Hey guys! I'm back! I mean, back on Blogger. Anyway. I'm typing in the dark (like yesterday) because my roommate, Morgan is asleep already. So here's some stuff that you haven't been updated on. =) (ruuunnnnn for cover!!!!!!)
So just like most boarding houses, I share a room with another girl and will definitely get a single room next year for Yr 12. My roommate goes to a different school than we all do, because apparently she was enrolled into the school and then the boarding shut down. So they came here. Anyway. It's pretty weird I think. I mean, after thinking about it, (yes, thinking) about it, I get the feeling that she's erm.. in a way not genuine. Ok wait. Background information. She's from the country side, just like most of the girls here. Not genuine as in I think she's sort of desperate to be a city girl. But I could be wrong (just like I am on almost everything). Oh well. It's not too bad. But with the huge chop/stamp that has the word 'FAILED' in uge red letters, stamp that onto the relationships I have with the boarders. They're all okay. We do talk about pretty superficial stuff, they are nice. They took pretty good care of me when I first got here. They are all pretty funny. But then just anything other than superficial? Down goes the stamp onto the imaginary line that links me and the other girls.
It's a big difference. Seriously. It's not that I don't know about these things, it's just that I've never witnessed/experienced it first hand or know the people directly. What 'things' am I talking about? You know. Sex (:O), drinking, andddddd. That's about it I think. I don't know. THOSE things, you know? I was so shocked at how 'exposed' these people are. And they're about the same age as I am! =( To be honest, I actually. Ok. I was chatting and when I came back I forgot what I wanted to say with that sentence. Moving on then. There was this one time I was chatting with one of the boarders on a Friday. I asked her what her plans were and she said she was so angry. She explained that it was because Mrs Kennedy (our boarding supervisor) didn't allow to spend the weekend away. I asked her why and where was she going. She said she was going to stay overnight in her boyfriend's farm (country side too). I was like. Ermmmmm wellll. In my mind I was like 'obviouslllllyyyyyy she'll say no' but I just said something like 'what? Why wouldn't she let you?'. I'm so amused.
Anyway. I'm really a sore thumb here. Seriously. Half the time I'm not even being myself. Honestly speaking, I'm actually a real geek (hah as if you don't know that already). As in, I could say my favourite subject was Maths. Shocker! Haha. But then when I came here I had to (well.. not had to. I was like) 'oh I have Methods next. Ugh.' or something like that for every maths and sci class when in actual fact those are the classes I most enjoy. I would so rather go for a whole day of logical maths and science classes (well.. maybe not a whole day) than Eng and Lit. Half the time I had to conceal myself and act like I hate maths and science, that I dread it, and that I don't study when I actually do. Oh well. It's gotten better now. They sort of know that I'm smart in a way and yadda yadda. The whole boarding is not maths and science. They're all doing the 'white subjects' as they call it. Like Food Tech, Phys Ed (Physical Education), History and stuff like that. That's fine. The thing is that I think it's hard to relate to them because of that. Sort of. Yea it is actually. But it's not too bad (and please don't think I'm saying those aren't good subjects. Just talking about not being able to relate and stuff).
Awkward part coming up! You know I was so.. embarrassed about what I believed to be true. You know what I think is true, what is me. Like how I am so geek as to never swear, and.. drumroll, actually AM a Catholic? (Did I mention my school was Catholic?). So we have to go to mass every Sunday together. Ok. Things like praying before meals and actually meaning it, and going to mass, it's all different here. I was so totally worried before. Me? I actually want to go to mass every week. I actually listen to the readings and the priest's sermon. I actually kneel and pray and mean the words in my heart. I was really so worried about mass before. I was so worried so worried. I was wondering how I would be able to look like I don't care but still listen and stuff like that. And of course there was the thought running through my head amongst all this. The thought that goes something like 'You shouldn't be ashamed of those kind of things. You should be proud..' and stuff like that. It was really worrying for me. I did not want to stand out more than I already did. But don't worry. It all ended well. It turns out I could sort of do whatever I wanted. It wasn't too bad. That's a huge relief.
Well. I'm really tired. Gotta get up for Indo school tomorrow! Gnite world! Stay safe! =)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Where Do I Start?
There're so many things that have happened. And I owe it all to myself that I am so lost and don't even know where to begin. I have thousands of meaningless, foolish rants to share, news that will be entirely new to you, anddddd basically just nothing that comes to anything. =)
I guess I shall start with where I am now. As you might have found out from the previous post, I am in a boarding house now, in a totally different school. (You must understand that at this very moment that I'm talking, I'm not feeling very content. Shall explain more about this feeling that is NOT love.) So yes, I have transferred school and it's now my third week. So far so good I guess. There are a lot of small differences (ok. Wait. Maybe not THAT small) that I don't really like. I don't know. I'm more of a laid-back kind of girl (a hippy, I told my mum) who doesn't like too many rules binding her down. I guess. I'm not too sure about it. It depends really. I'm too lazy to analyse the full picture. THE POINT IS, I'm now going to a private school. So yes, I'm dressed everyday in this drab uniform which is GREY, the most boring colour when it's by itself, and wearing a blazer. Pfftt I don't even want to mention the tunic. Tunic they call it, when it's a pinafore. Yes. The pinafore that most schools use back home. And it's GREY! Well, to be honest, it actually doesn't look THAT bad, the idea is worst.
