Yup. Hey guys. We just started our induction week at school. Yes. Induction for Year. Twelve. And I reckon that how this week is, is how it will be most of next year.
I. Am. Stressed.
Today is Tuesday, and we only started our sort-of-Year-12-but-not-really-official-yet classes yesterday. Despite that, I'm already really stressed about the work load. There was no 'since you've all finished exams, let's play Pictionary!' kind of scenario. It was just handouts after handouts and then beginning of lessons. Already, I have a Chemistry revision booklet to finish by this week, and all the English texts that I have to read before next year. We've started some stuff in Specialist Maths and Physics too. Oh gosh. I already feel the throbbing headache I always get when I feel slightly overwhelmed by the amount of work needed to be done.
It's not that bad, I guess (what?). We have all of the year-end holidays to get them done. But I really really want to finish it by this week (the Chem work, that is). I just don't want to have to work during the holidays, especially because Pei and Steph are coming (next post!!) and then I'll be back in MALAYSIA!!!! I'm just really lazy. Ugh. (Single room, next post too!!!) And also because I'm alone, there's no annoying roommate that sleeps uber early anymore, thus I have gone back to my pattern of sleeping late ie. 12am and after. So I'm actually REALLY sleepy right now.
I am facing a HUGE dilemma right now (AGAIN?). Yes, yes. Gosh. I don't know whether I should drop Physics for Psychology. Before, it was Physics for Accounting. The thing is, Physics is just REALLY ANNOYING. It's not that it's not interesting, it actually blows your mind at how energy is transferred bla bla bla. But the way it is taught here just.. makes my head implode multiple times! I groan and hit my head with my pencil case when the next period is Physics. It's just too much 'inference' and 'do this prac and you'll understand' stuff. I guess I'm too Asian. Too used to the really concise and probably not-so-fulfilling explanations I got in M'sia I guess. Psychology is amazingly interesting, that's what EVERYONE (seriously!) tells me. But the thing is, it gets scaled down!!! Either that or it stays where it is.
Oh goshhhh. I'm going overboard with looking at the score I might get. Ugh. WHAT DO I DO? Well, I'm sort of leaning towards Psych. Accounting is just something boring. Psych is way more interesting, and my mum already gave me the green light anyway. But the thing is, will I be able to get more than a 40 to not get scaled down? I just checked the scaling sheet, what if I did Biology then? It gets scaled up or not at all. UGHHHHH. I'll ask my friends tomorrow. I just PRAY that God will show me what I should do (corny?). But yea. Hopefully I won't make the wrong decision. :S :/
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Progress And Goals.
Wednesday, 24/11/10
Hey guys. So this week, we have our Companionship Program. It is a school program where, for a week, we do community service at a place we signed up for. Today is the third day of it, and I am reallyyyyy tired. So I am doing my companionship at the Salvation Army store with Celine and Kate. I initially wanted to do something at Tear Australia, which is something like World Vision but on a much, much smaller scale (I think). That's what I want to do you know? Help the poor, etc. etc. Haha. Anyway. They rejected me (sad. Better get used to it though huh? :P) and I was at a stage where I couldn't care less, so I just went with Celine and Kate. The place is near Celine's house, and Celine did her companionship there last year. Kate just wanted to get it arranged because she couldn't be bothered thus she just went with Celine. And in the end, I went with them too.
I have to say, I am really enjoying it so far. Well. It's from 9am-3pm. So it's really, really tiring. But I just love the shop! It's an Op-Shop and it's called the Salvos. And it's uber cool! There's SO MUCH stuff there, and it's all donated, which you gotta admit is kind of cool. There're clothes, books, toys, knitting needles, DVD-players, laser discs, porcelain stuff (like china, but probably not so fine?), luggage bags, jewellery, shoes, bags, some furniture, roller blades! It really has LOADS of stuff. And I'm constantly surprised at the amount of customers that come into the shop. AND also the amount of donations we get in a day. It's so cool!!! Anyway. What we do there, is the clothes will be sorted into their respective price buckets (by the supervisor), and we hang them up onto this rack according to their prices and we tag them with a price tag. Then of course we arranged them in the shop. There's the 'colour sequence' that we have to follow. White-cream-beige-yellow-brown etc etc. It's pretty cool. Other than that, we just walk around the shop tidying up the racks and stuff. The bookshelf was sorted by us today and the prices were slightly knocked down.
I'm really unfit though. I'm SO TIRED from standing. My legs are ridiculously sore. It's really bad. So. What's really sad is that I wanted to get this really nice handbag that wasn't too old-looking but big enough for me. BUT IT WAS GONE TODAY. That's actually really really sad. Looks like I'm sticking with my ultra sad, green bags. That's just me I guess. DOOMED. Haha. Anyway. I have my eyes on another bag. I'll get it tomorrow. Today, I bought, wait for it, COOK BOOKS! I'm really excited.
This holiday when I go back, I'm going to be prepared mentally. I have set some goals that I have to reach during my stay in Malaysia. Well, I don't really know whether you'll call it goals. More like, things that I want to do. (Gosh, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?) Haha sorry. I'm just kind of tired. So this holiday when I go back, I'm going to GO TO THE GYM EVERY SECOND DAY! Well, I may go every day, but I'll see how it goes. I just really want to improve my fitness you know? And of course, I also want to try to tone up some of the fat that has been accumulating in my upper thighs and tummy. Pretty sad really. I just don't exercise in Australia. Haha.
Thursday, 25/11/10
So yes. I just really want to get my fitness up so I don't need to psych myself up before, say, going up a flight of stairs? Haha. And the other thing is, I want to cook EVERYDAY. In the Salvos, I bought TWO cookbooks and I'm SUPER excited. They were like $2 each. Why not? And they were both on the food I love most (well, that's actually debatable because I eat almost anything). One is pasta, and the other is cheesecake. YUM!!!!!!! Of course, I'll be using mum's stash of cookbooks to cook some Asian food too, don't worry. :) But yea. I'm really excited. I've always loved cooking, just gotta actually be good at it. Haha. So yea. I'll wake up early everyday, go to the gym (or maybe Bukit Padang? But maybe not?). Then I'll cook/bake something. Then I'll chill, read a book or something. Then I'll go and play volleyball!!!! Whoooo!!! :D :D
So yes. I'm really excited. Also excited of the fact that I CAN DRIVE! (which you don't know about yet, I'm sorry) And also that I'll be going grocery shopping!!! Oh, how easily I can excited. Anyway. Yes. That's ages away though.
The weather's been going crazy. It's been super hot for about a week now. But today, it rained really heavily and it's pretty chilly now. Gosh. Talk about Melbourne being Melbourne.
