Premature Arrival.

No expectations, no heart break. 


That's what Denise said. But in my opinion, it's human nature to always hope even when you tell yourself not to. Everyone always has an expectation, some are just tucked into the super dark corners of our hearts. 


Well, tonight I went to City Mall with Tur, Micah, Dudu and Wan Rong. We went to The Cross to check out the Christmas Tube. It was good, more about that next time. Then we went to Yu Hing to have dinner. Wan Rong suddenly said that they were saying on Facebook that you could check your results already. We didn't think it was true, then suddenly I received a text from Tian that said we really could get our results online. No one at the table cared, they just continued on chatting, and I did try logging in with my UEC candidate number and IC, but I couldn't get in. I thought it was probably cuz I was using my phone and it couldn't process all the chinese words or something. So I left it. 


We then walked around City Mall, killing time, then after that we went to Lintas Yen Ai to meet Steph. Tur, Dudu and I were the first ones to arrive. When we got a table, I went to the toilet, and when I got back, Dudu and Tur had already checked their results. I just stood there, seriously stunned. My heart was in my throat, I just stood there with my mouth open. Then I pulled a chair and sat down and asked how their results were. Tur and Dudu failed Chem. They. Failed. Chem. It was such a shocking reality, that people sitting right in front of me actually failed something. Let me just tell you that in UEC, we have A1, A2, B3, B4, B5, B6, C7, C8 then F9 which is a fail. To be honest, I didn't expect Tur to fail, but the fact that she did scared me. Made me think I got a low B. Then I asked Dudu to help me check mine using his iPhone 4S (NEW PHONE!!! My Blackberry was out of batt). I thought my candidate number was 068 or 086. But they both weren't right!!!! Then Micah, Wan Rong and Steph arrived and all of a sudden everyone was in a frenzy. Micah, WanRong and I were frantically calling people, trying to find out the candidate numbers of those who sat near us, hoping we could get ours. The three of us were talking on the phone and getting phone numbers and stuff. I kept calling Kenneth, who sat two seats in front of me, but he didn't pick up!!!!!!!! Wan Rong got her results, not that bad, no fails. Her Chem was a B5 or B6, which comforted me because I gave her half of my objective answers (via SMS). Dudu helped me get a hold of Ker's number. He sat in front of me. And I called him, and he didn't know his number!!!!!! Then Micah got his and he did quite well. He didn't get any Cs I think. I was the only one left who didn't get mine!!!! Steph didn't wanna look at her. But in the end she did. She didn't fail anything, which was really good. She also got my chem answers, and she got a B too, so I was comforted. She got C8 for Physics. Scary! Then I called Leonnie, who sat beside me. She didn't have hers either!!! I was going crazy!!! We were all so loud and frantic. The waiter who was an ex-UEC student, was kinda smiling and people were noticing us cuz we were all kinda talking at the same time. WanRong sat two seats to my left, and her number was 050. So I counted and Dudu tried numbers around 062, but they were all wrong!!! Then suddenly she said that I'm supposed to be a smaller number than her. Dudu tried 042, THEN I REMEMBERED that mine was 038!!!!!! HOW CAN I FORGET A NUMBER LIKE THAT? 38!!! SUPER EASY!!! The page loaded, and Dudu said 'I got it'. 


Breath stuck in throat. I looked at it and here it is.

序号/No	科目名称/Name of Subjects	成绩/Result
01	华文 Chinese Language	---
02	马来西亚文 Bahasa Malaysia	B4
03	英文 English Language	A1
04	数学 Mathematics	---
05	高级数学 Advanced Mathematics	---
06	高级数学(Ⅰ) Advanced Mathematics(Ⅰ)	A1
07	高级数学(Ⅱ) Advanced Mathematics(Ⅱ)	A2
08	历史 History	---
09	地理 Geography	---
10	生物 Biology	B4
11	化学 Chemistry	B3
12	物理 Physics	B3

At first glance, it's not so bad right? That's what I thought. My immediate reaction was: RELIEF, not so bad; I GOT AN A FOR MATHS 2?? UNEXPECTED; dreams-for-Monash-crushed-though-they-were-kinda-crushed-before-I-got-the-results. 


