Yesterday was an amazing day spent with a close friend, Fiona. It really was amazing.
We were out celebrating Liau's birthday with Tur and Angela, and we were going to the cinema to watch Spy Kids- All The Time In The World. From the parking lot, we had to go up this escalator to get to the cinema lobby and I was arm in arm with Fiona a that time. And I kinda suggested that we go up the down-escalator. I was just saying that I've always wanted to try it.. and she surprised me by leading me to the down-escalator and saying 'ON LO!!!'. I seriously didn't think she was serious, but assured me she was. Then she ran straight up the down-escalator, with her 7-inch high heels!!! I was so surprised, of courseeee I followed her. I was laughing so much it was actually hard for me to run up faster than the escalator was travelling and to actually go forward. It was absoooolutelyyyy hilarioussss. Her heels were making these SUPER LOUD clacks as she ran up, laughing too. The embarrassment, the amusement, and the pure disbelief that we were actually running up a down-escalator kept me laughing out loud. Gosh, we were SO LOUD. I actually thought of giving up and going back down because I was so tired from laughing and it was quite a work out to get anywhere. But I pushed on, oh-so-heroically, and jumped the last couple of steps to reach the landing. Fiona immediately hugged my arm and buried her face in it while laughing, hiding her face from embarrassment. We both just turned our faces towards each other, trying to hide from the public's amused stares at our flushed faces. There was this group of teens standing not far from the escalator, pointing at us and laughing. That will be an experience I will never forget! Now I can proudly say, I've ran up a down-escalator once in my lifetime, and it was LEGEN- wait forrrr itttt- DARY!
After dinner, I was driving home with Fiona, she was going to get picked up from my house. And as we were passing school, the spotlights were on and there were people playing on the basketball court and volleyball court, there were people sitting in groups on the field, there were huddles of people walking around, walking to the shops. These were all due to the Malaysian Chinese Independent Secondary Schools ball games that were coming up. Remember? The QGDZ competitions? So yea, just like before, I got all excited and was GUSHING to Fiona about all the hot guys that will look super cool and hot on the courts as they smash or dribble the ball etc, and kept pointing at the groups of people, insisting they were hotties even though we couldn't actually get a proper look at them. And Fiona suggested that we turn into school to have a look-see. I was SOOOOO HAPPY and EXCITED. So we went to the courts and just sat there, watching the teams from other schools play. And I was talking about how amazing the atmosphere was (just like I mentioned in one of my previous posts), and Fiona said it reminded her of dancing practices at night. Those were really great. And we kept driving around the school, just seeing what everyone was doing, checking out the guys to see if there were any hot ones, and ogling the hall that was decorated with the flags of the schools that were participating.
Then we spotted this cute guy. To be honest, there weren't any hot guys at all. Like seriously. But then, this guy we saw, who played badminton, was not THAT hot, but he was really really cute. And we kept driving round and round the hall, watching him. It was super childish and 'I'm a girl who has no life' but it was fun. I knew it was foolish, but hey, we only live once right? And then we talked ourselves into asking what school he was from. It took SO LONG. He was in the hall, playing badminton with his teammates. We just sat in the car which was parked outside where he was playing, squealing to ourselves about what to say, how to say it, how to get his attention. It was hilarious!! And then after like 20 minutes of steeling ourselves to do it, I walked out of the car and standing beside Fiona, we asked a guy who was playing with his phone in front of the car to call the guy out. The guy came out and we were nudging each other, and I knew I was kinda blushing. GOSH it was sooo foolish yet super exciting! While we were murmuring to each other, he asked us '请问有什么事情吗?' HAHAHHAHA. SUPER SUPER FUNNY! Then we asked what school he was from, he's from Alor Setar Independent Chinese School or something like that. And we asked whether he had any matches tomorrow, he said he had one at 8am. And we were just like 'oh, good luck'. Hahahaha.
SUPER AWKWARD SUPER FUNNY SUPER FUN!