Also, can I just point out another reason to be excited: Community Channel's Natalie Tran (GO ASIANS!!) is going on a trip around the world sponsored by Lonely Planet! How exciting! I wish I could do something like that. How awesome. :D Haha. She's really funny, just thought I should share that.
Now, I shall crawl back into my hole and eat my lone apple. :) Have a great week. :D
Hey guys. So this week, we have our Companionship Program. It is a school program where, for a week, we do community service at a place we signed up for. Today is the third day of it, and I am reallyyyyy tired. So I am doing my companionship at the Salvation Army store with Celine and Kate. I initially wanted to do something at Tear Australia, which is something like World Vision but on a much, much smaller scale (I think). That's what I want to do you know? Help the poor, etc. etc. Haha. Anyway. They rejected me (sad. Better get used to it though huh? :P) and I was at a stage where I couldn't care less, so I just went with Celine and Kate. The place is near Celine's house, and Celine did her companionship there last year. Kate just wanted to get it arranged because she couldn't be bothered thus she just went with Celine. And in the end, I went with them too.
I have to say, I am really enjoying it so far. Well. It's from 9am-3pm. So it's really, really tiring. But I just love the shop! It's an Op-Shop and it's called the Salvos. And it's uber cool! There's SO MUCH stuff there, and it's all donated, which you gotta admit is kind of cool. There're clothes, books, toys, knitting needles, DVD-players, laser discs, porcelain stuff (like china, but probably not so fine?), luggage bags, jewellery, shoes, bags, some furniture, roller blades! It really has LOADS of stuff. And I'm constantly surprised at the amount of customers that come into the shop. AND also the amount of donations we get in a day. It's so cool!!! Anyway. What we do there, is the clothes will be sorted into their respective price buckets (by the supervisor), and we hang them up onto this rack according to their prices and we tag them with a price tag. Then of course we arranged them in the shop. There's the 'colour sequence' that we have to follow. White-cream-beige-yellow-brown etc etc. It's pretty cool. Other than that, we just walk around the shop tidying up the racks and stuff. The bookshelf was sorted by us today and the prices were slightly knocked down.
I'm really unfit though. I'm SO TIRED from standing. My legs are ridiculously sore. It's really bad. So. What's really sad is that I wanted to get this really nice handbag that wasn't too old-looking but big enough for me. BUT IT WAS GONE TODAY. That's actually really really sad. Looks like I'm sticking with my ultra sad, green bags. That's just me I guess. DOOMED. Haha. Anyway. I have my eyes on another bag. I'll get it tomorrow. Today, I bought, wait for it, COOK BOOKS! I'm really excited.
This holiday when I go back, I'm going to be prepared mentally. I have set some goals that I have to reach during my stay in Malaysia. Well, I don't really know whether you'll call it goals. More like, things that I want to do. (Gosh, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?) Haha sorry. I'm just kind of tired. So this holiday when I go back, I'm going to GO TO THE GYM EVERY SECOND DAY! Well, I may go every day, but I'll see how it goes. I just really want to improve my fitness you know? And of course, I also want to try to tone up some of the fat that has been accumulating in my upper thighs and tummy. Pretty sad really. I just don't exercise in Australia. Haha.
Thursday, 25/11/10
So yes. I just really want to get my fitness up so I don't need to psych myself up before, say, going up a flight of stairs? Haha. And the other thing is, I want to cook EVERYDAY. In the Salvos, I bought TWO cookbooks and I'm SUPER excited. They were like $2 each. Why not? And they were both on the food I love most (well, that's actually debatable because I eat almost anything). One is pasta, and the other is cheesecake. YUM!!!!!!! Of course, I'll be using mum's stash of cookbooks to cook some Asian food too, don't worry. :) But yea. I'm really excited. I've always loved cooking, just gotta actually be good at it. Haha. So yea. I'll wake up early everyday, go to the gym (or maybe Bukit Padang? But maybe not?). Then I'll cook/bake something. Then I'll chill, read a book or something. Then I'll go and play volleyball!!!! Whoooo!!! :D :D
So yes. I'm really excited. Also excited of the fact that I CAN DRIVE! (which you don't know about yet, I'm sorry) And also that I'll be going grocery shopping!!! Oh, how easily I can excited. Anyway. Yes. That's ages away though.
The weather's been going crazy. It's been super hot for about a week now. But today, it rained really heavily and it's pretty chilly now. Gosh. Talk about Melbourne being Melbourne.
Also, can I just point out another reason to be excited: Community Channel's Natalie Tran (GO ASIANS!!) is going on a trip around the world sponsored by Lonely Planet! How exciting! I wish I could do something like that. How awesome. :D Haha. She's really funny, just thought I should share that.
Now, I shall crawl back into my hole and eat my lone apple. :) Have a great week. :D
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Refined.
Here it is guys. This is the post where I explain why I changed my URL from GeekoOutlet to GeekoOutletRefined. :D
Ok. So yes, you know how before, I was so much more depressed and stuff? Well, I wouldn't call it depressed though, I just classify it as 'down' because I know other people out there are feeling much worse than I can imagine. But anyway, I used to focus so much on the negative things, dwell on them and over-think and everything. It was pretty horrible. And I used to be all pathetic and like 'oh.. whyyyyyy did that happen? Why would they do things like that? I feel so alone' etc. etc.
But now, I have turned over a new leaf and am renewed. :)
Now I stand by the notion that we have to be positive. We can't just waste our time feeling down and trying to analyse things and dwell in our misery. Life is too short. I just think that we shouldn't do that, because when the years go by and we look over our shoulder and see what our life was, would we really just want to see how we 'struggled' and how 'tough' our life was? Would you actually want that to be your life? Want that to amount to what you call your life? There are always others out there who are so much worse off than we are. But that's a little beside the point. When I look back to the journey I've taken, the whole 16+ years, I cringe at the amount of time I wasted on being sad and frustrated and just.. bothered. All the times I wasted on the couch just thinking about my problems. I want to be able to look back at my life and see how I tried my hardest to make the most out of everything. No regrets, right?
Be positive, that's also my motto. Do you seriously want to spend your whole life thinking that you have a tough life? Seriously? Cuz that is just SAD.
I know it's not easy. I, personally, will try my best to not be hypocritical and to be strong and positive. :)
Want to hear something really geeky (pfftt what's new?)? Be an absolute value and put a modulus sign around you. BE POSITIVE! :D :D :D
So yea. Have a good night everyone!!! :D
Ok. So yes, you know how before, I was so much more depressed and stuff? Well, I wouldn't call it depressed though, I just classify it as 'down' because I know other people out there are feeling much worse than I can imagine. But anyway, I used to focus so much on the negative things, dwell on them and over-think and everything. It was pretty horrible. And I used to be all pathetic and like 'oh.. whyyyyyy did that happen? Why would they do things like that? I feel so alone' etc. etc.
