my bff, the internet. hahaha.
Anyway. Watched Les Miserable just now in the cinema with Sam, Andrea, and Narina!!! I actually really enjoyed the movie!! :D It was kinda slow, in the sense that (SPOILER ALERT, well, not really) the whole movie was in song, which I did not expect at all! But. I think, it just really spoke to me. The hardships, the bleak, harsh fact that you can't do anything more to survive but to throw your pride away. "Don't they know that they're making love to someone who's already dead" or something like that. WOAH. Haha. I didn't understand some of it, cuz it's all in song and there aren't any lyrics and some times I didn't catch the words so I'm like. What? But I really enjoyed the movie. Cried.
Which reminds me that I really need to sleep!!!!!! Cuz crying dries my eyes and makes me tired so I need extra sleep to stay alive the next day. And tmr I needa get up early for art gallery tutorial thing UGH and then dim sum for lunch with Sam (YAY) and then there's dinner with coursemates too. bleshveiwoeuvijom. So hopefully I'll get a nap in the middle of the day somewhere.
And Sat is the first day of the mixed league volleyball thingy!!! It's weird, the games I've played here have all been mixed league. Means half girls half guys. Whuttt. It's kinda fun cuz means you get pro spikers (dudes are pro spikers) but then scary cuz you might be against super pro dudes who spike to kill and break your nose. Haha. It's nothing big. You just sign up for it, get put into a random team and it could suck really badly if your teammates aren't that good. Sigh. I just really hope it'll be something worth my time you know? Cuz this goes on for 5 Saturdays I think. And hopefully. It'll be worth playing. And that I'm not with a team that doesn't put up a fight. And I'll just stand in the court and be bored. Hope for fun!!!
ANYWAY. The reason I really wanted to blog was cuz. Clif sent me a whatsapp pic of this letter I wrote him AGES AGO. OMGGGGG. I can't even remember writing it!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's. Absolutely. just omg so funnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. It was when we were finishing primary 6, and I think I gave him a Christmas present (if I remember correctly, I got him basketball jerseys from Petaling Street cuz he loved playing ball then). And I was saying in the letter, that we're becoming teenagers and all that. HAHAHAHAHA. This is actually a bit embarrassing. But anywho. It just struck me how me the letter was. I'm still the same oh. Really. The fact that I wrote a letter because I love hearing myself talk. Haha. Kinda true. But I mean, I love putting the cherry on top of a gift with a letter because it makes it more personal and you can say all the corny mushy feelings stuff. And then, the fact that I gave him a present of something he liked. And I think I remember debating with myself whether I should get him that because it was pretty pricey. But I got it anyway because I felt, and still feel, that the price doesn't really matter if it's something you know the person will like. (hah, I don't even know if he still has them). But yea. And then. In the letter, I also said "Don't replace me!". HAHAHA. OMGGG or as Denise says, ERMAHGERD, I say that ALL THE TIME now to Denise or Jason or Steph or whoever. I'll be like, don't replace me, don't forget me etc etc etc cuz I'm overly attached like that. HAHA. I just really can't believe that I was TWELVE, almost eight years ago, and it was so me. Or rather, the fact that I haven't changed much at all. Overly attached since birth man. It just struck me how my personality probably hasn't changed much over the years, that it was formed since ages ago though I didn't even realise it. Seriously, when did I become the me that I kinda am today? It really made me drop my jaw. So weird!
But anywho. I should sleep. I'll rethink this issue tmr when my thoughts are more organised. I just really need some sleep now. Ugh. I normally can't function with 8 hours of sleep. I'm gonna get less than that tonight, with dry eyes, don't know how I'll survive. Oooh. Btw. I think the girl, Eponine (sounded like Ebony) in the movie, is really really pretty la. :D :D And I think I'm probably gonna end up like her. Loves the dude but the dude loves this other girl and you help him get her etc etc. (Kinda like the video Unfold by Jinnyboy!!) and then (SPOILER ALERT) you die to save him. HAHAHA dramatic much? I THINK NOT!
Peace out dudez!
Fri 25/1/13 01:14
Anyway. Watched Les Miserable just now in the cinema with Sam, Andrea, and Narina!!! I actually really enjoyed the movie!! :D It was kinda slow, in the sense that (SPOILER ALERT, well, not really) the whole movie was in song, which I did not expect at all! But. I think, it just really spoke to me. The hardships, the bleak, harsh fact that you can't do anything more to survive but to throw your pride away. "Don't they know that they're making love to someone who's already dead" or something like that. WOAH. Haha. I didn't understand some of it, cuz it's all in song and there aren't any lyrics and some times I didn't catch the words so I'm like. What? But I really enjoyed the movie. Cried.
Which reminds me that I really need to sleep!!!!!! Cuz crying dries my eyes and makes me tired so I need extra sleep to stay alive the next day. And tmr I needa get up early for art gallery tutorial thing UGH and then dim sum for lunch with Sam (YAY) and then there's dinner with coursemates too. bleshveiwoeuvijom. So hopefully I'll get a nap in the middle of the day somewhere.
And Sat is the first day of the mixed league volleyball thingy!!! It's weird, the games I've played here have all been mixed league. Means half girls half guys. Whuttt. It's kinda fun cuz means you get pro spikers (dudes are pro spikers) but then scary cuz you might be against super pro dudes who spike to kill and break your nose. Haha. It's nothing big. You just sign up for it, get put into a random team and it could suck really badly if your teammates aren't that good. Sigh. I just really hope it'll be something worth my time you know? Cuz this goes on for 5 Saturdays I think. And hopefully. It'll be worth playing. And that I'm not with a team that doesn't put up a fight. And I'll just stand in the court and be bored. Hope for fun!!!
ANYWAY. The reason I really wanted to blog was cuz. Clif sent me a whatsapp pic of this letter I wrote him AGES AGO. OMGGGGG. I can't even remember writing it!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's. Absolutely. just omg so funnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. It was when we were finishing primary 6, and I think I gave him a Christmas present (if I remember correctly, I got him basketball jerseys from Petaling Street cuz he loved playing ball then). And I was saying in the letter, that we're becoming teenagers and all that. HAHAHAHAHA. This is actually a bit embarrassing. But anywho. It just struck me how me the letter was. I'm still the same oh. Really. The fact that I wrote a letter because I love hearing myself talk. Haha. Kinda true. But I mean, I love putting the cherry on top of a gift with a letter because it makes it more personal and you can say all the corny mushy feelings stuff. And then, the fact that I gave him a present of something he liked. And I think I remember debating with myself whether I should get him that because it was pretty pricey. But I got it anyway because I felt, and still feel, that the price doesn't really matter if it's something you know the person will like. (hah, I don't even know if he still has them). But yea. And then. In the letter, I also said "Don't replace me!". HAHAHA. OMGGG or as Denise says, ERMAHGERD, I say that ALL THE TIME now to Denise or Jason or Steph or whoever. I'll be like, don't replace me, don't forget me etc etc etc cuz I'm overly attached like that. HAHA. I just really can't believe that I was TWELVE, almost eight years ago, and it was so me. Or rather, the fact that I haven't changed much at all. Overly attached since birth man. It just struck me how my personality probably hasn't changed much over the years, that it was formed since ages ago though I didn't even realise it. Seriously, when did I become the me that I kinda am today? It really made me drop my jaw. So weird!
