Ohana.

Hello! HELLOE HELLOE HELLOE! One down, two more to goooo!!!!!! So, I'm supposed to start studying already. But thought I should blog. Cuz. You know. 

Anyway. The biochem exam this morning was ok. I don't know whether I've said this before, but there were three sections: Biomolecules, Metabolism and Dental Case Studies. I only studied for Case Studies and 3/4 of Metabolism. I had studied biomolecules like a month ago but didn't have time to revise it. But yea. Yesterday I wasn't feeling very motivated so I didn't start studying till it was too late. And guess what? I actually didn't get to sleep in the end!!! :O I know. Extreme! It's my first time not sleeping for an exam. I took a nap for about an hour at midnight yesterday? But that was about it. It was because I didn't have time to finish what I had left of Metabolism, and because I didn't touch biomolecules, I could not afford to not finish what I had planned to finish for Metabolism. So yea. The exam went ok in the end. I'm pretty sure I can pass so that's a YAY. But oh gosh. I was soooo tired. I was dizzy, my eyes were so dry and I could feel my sympathetic nerves being stimulated, activating vasoconstriction in my subcutaneous vessels. Hahaha a taste of physiology for you. 

Finished the exam, came back, tidied my stuff, took a shower. Oh and omgggg. Because the shower drain has been kinda clogged for a few days and it kinda floods cuz the water drains so slowly, I decided to clear it out (not for the first time) to have a good shower experience that I deserved in my sleep-deprived state. I've done it before so I kinda knew what to expect. But this time it. Was. So. Horrendous. I actually almost puked, I was so. DISGUSTED. I had to dig my fingers in the drain (covered with plastic bags of course) and tug the HUGE clump of hair out. And there was this omg-I-don't-know-how-to-describe-it-but-it-just-made-me-so-sick-I-held-my-breath smell that wafted out from the drain. YUCKSSSS. I was successful, mission accomplished. And I poured bleach around and down the drain, wanted to bleach my hands too but was like, neeeeh. Hahaha. 

ANYWAY. I dried my hair, moisturised face, and CRASHEDDDD for four hours. Haha. Omg. Naps on soft and warm beds are an amazing blessing from heaven. Seriously man. We're so blessed! Yong and I napped together then I forced both of us to get up lest we won't be able to sleep tonight. And we cooked dinner. Yummy chicken thigh stuffed with stuffing from Tesco, boiled poppies and spuds. :D 'Twas yummy! I didn't put the chicken skin down. I put the oven on the fan setting, then on the grill setting for the last 10 minutes. Skin turned out crispy. Win!!! 

Recently I discovered Kyle Landry, a youtube pianist that does his own arrangements on covers, he also plays his own compositions. He's like so pro and the music sounds so great to my ears that I'm determined to touch the piano again when I go back. Haha. Loveeee his Harry Potter medley, which is the first thing I heard from him. He has a cover of the "I'll make a man out of you" Mulan song and it made me start looking up Disney songs. OMG I so wanna watch Mulan again. Then I came across LILO AND STITCH songs. Seriously. I hereby exclaim that Lilo And Stitch is my all time favourite animated movie man! I really really really really love it so much. It's not just those feel-good movies with a happy ending. It's actually kinda heartbreaking. :'( The fact that Lilo is not a typical main character who's pretty and smart. She's awkward and has no friends, and comes from a broken family. "We're a broken family, aren't we?" SUPER SAD. And while listening to one of the songs on Youtube, saw a comment that made me realise something. Pudge the fish controls the weather!!!! And Lilo's parents died in a car crash on a rainy night. :( SO SAD. It's seriously such a great movie! 

Anyway. Should get studyingggg! Can't wait till EXAMS ARE OVER. Soon!!!!!!!!!! So soon I wanna put my fist in my mouth. HAHA. Kinda worried though cuz the next two papers are worth 70% of the whole subject. :/ And yet here I am telling you aboud a non-existent cartoon character. Haha. GBYE!!!

Sat 00:38 18/5/13

Bravery.

Hello! I feel. SHOOOO. LAZY it's ridiculous. I already know that I don't have enough time to finish studying everything, and I kinda feel the stress and I know how much I'm leaving out for this Biochem exam already. And yet I'm not trying to make up for it. It's like, the laziness of my conscious mind overcomes the panic of my subconscious. hahaha. 'Tis awful sad. So I decided to come and blogggg instead of doing absolutely nothing. 

Jason gave me a quote he found in the Game of Thrones book.

"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?" "That is the only time a man can be brave." 

He told me that quite a while ago. But I think how true that statement really is only hit me recently. It's so true don't you think? It's like that "It takes a night to make it dawn; it takes a day to make you yawn; it takes some cold to know the sun" kinda thing (from Life is Wonderful by JMraz yoz). It takes fear to know what bravery is. 

Like for me. I have doubts about whether this course is for me. I could do so many other things that will let me enjoy myself so much more and suffer so much less, like being a teacher or event manager or something like that. I am so scared that I'm wasting my time (and money) doing this. What if in the end I'm just too awkward and uncoordinated that I just suck? What if in the end I don't get to help people in the way I want to? Sure, I might have a bright future in the sense that I'll be able to be financially independent, but what if I'm not happy during the process, and I make myself suffer so much, all these sleepless nights, not to mention deteriorating health!!!! I actually can't pinpoint what it is that makes me so doubtful and worried. It might even just be my laziness talking, with the thought of all these studying and self-discipline I have to force out of myself for the next few years (and a few years after that too if I wanna specialise) bringing me down. 

