Raaaaaannttttt!!!!!

Haha. I wonder whether I have a post of the same title. Hmmm. Anyway. Since I've been back, I haven't really been doing much stuff that I wanted to do when I was in Ireland. I guess the problem is because I have so much time!!!! When I was in Dublin, there was always this unrelenting thought in my head that pressed me for time whenever I was doing something that wasn't studying because I KNEW I had to study lest I run out of time. But over here, there's no deadline. I can't gather the motivation I felt when I was in Dublin. Maybe it's due to the lack of dependence I feel on God. You know? But it's so wrong!!!!!! ARGH! I think I should start writing down my prayers. Hmm, that's a good idea. Then I won't keep falling asleep while praying, and I don't even know what I'm praying about. I'll do it like Aibeleen did in The Help. Pretty cool. :) And I haven't done anything to learn Spanish!!! Except learn the alphabet. -.- BLAH. Really gotta do more productive stuff. I should fix a time for Spanish. Ok. Let's say 3-4pm everyday is for Spanish. I have to go and a Spanish For Dummies book. Haha. Something like that. Then 4-6ish that time around should be for exercise! Steph said she's been growing closer to God. That she spends the times after she wakes up and before bed with God. So envious!!! I just. Play with my laptop. And phone. OMGOSH I don't even read!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAH. Anyway. I shall try harder. :) This calls for, SELF DISCIPLINE! 


You know. Sometimes I think that it's easier for some people. I mean, I really do believe that we are born a certain way with certain characteristics. Like laziness, gluttony, pride and such. Or maybe like we incorporated those traits into ourselves as we grew up la, same thing. I guess. But what I'm trying to say is, that some people find it easy to not procrastinate and to discipline themselves. Hmm. Maybe I'm wrong. I guess it all comes down to will power. No? Ok la. I see this as a challenge. Gotta pray that I overcome it. :) Our weaknesses are God's means of showing His strength. YEA!!!! 


On the other hand. Friendship. I posted before that I wish I didn't care, that I was heartless and didn't feel the need to depend on friends so much. Like. I realised, well, I guess I've always known that my emotions are so easily swayed by friends. Their own sentence can either make me giggle and get all hyper, or can push me down a deeeeep well which I usually have to climb back up myself. WHYYYY. I really wish that it didn't gnaw at me so relentlessly, the phantom-limb feeling I always have, when I lose a friend. That feeling that I just so miss them it kinda makes me cry. I wish I wouldn't care if a friend didn't care, I wish I wouldn't care if I was nothing to something whom was important to me, I just wish that. I dunno. I wish that I was.. worthy enough for them to care about me. But I guess life just moves on, clock keeps turning. And I'm just that way. I wear my heart on my sleeve, like SERIOUSLY. And about me wishing all those things, I guess I don't really wish it. Well. I do wish that they would care more. But I don't wish that I didn't. "Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all", says Lady Antebellum. Sigh. Gotta make my heart have thicker muscular walls. ROAR! Jason said that, we just gotta appreciate the memories they've given us, while everyone moves on with life. :) 


Sat 01:00 14/7/12