Ok. Pedantic. That's a pretty new word to me, and it definitely applies to the school. I just dislike how most teachers conform to the school rules (it's good in a way I guesssssss ngeh). Like in my old school, when a student was late, it was up to the teacher whether she would need a late pass or not. A late pass. It's pretty much just a paper saying you're late. It doesn't serve any other purpose whatsoever. Back home, being late would mean a demerit or something, but here it just means being even later because you have to GOOOO and get the late pass. In my old some teachers wouldn't ask you to get a late pass, it depends. But so far, ALL the teachers ask you to get a late pass in this school. But it actually does serve a purpose. It is actually recorded down and shows up in your transcript the number of time you've been late. Still. It's pretty annoying. (I know I know. I'm just this foolish girl. It's GOOD that the teachers abide by the rules and everything. Doesn't mean I like it. Ngehhh).
The boarding house is actually not on campus. So that means I tram down to school every morning. It's pretty inconvenient. And the distance is just a little too far to walk. But it's not so bad I guess. I live in a suburb called Camberwell. It's a pretty nice suburb I guess. It has Borders, so I'm happy. But I don't really have time to go down to the shops or anything (pfft as if I have company to go with). I've only been down once.
OK MOVING ON. As mentioned in a post before, I have to do 6 subjects in school. I have got to admit, it's not that easy. Means that I'm doing 7 subjects including Indonesian outside of school. I really, really dislike not having any frees to do my work. It's really, really, stressful/annoying/upsetting/STRESSFUL. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I used to use all my frees to do my homework or do some studying or something. But now I don't have that time I feel so overwhelmed like there's this humongous tidal wave growing higher and higher above my head and it's going to crash down on me soon. It's THAT stressful to me. And my fall-back subject, Literature, is ironically the one giving me the most stress. Seriously? I have Outcomes (like big tests or fake SACs, which are important tests for Yr 12 subjects that go into your average) for Literature lined up. I just had one today and I'm going to have one a week or so later. ARGHHHHH!!!!! It's SO ANNOYING. Ok. Why did I choose Lit as this fall-back subject (ARGHHHHHHHHH)? Well. I was thinking of doing like Food Technology (Home Economics, but just cooking) or something like that, but I thought that it would be a pretty good opportunity to expaannnndddd my knowledge and learn about the classic books and stuff. We're doing The Great Gatsby now which is pretty good, except for the fact that I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE BOOK (and I had a fake SAC today hah) (and that I also have Julius Caesar to read for English). I also don't like the fact that this Lit teacher, Mr. Rooney, is so... not literature. It's so English. But I have a suspicion that I'm prejudiced because I loved Ms. Touvoli's classes from my old school. He is going to make us do oral stuff which is English. And I don't know, it just doesn't really seem like a Lit class. It's just basically English. Like today out fake SAC was a creative response which I don't think you do in Lit. Oh wellllllllll..... I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm broadening my amazingly narrow scope of knowledge. Sniff.
Anyway, it's 11pm. I'm going to bed. Shocker huh? When did 11pm stop me? Haha. It's another story, for another day (How I Met Your Mother reference!!!!!!!!). Gnite world!
Reminder: THE feeling empty, people in boarding, lost, books movies list, prefect, piano, food, youngest, refined!
Note on refined: IN YOUR FACE!!!!!
I guess I shall start with where I am now. As you might have found out from the previous post, I am in a boarding house now, in a totally different school. (You must understand that at this very moment that I'm talking, I'm not feeling very content. Shall explain more about this feeling that is NOT love.) So yes, I have transferred school and it's now my third week. So far so good I guess. There are a lot of small differences (ok. Wait. Maybe not THAT small) that I don't really like. I don't know. I'm more of a laid-back kind of girl (a hippy, I told my mum) who doesn't like too many rules binding her down. I guess. I'm not too sure about it. It depends really. I'm too lazy to analyse the full picture. THE POINT IS, I'm now going to a private school. So yes, I'm dressed everyday in this drab uniform which is GREY, the most boring colour when it's by itself, and wearing a blazer. Pfftt I don't even want to mention the tunic. Tunic they call it, when it's a pinafore. Yes. The pinafore that most schools use back home. And it's GREY! Well, to be honest, it actually doesn't look THAT bad, the idea is worst.