But then. I guess all these fears are what makes me brave. I keep it all in, pack those feelings up into the box that is marked "You'll get over it" and continue to sleep at 6 or 7am every night (morning?) just to try and pass my exams... Continue to miss home and struggle to be content standing on my own two feet... Continue to not quit. I guess in other words, I could say I'm brave. 

I hope so. :/ 

Anyway. I should really study. Hope people are happy, and that those I love are even happier haha. On a side note, HOME is so close. So close I start hyperventilating when I think about. So close that it's suffocating me and making me implode! So close I can't think about it lest I can't study. Haha. Can't wait! Goodbye! :D 

Thurs 01:34 16/5/13

The Mind Always Wanders...

Hello. You know. Today was kinda Mother's Day but it felt like it was more yesterday, because of the time difference and also the fact that I woke up late today. And I'm soooo grateful for my mum you know. So grateful for my parents, for them giving me the life I've had and continue to have. How I receive so much unconditional love. But of course it's not all rainbows and unicorns. So many fights and arguments and angryyyyyy tears!!!!!! But still. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for them. Honestly!!! I probably wouldn't be any sort of high-achiever at all, on the path to a bright future, though I can't really see where it leads from where I'm standing though. 

And also, I've been thinking about Melina too. And how I listened to K-Love and started crying. Which was kinda embarrassing cuz I was actually on Skype with Jason doing nothing. :/ Haha, hung up when I started crying but I think he knew. Sad oh. I wonder how her family is doing now. Death is so absolute it freaks me out. 

I just watched some K-Love videos on Youtube and I was just reminded of the heartbreaking book, The End of The Spear, how -SPOILER ALERT- his daughter passed away so suddenly and, even more heartbreaking, how he handled the whole situation. Seriously it makes me so sadddd to think that life is so unfair!!! UGH. "Ain't even grey but she buries her baby". I should reread that book. And Have A Little Faith, which showed me that some people kneel before God out of true desperation as they have absolutely no where to turn. Whereas some of us kneel before God only when the sun momentarily hides behind the clouds. :(

Anywho. Exams are almost over. Well not really. Not at the half-way point yet. Still have three papers left but it's less than 2 weeks before I'm free. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?! To me, it feels so ridiculously surreal that I'm gonna be flying home already after a year of not being home, not really being with my family for so long, being away from the comfort of homeeee. It's crazy!!!!! But here I am, not studying. Haven't really blogged properly and this isn't a great post too cuz it's just random thoughts I'm pulling out of my rattled, sleep-deprived brain. I don't have that study feel AT ALL today. Seriously so depressing. So yeaaa. I'm blogging cuz I'm procrastinating. 

I better go. When I was in the toilet just now, I suddenly thought of getting those thin long flags that tourist guides have for when I'm flying home. So my family can spot me walking out of the arrival hall. HAHA. My brain is weird. Apologies. Ciaozerrs! 

Mon 02:04 13/5/13

Hello, Jessie. :)

Got your email. Haha. I'm hoping you know I feel bad for not replying, but I also know you know that it's cuz I'm having exams. BUT. Almost there! :D 

I also don't know when you'll come onto my blog again. But when you do, just thought you'd appreciate this song! 




Thank you for keeping my fishies alive haha! 

Sending some love back, Krys. 

Wed 11:19 8/5/13

Don't Be Scared!

This song is so beautiful! It's so sad that her songs stemmed from such heartbreaking circumstances. Watch till the end ok!




Anywho. I can't believe it's almost over! My first academic year is almost done!!!! We have about 18 days left till the LAST PAPER. And it's seriously crazy to think that we've made it. I mean made first year. Hahaha my head will probably explode when/if I graduate after 5 years and it'll be even more seriously crazy. -.- Denise has her semester break now and she's flying home!!! Wheeee welcome home!!! I can't wait till it's my turn. And I just thought about how weird it is that you've just been flying in Msian airports. Sigh. Kinda miss the grundgy-ness of the airports haha. Appreciate the company you'll have ok!!!! I mean your WESTERN friends. Cuz like, you're blessed with coursemates you are chillaxed with yo! 

Anyway. Should continue studying!!! Tmr is Dad's birthday!!!! AND. The 5th is election day!!!! OMG. There's so much going on, I don't know whether it's the fact that everyone is more politically aware now and is fed up of the government, or whether it's cuz I'm closer to the voting age now so my social network would also be the same, but everyone is really fiery now regarding change and such. INI KALI LAH. So yea. I don't know, kinda worried that change won't come, or change will come but with consequences. Wish Malaysia all the best I guess. :) It's a beautiful nation, but every nation has it's flaws. Hopefully this will lessen them. 

BYE! 

Fri 23:42 3/5/13

In An Ideal World...

YOU! Tell me that you're gonna fight!

Haha if only life were a movie. 

Thurs 18:33 2/5/13