But now, I have turned over a new leaf and am renewed. :)
Now I stand by the notion that we have to be positive. We can't just waste our time feeling down and trying to analyse things and dwell in our misery. Life is too short. I just think that we shouldn't do that, because when the years go by and we look over our shoulder and see what our life was, would we really just want to see how we 'struggled' and how 'tough' our life was? Would you actually want that to be your life? Want that to amount to what you call your life? There are always others out there who are so much worse off than we are. But that's a little beside the point. When I look back to the journey I've taken, the whole 16+ years, I cringe at the amount of time I wasted on being sad and frustrated and just.. bothered. All the times I wasted on the couch just thinking about my problems. I want to be able to look back at my life and see how I tried my hardest to make the most out of everything. No regrets, right?
Be positive, that's also my motto. Do you seriously want to spend your whole life thinking that you have a tough life? Seriously? Cuz that is just SAD.
I know it's not easy. I, personally, will try my best to not be hypocritical and to be strong and positive. :)
Want to hear something really geeky (pfftt what's new?)? Be an absolute value and put a modulus sign around you. BE POSITIVE! :D :D :D
So yea. Have a good night everyone!!! :D
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Cancer: My experience.
11.35pm 19/11/10
Ok. I kind of like Indo school, but not really. As you know, I'm taking Indonesian as a second language because it's similar to Malay, and I actually like my home country (it's still home). So yea. We take lessons on Saturdays for like.. 3 hours, from 9 to 12.15 with recess included. The thing I like about Indo school is that I've met more people and they're pretty cool. Well, I don't have that clicked connection with anyone of them in my class. But oh well, you have to be super lucky to get that right? So anyway. There are a few people that have made Indo school a life-changing experience. Well, not really. But one thing leads to another no? :)
So there's Adhy who's in my class. But he's not THAT important (haha.. he's alright..). Then there's his sister in Yr 12, Melina, and her friends, Anisa and Zoraya who are sisters. (they're in the kiddies class thought they are like Yr 11 or something because they can't understand Indo). They are all Indonesians which is really cool I think. :) Anyway. I met Melina and another girl, Marini when I was in the Yr 12 class for a while. Yea. I wanted to do 3,4 Indo this year, but NOOOOOO we couldn't in the end. But regardless, I'm SO GRATEFUL that I actually got one or two lessons in the Yr 12 class because I got to meet Melina. (Btw, Anisa and Zoraya are like Mel's family friends, and they always ditch Sat school. I don't blame them..).
So anyway. There was this month, not so long ago, when Melina started complaining a lot about being tired and sick and things like that. Her back was acting up and so was hay fever and things like that. And then there was this one day when Anisa and Zoraya weren't there (or like they were doing a test in class or something) and Mel was telling me about her work and how her boss was really annoying, asking her to carry stuff that she didn't want to carry. And then she said: '.. Cuz you know I have cancer right?'. S.H.O.C.K. NO! Haha. Yea it was pretty full on. But being me, kind of slow and kind of blur, I kept my cool. She was in remission. She was just saying how she couldn't carry heavy stuff and couldn't work too hard because she has like machines in her brain that keep her blood flowing and things like that, and she's pretty weak. So anyway. That was scary. Then a few weeks after that, she didn't come to Indo school which was a shock because she NEVER ditches.
Then a few days after, I saw on Adhy's Facebook status, asking for mercy from their god (they're all Muslims yea) and saying that his sister's cancer came back. When I saw that, I tell you, I was completely overwhelmed. I know it's kind of uncalled for, because it's not like she's my lifelong friend or something. I also am not sure what exactly came over me. But she's actually one of the sweetest person I've met. She has her own lingo that she uses. I love the way she calls Saturday 'Sat-day' and things like that. She's also really nice and stuff. So yea, when I found out, I just started crying. What was I feeling? I guess I was feeling the unfairness (is there such a word?) of the world, times a hundred. Just.. angry and helpless I guess? I called my mum and told her and everything. The worst thing, I felt, is really the helplessness. All you can do is pray and hope for the best.
Anyway, I remember that that was just before holidays. Before I went back to Malaysia for two weeks. That was September I think. So I couldn't go and visit her in the hospital for that time. She had leukaemia. Blood cancer. Oh gosh. She had it before and got better. I don't remember when. Gotta clarify that with her. Anyway. At that time they were on a holiday in Indonesia and it happened. Then when it got worse, she flew back to Australia and apparently she was in very bad, critical condition or something. She was lucky that her dad called his company thingo and immediately flew her back and stuff. Anyway. It was tough then she said. She had chemo and everything and the chemo (naturally) affected her really badly, especially on her limbs. She couldn't move her fingers properly and couldn't walk. They were just limp. And apparently she was in a wheelchair after that, and could only walk properly after THREE years. Three years. Imagine how long that is. It's so sad.
But I really look up to her. Seriously. She's so strong it's amazing. On her Facebook box thingo, the one where you describe yourself, she says something sort of like if she could do it once, she could do it again but now she's more prepared. She knows what she has to do so that the chemo won't affect her that badly this time. She knows what she can or can't do. And she's been doing pretty well. I've been to visit her a few times. Can you see my squinty Asian eyes? It's been open SO MUCH it's probably bigger than yours now (GASP!).
11.04pm 20/11/10
Can I just say that it's almost 2011!!! How weird would that be? Gosh, time is traveling so quickly. I'm going to be the reminiscent old woman soon. Haha. So anyway. Back to the topic.
Ok. So she had cancer first in 2006 if I'm not mistaken. Around that time she, together with her family, was back in Indonesia for about a year or so. It was like for a break from Australia or something, I'm not sure. So there, she got really sick and stuff and she was actually diagnosed with lupus. She said that she's thankful that they misdiagnosed her because if not, she would've gotten treatment in Indonesia and she didn't want that. She was in a really critical condition at that time, and with her dad's help who called his company and arranged things and stuff, she got flown back to Aus as soon as possible. At that time, there were LOADS of problems. She kept getting infections and things like that. She had problems with her limbs. Oh and she had to take a bone marrow test in Indo. (yes, THE bone marrow test that you always see on TV with the huge needles and everything). And in Indo, she had to be awake for it and she said it felt like a drill. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine that type of pain. But here in Aus, she gets sedated, thank goodness. She got a lot of fevers the first time she had cancer, and it was all just horrible. Oh apparently she had hallucinations too due to the side effects of the medicines she was taking. She saw the stuff from the horror movies she watched come to life, and all sorts of things. She said that she has vowed to never watch horror movies ever. I don't blame her. If Ju-On came to life in my head, I seriously would not know what to do. She also had to get this machine thingo to be put into her brain to keep some tube stuff open. All really scary.
