Wowowowow! It's been ages! It actually kinda brings tears to my eyes, when I think of all the memories that I've put down in this blog, how they are a part of me, and how they make me who I am. It brought tears to my eyes, partly because of the bittersweetness I felt while rereading my posts; partly because I fell out of the habit of noting down my thoughts and musings.
But, gladly, I have a huge urge to come back. You know, since my last post, my life has turned around 180 degrees. It's actually completely crazy how my life changed so much in under a year. I won't say it's been easy. There've been many, many unexpected bumps that I've met. I've been angry, hyper, foolish, enchanted, sad, heartbroken, vengeful, really stressed, and just happy and grateful. Typical. But I do highlight 'unexpected' though.
The biggest change I've made since my last post is that I'm back in my hometown to graduate from high school. Yup. From the far-away Australia, back to tiny Kota Kinabalu. I won't say it's been the smartest choice I've made, but you know, when I ask myself the question, I actually don't regret my decision. There are very, very little things that I've done for just myself. Some of them were really stupid and are decisions I regret, but some of them, surprisingly, I don't regret at all. For example, the choice of taking up Literature was a choice I don't regret at all. BUT, having said that, doesn't mean that it's been an easy road so far, and doesn't mean that it's a smart decision.
Well, there's no turning back, is there?
There are 62 days left to my big examination, UEC, which is the equivalent of VCE, and I'm still struggling with all my subjects. When I think about this year coming to a close, I find it hard to catch my breath. I struggle to calm myself and I feel stressed because I'm scared I'm not making full use of my time left in this year. Kind of brings tears to my eyes too. All that's left is UEC, which determines where I'll be next year, what I'll be doing; all that's left is a couple of months to fight hard to get what I want; all that's left of my high school life are these few months.
Although I don't regret coming back, I actually don't know whether the overall feeling I have for this year is a happy one or a sad one. Lots of things happened. Sadly, they've made me quite matter-of-fact, quite boring, to say the least. I guess I just don't like to put effort into things that I don't believe will last. Kinda sad. I've accepted that things don't last forever. (Well, I think I've accepted that even before this year, but this year has made me truly believe it). In a way, it's kind of like I've given up trying because I know the end result will still be zero.
Sniff.
Well. I have to get studying. My next post will be, 'God is watching over me'. Haha. Don't worry. Not all my posts will be that positive and optimistic.
I just skimmed through my good friend's blog which I haven't read in AGES, and she posted this: A stressed mind begins with a negative thought.
Hmm. I think that's worth thinking about, no?
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