We actually wanted to get his number but OH WELL. Fun ended there.
So yea. Haha. These are the chronicles of the super epic day I had with Fiona!! :D :D Happy sigh-face.. Memories that'll last forever.
Now I can say, 'Me? I lived my life. What about YOU?'
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Lead Our Own Lives.
I am hurt.
1. I never asked you to ask for permission to go out with anyone else. Let's lead our own lives, is what I said. I'm not anyone you are bound to by law or by anything, I'm your friend. Who am I to control what you do, who you meet with? Sure I say things like that sometimes, but I don't really mean it 100%. I don't want to be able to stop you from going out with someone else just cuz I say I don't want you to. Then what kind of friend would I be? If you want to go, go.
2. You always ditch my texts when you're with her. You ignore them or you just ignore your phone. When you're with me, do I say you have to put your phone away? Do I seriously complain when you text them? I just shut up and wait for you to turn your attention back to me. But when your phone dies when you're with me, you immediately ask for mine to let whoever you're texting know that you can't reply them. Do I get that? No. You just leave me to wait for you reply and leave me to pointlessly expect a reply that's not going to come. Why not just take my phone and use it to continue your conversation? I'm nothing to you anyway. I'm just some person you feel obliged to spend time with.
3. Whatever. I never asked you to choose. I won't. Just go if it makes you happier, just leave.
4. I'm childish and manipulative. I decided then and there that I won't text you till I get enough courage to bury it all and put on a smile. Not the first time it has happened. Get used to it. I only do it when I'm hurt.
Let's lead our own lives. Nothing lasts forever anyway.
1. I never asked you to ask for permission to go out with anyone else. Let's lead our own lives, is what I said. I'm not anyone you are bound to by law or by anything, I'm your friend. Who am I to control what you do, who you meet with? Sure I say things like that sometimes, but I don't really mean it 100%. I don't want to be able to stop you from going out with someone else just cuz I say I don't want you to. Then what kind of friend would I be? If you want to go, go.
2. You always ditch my texts when you're with her. You ignore them or you just ignore your phone. When you're with me, do I say you have to put your phone away? Do I seriously complain when you text them? I just shut up and wait for you to turn your attention back to me. But when your phone dies when you're with me, you immediately ask for mine to let whoever you're texting know that you can't reply them. Do I get that? No. You just leave me to wait for you reply and leave me to pointlessly expect a reply that's not going to come. Why not just take my phone and use it to continue your conversation? I'm nothing to you anyway. I'm just some person you feel obliged to spend time with.
3. Whatever. I never asked you to choose. I won't. Just go if it makes you happier, just leave.
4. I'm childish and manipulative. I decided then and there that I won't text you till I get enough courage to bury it all and put on a smile. Not the first time it has happened. Get used to it. I only do it when I'm hurt.
Let's lead our own lives. Nothing lasts forever anyway.
It's Not Supposed To Hurt.
I stopped playing volleyball.
There are basically two reasons why. First and foremost, I couldn't handle how tired I got after training. I wouldn't be able to study. It made me sleep in class, and encouraged my mood swings. And studies are my priority. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle my studies well if I took on volleyball. So yea. It wasn't that hard of a decision because there were other reasons that made me WANT to quit. I went back training after the second school exam (I think?). And I was focused when I played. I kinda sucked after not having proper training for a year. So yea, I had lots to improve. I was dedicated, and I'm not even lying. I was dedicated, I wanted to do my best for the team, and I even skipped some tuition for training (so foolish -.-). Then one day I had this headache and it was the kind I always got before a fever. So I knew it was coming. The next day, a Friday, was pretty bad. Had a headache and was feeling really under the weather. I saw Lee Dao Ming and I told him that I wouldn't go for training because I felt sick. And so I went to tuition after school. I felt SO BAD at tuition. It was really horrible. It was quite cold as usual, but I was feeling it a lot worse than I normally felt it. And I went to the toilet and back into the cold room. And from there, maybe because of the change in temperature, it went downhill. My fingernails were purple and I was freezing. Like I was shivering and I seriously could not stand the cold. After enduring the cold, cold room, I went home. I got my fever then and it was worse than I ever had. I had cold shivers though my head felt hot. I couldn't even stand to have the fan on. It was horrible. So my mum made me sweat it out and the cold shivers went away after that, but not the fever. I still had headaches the next few days. So on Monday, even though I felt better, I chose to go to tuition. I'm sorry if I chose to go to a class that I felt was helpful and that I had already paid for, instead of going to training.