So this second time, she said that it's much smoother than before. But she lost her hair in like the first 3 weeks. As in ALL of her hair. She said it took like a couple of months the first time. That's pretty scary. Yes, I was taken aback when I first saw her bald. It was scary. But she still looked like her. :) Anyway. She had problems with her digestion and her blood sugar and stuff. And because of her meds, she was really hungry and kept eating and eating. And her pancreas and stuff couldn't take it so it didn't digest properly. And she became fully bloated, like a pregnant woman, she said. And the doctors had to put her on a diet. I'm not kidding. A diet. As in she could not eat for TWO days. Nothing at all. And just very little water. They had to make the food go down first. It was all because she couldn't excrete it as well. So anyway. Now she's on a low-fat low-sugar diet. Before, her blood sugar was SOARING high, she was (or is, I think) temporarily diabetic. She had to check her blood sugar level before all meals a few weeks back. But now she's getting it back slowly, which is really good.
It's not all been smooth sailing though. She's not perfect. When I was back in Malaysia, Marini went to see her after Indo school one day. And that time she was in a really, really bad mood. I feel so sad for her mum who has to be uber patient and caring, and also really strong to have to see Mel suffer like that. But anyway. Mel was really hungry that day, but she couldn't eat. And the food that the nutritionist gave her wasn't nice. The medicine makes Mel's taste buds weird, so some stuff just tastes bad to her. Anyway, she was like really grumpy and didn't want to eat what they gave her, but she was really hungry. And she was complaining and everything and gosh. Marini said that it was so sad. It is. :(
Anyway. She's been out of hospital for a while now. Not in remission, just being able to stay at home. I just spent a whole day just chilling at her house with Marini. It was funnnn!! :D :D I bought lunch for me and Mel both (just noodle soup, with fish ball and nothing deep fried). And Marini bought Mee Rebus. And we trained to her house and just chilled there. It was fun. We talked about loads of stuff, like rapists and stalkers. Our 'scariest moments in our lives' and Mel talked a bit about her cancer stuff. And also about Indo school stuff, school stuff. Just general things. It was fun. And we went out for a walk in the path way thing (she lives in a unit) leading to the main road. The weather was awesome. It was warm and sunny and we took some photos. :) Then we had some ice cream!!! Yayyyy!! The doctor asked Mel to break into a normal diet reallllyyy slowly and he suggested to start with ice cream. And for dinner, we went down the road to get pizza! It was exciting because it was Mel's first time actually walking to a place! She had her crutches and everything of course, but it was fun I thought. We bought BBQ Sauce Chicken Pizza. It was yummy!!! :) Which reminds me, I bought a piece of baklava. Had a bite of it, it's not yummy. But oh well. Will eat it tomorrow. So yea, we took away pizza and went back to her house. Chatted more and chilled. Marini had to go at about 6.30pm or something like that. And I left soon after. :)
It was a tiring day, and I was uber paranoid walking back to the boardo because it was dark (9pm! It takes an hour to get back by train). Sent silent prayers to God. :) I'm glad I'm safe.
So yea. Melina has changed my life. It's so amazing though, kind of unbelievable. She had to have fat and blood intravenously dripped into her system because she was so weak and things like that. And also she can't sit on the floor because she won't have the energy to get back up. It's all these little things you know. It makes you realise how better off you are. All the small tiny things that you don't realise. How you have the energy to run to catch an elevator, a train or something. How you have the energy to jump the last couple of stairs. How you can walk in the drizzling rain or sweat in the heat without risk of getting a major infection. It's really, really amazing. And also, every time I feel tired, I stop myself and say, Mel is more tired than I am. When ever I feel the pain from a cut or a bruise, I stop myself and say, Mel is in more pain than I am. And I think that we should all be just a little bit more aware of things like these. It's just like how they say to think of the hungry children out there. It's the same thing. Just that this is more close to home.
Of course, you always have to live life. She was telling me just now about a best friend who broke off with her all of a sudden and just didn't talk to her anymore, didn't even greet her in school anymore. And she told me how when one of her close friends told the girl that Mel was sick, she was crying and crying and saying sorry over and over again. So you just gotta live everyday like the way you want it to be.
This is my motto (I'm serious. I think it's awesome ;D): that we have to live life with no regrets. Seriously. We create our own history, we make our own difference. Which means that what ever we do, whatever we decide, and most of all, whatever we don't do, it's our life. And whether we are able to look back on it down the road and be proud of that moment is up to ourselves. So yea. :) No Regrets. :)
That's why it's a life-changing experience for me. And you know what the best part about it is? It's that it gave birth to our relationship. We were ok friends before, but I would never have thought that if would come to this close relationship. It's really comforting for me, the friendship I have with her. This would have never happened if she didn't get sick. It's awesome because I never really believed that friendship could last if you don't see each other everyday. Well, not seeing each other everyday doesn't really matter, but if you really don't talk to each other and things like that, then the friendship won't last. It might, it'll just be really hard (goshhhhhh how optimistic am I?). So the most outstanding thing is that I don't go to her school, and she lives ages away from me, but we're still pretty close friends.
And you know what? I absolutely CAN'T WAIT for her to get better. Then we can go on Asian outings and have movie marathons and eat lots of yummy Asian food together. :D :D
Stay strong Melina! :) We love you very much!!!
Ok. I kind of like Indo school, but not really. As you know, I'm taking Indonesian as a second language because it's similar to Malay, and I actually like my home country (it's still home). So yea. We take lessons on Saturdays for like.. 3 hours, from 9 to 12.15 with recess included. The thing I like about Indo school is that I've met more people and they're pretty cool. Well, I don't have that clicked connection with anyone of them in my class. But oh well, you have to be super lucky to get that right? So anyway. There are a few people that have made Indo school a life-changing experience. Well, not really. But one thing leads to another no? :)
So there's Adhy who's in my class. But he's not THAT important (haha.. he's alright..). Then there's his sister in Yr 12, Melina, and her friends, Anisa and Zoraya who are sisters. (they're in the kiddies class thought they are like Yr 11 or something because they can't understand Indo). They are all Indonesians which is really cool I think. :) Anyway. I met Melina and another girl, Marini when I was in the Yr 12 class for a while. Yea. I wanted to do 3,4 Indo this year, but NOOOOOO we couldn't in the end. But regardless, I'm SO GRATEFUL that I actually got one or two lessons in the Yr 12 class because I got to meet Melina. (Btw, Anisa and Zoraya are like Mel's family friends, and they always ditch Sat school. I don't blame them..).
