Mysteriously...

Wooooo!!! Blogger has updated itself while I was away trying to study. Kinda confusing, tbh. But seems pretty cool but annoying too. No one really likes change I guess. So anyway. HELLO!!!!!!!! I haven't been blogging for a while! Eeeehehehehe. Nice to finally be able to lay my thoughts out man. They've been clogging up, giving me headaches and sadness. So glad that my fishies are still alive man. Aaahahahahahaaaaaaa. 


Ok, seriously. Lots of things have happened since I've been gone. Here's an update. 


1. School stuffs. Been going okayishhh. Staying at the library, studying, struggling. Nothing new I guess. Officially handed up my religion project FINALLY!!!!! Spent like 3 hours and a half hand writing it out, about 2000 words or so!! It was really tiring but amazing to finally get it all over and done with. Whee! There was one day when I got really really stressed up and even had a tear or two leaking out. I don't know.. I just made the mistake of thinking about all of the things I had to do in such a short time all at once, and I just couldn't handle it. But as always, the next day came and it was all okay. So yea. Have to keep moving forward. Don't settle for the plateau, as Jason said Bruce Lee said. Haha. Even if it kills you. I think the biggest motivation for me now comes when I think of this: Imagine if you don't get the score. OMGOSH!!!!!! That's super scary. Like grips-my-heart-so-I-can't-breathe scary! Imagine if I don't get it. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would flip a million tables in frustration and will still be frustrated!!! Really gotta put in my all! Hahahaha ohmygosh!! On Tuesday last week, I actually forgot to go to class!!!!! My Physics classes are always the last one of the day, usually at 4pm 5pm or so. On Tues it's 5pm and I have religion class before that. So during religion, I was kinda half focused only.. and was chatting to Jason a little cuz I was sooooo sleepy. I was thinking wistfully about how it used to be with really familiar friends. Where you don't really have to worry about anything.. where you could just walk into their houses.. where you know their parents. Stuff like that. Just really familiar that you don't think twice? And so I told him, Yer, miss my friends that I'm familiar with. Then he replied "Miss you too" or somethinggg like that. AAAHAHAHAHAHA then immediately I wasn't sleepy anymore cuz honestly, it was kinda amusing that he said that lo. HAHAHAHA. From a GUY! But he's always been a little diff from other guys. Haha. "Special". Hahaha. (But honestly, all jokes aside, I do miss him la. One of my 'buddies', as he puts it. Just found it really funny that a guy would say that bah. Even I don't really say that to my female friends man! :p) Then a few minutes later class was over, and I was in such a good mood I actually started going on my way home!! When I got off the tram and was walking back to the house, I suddenly stopped right on the pavement, looked at the time, and was like OH FUGGLE! I have physics! EEEEEE!!!! TRUST ME to be the kind of person that's as silly as that. WHO DOES THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha. So yea, that was something interesting that has never really happened to me before. Pretty cool pretty cool! Haha. 