Ok. Pedantic. That's a pretty new word to me, and it definitely applies to the school. I just dislike how most teachers conform to the school rules (it's good in a way I guesssssss ngeh). Like in my old school, when a student was late, it was up to the teacher whether she would need a late pass or not. A late pass. It's pretty much just a paper saying you're late. It doesn't serve any other purpose whatsoever. Back home, being late would mean a demerit or something, but here it just means being even later because you have to GOOOO and get the late pass. In my old some teachers wouldn't ask you to get a late pass, it depends. But so far, ALL the teachers ask you to get a late pass in this school. But it actually does serve a purpose. It is actually recorded down and shows up in your transcript the number of time you've been late. Still. It's pretty annoying. (I know I know. I'm just this foolish girl. It's GOOD that the teachers abide by the rules and everything. Doesn't mean I like it. Ngehhh).
The boarding house is actually not on campus. So that means I tram down to school every morning. It's pretty inconvenient. And the distance is just a little too far to walk. But it's not so bad I guess. I live in a suburb called Camberwell. It's a pretty nice suburb I guess. It has Borders, so I'm happy. But I don't really have time to go down to the shops or anything (pfft as if I have company to go with). I've only been down once.
OK MOVING ON. As mentioned in a post before, I have to do 6 subjects in school. I have got to admit, it's not that easy. Means that I'm doing 7 subjects including Indonesian outside of school. I really, really dislike not having any frees to do my work. It's really, really, stressful/annoying/upsetting/STRESSFUL. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I used to use all my frees to do my homework or do some studying or something. But now I don't have that time I feel so overwhelmed like there's this humongous tidal wave growing higher and higher above my head and it's going to crash down on me soon. It's THAT stressful to me. And my fall-back subject, Literature, is ironically the one giving me the most stress. Seriously? I have Outcomes (like big tests or fake SACs, which are important tests for Yr 12 subjects that go into your average) for Literature lined up. I just had one today and I'm going to have one a week or so later. ARGHHHHH!!!!! It's SO ANNOYING. Ok. Why did I choose Lit as this fall-back subject (ARGHHHHHHHHH)? Well. I was thinking of doing like Food Technology (Home Economics, but just cooking) or something like that, but I thought that it would be a pretty good opportunity to expaannnndddd my knowledge and learn about the classic books and stuff. We're doing The Great Gatsby now which is pretty good, except for the fact that I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE BOOK (and I had a fake SAC today hah) (and that I also have Julius Caesar to read for English). I also don't like the fact that this Lit teacher, Mr. Rooney, is so... not literature. It's so English. But I have a suspicion that I'm prejudiced because I loved Ms. Touvoli's classes from my old school. He is going to make us do oral stuff which is English. And I don't know, it just doesn't really seem like a Lit class. It's just basically English. Like today out fake SAC was a creative response which I don't think you do in Lit. Oh wellllllllll..... I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm broadening my amazingly narrow scope of knowledge. Sniff.
Anyway, it's 11pm. I'm going to bed. Shocker huh? When did 11pm stop me? Haha. It's another story, for another day (How I Met Your Mother reference!!!!!!!!). Gnite world!
Reminder: THE feeling empty, people in boarding, lost, books movies list, prefect, piano, food, youngest, refined!
Note on refined: IN YOUR FACE!!!!!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Freak Out!
Ok. So it's been a week since I've been back here in Aus. Eurgh.
So now I'm sitting here in my new boarding school. I've been here for a couple of hours already and now I'm starting to wonder WHAT AM I DOING HERE????? Is this really the right choice? Do you know what sticking out like a really sore, swollen, bruised, purple thumb with an overgrown nail means? That's me. Because my school (this new one) and this boarding house doesn't accept international students. So I'm basically the ONLY Asian here. Pfft what do you mean 'basically'? I AM. I'm really freaking out.
Let's leave it there for now. Pam's here. More next time. Going to try to be normal and relax.
Pfft.
So now I'm sitting here in my new boarding school. I've been here for a couple of hours already and now I'm starting to wonder WHAT AM I DOING HERE????? Is this really the right choice? Do you know what sticking out like a really sore, swollen, bruised, purple thumb with an overgrown nail means? That's me. Because my school (this new one) and this boarding house doesn't accept international students. So I'm basically the ONLY Asian here. Pfft what do you mean 'basically'? I AM. I'm really freaking out.
Let's leave it there for now. Pam's here. More next time. Going to try to be normal and relax.
Pfft.
Great Land!
Hey! If you didn't know, I'm back home! HOME! Do you understand what that word means? It's where I am now! How lame.
Ok. Here're just some random statements and stuff about being back, some of which I only realize when I take a step back and really look and see. Enjoy!
I have to get used to sweating now. I'm so not used to it that when I sweat, I think it's hot. I can't play volleyball much or stay out in the sun much because the moment I start sweating, I'm saying that it's too hot when it's actually just normal temperature.
I love the heat. Well, not so much the heat itself. More like the fact that I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt. When I was packing I almost forgot to pack my thongs (flip-flops! Not underwear!) because I haven't worn them in AGES (too cold). But I am undoubtedly not that used to it anymore. I used to be able to wear long-sleeved shirts here no problem. But now I can't imagine it AT ALL.