Then after that, I don't know what day it was, Lee Dao Ming was at Denise's house (her mum knows Lee Dao Ming's wife or something) and Lee Dao Ming was telling him about volleyball and stuff. And he said that I was kinda kicked from the team. Because I didn't go to training TWICE? Yea, I did feel guilty when I chose tuition over training, but forgive me for being slightly selfish. He said to Denise that there's the QGDZ (全国独中) competition in August and said I could go for that. But seriously. He did not even tell me face to face. He's such a coward seriously. And such an undignified person. As a teacher, he couldn't even face me and tell me properly, not even giving me a chance to justify my choices. That's the worst thing, seriously. The fact that he didn't notify me, but told Denise, who doesn't even PLAY for the school team or is in any way involved in the team. It was such.. crap. That's what it was, it was crap. I knew he was unprofessional and not a great coach at all since I started playing, but I didn't think he would run that far away from his responsibilities. I was sooo turned off. Since then, all traces of respect I had for him vanished just like that. Sometimes I don't like people, but I still have respect for them. But then sometimes, I don't like a person AND have no respect for them. So just like that, I quit without any intention of going back. Sure, I miss the game, but I don't have any regrets at all.
I pity the players, I've heard from LeePei how ungracefully Lee Dao Ming treats them, and I've seen it for myself. He doesn't try to encourage the players and keep their spirits up, always saying negative things. The structure of his training never changes, and he isn't able to bring out the players' full potential because of that. The only thing I regret is that I can't be there for Pei and Jessie, especially Pei though. She tries so hard, and I just want to support her. She is constantly bugged down by Lee Dao Ming's words, and I pray that she will stay strong.
Anyway. As I watched them play a friendly match against Taiwan, with me wearing my school uniform and not a jersey, sitting at the sidelines as a supporter, I thought that I will feel regret for quitting. It was quite surprising that I didn't. All I wanted was to show my support to my friends that I care about, and also to enjoy a wonderful match. That was good.
So anyway. QGDZ is a nationwide competition for the Chinese Independent Schools. It's a huge competition because it includes volleyball, basketball, badminton and ping pong. This year, my school is hosting it. There are so many schools taking part and there'll be so many students coming. The opening ceremony is on Friday, and tonight as I drove past school to tuition, I saw the basketball courts occupied by players from a different school, and there were students wearing jerseys walking to the shops nearby, and a team and their teacher walking back to school with shopping. I've always been the kind of girl who loves activities like these and love ball games. I felt so, so, so excited. I can't wait for it to start and to watch basketball and volleyball matches. The guys ones especially. I am looking forward to the tall, manly guys I'll be able to admire from the sidelines, I am looking forward to the excitement and the cheers from all the supporters, I am looking forward to the pride I will feel as I watch my friends play well, I am looking forward to a great week of competitions.
So naturally, the atmosphere at school was so exciting even though I was just driving past. I could see that it felt like what it felt like during camps in school, when it's nighttime and it's dark and everyone's voices are muffled and the breeze is cool. There were tall, manly guys playing basketball. It's just oh so exciting.