So anyway. There was this month, not so long ago, when Melina started complaining a lot about being tired and sick and things like that. Her back was acting up and so was hay fever and things like that. And then there was this one day when Anisa and Zoraya weren't there (or like they were doing a test in class or something) and Mel was telling me about her work and how her boss was really annoying, asking her to carry stuff that she didn't want to carry. And then she said: '.. Cuz you know I have cancer right?'. S.H.O.C.K. NO! Haha. Yea it was pretty full on. But being me, kind of slow and kind of blur, I kept my cool. She was in remission. She was just saying how she couldn't carry heavy stuff and couldn't work too hard because she has like machines in her brain that keep her blood flowing and things like that, and she's pretty weak. So anyway. That was scary. Then a few weeks after that, she didn't come to Indo school which was a shock because she NEVER ditches.
Then a few days after, I saw on Adhy's Facebook status, asking for mercy from their god (they're all Muslims yea) and saying that his sister's cancer came back. When I saw that, I tell you, I was completely overwhelmed. I know it's kind of uncalled for, because it's not like she's my lifelong friend or something. I also am not sure what exactly came over me. But she's actually one of the sweetest person I've met. She has her own lingo that she uses. I love the way she calls Saturday 'Sat-day' and things like that. She's also really nice and stuff. So yea, when I found out, I just started crying. What was I feeling? I guess I was feeling the unfairness (is there such a word?) of the world, times a hundred. Just.. angry and helpless I guess? I called my mum and told her and everything. The worst thing, I felt, is really the helplessness. All you can do is pray and hope for the best.
Anyway, I remember that that was just before holidays. Before I went back to Malaysia for two weeks. That was September I think. So I couldn't go and visit her in the hospital for that time. She had leukaemia. Blood cancer. Oh gosh. She had it before and got better. I don't remember when. Gotta clarify that with her. Anyway. At that time they were on a holiday in Indonesia and it happened. Then when it got worse, she flew back to Australia and apparently she was in very bad, critical condition or something. She was lucky that her dad called his company thingo and immediately flew her back and stuff. Anyway. It was tough then she said. She had chemo and everything and the chemo (naturally) affected her really badly, especially on her limbs. She couldn't move her fingers properly and couldn't walk. They were just limp. And apparently she was in a wheelchair after that, and could only walk properly after THREE years. Three years. Imagine how long that is. It's so sad.
But I really look up to her. Seriously. She's so strong it's amazing. On her Facebook box thingo, the one where you describe yourself, she says something sort of like if she could do it once, she could do it again but now she's more prepared. She knows what she has to do so that the chemo won't affect her that badly this time. She knows what she can or can't do. And she's been doing pretty well. I've been to visit her a few times. Can you see my squinty Asian eyes? It's been open SO MUCH it's probably bigger than yours now (GASP!).
11.04pm 20/11/10
Can I just say that it's almost 2011!!! How weird would that be? Gosh, time is traveling so quickly. I'm going to be the reminiscent old woman soon. Haha. So anyway. Back to the topic.
Ok. So she had cancer first in 2006 if I'm not mistaken. Around that time she, together with her family, was back in Indonesia for about a year or so. It was like for a break from Australia or something, I'm not sure. So there, she got really sick and stuff and she was actually diagnosed with lupus. She said that she's thankful that they misdiagnosed her because if not, she would've gotten treatment in Indonesia and she didn't want that. She was in a really critical condition at that time, and with her dad's help who called his company and arranged things and stuff, she got flown back to Aus as soon as possible. At that time, there were LOADS of problems. She kept getting infections and things like that. She had problems with her limbs. Oh and she had to take a bone marrow test in Indo. (yes, THE bone marrow test that you always see on TV with the huge needles and everything). And in Indo, she had to be awake for it and she said it felt like a drill. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine that type of pain. But here in Aus, she gets sedated, thank goodness. She got a lot of fevers the first time she had cancer, and it was all just horrible. Oh apparently she had hallucinations too due to the side effects of the medicines she was taking. She saw the stuff from the horror movies she watched come to life, and all sorts of things. She said that she has vowed to never watch horror movies ever. I don't blame her. If Ju-On came to life in my head, I seriously would not know what to do. She also had to get this machine thingo to be put into her brain to keep some tube stuff open. All really scary.
So this second time, she said that it's much smoother than before. But she lost her hair in like the first 3 weeks. As in ALL of her hair. She said it took like a couple of months the first time. That's pretty scary. Yes, I was taken aback when I first saw her bald. It was scary. But she still looked like her. :) Anyway. She had problems with her digestion and her blood sugar and stuff. And because of her meds, she was really hungry and kept eating and eating. And her pancreas and stuff couldn't take it so it didn't digest properly. And she became fully bloated, like a pregnant woman, she said. And the doctors had to put her on a diet. I'm not kidding. A diet. As in she could not eat for TWO days. Nothing at all. And just very little water. They had to make the food go down first. It was all because she couldn't excrete it as well. So anyway. Now she's on a low-fat low-sugar diet. Before, her blood sugar was SOARING high, she was (or is, I think) temporarily diabetic. She had to check her blood sugar level before all meals a few weeks back. But now she's getting it back slowly, which is really good.
It's not all been smooth sailing though. She's not perfect. When I was back in Malaysia, Marini went to see her after Indo school one day. And that time she was in a really, really bad mood. I feel so sad for her mum who has to be uber patient and caring, and also really strong to have to see Mel suffer like that. But anyway. Mel was really hungry that day, but she couldn't eat. And the food that the nutritionist gave her wasn't nice. The medicine makes Mel's taste buds weird, so some stuff just tastes bad to her. Anyway, she was like really grumpy and didn't want to eat what they gave her, but she was really hungry. And she was complaining and everything and gosh. Marini said that it was so sad. It is. :(
Anyway. She's been out of hospital for a while now. Not in remission, just being able to stay at home. I just spent a whole day just chilling at her house with Marini. It was funnnn!! :D :D I bought lunch for me and Mel both (just noodle soup, with fish ball and nothing deep fried). And Marini bought Mee Rebus. And we trained to her house and just chilled there. It was fun. We talked about loads of stuff, like rapists and stalkers. Our 'scariest moments in our lives' and Mel talked a bit about her cancer stuff. And also about Indo school stuff, school stuff. Just general things. It was fun. And we went out for a walk in the path way thing (she lives in a unit) leading to the main road. The weather was awesome. It was warm and sunny and we took some photos. :) Then we had some ice cream!!! Yayyyy!! The doctor asked Mel to break into a normal diet reallllyyy slowly and he suggested to start with ice cream. And for dinner, we went down the road to get pizza! It was exciting because it was Mel's first time actually walking to a place! She had her crutches and everything of course, but it was fun I thought. We bought BBQ Sauce Chicken Pizza. It was yummy!!! :) Which reminds me, I bought a piece of baklava. Had a bite of it, it's not yummy. But oh well. Will eat it tomorrow. So yea, we took away pizza and went back to her house. Chatted more and chilled. Marini had to go at about 6.30pm or something like that. And I left soon after. :)
It was a tiring day, and I was uber paranoid walking back to the boardo because it was dark (9pm! It takes an hour to get back by train). Sent silent prayers to God. :) I'm glad I'm safe.
