Volleyball After Months

I'm so exhausted! I went to play volleyball on Monday. I was tired after that, not to mention I fell down because I couldn't catch my weight properly after lunging for a ball and scraped and bruised BOTH knees (wheeeeeeeeeeee. . .). Then on Wed, I was in the process of transforming into a stereotype female. So I missed volleyball on that day. Today, I went and now, I'm exhausted. Seriously.

It was raining today. So after a few 10 minutes in the court warming up and stuff, we headed up to the 7th floor of the CCA building when the rain started getting heavy. There, we just played ball, it was fun. But it was really tiring because I kept taking wide strides to 'chase' the ball. My butt muscles and thighs were really burning (yay?). It was fun though. Me, Angela, Pei and Jessie (woww, haven't played with JESSIE for so long!!!) had a great time (at least for me). The laughs were loud and piercing (as Pei always is). It was really like old times (mroe like old times with Pei, just like in P.E.). The only difference was the low ceiling which was a nuicance sometimes.

But then halfway, Ah Ket and Jia Xin who were playing perpendicular with us, horizontal when we were vertical (???) decided to have some fun I guess. I don't know. They were talking about the Independent School's Ball Games, the one that happens every four years which we went to last year in Perak. At the awards ceremony, there was a team made out of the 12 (I think) of the best players out of everyone, it was called the Celebrity Team. Lee Pei made it into that team. It didn't really signify anything, you just got an extra certificate. Anyway, Ah Ket started calling Pei 'celebrity' and stuff. It was annoying. I know that Pei didn't want to draw attention to herself in that way, by being acknowledged as the only one who got into the 'celebrity team' or whatever. So she just sort of tried to play it cool and ignore him. I could see that she was trying to pretend she couldn't hear him, that she wished he would just shut up. I felt like turning around and asking Jia Xin to just stop the whole thing. It really sucked. He just didn't let it go. Come on! It was really annoying me. Sheesh. Anyway, Pei's mood just sort of plummeted after that. The tiredness just settled in. I was really disappointed in Jia Xin. She knew better. Rah!!!!!

Anyway. Jessie went home quite early, though it seemed like a long time. Pei didn't want to play anymore (stupid people) and so me and Angela played on. It was really tiring. But anyway. We made it through.

At dinner (Chuan Hin! With Tessa, Kat's friend, from Melbourne and Celine, Kev's friend, from Penang. They're staying at our hosue), I got a message from Pei saying things like how she didn't feel like she was in the team anymore. She mentioned this before. She just said that I had left, Sucy left, Pitza too (sort of). She felt alone in the team. She was just so down. Part of me wanted to slap her into awareness that she could make her own difference! That she could just walk up to the new ones and just become friends with them, friends you could laugh with. But then part of me just felt sorry for her. I understand her situation perfectly. It's just like me in Aus. But I'm determined to make my own difference when I go back. I just hope I'll hold myself to what I'm saying now. But because I understand that seriously sucky feeling, I didn't yell at her (theoretically speaking, as we were texting) but just tried to support her and give her advice. She's heard that advice before, she was just tired I guess. Down. So I don't think it helped much.

But this exhaustion, my aching body, my still-in-pain knees, my sore muscles, all just makes me sort of depressed. Sigh. Plus Pei being upset sort of adds fuel to the fire. I sort of thought about how great it would be to still be playing in Tshung Tsin, how I wanted to stay and meet the new guys on the guy's team (the setter with his weirdly bass voice is so funny), get to know better the new girls on the girl's team, and just be there to support Pei and Angela too. But then I can't. I have my own life to live (well, at least I hope I'll have one when I get back and make my own history) and I can't always be there for my friends. I know that. But it doesn't mean it changes how I feel. The feeling where you sort of feel numb and you start to think negatively suckssss.

Anyway. I'm really tired. Stop thinking negative. It's seriously so hard. =(