But anywho. I should sleep. I'll rethink this issue tmr when my thoughts are more organised. I just really need some sleep now. Ugh. I normally can't function with 8 hours of sleep. I'm gonna get less than that tonight, with dry eyes, don't know how I'll survive. Oooh. Btw. I think the girl, Eponine (sounded like Ebony) in the movie, is really really pretty la. :D :D And I think I'm probably gonna end up like her. Loves the dude but the dude loves this other girl and you help him get her etc etc. (Kinda like the video Unfold by Jinnyboy!!) and then (SPOILER ALERT) you die to save him. HAHAHA dramatic much? I THINK NOT!
Peace out dudez!
Fri 25/1/13 01:14
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Meant To Be.
I'm happy!! :D Yet sad cuz funerals are going on and such. Sigh. But anyway. It's just. I feel so. Happy oh! Like how I feel every time I meet with one of the girls (Steph/Pei/Tur) or like anyone else and we have a great great catch up session and a great lol session and I drive away feeling so elated and blessed. Sigh. It's just because I've had these two great days.
So it started off yesterday with volleyball. It was just so FUN! I wasn't amazing, could've moved faster and stuff but then I think I improved since last time. We were in evenly-matched teams and it was just a great game. Back and forth. Apparently someone messed up on the UCC volleyball FB page and said that there was no training. So it was just 12 of us. :D So we didn't do any of the drills, just played. And I was so competitive and so unfeminine. Haha. Like how I am when I watch badminton or football or any sport. I'm not really competitive, just hyper and exuberant and I'll be very vocal about my triumphs and frustrations. Hahaha. If anyone has seen me watch sports, ohgosh, they'll see a whole side of me they wouldn't have known existed. Embarrassing if my future bf (oh, please exist!) saw that side of me on the first date. HAHA. HAWKWARDSSSSS.
And thennnnnnnn. It was the charity dinner. Where I had so much fun. Where I did throw my head back and laugh OUT LOUD (oh I'm shooooo ladylaaaiiikkeeee giggles). All the teasing and the jokes going back and forth and the laughter and the eating and everything! It just felt like. Wow. If this is the kind of people that surrounded me throughout my uni life, I would be. So contented man. I would feel. Happy. Just how everyone interacted with everyone else, I really haven't smiled so much just listening to other people's conversations going on. Felt like home, where the guys and the girls mix around and tease each other. Haha. I know, I'm repeating myself and going on and on about the same thing. But I'm just really glad I went to that dinner. Thank God! And I pray that there are lots lots more to come! Really! Please God! Let me get to know them better! Let there be more gatherings! And I know this sounds so like "oh why don't you just go back to Malaysia then", but let me speak Chinese and punch guys and etc.
And then today. Church was great! It was the same older priest that was holding the service the first time I went to the Honan (the church on campus). So I was pretty excited! His sermon was really good oh! And yes, I'm gonna talk about it here. Here goes~~! (haha squiggles are seal). The gospel reading was about the wedding in Cana. How Jesus was just a guest, and the couple became husband and wife and there was wine being served to all the guests. Then the wine ran out. The couple was like oh no there's no wine left. And the mother of Jesus, if I remember correctly, ask Jesus to do something about it. etc etc Jesus asked the servants to fill the jugs with water, and when one of the servants or someone tasted the water, it was the finest wine or something like that. (I'm no bible expert, don't judge if I got facts wrong!).
So anywayyyyyy. The priest, (I call him the Jedi cuz he has this long grey beard and during orientation, when the Chaplaincy (church ppl) were giving their talk about the services they have, they introduced him as the Jedi), addressed that reading.
He said that. Today our water is diluted. It is diluted with selfishness, greed, laziness and all of that stuff. But no matter how dilute it is, Jesus is able to turn that water into wine. :D In the gospel, Jesus wasn't high and mighty. He was merely a guest in the wedding of His neighbour/friends. So we have to remember that Jesus is always happy to just be a guest in our lives. We should always invite Him in. Let Him be a guest. :D The priest went on to say that. Sometimes, when we feel our worthlessness, when we feel undeserving or unworthy of God's love, we should always remember that we are not worthless, that we are exactly where God wants us to be, that for everyone one of us, He has a specific plan. :D He also said that. We should not think of our shortcomings, our sins, our selfishness etc with grief and despair, but with the recognition that God is big enough to forgive us and bless us with His grace, with the recognition that God will accept us and love us even with all our faults.
This sermon really spoke to me lo. As I have or may not have mentioned before, I'm kinda having an identity crisis hahaha. I'm kinda battling with myself. About my actions and whether it's right or wrong. And this could lead into a whole crazy debate about philosophical ethics, about whether the consequence is what determines whether the action is right or wrong, or regardless of the consequence (even if nothing bad happened), whether the action is in itself right or wrong. HAHA MAN, I sound smart. Haha the lecturer mentioned this in our Ethics and Law lecture introduction. About the crazy partying, drinking and clubbing. Sigh sigh sigh faceeeeeeeeee. I always feel really undeserving because these actions are nothing to be proud of, etc etc etc la. Just felt that it's wrong to numb your senses with alcohol to "have fun". And to go out, deprive yourself of sleep, just to be felt up by despo drunk dudes and be pushed around a super packed dance floor and to kill your feet by wearing high heels. What's the point? you know?!!?!?!!
So yea. So I guess the part about feeling worthless, how I'm being so lame and BLEH, really spoke to me. That God really made us who we are. That He knows what we're going through. This is some part of His plan. That even if we fail, He still loves us. I did a super-mini-tear-up (not unusual) in church when I heard this sermon. Cuz it was wow, for me. So maybe I'm not perfect. I make stupid decisions cuz of pride and cuz of peer pressure and cuz I don't wanna be left out and cuz I hate being alone etc etc etc. But God still accepts me. My thoughts are kinda jumbled up so yea. This is all I can come up with. Oh ya, you know, when you leave some great event where you had loads of fun and just had a great time and you feel so blessed, like the gathering I had last night? You get this happy feeling and the photos you took, you'll be like, man, that was great, so proud I was a part of it. !Blessed!. Like how I felt about Germany (the snow, not the pub crawl zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and the trip around England after. For the nights out with my flatmates, after drinking and clubbing. I never get that feeling and I just feel so crap the next day. Guilty, depressed, identity crisis etc etc. Unless I get Chipsy Kings garlic mayo chips which are AMAZING then I'll be totally YAY. But yea. Just wanna make the point that, the feeling you get is different. Thoughts still jumbled. MOVING ON NOW.