By that time, the hype had kinda died down already. We were all calling up friends and stuff and telling and asking etc etc. Then Steph asked Feiven and after navigating her to the website and giving her instructions, she got her results and OH. MY. GOSH. Jaw drop. Shock. Disbelief. SHAME. That's what I felt. She got 5As. FIVE As. FIVE. Chi, BM, Eng, Bio and Maths 1. (For those of you who don't know, Feiven is my competitor in academic results. By my own standards la.. just a target that I have to keep myself motivated). Slowly, I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower. I got three, and she got five! Then I really started thinking about my chances to get As for Bio and Chem. But everyone was kinda over talking about results, so I just kept quiet about it and then I got home. I opened up my results again and really looked at it. Bio- B4, Chem- B3, Phy- B3. Kinda messed up. 


Bio was supposed to be the easiest out of the three for me. I would've expected to get better results for it than Phy!! But granted, I didn't revise before the exam. Seriously. Since it was the last paper, and those who had dropped Bio were already celebrating, I didn't revise. I watched TV. I WATCHED TV. The Bio exam, I knew that I had studied the stuff before, I just didn't remember cuz I didn't revise. So, I accept the B4, but doesn't mean I'm not disgruntled by it. Phy, B3?! Phy was my WORST subject. I gave up all the stuff on Electric and Magnet! I kinda hated the subject, but I got a BEE THREE?! And Chem. Oh GOSH. When Chin Chui Kim (our Chem teacher) was handing down our UEC mock papers, she said to me that she was expecting an A for me. She had high hopes because I did well on the mock. I kinda cheated on objective, and I felt so undeserving (still do), but seriously, I'm so ASHAMED. I'm such a let down. I seriously don't know how I can face her. She was like my favourite teacher. 


So yea. There it is. Now I'm totally clueless about where I'm headed next year, since Monash U and Melb U both require at least A2 for all maths and science subjects (got their conditional offers). Ideas and ideas and options and options are swimming and swimming in my head, round and round. I have no idea. 


But, the facts are: 


1. When we succeed in the future (success coming with hard work, of course (maybe like TRUCK-TRUCK-TRUCK-LOADS of it)), UEC results will just be another paper. I appreciate all the times us Zhongers spent in the library, studying, and moving around to get help from the smart students; I appreciate the STRESS and the STRESS and the STRESS I felt, to the point where I always imagined myself to be super exhilarated by the end of UEC that I pictured myself falling off a cliff; I appreciate the feeling that I've become smarter cuz I learned lots of weird and useless but kinda-fun-in-a-nerdy-way this year. 


2. After UEC, I said that I will miss Maths. I do. Even more so cuz I ACED it. BAM! Haha. Seriously. It was the craziest, most mind-boggling, frustrating, out-of-this-world, amazing, CRAZIEST thing I've ever learnt in my life; with the weirdest and randomest methods of solving problems; with the one A4 page working that looks like the work of geniuses when glanced at. 


3. God has a plan. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan. We might not be able to see it, but we gotta be patient and pray! I have no doubt that God has a plan after what happened with Tur last time. (I even just talked to her on the phone a while ago, just talking about results and what ppl are saying on Facebook,and how we're gonna tell our parents and such. WOAH! WHO KNEW?) Maybe God wants to teach me a lesson, or He doesn't want me to go to Monash or Melbourne U, or He's gonna bring me to a different uni, maybe a different country, maybe even a different course, or He wants me to meet with certain ppl who'll play a part in my life? You never know. No matter where I end up, what I end up studying, I'm sure I'll be there following God's plan. Just gotta pray hard! :D

DOOM!

doom  (dm)

n.