So as I was sitting here, surfing the internet, I was thinking about that excitement and atmosphere, and one thought led to another. I was thinking about volleyball and how I hope they will play well, cuz Pei's been saying that she felt that the whole team has really started to improve and bond with each other (no thanks to Lee Dao Ming!). And suddenly, out of the blue, I imagined myself as a teammate with them, chasing the ball and falling to get the ball. And it hurt. It hurt. It shouldn't hurt. I know it wouldn't happen, I know it's impossible. I will be at the sidelines, supporting my dear friends. I wouldn't be in the court with them. So why should it hurt? Well, it does. It did. Why? Because I miss it? I don't know. It just hurt...
The feeling has passed anyway. But I just wanted to blog about it, because that wistful feeling of 'I should be there' hasn't hit me in a long time. Which is good I suppose.
Anyway. I'm looking forward to the start of QGDZ. Hope there will be lots of hot, tall, manly guys from other schools. Hope my beloved friends will play their best. Dare to hope the girls will be victorious? Yes.
...It's not supposed to hurt.
There are basically two reasons why. First and foremost, I couldn't handle how tired I got after training. I wouldn't be able to study. It made me sleep in class, and encouraged my mood swings. And studies are my priority. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle my studies well if I took on volleyball. So yea. It wasn't that hard of a decision because there were other reasons that made me WANT to quit. I went back training after the second school exam (I think?). And I was focused when I played. I kinda sucked after not having proper training for a year. So yea, I had lots to improve. I was dedicated, and I'm not even lying. I was dedicated, I wanted to do my best for the team, and I even skipped some tuition for training (so foolish -.-). Then one day I had this headache and it was the kind I always got before a fever. So I knew it was coming. The next day, a Friday, was pretty bad. Had a headache and was feeling really under the weather. I saw Lee Dao Ming and I told him that I wouldn't go for training because I felt sick. And so I went to tuition after school. I felt SO BAD at tuition. It was really horrible. It was quite cold as usual, but I was feeling it a lot worse than I normally felt it. And I went to the toilet and back into the cold room. And from there, maybe because of the change in temperature, it went downhill. My fingernails were purple and I was freezing. Like I was shivering and I seriously could not stand the cold. After enduring the cold, cold room, I went home. I got my fever then and it was worse than I ever had. I had cold shivers though my head felt hot. I couldn't even stand to have the fan on. It was horrible. So my mum made me sweat it out and the cold shivers went away after that, but not the fever. I still had headaches the next few days. So on Monday, even though I felt better, I chose to go to tuition. I'm sorry if I chose to go to a class that I felt was helpful and that I had already paid for, instead of going to training.
Then after that, I don't know what day it was, Lee Dao Ming was at Denise's house (her mum knows Lee Dao Ming's wife or something) and Lee Dao Ming was telling him about volleyball and stuff. And he said that I was kinda kicked from the team. Because I didn't go to training TWICE? Yea, I did feel guilty when I chose tuition over training, but forgive me for being slightly selfish. He said to Denise that there's the QGDZ (全国独中) competition in August and said I could go for that. But seriously. He did not even tell me face to face. He's such a coward seriously. And such an undignified person. As a teacher, he couldn't even face me and tell me properly, not even giving me a chance to justify my choices. That's the worst thing, seriously. The fact that he didn't notify me, but told Denise, who doesn't even PLAY for the school team or is in any way involved in the team. It was such.. crap. That's what it was, it was crap. I knew he was unprofessional and not a great coach at all since I started playing, but I didn't think he would run that far away from his responsibilities. I was sooo turned off. Since then, all traces of respect I had for him vanished just like that. Sometimes I don't like people, but I still have respect for them. But then sometimes, I don't like a person AND have no respect for them. So just like that, I quit without any intention of going back. Sure, I miss the game, but I don't have any regrets at all.
I pity the players, I've heard from LeePei how ungracefully Lee Dao Ming treats them, and I've seen it for myself. He doesn't try to encourage the players and keep their spirits up, always saying negative things. The structure of his training never changes, and he isn't able to bring out the players' full potential because of that. The only thing I regret is that I can't be there for Pei and Jessie, especially Pei though. She tries so hard, and I just want to support her. She is constantly bugged down by Lee Dao Ming's words, and I pray that she will stay strong.