Then after church. (yes, there's more to the story!) Went to the city with Paul (4th year dent) and Sam. Went to Uncle Pete's for yumz pizza! Then went grocery shopping (Sam went home) and then met Paul again for O' Conail's Chocolate. Had hot chocolate and brownies, and Narina met up with us too! It was a nice nice chat over drinks. It was a great day. And when I got home, skyped Jason. Talked talked and watched how his mouth goes into an O shape when he concentrates on his geeky game HAHA. And then I was just feeling oh so blessed and happy. Like. REALLY happy. And I wish this feeling could last forever!
And now, I just pray that God, may You have mercy, bless me with people and gatherings and food and great company to share it with, and etc etc so much more!, that I may always feel that I'm meant to be here in UCC, in Ireland so far away from home, that I will be happy.
21/1/13 Mon 00:45
So it started off yesterday with volleyball. It was just so FUN! I wasn't amazing, could've moved faster and stuff but then I think I improved since last time. We were in evenly-matched teams and it was just a great game. Back and forth. Apparently someone messed up on the UCC volleyball FB page and said that there was no training. So it was just 12 of us. :D So we didn't do any of the drills, just played. And I was so competitive and so unfeminine. Haha. Like how I am when I watch badminton or football or any sport. I'm not really competitive, just hyper and exuberant and I'll be very vocal about my triumphs and frustrations. Hahaha. If anyone has seen me watch sports, ohgosh, they'll see a whole side of me they wouldn't have known existed. Embarrassing if my future bf (oh, please exist!) saw that side of me on the first date. HAHA. HAWKWARDSSSSS.
And thennnnnnnn. It was the charity dinner. Where I had so much fun. Where I did throw my head back and laugh OUT LOUD (oh I'm shooooo ladylaaaiiikkeeee giggles). All the teasing and the jokes going back and forth and the laughter and the eating and everything! It just felt like. Wow. If this is the kind of people that surrounded me throughout my uni life, I would be. So contented man. I would feel. Happy. Just how everyone interacted with everyone else, I really haven't smiled so much just listening to other people's conversations going on. Felt like home, where the guys and the girls mix around and tease each other. Haha. I know, I'm repeating myself and going on and on about the same thing. But I'm just really glad I went to that dinner. Thank God! And I pray that there are lots lots more to come! Really! Please God! Let me get to know them better! Let there be more gatherings! And I know this sounds so like "oh why don't you just go back to Malaysia then", but let me speak Chinese and punch guys and etc.
And then today. Church was great! It was the same older priest that was holding the service the first time I went to the Honan (the church on campus). So I was pretty excited! His sermon was really good oh! And yes, I'm gonna talk about it here. Here goes~~! (haha squiggles are seal). The gospel reading was about the wedding in Cana. How Jesus was just a guest, and the couple became husband and wife and there was wine being served to all the guests. Then the wine ran out. The couple was like oh no there's no wine left. And the mother of Jesus, if I remember correctly, ask Jesus to do something about it. etc etc Jesus asked the servants to fill the jugs with water, and when one of the servants or someone tasted the water, it was the finest wine or something like that. (I'm no bible expert, don't judge if I got facts wrong!).
So anywayyyyyy. The priest, (I call him the Jedi cuz he has this long grey beard and during orientation, when the Chaplaincy (church ppl) were giving their talk about the services they have, they introduced him as the Jedi), addressed that reading.
He said that. Today our water is diluted. It is diluted with selfishness, greed, laziness and all of that stuff. But no matter how dilute it is, Jesus is able to turn that water into wine. :D In the gospel, Jesus wasn't high and mighty. He was merely a guest in the wedding of His neighbour/friends. So we have to remember that Jesus is always happy to just be a guest in our lives. We should always invite Him in. Let Him be a guest. :D The priest went on to say that. Sometimes, when we feel our worthlessness, when we feel undeserving or unworthy of God's love, we should always remember that we are not worthless, that we are exactly where God wants us to be, that for everyone one of us, He has a specific plan. :D He also said that. We should not think of our shortcomings, our sins, our selfishness etc with grief and despair, but with the recognition that God is big enough to forgive us and bless us with His grace, with the recognition that God will accept us and love us even with all our faults.
This sermon really spoke to me lo. As I have or may not have mentioned before, I'm kinda having an identity crisis hahaha. I'm kinda battling with myself. About my actions and whether it's right or wrong. And this could lead into a whole crazy debate about philosophical ethics, about whether the consequence is what determines whether the action is right or wrong, or regardless of the consequence (even if nothing bad happened), whether the action is in itself right or wrong. HAHA MAN, I sound smart. Haha the lecturer mentioned this in our Ethics and Law lecture introduction. About the crazy partying, drinking and clubbing. Sigh sigh sigh faceeeeeeeeee. I always feel really undeserving because these actions are nothing to be proud of, etc etc etc la. Just felt that it's wrong to numb your senses with alcohol to "have fun". And to go out, deprive yourself of sleep, just to be felt up by despo drunk dudes and be pushed around a super packed dance floor and to kill your feet by wearing high heels. What's the point? you know?!!?!?!!
So yea. So I guess the part about feeling worthless, how I'm being so lame and BLEH, really spoke to me. That God really made us who we are. That He knows what we're going through. This is some part of His plan. That even if we fail, He still loves us. I did a super-mini-tear-up (not unusual) in church when I heard this sermon. Cuz it was wow, for me. So maybe I'm not perfect. I make stupid decisions cuz of pride and cuz of peer pressure and cuz I don't wanna be left out and cuz I hate being alone etc etc etc. But God still accepts me. My thoughts are kinda jumbled up so yea. This is all I can come up with. Oh ya, you know, when you leave some great event where you had loads of fun and just had a great time and you feel so blessed, like the gathering I had last night? You get this happy feeling and the photos you took, you'll be like, man, that was great, so proud I was a part of it. !Blessed!. Like how I felt about Germany (the snow, not the pub crawl zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and the trip around England after. For the nights out with my flatmates, after drinking and clubbing. I never get that feeling and I just feel so crap the next day. Guilty, depressed, identity crisis etc etc. Unless I get Chipsy Kings garlic mayo chips which are AMAZING then I'll be totally YAY. But yea. Just wanna make the point that, the feeling you get is different. Thoughts still jumbled. MOVING ON NOW.