1. Inevitable destruction or ruin.

2. Fate, especially a tragic or ruinous one.

3. A decision or judgment, especially an official condemnation to a severe penalty.

TWO DAYS TO DOOMS DAY! The day I get my DREADED UEC RESULTS. Like my Methods exam results last year, I'm sure my results this year will be similar. I won't do incredibly badly, but I won't do well enough. I won't reach everyone's high expectations. Yesterday night before bed, I was lying in my bed, lights off, eyes closed, and SUDDENLY I imagined myself getting my results and only getting two As, one for English, one for Ad. Maths 1. MY EYES IMMEDIATELY FLEW OPEN and I was so so so so super worried and distressed. I whatsapped ppl and only Jason replied. It was after midnight. And I just kept ranting on and on about results and stuff. I'm worried. I'm worried. I HOPE I WON'T CRY WHEN I GET MY RESULTS. The worst is, 'I won't do well enough' means I won't be able to get into the course of the universities I applied to. That means I'll have no where to go, that means I'll be LOST. 


PLEASE, do not say that I'll do fine, that I'll be able to reach the requirements bla bla bla. Cuz highly likely I won't be able to do that. I just pray that... I don't know. That where I my results that me will be where God wants me to study. That it'll be the right place for me, it'll give me life satisfaction, it'll give me a good future job. etc. etc. etc. etc. 


TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEA.

BECAUSE OF THE TEA FROM STARFLY LAST NIGHT, (well, I'm not entirely sure if that was the cause, but oh well) I HAD THE MOST HORRIBLE DREAM ABOUT MY FAMILY AND IT BREAKING APART AND SEPARATION AND IT ALL FELT SO REAL. IT FELT SO SO SO REAL. I was crying when I woke up and when I woke up, I immediately started sobbing badly. I have dreams that make me cry, but they would involve death of something else, Something that couldn't be helped. And they were always just super sad tears falling from my eyes. But this was something that happened because of negative and bitter reasons (I'm talking about the dream). I was sooo disturbed. I immediately whatsapped Kat and told her about it and she reassured me it wasn't real. So I went back to sleep, and woke up with super swollen eyes. Now. I have super swollen eyes. And now I shall go to sleep. 


Gosh, I hate crying. I hate dreams. I pray that what I dreamed will never happen in real life. Seriously, God have mercy!

God Had A Special Purpose!

On Saturday, the day before yesterday, I had made plans to go watch an open volleyball competition at Wisma MUIS. The school team's boys had joined and I wanted to watch Leong cuz he actually got to play. 


So on that fated day, I was supposed to wake up at 7am, and Fiona will come over at 7.30am. We would go grab breakfast and go watch the match which ould be at 9am. The night before, just before bed, Denise whatsapped 'Sweet dreams' to me and I replied something along the lines of  'My dreams are never sweet. Either I dream, or I don't.' kinda thing. Haha. And BAM. That night, I kept dreaming for some reason!!! I dreamt that I was so stressed about my further education and I kept calling my agent (IDP) and talking to them about my options and stuff. SO STRESSFUL. I didn't get a lot of rest, and I kept waking up. I was kinda awake when my alarm rang at 7, but I must've turned it off and not to snooze, cuz the next time I woke up, I knew I was late. I woke at 9am man!!!! I checked my phone and sure enough, I had a few missed calls and a load of whatsapps from Fiona. I called her and she had left. She didn't wanna ring the doorbell or horn for my kakak to open the gate. I don't know why! GOSHHH. I was soo upset!! We were supposed to go shopping after the match. PLANS RUINED! I ended up going alone to watch the match, but it wasn't so bad cuz Pei was there. I was telling Fiona how upset I was and how sorry I was, and she said that it doesn't matter, cuz God has a special purpose. I just looked at that IM and was like MEH. SO SAD. 


