Two Feet.

Tue 20/11/12 12:08am

Hello!!!!! I know. I'm still alive right? :D So, a lottttt has happened in my life. Huge things like Raleigh and Uni!! 

A quick update: I'm now enrolled in University College Cork in Cork, Ireland for the 5 year Dentistry programme. Yes, that means I did well enough in my Leaving Cert to get here. (hmm, have I thanked God for that? I should). I'm staying in the student accommodation, Castlewhite Apartments with 4 other Irish girls and I love them!!! There are only 5 of us Malaysians in my course, one girls who's half chinese from KK, and one girl who is Chinese from KL. 

Well. There're a lot more stuff to fill you in with but I just wanted to say. I've been here two months already. And to be honest, it is only now that I can say I've really settled in. I came here, I felt really blessed, then kinda indifferent, then really sad sad sad alone empty homesick like omgggggggbringmehome, then finally I'm here at this point. I feel like I'm finally standing on my two feet, much stronger than before. Sounds so corny oh. But I dunno, I just feel like finally I'm in control with my life, I feel.. relieved. :) No, I'm not sure whether I will be really happy here for 5 years. No, I'm not sure if I should've chosen this instead of being close to home in IMU. No, I don't know if it was stupid of me to choose not to fly home this winter break. But all I know is, I really wanna be strong and stand on my own two feet and "be my own man" (as Denise says) and deal with my own problems and forgive. :) 

Anyway. Just feel really.. tall. 

I've been going to the church that's on campus and I just wanna put down the two sermons that spoke to me. 

Last sunday's sermon was about the apocalypse or something. the priest talked about how the past is gone and the future doesn't exist. that NOW is the gift that God gives all of us, it's a blessing. That we don't want to live in a way that when our last breath comes we'll have regrets and what-ifs. So, during the gift God gives (which is NOW, this moment), we have to live well, be the best we can be. Live with a lot of love and forgiveness. :IIt was a sermon that spoke to me cuz regarding forgiveness and stuff, we shouldn't hold grudges or be mean or like, pretend to be mad to make the other person feel guilty so they'll give us attention etc, basically means we have to treat ppl well, so there'll be no regrets! :) And forgive!!!!! No matter how much it hurts, just forgive! For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Andddd. Also there was one sermon that said, no matter how black the darkness deep inside of you, God is powerful enough to forgive you. :)For me, it means although you always sin again and again, although you may have dark thoughts or intentions inside of you, repent and God will still forgive. :)

PART THREE!

There's a Breaker Part 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I saw a spoiler in the forum that says that his ki centre gets fixed!!!!!!!!! YAY but NO cuz I haven't got to that part yet. Haha. Update: I am up to chapter 70+ of Breaker: New Waves (Part 2). Sped through it in a couple of days. Whee!!!!!! 


On the otherrrrr hand *looks to other hand*, I guess PALS don't wait for a goodnight from the other. 


Sat 01:34 14/7/12

ARRRGH!

My WHATSAPP ISN'T WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And then you read Max's Tumblr/blog and you can see how lame and immature mine is). BLEH. 


Sat 01:01 14/7/12 

Raaaaaannttttt!!!!!

Haha. I wonder whether I have a post of the same title. Hmmm. Anyway. Since I've been back, I haven't really been doing much stuff that I wanted to do when I was in Ireland. I guess the problem is because I have so much time!!!! When I was in Dublin, there was always this unrelenting thought in my head that pressed me for time whenever I was doing something that wasn't studying because I KNEW I had to study lest I run out of time. But over here, there's no deadline. I can't gather the motivation I felt when I was in Dublin. Maybe it's due to the lack of dependence I feel on God. You know? But it's so wrong!!!!!! ARGH! I think I should start writing down my prayers. Hmm, that's a good idea. Then I won't keep falling asleep while praying, and I don't even know what I'm praying about. I'll do it like Aibeleen did in The Help. Pretty cool. :) And I haven't done anything to learn Spanish!!! Except learn the alphabet. -.- BLAH. Really gotta do more productive stuff. I should fix a time for Spanish. Ok. Let's say 3-4pm everyday is for Spanish. I have to go and a Spanish For Dummies book. Haha. Something like that. Then 4-6ish that time around should be for exercise! Steph said she's been growing closer to God. That she spends the times after she wakes up and before bed with God. So envious!!! I just. Play with my laptop. And phone. OMGOSH I don't even read!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAH. Anyway. I shall try harder. :) This calls for, SELF DISCIPLINE! 