2. On the Monday of this week, had an interview at RCSI for all the international students. RCSI, for Medicine. 90% of the students were from my school, all the Middle Easterners. It went quite good. I said almost all I got to say. My school held mock interviews for us all, which was pretty good for me. Though Elaine reckons that it'll make the interview kinda rehearsed, for me, it gave me a chance to really think about what my stance was with the questions they would ask. Like why I wanted to be a doctor, what qualities do you think you have that makes you suited etc etc. It gave me a chance to think about how I would answer these questions, because I struggle with those kind of questions because honestly, I don't know. I don't know how to lie, so I kept trying to find the honest answers to those questions. In the end, I did ok. Sounded convincing I guess. Oh, the lies! I said things like, I KNOW that being a doctor is what I want to do, and I will stick it out to the end and I have the determination to succeed. I'm very sure of myself, that's one of my qualities. I know that this is what I want, and I will go for it. Etc. TSK TSK. And I said things like I've heard about the long hours and the emotional stress of being a doctor, and that was one of my main concerns too. But I think that the fact that you are able to help so many people outweighs all this, and knowing that, I know I will be able to stick it out. Haha. Of course it wasn't phrased so nicely la. But yea. In actual fact, I'm terrified about that aspect of being a doctor lo. There's so much responsibility in your hands. And what happens if one of your immediate families gets sick? How would you respond, knowing you have the qualifications to save a life. What if you fail? OMGOSH. Scary!!!! Like in Grey's Anatomy... the super old episode where one of George O'Malley's family got sick. And he couldn't deal. etc etc etc. Yup. All in all, the interview was good. If I get it, will I go? I don't really know. It's kinda on the no side, because of the culture of the uni.. how it's so money-minded. And the fees are OMG expensive! My jaw literally fell open when I saw the figures online and did the multiplications in my head. Woah man!!!!!!!! But I don't know. After all the thinking about the questions and stuff, it was kinda like I was trying to convince myself that that was what I want. And I don't know oh. The end can be great, I really can help many people. But then the process is going to be a super tedious and hard and tough tough tough one. Do I really want that kind of lifestyle? There's so much more to life. etc etc. Haha. Omgosh. This is gonna be a long post. ANYWAY. The interview, everyone said it was great.. the interviewers were all so friendly etc. Haha. But guess what? If they all said it went well, then what's gonna happen? They can't let us all in. You know? I'm suspecting that they were looking for something more than your ability to communicate well. I don't know la. MEH. Lastly, I got asked an interesting question. They asked me, in my opinion, in the whole world, what is the most pressing disease/infection/illness that needs our immediate attention...that we need to find a cure for urgently. I was kinda stuck because there's just SO MANY crazy diseases out there. In the end I just went with what I knew about the most, cancer. Told them a little about Melina. How it's such a horrible disease. Kat said HIV could've been one, and I think it's probably a better answer. But I don't really know much about HIV so I couldn't have said much about it too. Haha. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE, I need to increase you. 


3. 24/4!!!! TUR'S BDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUR!!!!!! I skype with her quite often.. and it's kinda funny cuz sometimes I can't even HEAR what she's saying due to lousy microphone or whatever on her side, and sometimes my line is bad too. But yea it's kinda like whut lo when we skype. Haha. I was just hoping to get to skype her on her bday and like have a cupcake there, sing happy bday to her and then eat the cupcake on her behalf (hahaha). But then I got a whatsapp from Pei the day before Tur's bday! She asked me what I was doing, and told me she wanted to post photos up of her and her card to Tur. She asked me if I wanted to do the same. So we discussed it a little and I got the idea that we could do it together.. as in join forces, she holds happy and I hold bday kinda thing. Take a photo then upload it. You know? We discussed and GOSH the TIME DIFFERENCE! It was either she slept really late and skype me on that day we were discussing, or she wake up early and I sleep late for us to meet. Because I knew she was those early night people and that she had no trouble waking up early, I just said I'll sleep late. So we did it!!! It was crazyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The line was pretty bad! We keptttt getting disconnected! And we took so many photos of the same thing, trying this out and changing that. And we just impromptu went along with whatever other ideas we had. It was pretty outrageous and funny you know! Like when we wear both trying to join our hands tgth to make a heart shape, with each of us making half of the heart with one hand, we were like "a lil to the left, left, right!! right a lil more! back! wait wait wait! left a littleeeee! ok ok! smile!!!!!" *printscreen* hahaha. It was really funny. And in the end, it turned out AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! I only have seen a few of the final products! But Tur really liked it and she was in the lab in her school on Facebook and she was doing her signature squeals and giggles when she was looking through the photos. So that's good. :D :D Tur got a surprise party by her church friends. A large group of them you know! So it's really cool to know that she's doing well there, that though it's only been a few months, she has people who care for her. See! Church communities make a difference lo! Pei Whatsapped me when I was in school, and she said "You know? they actually took photo with our photo and said it is our group photo! So sweet!! I'm so touched! hahaha! When tur saw the album she keep making those weird sound in sch like keep yer yer yer like that. Hahaha so funny!" It was really awesome lo. You know.. it made me really miss them a lot. The four of us. KTPS. Since Senior 1, that was when it became the four of us. It hasn't been the most flawless of friendships la.. we've had minor falling outs and inevitably, now that we're all in different places, we kinda drifted apart. I hadn't really kept in touch with Pei much lo. Just life taking its toll on us la. But then with that effort for Tur, it made me realise how I had kinda slowly forgotten about how it used to be, the four of us. TIME MAKES YOU FORGET!!!!!!!! Kinda forgotten how it used to be when it's just so familiar. Like close friends, we've had sleepovers, had sleepovers with very little sleep, had sleepovers where we just slept, brush teeth tgth, eat bfast half asleep.. so many things that you just won't really do with any other ppl. Those kind of days are gonna be so rare now. We're all growing up. Sigh. Miss it much. It was all amazing. :) Haha. HAPPY BDAY to Tur again! (You know.. Felt really blessed lo. That I have all these memories. All these close friends. Like Pei, Steph, Tur.. Dummy.. Fiona.. etc. The kind of closeness that's kinda hard to find. Not every one has it. Feel so lucky! And like having a sissy sis to count me down to my super huge exam. Really just so blessed oh!!!!!!!! TTSS life is really different. :) Haha ok I dunno what the talk I am about derrrr)