Then after church. (yes, there's more to the story!) Went to the city with Paul (4th year dent) and Sam. Went to Uncle Pete's for yumz pizza! Then went grocery shopping (Sam went home) and then met Paul again for O' Conail's Chocolate. Had hot chocolate and brownies, and Narina met up with us too! It was a nice nice chat over drinks. It was a great day. And when I got home, skyped Jason. Talked talked and watched how his mouth goes into an O shape when he concentrates on his geeky game HAHA. And then I was just feeling oh so blessed and happy. Like. REALLY happy. And I wish this feeling could last forever!
And now, I just pray that God, may You have mercy, bless me with people and gatherings and food and great company to share it with, and etc etc so much more!, that I may always feel that I'm meant to be here in UCC, in Ireland so far away from home, that I will be happy.
21/1/13 Mon 00:45
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Heartbeat!
HELLO! I'm gonna make one huge point about what I mentioned in the post before, how life just keeps moving on though someone else's might have been put on hold due to something happening.
Tonight I went for a charity dinner thing at some Malaysian senior's house. They prepare a buffet-like dinner and we donate however much we want for the dinner. It goes towards the outreach program that some of the 4th and 5th year dents are going to do in Nepal.
It. Was. Great. The food was good. The curry was yuuummmmm. Noodles, chicken, steamed chicken, nasi lemak, bubble tea, air bunga, etc etc etc. It was all very yum and home cooked too! And just the whole feel of it. The Asian gathering. How different it is to a western one. Haha. Funny when I say western one. It was just how the chickens had bones, how you can eat with your fingers, how it was SO. NOISY, everyone just talking talking teasing laughing. It was great company. Met lots of seniors, med or dent, which year they were in, I don't know. So lost cuz there were so many of them. Really liked them all!!!! So happy I got to meet them. We were all sitting there in the living room. On the floor, on the couches, on the side of the couches. And Sam was telling me and some other girls (Bel and Gaya) about how.. at night while she was sleeping, she suddenly couldn't move. Sleep paralysis, the meds would say, and 鬼压! the others would say. Haha. How she saw a little boy on the side of her bed etc. (OMG. Heart skipped a beat man typing that). 'Twas incredibly freaky.
Thennnnnnn Gaya started telling her own ghost story and more and more people started tuning in till it was the whole room. Cuz when the other ppl who hadn't tuned in talked over Gaya's voice, true to the Asian way, they would be "OI! Shush la, listen!" "Who dare disrespect me ah!" Gaya said. Haha. It was just so funnnnn. She told the story about her friend in NS (National Service). Heart beat quickening, lights turned off, imagining the story. Haha scary laaaa. Ugh. I was so worried about getting home la cuz I would have to walk back to Castlewhite myself after Sam got to Vic Lodge. (But this graduated med doctor, Patricia, who's working here now dropped me off cuz she lives near Mardyke. Thank God!!!!! I think I would've totally freaked myself out man walking alone.) But yea. People took turns telling stories. Most of them took place in the boarding schools they went to back home in Malaysia. I'm sure they were thinking, good days good days. One story Pat told was funny. About how this poor family lived in a hut, and they were a tight-knit family. One day the dad passed away and was buried nearby the hut. And everyday the son would pour coffee onto the grave because the dad loved coffee. He did this everyday without fail for about five years. Then one day, because they couldn't afford coffee, he poured tea because that was all they had. So when he poured tea over the grave, suddenly, a hand popped out of the grave! The hand then made a thumbs-up sign, and said "Boh ada ommph!". HAHAHA. Boh as in Boh Tea! The brand! Hahaha that was a good one.
And it's just like. Omg. We grew up with all these freaky stories la. Seriously man. Asian compared to western. It's kinda hilarious la. All the scary ghost movies we've seen. Japanese and Thai ones, HARDCORE! How we have pontianak, pocong? (those wrapped up Malay corpses, with faces burnt?), toyol, those bomoh stuff. *shivers* scary la. And typing this at 2am in an almost empty apartment that is super quiet is not a very good idea. Haha. But it's just so. Fun. Heartbeat quickening etc etc. Whee! So yea. It was a really good dinner. Had a great time, met great people. Like those typical noisy Asians that you're almost instantly 100% comfortable with. Haha. I'm glad I went.
I should sleep now. :D Tmr church yay! Night nights!!!!!! :D :D :D Don't be scared to open your eyes facing the mirror after you close them when you're washing your face at night~~~!
20/1/13 Sun 01:59
Tonight I went for a charity dinner thing at some Malaysian senior's house. They prepare a buffet-like dinner and we donate however much we want for the dinner. It goes towards the outreach program that some of the 4th and 5th year dents are going to do in Nepal.
It. Was. Great. The food was good. The curry was yuuummmmm. Noodles, chicken, steamed chicken, nasi lemak, bubble tea, air bunga, etc etc etc. It was all very yum and home cooked too! And just the whole feel of it. The Asian gathering. How different it is to a western one. Haha. Funny when I say western one. It was just how the chickens had bones, how you can eat with your fingers, how it was SO. NOISY, everyone just talking talking teasing laughing. It was great company. Met lots of seniors, med or dent, which year they were in, I don't know. So lost cuz there were so many of them. Really liked them all!!!! So happy I got to meet them. We were all sitting there in the living room. On the floor, on the couches, on the side of the couches. And Sam was telling me and some other girls (Bel and Gaya) about how.. at night while she was sleeping, she suddenly couldn't move. Sleep paralysis, the meds would say, and 鬼压! the others would say. Haha. How she saw a little boy on the side of her bed etc. (OMG. Heart skipped a beat man typing that). 'Twas incredibly freaky.
Thennnnnnn Gaya started telling her own ghost story and more and more people started tuning in till it was the whole room. Cuz when the other ppl who hadn't tuned in talked over Gaya's voice, true to the Asian way, they would be "OI! Shush la, listen!" "Who dare disrespect me ah!" Gaya said. Haha. It was just so funnnnn. She told the story about her friend in NS (National Service). Heart beat quickening, lights turned off, imagining the story. Haha scary laaaa. Ugh. I was so worried about getting home la cuz I would have to walk back to Castlewhite myself after Sam got to Vic Lodge. (But this graduated med doctor, Patricia, who's working here now dropped me off cuz she lives near Mardyke. Thank God!!!!! I think I would've totally freaked myself out man walking alone.) But yea. People took turns telling stories. Most of them took place in the boarding schools they went to back home in Malaysia. I'm sure they were thinking, good days good days. One story Pat told was funny. About how this poor family lived in a hut, and they were a tight-knit family. One day the dad passed away and was buried nearby the hut. And everyday the son would pour coffee onto the grave because the dad loved coffee. He did this everyday without fail for about five years. Then one day, because they couldn't afford coffee, he poured tea because that was all they had. So when he poured tea over the grave, suddenly, a hand popped out of the grave! The hand then made a thumbs-up sign, and said "Boh ada ommph!". HAHAHA. Boh as in Boh Tea! The brand! Hahaha that was a good one.