I love the whatever-you-call-it culture here. How friends and friends meet up for supper, have a cup of teh tarik and a packet of nasi lemak. How families go out for supper, have some roti kahwin and milo bing gao. How they just sit there for an hour or so and just chat and chat, in the ever-bustling shop, in the stuffy heat.
I have to get used to the fact that toilet paper is not provided here.
I love the soft thrumming of the ceiling fans as they turn. Together with the heat, they perfect the feel of home.
I am amazed at how it feels like it's been absolutely forever since I've been in my home. And how things have stayed the same, how I hardly think about my home when I'm down under, how familiar yet unfamiliar it seems. Amazed.
I feel like I'm somewhat stuck in the past. I wonder what routine my friends have when I'm not here. Do they come to the stationery shop as well? Do they all hang out together every recess as well?
I love the fact that I feel perfectly (somewhat) content here.
I dislike it very much that everyone is in school and no one is online and I'm just deperately bored.
I dislike it very much that I don't have my driver's license yet. Very, very much. VERY much.
I love how familiar Tur's house is, and Pei's. I didn't get to go to Steph's house.
I absolutely LOVE how I can turn off the shower in between shampooing and conditioning etc. I would totally just bite my tongue off from shivering if I do that here. Sigh.
I love how you only get like one or two cars out of ten who put on their blinkers/signals when waiting to do a turn, when in Aus EVERY car has their blinkers on.
Sigh. I'm sorry.. I know. I've been pretty busy or caught up in stuff that I didn't get to posting this until NOW, when I'm one week back in Aus and sort of freaking out. To the next post to find out.
But regardless, regardless of all the flaws the people at home have, regardless of all the flaws my home has, regardless of all the flaws of everythinggggg back home, It Is Still Home and I smiled and laughed, and I loved. It's home.
Ok. Here're just some random statements and stuff about being back, some of which I only realize when I take a step back and really look and see. Enjoy!
I have to get used to sweating now. I'm so not used to it that when I sweat, I think it's hot. I can't play volleyball much or stay out in the sun much because the moment I start sweating, I'm saying that it's too hot when it's actually just normal temperature.
I love the heat. Well, not so much the heat itself. More like the fact that I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt. When I was packing I almost forgot to pack my thongs (flip-flops! Not underwear!) because I haven't worn them in AGES (too cold). But I am undoubtedly not that used to it anymore. I used to be able to wear long-sleeved shirts here no problem. But now I can't imagine it AT ALL.
I love the whatever-you-call-it culture here. How friends and friends meet up for supper, have a cup of teh tarik and a packet of nasi lemak. How families go out for supper, have some roti kahwin and milo bing gao. How they just sit there for an hour or so and just chat and chat, in the ever-bustling shop, in the stuffy heat.
I have to get used to the fact that toilet paper is not provided here.
I love the soft thrumming of the ceiling fans as they turn. Together with the heat, they perfect the feel of home.
I am amazed at how it feels like it's been absolutely forever since I've been in my home. And how things have stayed the same, how I hardly think about my home when I'm down under, how familiar yet unfamiliar it seems. Amazed.
I feel like I'm somewhat stuck in the past. I wonder what routine my friends have when I'm not here. Do they come to the stationery shop as well? Do they all hang out together every recess as well?
I love the fact that I feel perfectly (somewhat) content here.
I dislike it very much that everyone is in school and no one is online and I'm just deperately bored.
I dislike it very much that I don't have my driver's license yet. Very, very much. VERY much.
I love how familiar Tur's house is, and Pei's. I didn't get to go to Steph's house.
I absolutely LOVE how I can turn off the shower in between shampooing and conditioning etc. I would totally just bite my tongue off from shivering if I do that here. Sigh.
I love how you only get like one or two cars out of ten who put on their blinkers/signals when waiting to do a turn, when in Aus EVERY car has their blinkers on.
Sigh. I'm sorry.. I know. I've been pretty busy or caught up in stuff that I didn't get to posting this until NOW, when I'm one week back in Aus and sort of freaking out. To the next post to find out.
But regardless, regardless of all the flaws the people at home have, regardless of all the flaws my home has, regardless of all the flaws of everythinggggg back home, It Is Still Home and I smiled and laughed, and I loved. It's home.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
So. STUPID.
I don't use that word often. I think that we shouldn't use that word, when our mental health is perfectly fine because we are so fortunate to not have congenital mental disabilities, or even non-congenital mental diseases. I made that decision a few years back.. like probably two years ago or something. But I do use it occasionally referring to myself. I always do cringe a little and feel guilty for using that word.
But let me tell you now, I'm so utterly frustrated and upset with my new school that I'm going to be moving to soon. And they. are. so. stupid. Why? LET ME TELL YOU WHY.