4. I wonder whether teachers can tell my mind is totally blank when they make eye contact with me, and I'm kinda looking at the board but NOTHING is going through my mind. Then my nerves kinda make me register and goes ALERTTTT! TEACHER HAS MADE EYE CONTACT and my heart beats really hard once and then enough blood goes to my brain then snap back to reality and WOAHHHHHH I wonder whether he could tell I was spacing out. Then I refocus and take in what's on the board and what's being said. Haha. ALWAYS HAPPENS. My mind is just blank sometimes you know.. I really wonder if they can tell that all that's in my head are just the echos from droplets of water hitting the imaginary floor of an empty room. WHUUT. hahaha. 


5. On Tur's bday too. Had an epic skype with Ray!!!!! Hahaha. First time we really just kept talking! It wasn't that good la cuz we're both supposed to be STUDYING! But it was really awesome lo! We talked about Emer.. about friends.. judgmental, future, family. So much stuff. I kinda think Emer is like me lo.. really outgoing and talkative and loud and a lil outrageous. And I kinda was looking for the same thing that she's struggling with now: real friends. We're both kinda... idealistic? In the way that we both want a circle of close friends. I guess I was pretty lucky.. I did get that. Quite a lot too you know! So yea. I pray she'll be able to find it too, and that she'll do a better job than I did!!! Friendship is a tough journey man. Pray you'll find friends that love you as much as you love them... and that they will treat you well. Pretty coolio lo. Ray is soooooooo.. wise oh. Like when she was talking about her judgmental friend, like she even kinda told her friend off for judging one of their friends. So articulate oh! I don't think I would be able to be ever talk that way lo! And like the way she views stuff is so mature lo. How she said she will take care of her mum in the future.. how she says should never judge people etc. So seldom to meet people like that. Haha. Once again, made me kinda realise that indeed everything happens for a reason. Like in Senior 1, I got forced to buy the new uniform tho I was leaving to Melb in a month or so. Then I came back for S3 and I had uniform to wear. Then I didn't do that well in UEC.. then I came here. And so did Elaine (thank God!!!!! Wouldn't know how I would survive without her la) (WHAT ARE THE CHANCES! Two KK ppl in the same school in IRELAND). Then same time zone with Ray, become close to her. In a way, I also kinda became closer with Jason looo.. Drifted from Moses and Eugene.. became closer with Dummy too. But I have no idea where it all leads to. What's gonna happen in the future? I'm kinda worried that by the end of the year.. I might not be close with Jason anymore or Ray etc. You know how life just happens right? So yea. Kinda sad. Guess we just gotta put in the effort no? Has to be two sided!!!!! Haha. Life is mysterious.. Right? God works in mysterious ways. Pretty cool pretty cool. 