And it's just like. Omg. We grew up with all these freaky stories la. Seriously man. Asian compared to western. It's kinda hilarious la. All the scary ghost movies we've seen. Japanese and Thai ones, HARDCORE! How we have pontianak, pocong? (those wrapped up Malay corpses, with faces burnt?), toyol, those bomoh stuff. *shivers* scary la. And typing this at 2am in an almost empty apartment that is super quiet is not a very good idea. Haha. But it's just so. Fun. Heartbeat quickening etc etc. Whee! So yea. It was a really good dinner. Had a great time, met great people. Like those typical noisy Asians that you're almost instantly 100% comfortable with. Haha. I'm glad I went.
I should sleep now. :D Tmr church yay! Night nights!!!!!! :D :D :D Don't be scared to open your eyes facing the mirror after you close them when you're washing your face at night~~~!
20/1/13 Sun 01:59
Grief.
So today, (technically ystd), one of my best friend's gong gong passed away. I pray that his soul may be in peace, and that his family will be able to be strong, that God will have mercy on them as they go through this sad event. :) I'm sad that he's sad. Sad that he's sad when he see's his po po sad. And it's just so weird. I've always felt that it was so wrong how life just keeps moving on and ploughing on even when something huge just happened to a person. Like death or war or a natural disaster. But I know, it's just the way life is. Moves on even when you don't want it to. It's just weird how he's there, and this just happened to him and his family and to them, time slows down and revolves around that event. And I'm here, and I still have volleyball training to get to and a dinner to attend. It's so wrong. But that's just the way it is. :/
Anywho. Once again, just pray that God will have mercy on the departed's soul, as well as those who are left behind. Pray that they'll be strong.
And somewhat selfishly, pray that I won't have to face that situation anytime soon, that all my loved ones and their loved ones will be healthy and safe.
20/1/13 Sun 01:26
Sorry for your loss bro. Hugs.
Anywho. Once again, just pray that God will have mercy on the departed's soul, as well as those who are left behind. Pray that they'll be strong.
And somewhat selfishly, pray that I won't have to face that situation anytime soon, that all my loved ones and their loved ones will be healthy and safe.
20/1/13 Sun 01:26
Sorry for your loss bro. Hugs.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Quitter.
I'm so sleepy. Eyes are aching in my eye sockets. Haha. Maybe cuz I watched Grey's Anatomy and OMGGGGGGGGGGG so sad how could they do that eeeeeeee next episode next week aahhhhh nooo!!!!
So anyway. Two points. Number one. I got the results for the spot exam for my topographical anatomy module. It's only worth 5% for the whole thing. I got like 64% of that 5%. It's pretty depressing cuz there's only like 9 other ppl out of 45 or so that did worse than me. BUTTTTTTT. OH WELLLLLLLLL. I really wanna do like amazingly well this year so I can hopefully apply for a scholarship somewhere. That requires studying tho, which I haven't done much of. :/ ::awkward silence::
Number two! I was doing a survey just now just because I was bored or something. Or maybe cuz if you do the survey you have a chance to win some prize. Hah, I don't even know what the prize is. But I did it anyway. It was just about how undergrads are finding their time in UCC so far. And there was a question about how motivated I am about my studies and how am I enjoying UCC so far etc. Strongly agree, agree, neither, disagree or strongly disagree? I think I chose neither? Can't really remember. But anyway. I'm just worried. Am I completely happy here? Mmmmmmmm maybe not. The activities I do, the friends I have. *shrugs shoulders, pout out bottom lip, raise eyebrows, tilt head to one side, hold pose for a while*. Hahaha. Am I happy I got a place in UCC? Yes. I deserve it, I worked so hard for it. Whether I appreciate it or not, that's a different thing. I'm just really scared. I've been scared for a while now. I'm scared that I'll pack up and leave because of the "am I completely happy here" thing. It's not like I haven't done it before. TTSS to Box Hill to Genazzano back to TTSS. I'm a quitter, that's what I am. That's why every time someone gives me a pat on the back saying I did so great in the Leaving Cert in such a short time, when I think of how I pushed myself so hard, I hold on to that feeling because UCC is the reward I got for that effort. And I deserve it. I do. So many want this opportunity but don't get it. Butttttt. I'm a quitter. I'm floating. I don't know. *shrugs shoulders, pout out bottom lip, raise eyebrows, tilt head to one side, hold pose for a while*
On a totally unrelated note, BIRTHDAY TREPIDATION. I would really like to thank the people who celebrated my birthday for me last year. The ones who planned stuff, bought me stuff, brought me places. The ones who cared enough to do something about my birthday. I really do appreciate it. :D I don't know how I'm gonna let go of my teens and become 20. The things I say, the thoughts I think, the actions I do and the attention I pay. I'm like a kid. I don't know how to be 20, how to be mature! Ugh. And is it silly to say that I'm not looking forward to my birthday because I'm scared it'll go by unnoticed? I've always felt this way. But oh well. I've decided to throw all the worries etc into the ice cold wind and just, let it be. Every little thing is gonna be alright. :D
I had baked salmon today. (Asked Louis, Ray's housemate, how he cooked it last time when I was there in Eastbourne for NYE dinner). It was really yummy. ^_^
19/1/13 Sat 01:45
So anyway. Two points. Number one. I got the results for the spot exam for my topographical anatomy module. It's only worth 5% for the whole thing. I got like 64% of that 5%. It's pretty depressing cuz there's only like 9 other ppl out of 45 or so that did worse than me. BUTTTTTTT. OH WELLLLLLLLL. I really wanna do like amazingly well this year so I can hopefully apply for a scholarship somewhere. That requires studying tho, which I haven't done much of. :/ ::awkward silence::
Number two! I was doing a survey just now just because I was bored or something. Or maybe cuz if you do the survey you have a chance to win some prize. Hah, I don't even know what the prize is. But I did it anyway. It was just about how undergrads are finding their time in UCC so far. And there was a question about how motivated I am about my studies and how am I enjoying UCC so far etc. Strongly agree, agree, neither, disagree or strongly disagree? I think I chose neither? Can't really remember. But anyway. I'm just worried. Am I completely happy here? Mmmmmmmm maybe not. The activities I do, the friends I have. *shrugs shoulders, pout out bottom lip, raise eyebrows, tilt head to one side, hold pose for a while*. Hahaha. Am I happy I got a place in UCC? Yes. I deserve it, I worked so hard for it. Whether I appreciate it or not, that's a different thing. I'm just really scared. I've been scared for a while now. I'm scared that I'll pack up and leave because of the "am I completely happy here" thing. It's not like I haven't done it before. TTSS to Box Hill to Genazzano back to TTSS. I'm a quitter, that's what I am. That's why every time someone gives me a pat on the back saying I did so great in the Leaving Cert in such a short time, when I think of how I pushed myself so hard, I hold on to that feeling because UCC is the reward I got for that effort. And I deserve it. I do. So many want this opportunity but don't get it. Butttttt. I'm a quitter. I'm floating. I don't know. *shrugs shoulders, pout out bottom lip, raise eyebrows, tilt head to one side, hold pose for a while*
On a totally unrelated note, BIRTHDAY TREPIDATION. I would really like to thank the people who celebrated my birthday for me last year. The ones who planned stuff, bought me stuff, brought me places. The ones who cared enough to do something about my birthday. I really do appreciate it. :D I don't know how I'm gonna let go of my teens and become 20. The things I say, the thoughts I think, the actions I do and the attention I pay. I'm like a kid. I don't know how to be 20, how to be mature! Ugh. And is it silly to say that I'm not looking forward to my birthday because I'm scared it'll go by unnoticed? I've always felt this way. But oh well. I've decided to throw all the worries etc into the ice cold wind and just, let it be. Every little thing is gonna be alright. :D
I had baked salmon today. (Asked Louis, Ray's housemate, how he cooked it last time when I was there in Eastbourne for NYE dinner). It was really yummy. ^_^
19/1/13 Sat 01:45
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Floating.