There was another match at 6pm. Jason was supposed to go with me. But he ditched me last minute. And FOR SOME REASON, maybe because of what happened on the 10th, I asked Tur and she agreed to come with me. OOOOOOO! What a turn of events! I was kinda excited la, cuz we hadn't hung out in a while, just the two of us. So we watched the match and talked a lot. She told Pei and I about her trip to China and stuff. And I said that my kakak cooked me maggie for lunch, and that my kakak's maggie kinda sucks. Not yummy at all. Tur then said her maggie is the best. So I asked her what time she would be done with church the next day, and she said around 1pm. Then I said that I'll go over to her house and she can cook maggie for me. She was like okie!! She had to leave around 8pm to pick her mum up from the airport. 


So on a sidenote, I picked up Jason after their match, and ate dinner at Tanjung Aru (I WAS SOOOO HUNGRYYYYY!!!). And then we went back to watch SCVC's match. The matched were alright. The school team lost all of their matches, which was expected. SCVC only lost one. But I think they all played really well. They were all quite good matches to watch. Leong has lots of potential!!!! His spikes can score man!!! I think he just needs to work on his reaction in normal digging and stuff. Bla bla. MY HOTTIE (remember him?????? EX hottie btw) did very well compared to the last time I saw him play (QGDZ). But apparently he plays much better during training or something. 


SO ANYWAY. The next day, I had a craving for FRIES. I wanted to eat nice FRIES. And for some reason I thought of SUTERA HARBOUR FRIES. Haha. So I asked Tur whether she wanted to have some fries with me and she was ok with it. So I had lunch with Leong and we went to pick Tur up at around 2.30pm. It was super funny cuz I usually recognize the road Tur's house is on with a sign that says Lintas Court, BUT THE SIGN WASN'T THERE. I had a gut feeling that the turning had come up (there's about 4 or 5 turnings from the main road, one of which was the one for Tur's house), BUT THERE WAS NO SIGN! So we missed it and had to make a huge round back. And when I got the turning right, righttt at the end of the road, the LINTAS COURT SIGN WAS RIGHT THERE. Someone had moved it there for some reason. -__________- I was shouting my jovial frustration at the yellow sign, and Leong just stared at me. PFFT. ANYWHO, we got to Sutera, and Leong went swimming, and Tur and I had fries!!!! Leong's mum and sis came after that, so I didn't need to wait for him to send him back home. So Tur and I had fries, chicken wing, and a banana boat after!!! Then we walked around the harbour for a lil while, sun was shining really brightly, then we left. I asked her if she was eating at home, and she was, and so I invited myself over for dinner cuz dad wasn't gonna have dinner with me. 


After really yummy and simple dinner at her house, we watched What's Your Number on her laptop. Kinda ok. Hot guy. Haha. Then she showed me photos from her China trip. After that, we were supposed to go Yen Ai but it was closed, so we went to Star Fly at Damai. Drank milk tea, ate stuff and chatted. We caught up with one another, talked about crushes and talked about friends and just talked and talked till 11pm. 


It felt good. It felt great. It was great. 


I'm sorry if this post is a lil draggy. Not feeling too well now and I just wanna sleep. But anywho, if I hadn't woken up late on that fateful Saturday, I wouldn't have done all this hanging out with Tur. We wouldn't have gone back to the way it used to be. Last time, it only worked with her when it was the four of us. But now, it can work if it's just us two. :D 


They say that you can only appreciate the presence of something if you know what you feel like in its absence. So true. ;D

It was a good weird!

On the 10th, my class had a gathering to distribute our class tshirts and also for sharing. Before I get to the main point, I just have to say that I LOVE our class tshirt though it's nothing spectacular. It just represents my class very well: very colourful and loud, all different components coming together very well. Like NASI LEMAK (referring to the Namewee movie, Nasi Lemak 2.0). Haha. So true. Also, sharing was ok. Not monumental like our farewell for Keryn, JC and Elsa. But ok la. And pfft of COURSE I didn't say all I wanted to say. Go figure.