6. Oooh! I got 95% for my Maths Paper 2 mock you know!!!!!!!!! SO IMPRESSIVE, if I may say so myself. Like. Super impressive la. Greeshma got 50% for it. So it was a total shock la when I found out. BUT. I didn't manage to get my paper back. Because they just leave all the handouts from teachers at one corner of the library. And you have to go and take it yourself. So someone stole mine. SIGH. Really sad cuz I don't even REMEMBER what I did in the paper. Seriously. But anyway. So when Nini found out, (Elaine told her) she asked me to teach her probability. I was kinda hesitant cuz Prob and Statistics are the two chapters I'm the least confident about. But I said ok I'll try. So I've been looking at the units and revising them and finding ways (in some way, planning) how to explain and teach it. I was kinda worried about it la. I really wanted to do a good job. We had planned for me to teach during lunch today. So yea.. I prayed and worried etc etc. And today arrived. And it went WELL!!!!!!!!! YAYYYY! Super happy la. I blundered from time to time, having to rewind. But it went better than expected. Thank GOD!!!!! :D :D I loved it lo.. Love making a difference!!!!! Helping people! Wheee!! Didn't finish everything but yea.. continue soon if they need it I guess. Saw Nwando (who kinda joined in too but also chatting with her friend on her phone) in the library after school and she was like, "I understand it!!! I get what I'm reading!" kinda thing. And went over to Nini, she could do most of the questions!!!!! Helped her through some of the questions she had trouble with. But yea. SO SATISFYING OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is mysterious. God works in mysterious ways. I was really happy lo. So while walking home at 7pm after studying in the library, the weather was GREAT. Well, it was kinda cold, but the sun was shining through the clouds (yes.. shining! at 7pm! Sun sets at like 9pm now!) and it wasn't raining and ridiculously windy like it had been the past few days. What a change! But the point is, is that it's not the first time when I get a great day AND the weather is coincidently great too on that day. Seriously! Rmbr that time 1st of March when I was super hyper and happy? The sky was really beautiful on that day too. And the day Big Bang's song made me happy and I was feeling good? I rmbr thinking the weather wasn't that bad. Give thanks man!!! Give thanks! :D


7. Talked to Ray about future some time ago. She showed me this video. Just made me think about all the other possibilities out there that will let me help people. So ugh la. How do you know which decision is right? AGHHH!! Makes me go crazy oh. Like.. lie-on-the-carpet-face-down crazy! But yea. Check the video out. So amazing la!!!! Srsly! :( I WANNA HELP PPL!!!! 






8. You know, now I'm reading End of the Spear, bt Steve Saint. It's a true story and it's a Christian book. Funnily enough, Ray's parents gave it to me for Christmas (I think) in 2007. Love it that they wrote the year and a wish for me on one of the blank pages in the front lo!! And for some reason, I randomly chose to bring the book here and started reading it. I've been wanting to post about it for quite a while now. It's pretty interesting. The style of writing a little repetitive but that's not the point because it's not fiction anyway. So it's basically about this tribe, the Waodani, living in the deep jungles in Ecuador (I think). And they were savages before, with killing as their way of life. Like if you got to your mid-30s, you would've been considered really old, cuz most people die young because of all the spearing (their weapons are blowguns and spears). But they were introduced to God by missionaries, and since then they've been walking in God's path. No more killing. And the story is about how Steve Saint and his family are going to move to live with them to help them be independent and live as a functional society etc. The journey of making that decision la. So ANYWAY. Nah! "I thought of what King Solomon had said a couple of thousand years ago: "Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness!" (Ecclesiastes 5:10). I knew from my experience that he was right. I though of all the time-saving devices my North American society had devised: dishwashers, washing machines, dryers, lawn mowers, vacuum cleaners... and the biggest necessity of all- the personal car. With all those time-savers, one would think that we would have lots of time to sit around and fine-tune our relationships with our friends and families. But that never happened. Despite civilization's handy time-savers, life has become such a rat race that we can't afford to stop even for a few days, much less a couple of months without risking everything. The Waodani were the ones who had time to play with babies and tell stories about everyday occurrences." Something to think about, no? Also, "I have long dreaded the thought of getting to the end of life and regretting that I allowed my own timidity or other people's expectations to determine the course of my life. I had decided at a much younger age that several of my beliefs should determine the course of my life." :/ Have YOU lead your life with your timidity and other's expectations making decisions for you? Are you holding fast to your beliefs? Living life satisfactorily, in a way you're proud of? Living it fully? Think about it!!!! Me? I honestly don't know oh. Anyway. "That is the kind of story we yearn for, the kind that ends with "And they live happily ever after." But that never happens. After each chapter, life just grinds on, and we have to go on making choices and living with the consequences." So true. Time never stops. Relentless. Scary! Which brings me to my next point. 