So yea. Melina has changed my life. It's so amazing though, kind of unbelievable. She had to have fat and blood intravenously dripped into her system because she was so weak and things like that. And also she can't sit on the floor because she won't have the energy to get back up. It's all these little things you know. It makes you realise how better off you are. All the small tiny things that you don't realise. How you have the energy to run to catch an elevator, a train or something. How you have the energy to jump the last couple of stairs. How you can walk in the drizzling rain or sweat in the heat without risk of getting a major infection. It's really, really amazing. And also, every time I feel tired, I stop myself and say, Mel is more tired than I am. When ever I feel the pain from a cut or a bruise, I stop myself and say, Mel is in more pain than I am. And I think that we should all be just a little bit more aware of things like these. It's just like how they say to think of the hungry children out there. It's the same thing. Just that this is more close to home.
Of course, you always have to live life. She was telling me just now about a best friend who broke off with her all of a sudden and just didn't talk to her anymore, didn't even greet her in school anymore. And she told me how when one of her close friends told the girl that Mel was sick, she was crying and crying and saying sorry over and over again. So you just gotta live everyday like the way you want it to be.
This is my motto (I'm serious. I think it's awesome ;D): that we have to live life with no regrets. Seriously. We create our own history, we make our own difference. Which means that what ever we do, whatever we decide, and most of all, whatever we don't do, it's our life. And whether we are able to look back on it down the road and be proud of that moment is up to ourselves. So yea. :) No Regrets. :)
That's why it's a life-changing experience for me. And you know what the best part about it is? It's that it gave birth to our relationship. We were ok friends before, but I would never have thought that if would come to this close relationship. It's really comforting for me, the friendship I have with her. This would have never happened if she didn't get sick. It's awesome because I never really believed that friendship could last if you don't see each other everyday. Well, not seeing each other everyday doesn't really matter, but if you really don't talk to each other and things like that, then the friendship won't last. It might, it'll just be really hard (goshhhhhh how optimistic am I?). So the most outstanding thing is that I don't go to her school, and she lives ages away from me, but we're still pretty close friends.
And you know what? I absolutely CAN'T WAIT for her to get better. Then we can go on Asian outings and have movie marathons and eat lots of yummy Asian food together. :D :D
Stay strong Melina! :) We love you very much!!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sanity Took Leave.
What's been hurting me: needless to say, myself. It's just I feel so empty! Well, not the kind I used to talk about before, the kind that comes about with the present situation's emo-ness and loneliness put together. It's the kind where you just feel that your life is meaningless. Yea. I'm not depressed, don't get the wrong idea. It's just.. This past month or so, I've just been doing NOTHING. Facebook is a big part of that, and yes, Facebook IS nothing. It's meaningless to me. The only reason why I keep it is because it's, unfortunately, the only means to communicate with my friends back home. It's not like we actually communicate anyway. But it's just a way to look for each other and give feeble comments. Anyway. So yea, I've spent almost all my waking hours which are not spent at school on Facebook. Apart from that, I've been going onto Youtube, watching movies, watching Vampire Diaries online... and that's about it. No reading, no blogging. That's been my life. That's what's been hurting me. Well, not really hurting. More like.. just really annoying and bothering me. I don't want my life to amount to nothing. And as far as it goes, my life IS nothing. Don't worry. I've amended that. Well, at least I'm in the process of doing so. I have asked Tur to change my Facebook password. I just don't want my life to be all about depending on Facebook you know? I don't want that to be all I do. I haven't even emailed by friends for AGES. That's so sad. Because I've been too lazy or too 'busy' to do so. What an excuse. Someone please slap me. So yea I plan to not go on Facebook until after their SPM. I've changed Tur's password too. SPM is like in 7 days or 6 or something like that. But I plan to not go on Facebook even after that. Just until that itch goes away, until I no longer automatically move my mouse onto the Facebook icon once I go onto Safari. :) I'm going through a withdrawal period. :D
So anywayyy. The other day, last week on Tuesday I think? I went absoluuuutely insane. It was the second day of THAT time of the month and I was SO INCREDIBLY emotional. I never got that before. Like I've had the times when I get angry and frustrated easily, but this was nothing like that. My emotions were all over the place. Not kidding. I was happy one moment then angry, then emo, then upset, then hyper. It fluctuated like MAD and I. COULD. NOT. STAND. IT. It was making me sooooooo crazy and soooo insane. It was bad when I saw nobody online, and there wasn't anyone I could talk to. Wow. I WOULD NEVER want to feel that way again. All the heightened emotions. I couldn't take it man. Anyway. That was when I implemented Project Tur-Skype. :D I Facebook-Messaged Tur and gave her the links and everything to download Skype. Then we met online for the first time on SKYPE (NO TO FACEBOOK!) and her microphone didn't work. -.- I was insane at that time, so I tried desperately to look for one for her IN KK. And in the end, Mike BOUGHT one for her and dropped it off to HER house. Oh gosh. I owe him my sanity..
Well. We've had a few chats and stuff. That's why my eyes are barely able to stay open now. Because for a long time, I've been sleeping early. Yes, early as in 10pm or later, never past midnight (unless I have homework due or Jessie is online or something). This is thanks to my roommate who sleeps VERY EARLY. So now I feel like how I felt back home when I used to sleep late every night. Because of the 3 hour time difference, and Tur having tuition all the time until 9.30pm her time, I've been having to sleep at like 1am or later these few days. So yea. REALLY tired now. Gonna sleep really early tonight. I'll be revising my Gen A stuff (last exam tomorrow!!!) and then SLEEP! :D
The happenings which I will post about next have changed my life. :)
So anywayyy. The other day, last week on Tuesday I think? I went absoluuuutely insane. It was the second day of THAT time of the month and I was SO INCREDIBLY emotional. I never got that before. Like I've had the times when I get angry and frustrated easily, but this was nothing like that. My emotions were all over the place. Not kidding. I was happy one moment then angry, then emo, then upset, then hyper. It fluctuated like MAD and I. COULD. NOT. STAND. IT. It was making me sooooooo crazy and soooo insane. It was bad when I saw nobody online, and there wasn't anyone I could talk to. Wow. I WOULD NEVER want to feel that way again. All the heightened emotions. I couldn't take it man. Anyway. That was when I implemented Project Tur-Skype. :D I Facebook-Messaged Tur and gave her the links and everything to download Skype. Then we met online for the first time on SKYPE (NO TO FACEBOOK!) and her microphone didn't work. -.- I was insane at that time, so I tried desperately to look for one for her IN KK. And in the end, Mike BOUGHT one for her and dropped it off to HER house. Oh gosh. I owe him my sanity..