Anyway. As I watched them play a friendly match against Taiwan, with me wearing my school uniform and not a jersey, sitting at the sidelines as a supporter, I thought that I will feel regret for quitting. It was quite surprising that I didn't. All I wanted was to show my support to my friends that I care about, and also to enjoy a wonderful match. That was good.
So anyway. QGDZ is a nationwide competition for the Chinese Independent Schools. It's a huge competition because it includes volleyball, basketball, badminton and ping pong. This year, my school is hosting it. There are so many schools taking part and there'll be so many students coming. The opening ceremony is on Friday, and tonight as I drove past school to tuition, I saw the basketball courts occupied by players from a different school, and there were students wearing jerseys walking to the shops nearby, and a team and their teacher walking back to school with shopping. I've always been the kind of girl who loves activities like these and love ball games. I felt so, so, so excited. I can't wait for it to start and to watch basketball and volleyball matches. The guys ones especially. I am looking forward to the tall, manly guys I'll be able to admire from the sidelines, I am looking forward to the excitement and the cheers from all the supporters, I am looking forward to the pride I will feel as I watch my friends play well, I am looking forward to a great week of competitions.
So naturally, the atmosphere at school was so exciting even though I was just driving past. I could see that it felt like what it felt like during camps in school, when it's nighttime and it's dark and everyone's voices are muffled and the breeze is cool. There were tall, manly guys playing basketball. It's just oh so exciting.
So as I was sitting here, surfing the internet, I was thinking about that excitement and atmosphere, and one thought led to another. I was thinking about volleyball and how I hope they will play well, cuz Pei's been saying that she felt that the whole team has really started to improve and bond with each other (no thanks to Lee Dao Ming!). And suddenly, out of the blue, I imagined myself as a teammate with them, chasing the ball and falling to get the ball. And it hurt. It hurt. It shouldn't hurt. I know it wouldn't happen, I know it's impossible. I will be at the sidelines, supporting my dear friends. I wouldn't be in the court with them. So why should it hurt? Well, it does. It did. Why? Because I miss it? I don't know. It just hurt...
The feeling has passed anyway. But I just wanted to blog about it, because that wistful feeling of 'I should be there' hasn't hit me in a long time. Which is good I suppose.
Anyway. I'm looking forward to the start of QGDZ. Hope there will be lots of hot, tall, manly guys from other schools. Hope my beloved friends will play their best. Dare to hope the girls will be victorious? Yes.
...It's not supposed to hurt.
God Is Watching Over Me.
Seriously. :)
I always believe that everything happens for a reason. Even if it is something that seems bad, something that breaks your heart, I believe that there's always something good that happens because of it, that wouldn't have happened otherwise. Like, you know the times when you accidentally overhear a part of a conversation, that is later brought up in your classes or among your friends or something, and you get to make input that makes you seem knowledgable and informed, but you actually just repeated what you had overheard before? Everything happens for a reason, and I choose to believe that it is God's doing. :)
So that day, it was a Wednesday and I had Bio exam. I hadn't finished studying. Ok, to come totally clean, I had only kinda studied 3 chapters out of 6, and I didn't even memorise everything, just READ it. I was planning to wake up at 5am to study, but trust myself to not wake up. So I was super stressed and I was angry as well. Cuz it was a bad morning. I look at the time when I woke up and was totally CRAPNUTS-ing, then there was no toilet paper, then my kakak hadn't put my uniform upstairs. It was just a very ugh kinda morning. Then in the car on the way to school. I breathed in and breathed out, and I sent a prayer to God asking God to watch over me and guide me, that I will study what I need to know and things like that.