As most of you know, I'm doing one subject outside of school, that's Indonesian. Now usually all students take 6 subjects for VCE. So I'm currently doing 5 inside of school, and one during Saturdays. But now, this new school tells me that I have to do 6 subjects inside of school regardless that I'm taking one outside of school. That. is. just. simply. ri. di. cu. lous!!! So now I have to take 7 subjects! That's UNFAIR! The lady said that they have other students doing the same thing too. Well, all I can say is those students must be like, super hardworking or have no life or something. I enjoy my free periods. I like the quiet time I get in the library just doing my homework and everything. I've gotten so used to it, adjusted to it, embraced it. I don't know.. I'm so upset.
Then also, we have to do religious education which is compulsory. I'm not so bothered by the fact that we have to do rel. ed., but then, does that mean that I'll have NO FREEs whatsoever? In my current school, taking 6 subjects inside of school, you still have like 2 periods of free periods in a week. Designated frees. So then if we have rel. ed., then does that mean we have no frees? At all? What?! That just sounds like they have no control over their students and can't seem to discipline them or something. What happened to the privileges you get when you're a senior?
Then also, they seem to have very stupid blocks for the subject allocation thing. Each school arranges their classes in certain blocks. So each class you have is from a certain block. You can't go to two classes from the same block because that would mean you have the Time Turner (Harry Potter), but of course, most subjects have more than one class which are in different blocks. So they asked me to choose a stupid 7th subject. I said Accounting. But nooooo it clashes with English or whatever. Then I want General Maths B (which leads into Further Maths, the easier one), and noooo no one does three maths in their schools. So I picked Lit and I'm not very keen because I KNOW that no teacher can beat Ms. Touvoli. And I love my Lit class because the people in our class make the discussions we have so lively and funny and critical all at the same time.
So upset. You know how when you're upset and you tend to think about other things that make you sad and it just gets worse for no reason at all? Well yeah. Upset as in I'm this idiot who walked home from school crying. Crappy day. I have last two periods off today but it's report day. You get your report at 2.25pm at the end of the day and I asked if I could get my report early. But noooo we'll wag (play truant) the last two classes if we get it early. I don't even know why I started crying. I am just really unhappy about all the arrangements. I'm starting to feel that this school cannot accommodate me. What if I really want to go into Further Maths next year? That's 'impossible' as the lady put it. So stupid. Maybe I shouldn't have opted to change schools. I feel like I want to pull the plug but then I think of the money already paid. Then I think that maybe this is God's will or whatever.
Whatttttttt. Now I just have to concentrate on Jason Mraz' Every Little Thing, Is Gonna Be Alright.
But let me tell you now, I'm so utterly frustrated and upset with my new school that I'm going to be moving to soon. And they. are. so. stupid. Why? LET ME TELL YOU WHY.
As most of you know, I'm doing one subject outside of school, that's Indonesian. Now usually all students take 6 subjects for VCE. So I'm currently doing 5 inside of school, and one during Saturdays. But now, this new school tells me that I have to do 6 subjects inside of school regardless that I'm taking one outside of school. That. is. just. simply. ri. di. cu. lous!!! So now I have to take 7 subjects! That's UNFAIR! The lady said that they have other students doing the same thing too. Well, all I can say is those students must be like, super hardworking or have no life or something. I enjoy my free periods. I like the quiet time I get in the library just doing my homework and everything. I've gotten so used to it, adjusted to it, embraced it. I don't know.. I'm so upset.
Then also, we have to do religious education which is compulsory. I'm not so bothered by the fact that we have to do rel. ed., but then, does that mean that I'll have NO FREEs whatsoever? In my current school, taking 6 subjects inside of school, you still have like 2 periods of free periods in a week. Designated frees. So then if we have rel. ed., then does that mean we have no frees? At all? What?! That just sounds like they have no control over their students and can't seem to discipline them or something. What happened to the privileges you get when you're a senior?
Then also, they seem to have very stupid blocks for the subject allocation thing. Each school arranges their classes in certain blocks. So each class you have is from a certain block. You can't go to two classes from the same block because that would mean you have the Time Turner (Harry Potter), but of course, most subjects have more than one class which are in different blocks. So they asked me to choose a stupid 7th subject. I said Accounting. But nooooo it clashes with English or whatever. Then I want General Maths B (which leads into Further Maths, the easier one), and noooo no one does three maths in their schools. So I picked Lit and I'm not very keen because I KNOW that no teacher can beat Ms. Touvoli. And I love my Lit class because the people in our class make the discussions we have so lively and funny and critical all at the same time.
So upset. You know how when you're upset and you tend to think about other things that make you sad and it just gets worse for no reason at all? Well yeah. Upset as in I'm this idiot who walked home from school crying. Crappy day. I have last two periods off today but it's report day. You get your report at 2.25pm at the end of the day and I asked if I could get my report early. But noooo we'll wag (play truant) the last two classes if we get it early. I don't even know why I started crying. I am just really unhappy about all the arrangements. I'm starting to feel that this school cannot accommodate me. What if I really want to go into Further Maths next year? That's 'impossible' as the lady put it. So stupid. Maybe I shouldn't have opted to change schools. I feel like I want to pull the plug but then I think of the money already paid. Then I think that maybe this is God's will or whatever.