Well. We've had a few chats and stuff. That's why my eyes are barely able to stay open now. Because for a long time, I've been sleeping early. Yes, early as in 10pm or later, never past midnight (unless I have homework due or Jessie is online or something). This is thanks to my roommate who sleeps VERY EARLY. So now I feel like how I felt back home when I used to sleep late every night. Because of the 3 hour time difference, and Tur having tuition all the time until 9.30pm her time, I've been having to sleep at like 1am or later these few days. So yea. REALLY tired now. Gonna sleep really early tonight. I'll be revising my Gen A stuff (last exam tomorrow!!!) and then SLEEP! :D
The happenings which I will post about next have changed my life. :)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Karma.
Hey guys. Yea I know. I kept it up for a while. Sigh. I'm seriously telling you, Facebook has some kind of ridiculous hold on me. I think that it's because of the restlessness I get all the time. So I just sit there and click 'refresh' and close the window and open it again. And again.
So guys. (haha to the fact I always deceive myself to the fact that there is a chance someone actually reads this). The latest thing is my exams. My Year 11 exams that in my childish opinion, doesn't matter. I just thought/think that I could, for once in my life, not study so hard for these exams. My whole life, or let's say, for my entire high school life (since form 1 or Year 7), it's been about studying for exams. And studying means sleeping at 12am or later, memorising stuff and being able to recite CHAPTERS from the text book. (yes, there actually IS a reason why I call myself a geek). So yea. After my Year 12 exam (Maths Methods), I just thought that I.. you know.. kind of deserved to NOT study like a crazy Asian idiot for once. But well, my mum has been totally ROAR about it. Well, not ROAR. She's just been pestering me to study and study and sometimes, IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. My whole life I've delivered good grades.
Sigh. Gotta chill. Anyway. The fact that I didn't want to study made me complacent about it. (apparently 'contented' is a synonym of 'complacent' :D). Which I don't mind, because it's my own decision. And I know what kind of results I'm gonna get. Just average. "OMYGOOSHHHHHH JUST AVERAGE?????? WHAT KIND OF ASIAN ARE YOUUUUUU?". (-.-) I know. I'll probably feel the sting when everyone else gets better results than me. But oh well. I'm not a hypocrite, I don't complain about things that are of my own fault (I try not to anyway). But karma, I'm telling you. Or maybe it's God. Haha. I'm sure it's God who controls karma anyway. Well. So I had my Gen A (General A, aka AGM (Advanced General Maths), aka Specialist Maths Units 1,2)(phew) exam yesterday and there was this tough question at the end (this is Tech Open, means the one with a calculator and notes). It wasn't that tough, it was just that I didn't understand the sentence they used. So I was stuck there for quite a while, just trying to interpret what the person was trying to say. So imagine my elation when I finally GOT IT. And when I got out, and the discussion was going on and everything, I found out I did a REALLY REALLY... REALLYYY silly mistake. I square rooted (9+4m^2) to (3+2m)!!!!!! WHO DOES THAT???????? Oh gosh. So that was karma case number one. :) THEN, today I had my Literature exam and BOY am I glad that I'm not doing Lit anymore next year. The exam was on Othello, The Great Gatsby, and a poem which was The Second Coming. So there was Section A: the analytical essay, Section B: extract analysis, then it was questions for the poem. So GUESS WHAT? I did the same text, The Great Gatsby, for both Section A and Section B. And apparently we're not supposed to do that. WHO KNEW (Pink.. -.- (the song))? Ugh. Oh well.
(BTW, sorry about all the brackets, which could means something like a thought above a thought, or a voice over, or a sarcastic comment. This is just the train of my thoughts which is ALWAYSSS running). Ok. Drumroll. My Methods exam. THE ONE THAT MATTERS. Oh goshhhhhhh. It was like something I've actually experience before. You know when you're in an exam, and you're doing maths, and you are feel your cells hurrying because you KNOW you don't have enough time and you just skip ahead of yourself and do questions halfway, get stuck, and go to the next question without finishing that one? That's what I did for my Methods Tech Open, and I did it for A LOT of questions. So yea. It was kind of expected and the paper. Oh goshhhhhhh the paper was SOOOOO HARD. We've been doing like LOADS of past papers and trial exams. Like 10, and if you want to count them by Tech Open as one and Tech Free as one, then it would've been like 20. Or so. I don't know. I never counted. Anyway. So the past VCAA ones, which is the ____ (insert own noun here.. company? thingo?) that produces our exam papers, they were all ok. Like they weren't easy peasy, they were some tough ones, but they were all do-able. Then you come to the other trial exams, like Insight, Kilbaha etc, they were all SO HARD. Like you-just-get-so-lazy-and-just-give-up-half-way hard! They were crazy. But THIS YEAR'S exam was like those ones. It was just so harddddddd. I'm serious when I'm saying that it was hard. I was doing the paper, literally sitting there and trying to think, and my exact train of thought was: 'THIS is the exam that actually matters. THE VCE exam. And I can't do it.' So yea. For Tech Free, they were pretty easy but the last question. It wasn't particularly hard, just that there's never been those kind of questions before so, naturally, with me being me, I got stuck. I THOUGHT of similar triangles BUT kept focusing on the area. ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It was just the ratio!!!!!!!!
You know, the worst thing was when I came out and a few days after that, my friends asked me how I went, and I told them I didn't do very well. It was hard and everything. And they all just kept saying "I'm sure you did fine. You'll be fine". But I'm NOT the kind of person who says things without meaning them. The kind that say negative things so that they'll get reassurance. The kind that put negative captions for their photos saying "oh I look so fat" so people will comment saying otherwise. GOSH. I. DID. BADLY. Oh well. We'll just cross our fingers and hope that everyone else did worse than I did hey? :) Results get out on the 13th of Dec! FREAK OUT!!!!!! I seriously don't know what to expect. Gah.