OMG. My laptop is so lag it makes me so angry! Hahaha. "Video games don't cause violence, lag does", says a post in 9gag. Hahaha.
Anywho. I'm so tired from the gym. I feel like I've been so unproductive. Maybe cuz I've been sleeping every chance I get cuz Sleep Fights Cancer (from A Fault In Our Stars, John Green). Haha. I mean, like, sleep gives you good complexion and more energy to do more exercise in the gym. Whut. But yea. I've been napping in between classes and before going to the gym after classes too. I've been putting in a bit of studying but not as much as I would like to. Night times are super unproductive cuz after dinner everyone just chills in front of the tv and drinks hot chocolate/tea and just try and watch tv while everyone talks over the tv. It's such a joke cuz they'll be like "Oh such and such movie is on tonight! We'll watch that tgth" and everyone just ends up chatting and only 20% of the movie is actually watched. It happens all the time.
This reminds me, have I mentioned anything about my flatmates? My absolutely lovely flatmates. Laura and Lisa from Clonakilty, Edel from Kilkenny and Katie from Clare. Then there's Jolinde from Holland who's here for 5 months only and just joined us this term. :) They are absolutely lovely! Crazy typical Irish who party loads, but absolutely great! I'm actually really gonna miss them so much when I move out next year which is highly likely. They'll probably stay tgth. But we'll see how it goes. It'll be so sad because. With them, it feels like a second home. It feels like a family. Though untidy and infected (Lisa and Laura went home cuz they got sick!!!! Not the first time too!). It's just the fact that one person cooks dinner every night, taking turns and eating together. And the fact that everyone is ALWAYS in the living room. Like they literally just go to their rooms to skype or to sleep. Their laptops are usually left outside in the living room. It's just so nice. I love it so much. If I were to stay with other Malaysians, we probably would be watching our dramas and such, and be glued to the laptop all the time. Whereas with these lovely girls, we have "the lols and the bants" in the living room and just chat and laugh and watch videos and chill. :D I really don't know what to expect if I move in with Sam the next academic year. It'll be so different. But oh well. :)
I was rereading my some of my old posts. I need to grow closer to God. :) Haven't been doing that much.
Also. I'm feeling kinda. Lost. Like. Though I love the girls in 30 (we're in Apartment 30, Flirty 30!!!), I'm not like bffs-so-close-we-just-clicked with them. I feel that way about every one here. It's not so bad. I do enjoy everyone's company (by everyone, I mean my coursemates and stuff). But just no click I guess. So yes. I'm just floating. Floating floating. And theeeeeeen. Oh well. I dunno. But in a small way I feel like I'm being my own man. Trying not to let it bother me so much? *shrugs shoulders* (sigh, as always, I don't know what I'm saying). Sometimes I feel like I'm living a life with nothing that's worth bragging about. Not to say that I love bragging or whatever. But to me, it's like there's nothing really that makes me feel so proud to say, hey, look at all the great things I've been doing. In S3 I at least had loads of activities, the "healthy lifestyle" I did pride myself of. But now it's just like. Meh. There are a couple of times I've been like, hey, I really enjoyed that activity or dinner etc, but then on the other hand. I've been going out partying with my flatmates. And that involves drinking and clubbing. I dunno. It's just not something I'm proud of you know? Before I left for Dublin, when Eugene and Moses and I used to hang out all the time, I learnt from them and kinda decided that yea, gambling and drinking doesn't benefit you etc, doesn't feel right to do those sort of things. But whaddaya know. I'm doing it all the time here (drinking, I mean). Haha. I've been pretty hung up about this issue. It's just such a big part of the culture and the socialising aspect here. So confused. IDENTITY CRISIS, I call it! That's part of the reason why I kinda wanna move out because I won't have to go out with my flatmates then I won't be at war with myself. But then Denise will be like Oh it's your own choice as to whether you wanna drink or not. I guess that YOLO side of me and maybe that proud side of me that wants to prove that "hey, I can drink as much as you can" makes me keep drinking. Hahaha. Omg. This is actually so embarrassing. Heart on my sleeve, yup! But the truth is the truth is the truth.
I gotta go sleep. Have loads of lectures tmr and I didn't nap today so I'm wrecked. Haha. Wrecked is an Irish word. (I mean, an English word that the Irish use all the time). I really don't know what I was talking about in this post.
Opps.
16/1/13 23:34 Wed
Anywho. I'm so tired from the gym. I feel like I've been so unproductive. Maybe cuz I've been sleeping every chance I get cuz Sleep Fights Cancer (from A Fault In Our Stars, John Green). Haha. I mean, like, sleep gives you good complexion and more energy to do more exercise in the gym. Whut. But yea. I've been napping in between classes and before going to the gym after classes too. I've been putting in a bit of studying but not as much as I would like to. Night times are super unproductive cuz after dinner everyone just chills in front of the tv and drinks hot chocolate/tea and just try and watch tv while everyone talks over the tv. It's such a joke cuz they'll be like "Oh such and such movie is on tonight! We'll watch that tgth" and everyone just ends up chatting and only 20% of the movie is actually watched. It happens all the time.