Anyway, my main point of this post is Tur. We kinda didn't really stay in touch. I hadn't seen her in a long time. And just throughtout he whole yar, we didn't really talk much. Only for the last few months. So totally didn't expect her to keep looking for me to chat to me about stuff that happened during the holidays. She told me about her trip to Taiwan and stuff ike that. Itwas really unexpected. It just kinda left me befuddled. It was kinda weird, but it was probably a great weird. Haha. I was pleasantlyyyy surprised yo! :D

JESSIE'S HOUSE.

Haha. These few days have been busy yet great. Nothing amazing, but it's been good. I've been going out a lot with Jessie, and naturally that includes Jason as well. Hahaha. They come as a package deal yoz! 


Ok. Jessie just finished her SPM today, congrats to her! While she was still having it, before I'd officially graduated, I've been to her house a few times at night. I was supposed to be the 'babysitter' or 'grandma' as I call it, to just make sure she studies or something. In my mind, I was supposed to just chill and do stuff on my laptop or read a book or something and not bother her at all, but that was kinda a fail. I guess it was cuz there was lotsa stuff going on with her Sports Day preparation as she's the CAPTAIN OF GREEN HOUSE 2012 (GO MARTIANS!) (their mascot is Marvin the Martian haha), and we kept talking about sports day. SORRY. But anyhow, those nights were fun. It included the night where I left her house on a Friday night, 11pm, and there was a police check, and it WAS THE ONLY TIME I didn't bring my license out. Awesumz. I left it in Steph's bag and thank goodness her house wasn't so far from Jessie's house. Before I left home for Jessie's, I went to find my wallet but it wasn't there. I was panicking cuz I thought I might have lost it in SGCC which was where Steph, Tian and I went to use the toilet before that day. It was either that or I had left it in her bag. Police checks aren't that common so I just left without my license and I sent a text to Steph asking her to check her bag for my wallet. She said she will. So I chilled at Jessie's. Then when I left, I actually looked at my phone for the time, I saw that it was Friday night, and I wondered whether there will be a police check, but I brushed it off, thinking I wasn't that unlucky. (I've encountered a police check before, when I was going to Steph's house on a Fri or Sat night 10pm+) THEN, I actually turned out to use the highway, thought better of it, and U-turned back to use the smaller road which had the police check. THEN, I actually wanted to just drop by Steph's house to see if my wallet was there (CUZ SHE DIDN'T TEXT ME BACK) and called her but she didn't pick up, so I was like NGEH. Then BAM, police check. AWESOMEEEEE. It was all pretty funny. I kept saying I'd just left a friend's house and I accidentally left it there. But the police still insisted on seeing it. So I called Sophia (Steph's sis) (THANK GOD I HAD HER NUMBER), and she checked for me and YAY my wallet was there. HUGE RELIEF. And I actually had to ask her mum to drive out to bring it to me. OMKKKK!! -.- Haha. Her mum is now like my bff. Pffttt. 


Then there was the time Jason and I went to Jessie's house while she had a House Meeting. They were discussing what games to play when they lead their future J1 students during orientation class. Jason and I were just minding our own business, playing with our phones and such, then they wanted to try the games out and asked us to join in. Super farnayyy. It was so fun. Played all the party games. There was one where everyone sat in a circle, and one person stands in the middle, holding a broomstick upright with a finger. Then that person calls out a name and releases the broomstick from hold, and the person who was called out has to SCRAMBLE to grab it before it hits the ground. Hilarious. That was super fun. Then I got to 3-point-turn Alex's Ninja King. ^____^ 


Then there was the time, oh wait that was last Friday, I brought Jessie to watch Breaking Dawn and Jason came along. We went to Party Play to eat supper after. I always said they should have live music, and now they do. It's a nice place to go to. :D 


Then, the day before yesterday I was chilling at home, watching HIMYM, and Jessie called to ask if I wanted to eat stuff with Moses, they just finished playing badminton. Then I went and it was 'OH SO AWKWARD' when I saw here were other ppl there!!!!!! *GASPPP* But it was really enjoyable, yet somehow just.. I dunno. The stuff Moses always says makes me blush OHHHH. Zzz. When he keeps setting me up with the other guys he brings. ZZZZ. ALWAYS HAPPENS. Actually it's not just Moses, it's also JESSIE and whoever is in their gang. -.- (yes Jessie, I know you'll read this!!!!!). Haha but it is enjoyable but GAH!!!! 