Whatttttttt. Now I just have to concentrate on Jason Mraz' Every Little Thing, Is Gonna Be Alright.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Update!
Ok. So I'm going to be changing schools. It's confirmed. I've got most of the uniforms (second hand! but seriously-no-kidding ugly. The winter uniform I mean). It's really bad. The winter uniform. ARGH! But I think the main reason is because I'm always wearing so many layers. I REALLY dislike it! For one, my skin is like dying from under exposure of the outside world. Seriously. I look so bulky and fat. It's so annoying! It's just uncomfortable. But all for the sake of keeping warm. Do you know how crazy I am? I wear TWO pairs of tights you know. TWO. WHO DOES THAT? HUH? WHO WEARS TWO PAIRS OF TIGHTS ONE ON TOP THE OTHER????????!?!?!?! Yea. But granted, the second pair of tights is like really thin. I'm such a sad person. Scoff at me. Anyway. The winter uniform. IT'S. A. PINAFORE! They call it a tunic (PFFTT Pretentious) but it's so a pinafore. And it's grey. And the worst is that we all wear GREY tights. GREY! WHO WEARS GREY TIGHTS??????!?!?! But yea. They're changing it next year, but I don't know, I might not buy it because it's not worth it for just a few months.
I'm pretty worried though. I'm not sure how tight they are (tight is an Australian term!!!!!!!!!! Just so you know (Jessie McCartney -.-) it means strict) on the uniforms. Like in my current school, we can wear navy/black tights/pants. Even girls can wear pants. We can wear winter uniforms during summer and vice versa. We can buy any white button-up shirt from Target or something and not get the school's official white shirt. So the thing is, when it's not summer here, it's still pretty cold. So if that's the case, can I wear my winter uniform or something then? When it's really cold, I sometimes wear a hoodie underneath my school jumper in my current school. That's actually not allowed. But they don't really bother. I don't think I'll be able to do that in my new school. Stressful!! The cold is horrible. HORRIBLE!
Anyway. I also realized something as I was in the shower. When I left my old school back home to come here to Australia, I was sad not because of my current school at that time, but because of all of my awesome friends there. But now, as I'm leaving this school, I'm sort of sad, not because of the friends there, but because of the school itself. It actually is a pretty good school. As in the system and everything. Granted, it is sort of an acknowledged 'geek' school, but IMO, that's better than a school full of bullying and 'bad stuff'. Ditto my blog name. -.- Haha.
Truly and sadly, I don't feel any real affection for anyone here in my school. Yes, I think some of them are really nice and really cool (definition of cool being my definition of cool, not cool cool. -.-). They are good people. There are good people. But when people hear I'm leaving they're like 'BUT WHY??????'. And I don't feel anything at all because I don't feel any affection for them, it's not like they even talk to me regularly, why would they care? Do you get what I mean? There are so many people who suddenly care when they hear about someone leaving or something like that. It's like how there's a farewell party for some random person and suddenly everyone starts caring because they want to be 'in the know', want to get invited or something. There are probably only about 3 people I really feel affection for, who I'm actually sort of sad to be leaving. Sum Sum, Janet and Silkra, this girl in my Chem class who is LEFT HANDED! =D I feel sort of bad because I'm really ditching Janet. I'm in her Chem and Methods class. We study together and stuff because we both are 'high achievers' *cough hak cough* and we sit beside each other and stuff. And we're prac partners in Chem. Sigh. But then I can't really do anything right?
Part of me is still silently asking questions, having doubts. As in, should I have just arranged a home stay and stay in the same school? Things like that? But then just as I mentioned before, I'm just going to follow it since I've been accepted. Sigh. Just go with it yea?
I think the class I'll miss the most will be Literature with Ms. Touvoli. She's cool!! Well, on one hand, Lit is like my relaxation class. It's the one class where it's not stressful and stuff. We mostly have very interesting discussions (most of which fly over my head, all of which I never contribute in), write practice responses or watch Literature movies. It's really fun! On the other hand, I really learnt a lot. It was tough, no kidding. (Don't know whether I've mentioned it before but oh well) We had to do this Reading Journal where we right down our opinions, thoughts, reactions etc on 10 texts we did (in two terms). At least two which were Australian, no more than two film texts, at least one poet, at least one from the 19th century and from the 20th century respectively and at least one play. It was really hard to try and write about them, about our thoughts and stuff. It really opened my eyes and forced me to construct another path of thought that I never had before. That's why I like Lit. Because I actually learnt those things. It challenged my choice of books (granted, it still wasn't that good because I didn't have much time) but then really. My world is just that much wider because of Lit. I'll miss Ms. Grant too. With her not-so-hilarious comments which loads don't really like. But coming from a school where not many teachers joked with you and stuff like that, it was cool.