This reminds me, have I mentioned anything about my flatmates? My absolutely lovely flatmates. Laura and Lisa from Clonakilty, Edel from Kilkenny and Katie from Clare. Then there's Jolinde from Holland who's here for 5 months only and just joined us this term. :) They are absolutely lovely! Crazy typical Irish who party loads, but absolutely great! I'm actually really gonna miss them so much when I move out next year which is highly likely. They'll probably stay tgth. But we'll see how it goes. It'll be so sad because. With them, it feels like a second home. It feels like a family. Though untidy and infected (Lisa and Laura went home cuz they got sick!!!! Not the first time too!). It's just the fact that one person cooks dinner every night, taking turns and eating together. And the fact that everyone is ALWAYS in the living room. Like they literally just go to their rooms to skype or to sleep. Their laptops are usually left outside in the living room. It's just so nice. I love it so much. If I were to stay with other Malaysians, we probably would be watching our dramas and such, and be glued to the laptop all the time. Whereas with these lovely girls, we have "the lols and the bants" in the living room and just chat and laugh and watch videos and chill. :D I really don't know what to expect if I move in with Sam the next academic year. It'll be so different. But oh well. :)
I was rereading my some of my old posts. I need to grow closer to God. :) Haven't been doing that much.
Also. I'm feeling kinda. Lost. Like. Though I love the girls in 30 (we're in Apartment 30, Flirty 30!!!), I'm not like bffs-so-close-we-just-clicked with them. I feel that way about every one here. It's not so bad. I do enjoy everyone's company (by everyone, I mean my coursemates and stuff). But just no click I guess. So yes. I'm just floating. Floating floating. And theeeeeeen. Oh well. I dunno. But in a small way I feel like I'm being my own man. Trying not to let it bother me so much? *shrugs shoulders* (sigh, as always, I don't know what I'm saying). Sometimes I feel like I'm living a life with nothing that's worth bragging about. Not to say that I love bragging or whatever. But to me, it's like there's nothing really that makes me feel so proud to say, hey, look at all the great things I've been doing. In S3 I at least had loads of activities, the "healthy lifestyle" I did pride myself of. But now it's just like. Meh. There are a couple of times I've been like, hey, I really enjoyed that activity or dinner etc, but then on the other hand. I've been going out partying with my flatmates. And that involves drinking and clubbing. I dunno. It's just not something I'm proud of you know? Before I left for Dublin, when Eugene and Moses and I used to hang out all the time, I learnt from them and kinda decided that yea, gambling and drinking doesn't benefit you etc, doesn't feel right to do those sort of things. But whaddaya know. I'm doing it all the time here (drinking, I mean). Haha. I've been pretty hung up about this issue. It's just such a big part of the culture and the socialising aspect here. So confused. IDENTITY CRISIS, I call it! That's part of the reason why I kinda wanna move out because I won't have to go out with my flatmates then I won't be at war with myself. But then Denise will be like Oh it's your own choice as to whether you wanna drink or not. I guess that YOLO side of me and maybe that proud side of me that wants to prove that "hey, I can drink as much as you can" makes me keep drinking. Hahaha. Omg. This is actually so embarrassing. Heart on my sleeve, yup! But the truth is the truth is the truth.
I gotta go sleep. Have loads of lectures tmr and I didn't nap today so I'm wrecked. Haha. Wrecked is an Irish word. (I mean, an English word that the Irish use all the time). I really don't know what I was talking about in this post.
Opps.
16/1/13 23:34 Wed
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The Year of Twelves.
Hello! It's been ages since I've said anything here. I should try and get back into the habit more. I will try. It's hard cuz of all the lovely distractions that have come with the advancement of technology, or should I say the internet!!! So anywho. I would just like to acknowledge the passing of 2012. YES, it is 2013! We survived the apocalypse and yadda yadda yadda. I never really believed anything would happen, but there was that what if question in my head and I did say a few "sincere goodbyes" kinda thing before the 21st of Dec. Hahaha. We should say those stuff more, shouldn't we? :) Life is short, don't take it for granted.
ANYWAY. 2012 was a great year. Looking back at it, loads of things happened in that year. Sad things, great things. Kinda like 2011 I guess, like how amazing the S3 experience was and all that. But there are 3 and a half main events that occurred in 2012 that I would like to mention. :)
1. I did the Leaving Cert. Kinda hard to believe that it was only last year that I did that. Seems like ages ago. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, as it was the time I blogged LOADS since I blocked Facebook from my laptop (haha sad circumstances). But yea. It showed me what I could do if I really put my mind to it. I always think of the Post-It note I saw on Kat's wall agesssss ago when she was doing her PMR I think. It said "Where there's a will, there's a way". It's actually so true. :) And also she told me "做人不能半途而废". I dunno. The Leaving Cert was amazing in that way. I worked hard, pushed myself to the limit, and I kinda succeeded. *Wipes away tear dramatically*. Haha. Another thing was that I grew in confidence. As in like, eating alone during lunch and walking around the city alone etc. Having thick skin to ask for help and just... sit alone and stuff. Just being strong. But I guess I couldn't have really gone through that if I didn't have friends back home with whom I still kept in touch with. Lalalala.
2. Raleighhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Went to Raleigh after the Leaving Cert in Dublin and can I just say, IT WAS. AMAZINGGGGG. :D :D To any of you who will actually chance upon this post, DO LOOK IT UP and join an expedition!!!! It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, though hopefully I'll do something like that again. It was just like you were in a totally different life. Gone with the wild, and all that jazz. I consider myself extremelyyyyy lucky because I got a great project and amazing PMs (project managers). (Sorry if I've blogged about Raleigh before but OH WELL). The other project team didn't really have such an amazing time because their PMs kinda sucked the fun out of it as they were so strict and stuff. And also we were lucky because our project site was really kampung and isolated. No phone signal, no electricity, no toilets and such. So in that sense, I got to experience what it was like to really live. Physical labour everyday, sleeping at 9pm due to actual exhaustion, relentless heat with no relief that we usually get from fans or aircons, actually interacting with other humans as we chilled out after work in the evenings. Built a HOUSE out of wood and constructed a gravity water feed, providing the few villagers with running taps. Oh and also made a FIELD where they could play volleyball or football. Like, we used parangs and hacked the wild sharp lalangs out of the way to made it a clear space. It was just truly wonderful. Miss it loads. :) :) Would love to do another one but you just know it won't be the same. We'll see where life leads me anyway. ;)
3. University. I kinda still can't believe I'm actually here. One of the big stepping stones in life. In Cork. Sometimes I do wonder what it'll be like if I chose IMU instead of UCC, how different the lifestyles would be. But I should be grateful. Like what this girl I'm emailing said, (she's someone who's in the Institute in Dublin who wants info about UCC) we'll be here for 5 years and then we'll be qualified, then we'll go home and spend the rest of our lives there (if we choose to). So we should enjoy it now huh! True. :) But I guess sometimes it's hard to appreciate what you've got, first world problems. Haha. But anywho. There have been some.. meh times. And sometimes I feel like I don't click properly with anyone. It's all jussssttt okay. Always jussssttt okay. So sometimes I feel like I'm alone on the moon, perpetual solitute. I do keep in touch with friends back home but it's like. I feel that I'm stuck you know! Everyone is moving on and making great friends and having adventures. And I'm just having this lonely adventure and this horrible identity crisis or battle with my ethical conscience. Hahaha whutttttttttttttttttttttttttt. I guess I feel like I'm a seed that's been thrown here and I'm not growing any roots, whereas other ppl have started growing roots wherever they are. And I'm just floating. Haha. As always, I dunno whaaaaaaaat I'm saying. THE POINT IS. I got into University and I'm here for 5 years and I pray. to. God. that I make it out alive and well. Haha.