Then on Wed, we (Jessie, Jason and I) were supposed to watch Puss In Boots. Oh ya, it was also her LAST DAY OF SPM! Total congrats man! Though she didn't really FEEL anything, but I think it's a big thing so yea. She finished her paper at 1pm, and Jason and I went to hers at about 2pm. She had a prom night on Thursday, so I was supposed to help her choose a dress. So she took out ALL the dresses (sooo many!) and tried them on one by one. Haha. All the dresses were either too casual, had no WOW factor, or were GREAT but had that one catch that was a deal breaker. In the end, the dresses left were just those she had worn before and though that was ok, i just wasn't fun, you know? Though we're Malaysian and our proms are not that grand and amazing, where everyone stressed over getting dates and stuff for, but it was supposed to be a fun thing, and it wouldn't be fun if you wear something you've never worn before! So, from watching Puss In Boots and finding matching heels for the dress we should have already chosen, we changed our plans to shopping for a dress. In the end we shopped at Wisma Merdeka. It was so successful. In the second shop we went into, Jessie found a potential dress. And at the third shop, she found another one that we eventually decided on. Fastest shopping ever! It was this longgggg PURPLE tube dress. The shade of the dress was really nice. Though it was a little long, it was really elegant and the colour of the dress was the WOW factor. It helped that it wasn't too showy or dressy, kinda simple, just right for Jessie. Hahaha. 


Then yesterday was the day of her prom! In the morning, Jessie came over to my house. I gave her a couple of pairs of heels to bring home to decide on later for the dress. After we chose those heels, we brought Oysters, my dog, to the vet. OYSTERS IS SO THIN NOW IT'S KINDA SCARY. It was kinda funny, cuz we were both kinda clueless about going to the vet. And we had a little trouble carrying Oysters by ourselves and stuff, but it was alright in the end. Oysters has heart worm and bacteria in the blood or something. SIGH. Soda (may you rest in peace!!) had heart worm, slow death but inevitable death. Lobsters (RIP!!!!!!) was like Oysters, super thin and the way she stood and walked was the same as how Oysters is doing it now. So yea. Not hoping for much but still saddens me deeply. My FB status was: We don't really love our dogs very much, but we appreciate their presence. Which is totally true ya know!! So sad. Then after the vet, we picked Jason up, then went to 1Borneo for the Popular Book Fair!!! Spent like RM200 there on books and a photo album!!! :D They were good buys, but I just don't know if they're books I'll enjoy. Hope I do!!! 


Then it was time to get ready for her PROM! We spent some time looking for JEWELRY, looking for earrings, necklaces and such. Haha. Then she took her shower, blew her hair out nicely, then got dressed in the lovelyyyy dress. She was supposed to go to her friend's house to get ready and get make up on and stuff, but she decided to not go with make up. (She doesn't even need it!) She asked me to help her do something with her hair. 'DECORATE ME' she said. Hahaha. At first I was kinda lost. Cuz she has bangs and bangs are hard to go around. But in the end I just kinda clipped one side of her hair simply, and needless to say, she was BEAUTIFUL. Haha so corny, but totally true!!!! She really really looked great!! Hope she had an amazing time!!!!! 


Now Jessie is in THAILAND after a few days in KL. Haha remember the epic 'Purple solo girl who keeps smiling to her phone'. Hahaha more soon about my hol-holidays!!!!

Freddie Mercury.

"I've lived a full life and if I'm dead tomorrow, I don't give a damn. I really have done it all." 


I wish we could live our lives to the fullest, so much so that we can actually say that out loud.