You know. Sometimes I think that it's easier for some people. I mean, I really do believe that we are born a certain way with certain characteristics. Like laziness, gluttony, pride and such. Or maybe like we incorporated those traits into ourselves as we grew up la, same thing. I guess. But what I'm trying to say is, that some people find it easy to not procrastinate and to discipline themselves. Hmm. Maybe I'm wrong. I guess it all comes down to will power. No? Ok la. I see this as a challenge. Gotta pray that I overcome it. :) Our weaknesses are God's means of showing His strength. YEA!!!! 


On the other hand. Friendship. I posted before that I wish I didn't care, that I was heartless and didn't feel the need to depend on friends so much. Like. I realised, well, I guess I've always known that my emotions are so easily swayed by friends. Their own sentence can either make me giggle and get all hyper, or can push me down a deeeeep well which I usually have to climb back up myself. WHYYYY. I really wish that it didn't gnaw at me so relentlessly, the phantom-limb feeling I always have, when I lose a friend. That feeling that I just so miss them it kinda makes me cry. I wish I wouldn't care if a friend didn't care, I wish I wouldn't care if I was nothing to something whom was important to me, I just wish that. I dunno. I wish that I was.. worthy enough for them to care about me. But I guess life just moves on, clock keeps turning. And I'm just that way. I wear my heart on my sleeve, like SERIOUSLY. And about me wishing all those things, I guess I don't really wish it. Well. I do wish that they would care more. But I don't wish that I didn't. "Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all", says Lady Antebellum. Sigh. Gotta make my heart have thicker muscular walls. ROAR! Jason said that, we just gotta appreciate the memories they've given us, while everyone moves on with life. :) 


Sat 01:00 14/7/12

Forward March!

Hello!!!! Anyway. I have come to really love this song man!!!! Especially this version of the song. Haha. Not that I have listened to any other versions. And funny enough, I actually heard this song for the first time during the actual concert. Shame on me I guess for not being able to sing along. But it's so awesome. The fact that from this video, you can actually see how much fun he's having and you can hear that he's holding back laughter to be able to sing properly. It's just pretty cool. :D To be there in the moment, letting the music move you. Just, enjoying yourself. 





If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps?
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone

And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more

It's kinda true you know. I always find myself looking to the past and wishing things hadn't changed. Wishing that the friends I had were still beside me now, wishing I was still in S3 and living the care-free life, stuff like that. Always living in the past I guess. But that's not a good thing. We gotta let the past go, and always remember it I guess? Treasure the present, and look to the future. Haha. So corny but true. So hard for me. But I really gotta push myself. Bla bla bla. Anyway. Click replay again and again! It's an awesome song man! :D 


Sat 00:29 14/7/12

UNFOLDDDDD!!

I watched this video because it's called Unfold and I was wondering whether they would've used Jason Mraz's song. They didn't. But I do really like the video. Cuz it's the girl that's getting friendzoned. And it's so TRUE. The description said, Sometimes we just want to be with the person we like, but when they don't like you back, you really want them to be happy and at the same time you don't. It's true you know. But the sad thing is for me, the more logical voice is louder in my head and it says something along the lines of "love them enough to let them go" bla bla bla. They deserve to be happy kinda thing you know? Haha. Anyway. Pretty cool, pretty sad. 





I'm pretty sure that they'll end up together. But life usually doesn't turn out that way you knowwww. Sigh. The kind girl that's just always there for the other friend but always the one who only appears as an afterthought when they are not in need. 


But that's part of giving love, no? :) 


Tue 17:58 10/7/12

UGH

I DUNNO WHY THE FONT SIZE FOR THAT LAST POST IS SMALLER THAN SMALL!!!!!!!! OH WELL TOO LAZY TO CHANGE IT PARAGRAPH BY PARAGRAPH. STRAIN YOUR EYES PEOPLE! 


Omgosh I'm shoh lameee. 


Same day yoz. 01:03