ANYWAY. The lowest temperature is 1 degrees Celsius today. :O It was really cold this morning and night. Well.. I couldn't really feel the difference. Because I was dressed up like a fat penguin and wearing gloves and scarf and everything PFFTTT THE TORTURE! But then seeing as it was almost 11am and I could still see my breath, was proof that it was cold. And then tonight, (I went to work) and when I went out to collect Francesco, this statue-like thing of a butler-like guy with specs, in an apron and holding a tray, who is on wheels, and wheel him back into the shop, the moment I stepped out of the shop, I could see my breath. And when I stepped out of the shower, in the bathroom right there indoors, I could see my breath. Haha. Funny how I measure the cold with whether I can see my breath or not. So silly. So me. So geek. (Y) (how pathetic tsk tsk).
Well, sadly, the most exciting thing happening in my life right now is me looking forward to going back! SOON! If I say that one word, soon!, you know I'm talking about it. It's a surprise again. Not telling anyone the date. But it's soon! And I can't wait! I keep thinking about wearing shorts, not waking up freezing my ends off, not having to FORCE myself to wash my hands after the toilet because it's SO my-brain-is-going-to-explode-because-it-cannot-comprehend-it COLD!!!!!! ARGH! I can't wait to hear the soft thrumming of the CEILING FANS which I have come to absolutely love. I can't wait to lie on the smooth leather couch in the living room at home with a book in my hand. I can't wait to SEE ALL MY FRIENDS and hug them and look at their face in flesh, not through the laptop screen on Facebook. I can't wait To. Be. HOME!
Oh I got a raise from my job. Yea. Will talk more about it next time. Going to go to bed now. Tired. Take care! =D =D
SOOOONNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty worried though. I'm not sure how tight they are (tight is an Australian term!!!!!!!!!! Just so you know (Jessie McCartney -.-) it means strict) on the uniforms. Like in my current school, we can wear navy/black tights/pants. Even girls can wear pants. We can wear winter uniforms during summer and vice versa. We can buy any white button-up shirt from Target or something and not get the school's official white shirt. So the thing is, when it's not summer here, it's still pretty cold. So if that's the case, can I wear my winter uniform or something then? When it's really cold, I sometimes wear a hoodie underneath my school jumper in my current school. That's actually not allowed. But they don't really bother. I don't think I'll be able to do that in my new school. Stressful!! The cold is horrible. HORRIBLE!
Anyway. I also realized something as I was in the shower. When I left my old school back home to come here to Australia, I was sad not because of my current school at that time, but because of all of my awesome friends there. But now, as I'm leaving this school, I'm sort of sad, not because of the friends there, but because of the school itself. It actually is a pretty good school. As in the system and everything. Granted, it is sort of an acknowledged 'geek' school, but IMO, that's better than a school full of bullying and 'bad stuff'. Ditto my blog name. -.- Haha.
Truly and sadly, I don't feel any real affection for anyone here in my school. Yes, I think some of them are really nice and really cool (definition of cool being my definition of cool, not cool cool. -.-). They are good people. There are good people. But when people hear I'm leaving they're like 'BUT WHY??????'. And I don't feel anything at all because I don't feel any affection for them, it's not like they even talk to me regularly, why would they care? Do you get what I mean? There are so many people who suddenly care when they hear about someone leaving or something like that. It's like how there's a farewell party for some random person and suddenly everyone starts caring because they want to be 'in the know', want to get invited or something. There are probably only about 3 people I really feel affection for, who I'm actually sort of sad to be leaving. Sum Sum, Janet and Silkra, this girl in my Chem class who is LEFT HANDED! =D I feel sort of bad because I'm really ditching Janet. I'm in her Chem and Methods class. We study together and stuff because we both are 'high achievers' *cough hak cough* and we sit beside each other and stuff. And we're prac partners in Chem. Sigh. But then I can't really do anything right?
Part of me is still silently asking questions, having doubts. As in, should I have just arranged a home stay and stay in the same school? Things like that? But then just as I mentioned before, I'm just going to follow it since I've been accepted. Sigh. Just go with it yea?
I think the class I'll miss the most will be Literature with Ms. Touvoli. She's cool!! Well, on one hand, Lit is like my relaxation class. It's the one class where it's not stressful and stuff. We mostly have very interesting discussions (most of which fly over my head, all of which I never contribute in), write practice responses or watch Literature movies. It's really fun! On the other hand, I really learnt a lot. It was tough, no kidding. (Don't know whether I've mentioned it before but oh well) We had to do this Reading Journal where we right down our opinions, thoughts, reactions etc on 10 texts we did (in two terms). At least two which were Australian, no more than two film texts, at least one poet, at least one from the 19th century and from the 20th century respectively and at least one play. It was really hard to try and write about them, about our thoughts and stuff. It really opened my eyes and forced me to construct another path of thought that I never had before. That's why I like Lit. Because I actually learnt those things. It challenged my choice of books (granted, it still wasn't that good because I didn't have much time) but then really. My world is just that much wider because of Lit. I'll miss Ms. Grant too. With her not-so-hilarious comments which loads don't really like. But coming from a school where not many teachers joked with you and stuff like that, it was cool.