Tomorrow I'm sitting for my LAST exam this year!!!! How uber exciting!!! But like I said, I haven't been breaking my back over it, so it's all good. :) I've been watching a lot of movies. And because of my insane restlessness on the day I finish my Methods exam, I downloaded this software that allows me to play DS games on my Mac. And I'm playing Harvest Moon DS!!! WOOO!!!!!! I now have 4 chickens who love me (HAHA) and a horse! And of course crops. OH and I also have a Mushroom Shed. That's a bit sad. But oh welllll. I've watched: (prepare yourself) Die Hard, Die Harder, Die Hard with a Vengeance (all not THAT great). Repo Men (-.-), Cop Out (kind of bad), Whip It (LOVED IT!), Avatar The Last Airbender (couldn't even finish it), The Book Of Eli (AMAZING!!!!!), Date Night (-.-), Kick Ass (ngeh), Eclipse (was actually better than expected), Youth In Revolt (stupid movie) and Killers (not too bad, try hard of Mr and Mrs Smith). :D :D So yea.
What's been hurting me and my insanity for that couple of days NEXT POST! :D
So guys. (haha to the fact I always deceive myself to the fact that there is a chance someone actually reads this). The latest thing is my exams. My Year 11 exams that in my childish opinion, doesn't matter. I just thought/think that I could, for once in my life, not study so hard for these exams. My whole life, or let's say, for my entire high school life (since form 1 or Year 7), it's been about studying for exams. And studying means sleeping at 12am or later, memorising stuff and being able to recite CHAPTERS from the text book. (yes, there actually IS a reason why I call myself a geek). So yea. After my Year 12 exam (Maths Methods), I just thought that I.. you know.. kind of deserved to NOT study like a crazy Asian idiot for once. But well, my mum has been totally ROAR about it. Well, not ROAR. She's just been pestering me to study and study and sometimes, IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. My whole life I've delivered good grades.
Sigh. Gotta chill. Anyway. The fact that I didn't want to study made me complacent about it. (apparently 'contented' is a synonym of 'complacent' :D). Which I don't mind, because it's my own decision. And I know what kind of results I'm gonna get. Just average. "OMYGOOSHHHHHH JUST AVERAGE?????? WHAT KIND OF ASIAN ARE YOUUUUUU?". (-.-) I know. I'll probably feel the sting when everyone else gets better results than me. But oh well. I'm not a hypocrite, I don't complain about things that are of my own fault (I try not to anyway). But karma, I'm telling you. Or maybe it's God. Haha. I'm sure it's God who controls karma anyway. Well. So I had my Gen A (General A, aka AGM (Advanced General Maths), aka Specialist Maths Units 1,2)(phew) exam yesterday and there was this tough question at the end (this is Tech Open, means the one with a calculator and notes). It wasn't that tough, it was just that I didn't understand the sentence they used. So I was stuck there for quite a while, just trying to interpret what the person was trying to say. So imagine my elation when I finally GOT IT. And when I got out, and the discussion was going on and everything, I found out I did a REALLY REALLY... REALLYYY silly mistake. I square rooted (9+4m^2) to (3+2m)!!!!!! WHO DOES THAT???????? Oh gosh. So that was karma case number one. :) THEN, today I had my Literature exam and BOY am I glad that I'm not doing Lit anymore next year. The exam was on Othello, The Great Gatsby, and a poem which was The Second Coming. So there was Section A: the analytical essay, Section B: extract analysis, then it was questions for the poem. So GUESS WHAT? I did the same text, The Great Gatsby, for both Section A and Section B. And apparently we're not supposed to do that. WHO KNEW (Pink.. -.- (the song))? Ugh. Oh well.
(BTW, sorry about all the brackets, which could means something like a thought above a thought, or a voice over, or a sarcastic comment. This is just the train of my thoughts which is ALWAYSSS running). Ok. Drumroll. My Methods exam. THE ONE THAT MATTERS. Oh goshhhhhhh. It was like something I've actually experience before. You know when you're in an exam, and you're doing maths, and you are feel your cells hurrying because you KNOW you don't have enough time and you just skip ahead of yourself and do questions halfway, get stuck, and go to the next question without finishing that one? That's what I did for my Methods Tech Open, and I did it for A LOT of questions. So yea. It was kind of expected and the paper. Oh goshhhhhhh the paper was SOOOOO HARD. We've been doing like LOADS of past papers and trial exams. Like 10, and if you want to count them by Tech Open as one and Tech Free as one, then it would've been like 20. Or so. I don't know. I never counted. Anyway. So the past VCAA ones, which is the ____ (insert own noun here.. company? thingo?) that produces our exam papers, they were all ok. Like they weren't easy peasy, they were some tough ones, but they were all do-able. Then you come to the other trial exams, like Insight, Kilbaha etc, they were all SO HARD. Like you-just-get-so-lazy-and-just-give-up-half-way hard! They were crazy. But THIS YEAR'S exam was like those ones. It was just so harddddddd. I'm serious when I'm saying that it was hard. I was doing the paper, literally sitting there and trying to think, and my exact train of thought was: 'THIS is the exam that actually matters. THE VCE exam. And I can't do it.' So yea. For Tech Free, they were pretty easy but the last question. It wasn't particularly hard, just that there's never been those kind of questions before so, naturally, with me being me, I got stuck. I THOUGHT of similar triangles BUT kept focusing on the area. ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It was just the ratio!!!!!!!!
You know, the worst thing was when I came out and a few days after that, my friends asked me how I went, and I told them I didn't do very well. It was hard and everything. And they all just kept saying "I'm sure you did fine. You'll be fine". But I'm NOT the kind of person who says things without meaning them. The kind that say negative things so that they'll get reassurance. The kind that put negative captions for their photos saying "oh I look so fat" so people will comment saying otherwise. GOSH. I. DID. BADLY. Oh well. We'll just cross our fingers and hope that everyone else did worse than I did hey? :) Results get out on the 13th of Dec! FREAK OUT!!!!!! I seriously don't know what to expect. Gah.
Tomorrow I'm sitting for my LAST exam this year!!!! How uber exciting!!! But like I said, I haven't been breaking my back over it, so it's all good. :) I've been watching a lot of movies. And because of my insane restlessness on the day I finish my Methods exam, I downloaded this software that allows me to play DS games on my Mac. And I'm playing Harvest Moon DS!!! WOOO!!!!!! I now have 4 chickens who love me (HAHA) and a horse! And of course crops. OH and I also have a Mushroom Shed. That's a bit sad. But oh welllll. I've watched: (prepare yourself) Die Hard, Die Harder, Die Hard with a Vengeance (all not THAT great). Repo Men (-.-), Cop Out (kind of bad), Whip It (LOVED IT!), Avatar The Last Airbender (couldn't even finish it), The Book Of Eli (AMAZING!!!!!), Date Night (-.-), Kick Ass (ngeh), Eclipse (was actually better than expected), Youth In Revolt (stupid movie) and Killers (not too bad, try hard of Mr and Mrs Smith). :D :D So yea.
What's been hurting me and my insanity for that couple of days NEXT POST! :D
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