And A Half. Lost friends in 2012. Like, really great ones. Haha that sounded like they passed away (TOUCH WOOD!). Just. Time goes on, you float apart, lose touch with some people. LIFE is what happened! haha. It's just sad. But I'm still alive. :) Oh and I went to Germany, first European trip with friends (Shuen, Swarna, Ray!). Pretty coollllllllll. Experienced snow for the first time too! :D :D :D
Anyway. 2013 is here. I will miss 2012. Loved it, bled through it, cried through it, hahahahaha-ed through it, but most importantly, lived through it! 12 is my favourite number so I'm sad it's gone. But 2013, I welcome you, this challenge I have to face! New year's resolutions? Study regularly, exercise at least 3 times a week, blog more, in overall, TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE. Eat less? PFFTT. Ain't nobody got time for that! (9gag reference!). But yea.
Friends, do say hi once in a while. As always, be sincere, and take life by the horns!!
16/1/2013 Wed 12:49am
ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE. DID YOU CHECK OUT GOOGLE? HAHAHA SO COOL! It's a GAME! I mean the google logo thing they occasionally do to celebrate special occasions. (hence the word occasionally -.-). I suppose it's cuz of all the snow that's falling NOT in Malaysia back home. hahaha. (And not in Cork as well! Though it's getting really cold). But yea. COOL.
ANYWAY. 2012 was a great year. Looking back at it, loads of things happened in that year. Sad things, great things. Kinda like 2011 I guess, like how amazing the S3 experience was and all that. But there are 3 and a half main events that occurred in 2012 that I would like to mention. :)
1. I did the Leaving Cert. Kinda hard to believe that it was only last year that I did that. Seems like ages ago. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, as it was the time I blogged LOADS since I blocked Facebook from my laptop (haha sad circumstances). But yea. It showed me what I could do if I really put my mind to it. I always think of the Post-It note I saw on Kat's wall agesssss ago when she was doing her PMR I think. It said "Where there's a will, there's a way". It's actually so true. :) And also she told me "做人不能半途而废". I dunno. The Leaving Cert was amazing in that way. I worked hard, pushed myself to the limit, and I kinda succeeded. *Wipes away tear dramatically*. Haha. Another thing was that I grew in confidence. As in like, eating alone during lunch and walking around the city alone etc. Having thick skin to ask for help and just... sit alone and stuff. Just being strong. But I guess I couldn't have really gone through that if I didn't have friends back home with whom I still kept in touch with. Lalalala.
2. Raleighhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Went to Raleigh after the Leaving Cert in Dublin and can I just say, IT WAS. AMAZINGGGGG. :D :D To any of you who will actually chance upon this post, DO LOOK IT UP and join an expedition!!!! It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, though hopefully I'll do something like that again. It was just like you were in a totally different life. Gone with the wild, and all that jazz. I consider myself extremelyyyyy lucky because I got a great project and amazing PMs (project managers). (Sorry if I've blogged about Raleigh before but OH WELL). The other project team didn't really have such an amazing time because their PMs kinda sucked the fun out of it as they were so strict and stuff. And also we were lucky because our project site was really kampung and isolated. No phone signal, no electricity, no toilets and such. So in that sense, I got to experience what it was like to really live. Physical labour everyday, sleeping at 9pm due to actual exhaustion, relentless heat with no relief that we usually get from fans or aircons, actually interacting with other humans as we chilled out after work in the evenings. Built a HOUSE out of wood and constructed a gravity water feed, providing the few villagers with running taps. Oh and also made a FIELD where they could play volleyball or football. Like, we used parangs and hacked the wild sharp lalangs out of the way to made it a clear space. It was just truly wonderful. Miss it loads. :) :) Would love to do another one but you just know it won't be the same. We'll see where life leads me anyway. ;)
3. University. I kinda still can't believe I'm actually here. One of the big stepping stones in life. In Cork. Sometimes I do wonder what it'll be like if I chose IMU instead of UCC, how different the lifestyles would be. But I should be grateful. Like what this girl I'm emailing said, (she's someone who's in the Institute in Dublin who wants info about UCC) we'll be here for 5 years and then we'll be qualified, then we'll go home and spend the rest of our lives there (if we choose to). So we should enjoy it now huh! True. :) But I guess sometimes it's hard to appreciate what you've got, first world problems. Haha. But anywho. There have been some.. meh times. And sometimes I feel like I don't click properly with anyone. It's all jussssttt okay. Always jussssttt okay. So sometimes I feel like I'm alone on the moon, perpetual solitute. I do keep in touch with friends back home but it's like. I feel that I'm stuck you know! Everyone is moving on and making great friends and having adventures. And I'm just having this lonely adventure and this horrible identity crisis or battle with my ethical conscience. Hahaha whutttttttttttttttttttttttttt. I guess I feel like I'm a seed that's been thrown here and I'm not growing any roots, whereas other ppl have started growing roots wherever they are. And I'm just floating. Haha. As always, I dunno whaaaaaaaat I'm saying. THE POINT IS. I got into University and I'm here for 5 years and I pray. to. God. that I make it out alive and well. Haha.
And A Half. Lost friends in 2012. Like, really great ones. Haha that sounded like they passed away (TOUCH WOOD!). Just. Time goes on, you float apart, lose touch with some people. LIFE is what happened! haha. It's just sad. But I'm still alive. :) Oh and I went to Germany, first European trip with friends (Shuen, Swarna, Ray!). Pretty coollllllllll. Experienced snow for the first time too! :D :D :D
Anyway. 2013 is here. I will miss 2012. Loved it, bled through it, cried through it, hahahahaha-ed through it, but most importantly, lived through it! 12 is my favourite number so I'm sad it's gone. But 2013, I welcome you, this challenge I have to face! New year's resolutions? Study regularly, exercise at least 3 times a week, blog more, in overall, TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE. Eat less? PFFTT. Ain't nobody got time for that! (9gag reference!). But yea.
Friends, do say hi once in a while. As always, be sincere, and take life by the horns!!
16/1/2013 Wed 12:49am
ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE. DID YOU CHECK OUT GOOGLE? HAHAHA SO COOL! It's a GAME! I mean the google logo thing they occasionally do to celebrate special occasions. (hence the word occasionally -.-). I suppose it's cuz of all the snow that's falling NOT in Malaysia back home. hahaha. (And not in Cork as well! Though it's getting really cold). But yea. COOL.
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