So after my BM paper which didn't go too well cuz I was really tired, we had an hour-long recess. I, of course started cramming Bio. I had choices to make, whether I should read the chapters I haven't studied, or revise what I had studied the night before. I decided to revise what I had already studied before. Steph dropped Bio, so she went home. And LeePei came over and sat in Steph's place (which is in front of me) to study. Companionable silence. Haha. I was kinda panicky and was reading really fast, shaking my legs, repeating the points over to myself, flipping the pages, again and again. And I was like revising and also studying a new chapter I thought would be important too at the same time. And I told Pei that that chapter on Muscle Contractions was quite hard to understand. And she offered me her exercise papers and notes she got from her tuition. So I was scanning through it, shaking my legs, repeating the points over to myself, flipping the pages, again and again. Haha. And when I went to the toilet, not really looking at the path I was walking on because I was studying, I was flipping through the pages and I stopped on this page at the very end of the chapter that showed the weird family trees thing, X-linked recessive, autosomal recessive etc.
The exam itself was really good. Not like 'I'll get a great score' good, but like 'the paper was easy relative to how much I studied' good. (It's not that I didn't put lots of time to study, it's just that I studied reallllyy slowly. Too slow. Don't misunderstand! :/) Most of the questions came from the important chapters, which were the ones I studied. Genes, reproduction, sensory stuff (eyes and ears etc), and muscle contraction. And the X-linked recessive graph came out too. WHEE. It was a great feeling. I was super happy after the exam. I THINK I can pass, it'll be so disappointing if I didn't pass. But there's no one to blame but me anyway.
When I went home, Denise had lunch with me at home, and my mum picked up the stuff Kat and I ordered online. I had been waiting for ages for it, and was SUPER excited because high at that time. It was just a super-amazing uplifting feeling. That's the right word: uplifting. I was euphoric and extremely exuberant. It was sooooooo great. So, FOR SOME REASON, I decided to revise what I had studied, instead of studying new chapters. FOR SOME REASON, Pei came and sat with me, even though for the length of the whole exam, I was the one who went over to her sometimes. FOR SOME REASON, I looked at the family tree graphs at the last minute. FOR SOME REASON, my mum remembered to get the online shopping package for me.
What reason is that? Fate, chance, luck, you name it. It's totally up to you. But I believe it's God. God. is. watching. over. me. It was an amazing day. (I hope I pass.. seriously).
Anyway. All in all, exams were pretty bad. I don't know.
Huh.
I don't know.
:/
I always believe that everything happens for a reason. Even if it is something that seems bad, something that breaks your heart, I believe that there's always something good that happens because of it, that wouldn't have happened otherwise. Like, you know the times when you accidentally overhear a part of a conversation, that is later brought up in your classes or among your friends or something, and you get to make input that makes you seem knowledgable and informed, but you actually just repeated what you had overheard before? Everything happens for a reason, and I choose to believe that it is God's doing. :)
So that day, it was a Wednesday and I had Bio exam. I hadn't finished studying. Ok, to come totally clean, I had only kinda studied 3 chapters out of 6, and I didn't even memorise everything, just READ it. I was planning to wake up at 5am to study, but trust myself to not wake up. So I was super stressed and I was angry as well. Cuz it was a bad morning. I look at the time when I woke up and was totally CRAPNUTS-ing, then there was no toilet paper, then my kakak hadn't put my uniform upstairs. It was just a very ugh kinda morning. Then in the car on the way to school. I breathed in and breathed out, and I sent a prayer to God asking God to watch over me and guide me, that I will study what I need to know and things like that.
So after my BM paper which didn't go too well cuz I was really tired, we had an hour-long recess. I, of course started cramming Bio. I had choices to make, whether I should read the chapters I haven't studied, or revise what I had studied the night before. I decided to revise what I had already studied before. Steph dropped Bio, so she went home. And LeePei came over and sat in Steph's place (which is in front of me) to study. Companionable silence. Haha. I was kinda panicky and was reading really fast, shaking my legs, repeating the points over to myself, flipping the pages, again and again. And I was like revising and also studying a new chapter I thought would be important too at the same time. And I told Pei that that chapter on Muscle Contractions was quite hard to understand. And she offered me her exercise papers and notes she got from her tuition. So I was scanning through it, shaking my legs, repeating the points over to myself, flipping the pages, again and again. Haha. And when I went to the toilet, not really looking at the path I was walking on because I was studying, I was flipping through the pages and I stopped on this page at the very end of the chapter that showed the weird family trees thing, X-linked recessive, autosomal recessive etc.