ANYWAY. The lowest temperature is 1 degrees Celsius today. :O It was really cold this morning and night. Well.. I couldn't really feel the difference. Because I was dressed up like a fat penguin and wearing gloves and scarf and everything PFFTTT THE TORTURE! But then seeing as it was almost 11am and I could still see my breath, was proof that it was cold. And then tonight, (I went to work) and when I went out to collect Francesco, this statue-like thing of a butler-like guy with specs, in an apron and holding a tray, who is on wheels, and wheel him back into the shop, the moment I stepped out of the shop, I could see my breath. And when I stepped out of the shower, in the bathroom right there indoors, I could see my breath. Haha. Funny how I measure the cold with whether I can see my breath or not. So silly. So me. So geek. (Y) (how pathetic tsk tsk).
Well, sadly, the most exciting thing happening in my life right now is me looking forward to going back! SOON! If I say that one word, soon!, you know I'm talking about it. It's a surprise again. Not telling anyone the date. But it's soon! And I can't wait! I keep thinking about wearing shorts, not waking up freezing my ends off, not having to FORCE myself to wash my hands after the toilet because it's SO my-brain-is-going-to-explode-because-it-cannot-comprehend-it COLD!!!!!! ARGH! I can't wait to hear the soft thrumming of the CEILING FANS which I have come to absolutely love. I can't wait to lie on the smooth leather couch in the living room at home with a book in my hand. I can't wait to SEE ALL MY FRIENDS and hug them and look at their face in flesh, not through the laptop screen on Facebook. I can't wait To. Be. HOME!
Oh I got a raise from my job. Yea. Will talk more about it next time. Going to go to bed now. Tired. Take care! =D =D
SOOOONNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Ideals.
Don't you think it's infinitely sad? It breaks my heart when I think about it, and of course, shades of fear and worry gnaw subtly and unrelentingly at my heart.
Ideals.
That's what makes me sad.
I think almost everyone starts out the same. In primary school/grade school, or preschool, for this matter, teachers ask kids what they want to be when they grow up. What are the answers? Doctors, policemen, firemen. But how foolish does it seem? In middle school, the answer would be the same, or a singer, celebrity. Then in high school, it'll be 'I Don't Know'. We're talking about a majority of people here.
Isn't it sad? We start out oh-so-innocent and foolish: doctors, policemen, firemen. But so, so many of us fall so far from our initial ideals. Think about it, when you were still in school, you imagined your future life. You would get a good job, meet some guy, get married and be happy. Normal. But then how many of us end up unemployed? How many of us end up in lowly situations we never thought ourselves to fall into before. We all thought that we would go on and do something we love to do, but how many of us end up being a shopkeeper of a carpet shop, living life day to day. Or we end up with two divorces in our baggage, with two children in tow or something like that.
You grew up in a close-knit family. But then one day you realize that you don't keep in touch with your siblings anymore.
This topic reminds me of the songs 'Losing My Way' by Justin Timberlake and 'Gone Going' by Black Eyed Peas.
This topic reminds me of the songs 'Losing My Way' by Justin Timberlake and 'Gone Going' by Black Eyed Peas.
I see homeless people on the street and believe it or not, this is what goes through my mind. I wonder what ideals they had when they were young? Did they start out like this, on the streets? Or were they like me, in school and everything. How did they end up here? Did they have ideals and aspirations, imagining themselves having a good job, living in a nice house with a great family? If so, did they stop and think, as they sat there in the streets with their palms upwards, about how so very far they have fallen from their ideals?
It once again casts the fear into my mind at how unexpected life is. We aim high, or at least I do. We aim to be doctors and dentists, think of us living comfortably, getting by with a job that we chose to have, wondering whether we'll get a good partner, whether we'll start a happy family. Especially when you are born into that particular type of family that influences your ideals, the images you have in your mind. A family full of professional degree holders, it either shapes your ideal in that same direction, thinking you would definitely be one of them as well, or being a rebel and going for what you really love, like art or something. But then bang you find yourself looking after this random laundry service, working 9-5 and wondering how in the world you ended up there.
Do you get what I'm trying to say? We think we're going to be a powerful lawyer, but we end up on the 'sexy single ladies' site. You just never know where you will end up in life. The road you're traveling on will twist and turn and.. you just suddenly realise you've slid down the snake instead of climbing up the ladder.
You just never know what you're going to meet, what influences are going to tower over you. That's why I think it is infinitely important to know what type of person you are. Not who you are. But what type of person you are, what you are actually aiming for in life, what direction you are headed towards.
What you want out of life.
Think about it guys. Stay safe! =)
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