9. Life and Death. It's something that's been on my mind for quite some time you know. Seriously. Scares me so much oh. So there're a few reasons why this has been on my mind. First, it's just generally been there la. Talked to Dummy once or twice about life.. Like how we should appreciate appreciate appreciate family because you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. "Do good deeds" she said. Haha. (ps. Dummy! You know.. the only time when I get a long msg from you is when we talk about death. What the bubbles man!!!!! What a topic to choose to be talkative about! -.- Talkative my head. I take that back. Ugh what am I saying. Haha. But it's true story though. Tsk!!! p~d!!!!). Second, my hostmum's uncle in England passed away. It was kinda expected. And then my hostdad's sister or whoever (somehow related to my hostparents la!) gave birth to a boy last week (pray for them because there were complications and the baby already has had surgery etc!!!!!!!). Just made me think how life and death just happens everyday. No exceptions. "Life just grinds on". So true la. Third, Elaine told me about how one of her friend's bro had Leukemia and he passed away after many years of having that disease. She told me that he was always in hospital and stuff. And we were talking about it la. It's really sad lo. Cuz you're just living your days out in the hospital, so weak. And other people, though they may care about you, they will have their own lives to lead. And eventually, they'll get caught up in life and in a way.. kind of forget you. And especially if, like him, you've had it for so many years, they'll just kinda be desensitized to it bah. And then bam, he passed away. And Elaine said that her friend, the sister, sometimes still says "I wish I had spent more time with him". You SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is so short. So fickle!!! We're all in danger of getting caught up with our own lives you know! We really never know what's going to happen. Don't wait until it's too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


Fourth and lastly, Jeffrey Voon. It was news that spread really fast. Seriously. I found out from Gee, and I didn't know who he was.. just that he was Andrew Voon's son, the man who owned Coffee Bean and had a heart attack while training for a marathon in Likas. The sad thing is that now the mum and sisters are left behind. So sad la!!!! Nobody knows if it was an accident or a suicide. It's just really sad, how his dad just recently passed and now him. And it made me think about how fickle life is again. Felt sorry for the family. But other than that, didn't feel much except for fear for time. And then even when things like that happen, Chelsea still gets into the finals of the FA Cup, the Leaving Cert still approaches, birthdays are still celebrated. Life grinds on. And we just have to make choices and keep living. :( So..... unfair laaa!!!!!! Then the other day, was talking to Elaine about him, and she showed me a photo of him from Facebook and my heart honestly skipped a beat and I was totally shocked. I knew who he was! I didn't know that I knew him! But it's him!!!! I've seen him forever!!! Since primary school man! A year older than me. Same primary school then in TTSS again. Always just seen him around. And unexpectedly, it really did bring me down lo. Like, it made me feel that life was just soooo unfair that it brought tears to my eyes oh. So sad! So shocking! I don't know what I was feeling la. :( :( :( Like that day, I was really kinda down lo. And the reason was because of the information I had just learnt. And before bed, I told Dummy, "Really scared me. That I knew Jeffrey Voon. Been seeing him all my life since pri sch. So scary la! Imagine how it would be if someone you used to see all the time just disappeared forever. :((((((((( Can you imagine that? Think about it eh! Like if suddenly forever and ever you can't ever see someone who's always just been there. Friend or family or distant cousin. Scary! N also, like if you died tmr, would you say you lived life to the fullest? Content with where you are and what you've done? :( Spend time doing things that matter! Sososososo tired. I hope I don't die tmr. Cuz if I do, I would've spent my time just studying and being in this country so far away. Blah. Scary. Pray pray pray. Gnite". I was really down that day. All these thoughts amplified in my head.. weighing on my heart. Like Ray said, what is education without family? It's true!!!!!!! There's so much more to life than just this lo. It really just...... makes me so upset it's kinda silly cuz I didn't even really know him. But today walking to school, I was kinda thinking about it, and suddenly, out of no where, this quote from Harry Potter 7 popped into my head: Don't pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, above all those who live without love - Dumbledore. And that made me feel somehow better. Pray. Said to Dummy, pray that God won't ever give us something we can't handle (that will make ppl commit suicide), pray that God will watch over the Voon family, pray that God will have mercy on them, on us all. Seriously. Make sure your priorities are right ok!!!!!!!!!!! Some things matter more than others. :) Appreciate your family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lest it's too late. Yer. Time is so scary!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :( Hope the weight on my heart will lift soon. Feel so worried oh. Racing against time. In every thing. 


Well. This was a super duper long post. CHISOHAMNIDA! Haha. Spent all of today writing oh! Haha. Study tmr!!! Might go to a nearby library. We'll see. To end this kinda super serious post, when I told Jason that I've been worried and stressed.. headache and stuff. He said "relax your mind. Even Stephen Hawkings used to do rowing when he was bored" Whuttttttt. That made me laugh. Haha. Gnite yall! LOVE! LIVE WITH LOVE!!!!!!!!! 


28/4/12 01:00 EXACTLY!