The exam itself was really good. Not like 'I'll get a great score' good, but like 'the paper was easy relative to how much I studied' good. (It's not that I didn't put lots of time to study, it's just that I studied reallllyy slowly. Too slow. Don't misunderstand! :/) Most of the questions came from the important chapters, which were the ones I studied. Genes, reproduction, sensory stuff (eyes and ears etc), and muscle contraction. And the X-linked recessive graph came out too. WHEE. It was a great feeling. I was super happy after the exam. I THINK I can pass, it'll be so disappointing if I didn't pass. But there's no one to blame but me anyway.
When I went home, Denise had lunch with me at home, and my mum picked up the stuff Kat and I ordered online. I had been waiting for ages for it, and was SUPER excited because high at that time. It was just a super-amazing uplifting feeling. That's the right word: uplifting. I was euphoric and extremely exuberant. It was sooooooo great. So, FOR SOME REASON, I decided to revise what I had studied, instead of studying new chapters. FOR SOME REASON, Pei came and sat with me, even though for the length of the whole exam, I was the one who went over to her sometimes. FOR SOME REASON, I looked at the family tree graphs at the last minute. FOR SOME REASON, my mum remembered to get the online shopping package for me.
What reason is that? Fate, chance, luck, you name it. It's totally up to you. But I believe it's God. God. is. watching. over. me. It was an amazing day. (I hope I pass.. seriously).
Anyway. All in all, exams were pretty bad. I don't know.
Huh.
I don't know.
:/
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
59 DAYS
THERE ARE 59 DAYS TO UEC AND COUNTING. ONE BY ONE, I MARK THE DAYS OFF MY CALENDAR. THE DAY OF UEC DRAWS CLOSER. I HYPERVENTILATE AND GET A FAKE PANIC ATTACK WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT.
I CANNOT, ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT, FOR THE DAY IT'S OVER. OH, I SHALL BE WATCHING SERIES AFTER SERIES, MOVIE AFTER MOVIE, READING MANGA AFTER MANGA, BOOK AFTER BOOK, NEVER GETTING OFF FROM MY BUTT.
THE WAIT, IT BETTER BE WORTH IT!
NOW, TIME TO STUDY.
I CANNOT, ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT, FOR THE DAY IT'S OVER. OH, I SHALL BE WATCHING SERIES AFTER SERIES, MOVIE AFTER MOVIE, READING MANGA AFTER MANGA, BOOK AFTER BOOK, NEVER GETTING OFF FROM MY BUTT.
THE WAIT, IT BETTER BE WORTH IT!
NOW, TIME TO STUDY.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Twenty Eleven.
Wowowowow! It's been ages! It actually kinda brings tears to my eyes, when I think of all the memories that I've put down in this blog, how they are a part of me, and how they make me who I am. It brought tears to my eyes, partly because of the bittersweetness I felt while rereading my posts; partly because I fell out of the habit of noting down my thoughts and musings.
But, gladly, I have a huge urge to come back. You know, since my last post, my life has turned around 180 degrees. It's actually completely crazy how my life changed so much in under a year. I won't say it's been easy. There've been many, many unexpected bumps that I've met. I've been angry, hyper, foolish, enchanted, sad, heartbroken, vengeful, really stressed, and just happy and grateful. Typical. But I do highlight 'unexpected' though.
The biggest change I've made since my last post is that I'm back in my hometown to graduate from high school. Yup. From the far-away Australia, back to tiny Kota Kinabalu. I won't say it's been the smartest choice I've made, but you know, when I ask myself the question, I actually don't regret my decision. There are very, very little things that I've done for just myself. Some of them were really stupid and are decisions I regret, but some of them, surprisingly, I don't regret at all. For example, the choice of taking up Literature was a choice I don't regret at all. BUT, having said that, doesn't mean that it's been an easy road so far, and doesn't mean that it's a smart decision.
Well, there's no turning back, is there?
There are 62 days left to my big examination, UEC, which is the equivalent of VCE, and I'm still struggling with all my subjects. When I think about this year coming to a close, I find it hard to catch my breath. I struggle to calm myself and I feel stressed because I'm scared I'm not making full use of my time left in this year. Kind of brings tears to my eyes too. All that's left is UEC, which determines where I'll be next year, what I'll be doing; all that's left is a couple of months to fight hard to get what I want; all that's left of my high school life are these few months.
Although I don't regret coming back, I actually don't know whether the overall feeling I have for this year is a happy one or a sad one. Lots of things happened. Sadly, they've made me quite matter-of-fact, quite boring, to say the least. I guess I just don't like to put effort into things that I don't believe will last. Kinda sad. I've accepted that things don't last forever. (Well, I think I've accepted that even before this year, but this year has made me truly believe it). In a way, it's kind of like I've given up trying because I know the end result will still be zero.
Sniff.
Well. I have to get studying. My next post will be, 'God is watching over me'. Haha. Don't worry. Not all my posts will be that positive and optimistic.
I just skimmed through my good friend's blog which I haven't read in AGES, and she posted this: A stressed mind begins with a negative thought.
Hmm. I think that's worth thinking about, no?
But, gladly, I have a huge urge to come back. You know, since my last post, my life has turned around 180 degrees. It's actually completely crazy how my life changed so much in under a year. I won't say it's been easy. There've been many, many unexpected bumps that I've met. I've been angry, hyper, foolish, enchanted, sad, heartbroken, vengeful, really stressed, and just happy and grateful. Typical. But I do highlight 'unexpected' though.
The biggest change I've made since my last post is that I'm back in my hometown to graduate from high school. Yup. From the far-away Australia, back to tiny Kota Kinabalu. I won't say it's been the smartest choice I've made, but you know, when I ask myself the question, I actually don't regret my decision. There are very, very little things that I've done for just myself. Some of them were really stupid and are decisions I regret, but some of them, surprisingly, I don't regret at all. For example, the choice of taking up Literature was a choice I don't regret at all. BUT, having said that, doesn't mean that it's been an easy road so far, and doesn't mean that it's a smart decision.
Well, there's no turning back, is there?
There are 62 days left to my big examination, UEC, which is the equivalent of VCE, and I'm still struggling with all my subjects. When I think about this year coming to a close, I find it hard to catch my breath. I struggle to calm myself and I feel stressed because I'm scared I'm not making full use of my time left in this year. Kind of brings tears to my eyes too. All that's left is UEC, which determines where I'll be next year, what I'll be doing; all that's left is a couple of months to fight hard to get what I want; all that's left of my high school life are these few months.
Although I don't regret coming back, I actually don't know whether the overall feeling I have for this year is a happy one or a sad one. Lots of things happened. Sadly, they've made me quite matter-of-fact, quite boring, to say the least. I guess I just don't like to put effort into things that I don't believe will last. Kinda sad. I've accepted that things don't last forever. (Well, I think I've accepted that even before this year, but this year has made me truly believe it). In a way, it's kind of like I've given up trying because I know the end result will still be zero.
Sniff.
Well. I have to get studying. My next post will be, 'God is watching over me'. Haha. Don't worry. Not all my posts will be that positive and optimistic.
I just skimmed through my good friend's blog which I haven't read in AGES, and she posted this: A stressed mind begins with a negative thought.
Hmm. I think that's worth thinking about, no?
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