I feel so tired and sore from just now. I feel so useless, really. How come I just can't stop myself, pick up some fallen pieces and maybe take a few deep breaths and stand up for myself? Why do I always have to be the one to hold it in? To choose the path where I don't shout and scream and throw a tantrum and just silently cry?
Hate it.
Sudden rain.. There's thunder and lightning. Going off. Bye people.
Hope my eyes won't look like they have been crying.
If people like Edward existed, they would explode reading my mind.
9/10 ANYWAY, refer to above post. So A was angry and A scolded me. A said I always use A, that I don't care about what A has to do as long as A can drive me, and that I always say that A is fat. 'Who do you think you are? Princess ah?' A said.
So sad. But you know why? It is because it is true. I was so sad, cried but for a different reason this time. What I felt was very confusing. It IS true. What A said is true. I always ask A to drive me. Sometimes, because of miscommunication, A had to leave in the middle of yam cha with A's friends. And as I said in the post above, I do tease A about things, but because I'm tired of A saying A will change, but not doing anything. I'm ok with A being the way A is now, but it's the fact that A says A will change, but does not. So... I feel so sad about this. So many unsaid things. No one brought it up again.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Oh Ya! TOTAL SURPRISE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS JESSIE FOR THE FAREWELL GIFT.
BUT.
I haven't opened it yet. I'm SO EXCITED!!!!! I'm not allowing myself to open it until Friday!!! I hope I can resist! (Angela! That's why I don't want you to give me your farewell gift first. I only want to open on Friday and I'm not sure whether I can resist.) So anyway. I'm seriously excited about what both of you are giving me.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT.
I haven't opened it yet. I'm SO EXCITED!!!!! I'm not allowing myself to open it until Friday!!! I hope I can resist! (Angela! That's why I don't want you to give me your farewell gift first. I only want to open on Friday and I'm not sure whether I can resist.) So anyway. I'm seriously excited about what both of you are giving me.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Freaking Me Out
The Taking really is!!!!! I was just reading it alone and because of my wild imagination and tendency to totally immerse myself in the story, IT'S SO SCARY! It's seriously so descriptive, the vocabulary abit out of my league though, but seriously, SCARY!!!! I'm scared that I'll start thinking too much when I'm alone and when it's dark. *SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!*
Anyway! Can't wait to get further into the story!!!!! =D =D
Anyway! Can't wait to get further into the story!!!!! =D =D
Monday, September 28, 2009
Speechless
Tomorrow is Tuesday! There's piano lesson and I have no idea where my books are. They are seriously not in the house and I just cross my fingers that they are in my teacher's house.
GAH!
How far have I come? <- coming post. But I still have drafts waiting to be finished. Hahahaha.
GAH!
How far have I come? <- coming post. But I still have drafts waiting to be finished. Hahahaha.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Best
Yesterday.
Went to school as usual and Crys seemed really upset (has been for a few days) that I was going to leave soon. She was so intent on me going out together with her, the last chance, she said. So she texted Kev to bring clothes for me to school, then I was to follow her to lunch and stuff after school. Haha. So after school I went with Crys to her house, took a bath and we went off to 1B with her mum. We ate Kenny Rogers (KL's is better!) and me and Crys went for a movie. Because the time was right for us, we watched Where Got Ghost, the Singaporean movie. I totally didn't think that it was a 'scary' movie and that Crys doesn't watch scary movies. I just thought about it being a funny movie. Oh well. Crys bought me Twisties, my going away present. Hahahaha. So anwyay, the movie was not that good. It was funny, but I was seriously sleepy halfway through. First time that's happened. Maybe I was just really, really tired from volleyball on Friday and sleeping late too. So we got through the movie then went to F.O.S. to get some cheap shirts. Haha. Crys had to get XL. Oh well. A reminder of why we need to lose weight, we're so unhealthy!!! =D I'll start tomorrow! =P Anyway, I found a nice long sleeved shirt I could use in Aus for only RM10! Crys bought it for me. She said it was the 'real' going away present. Thanks Crys!!!! Everytime I wear it I'll think of you! Haha.
So then we walked around, went to Harris (one of my heavens!!!) and spent some time there looking at magazines (Rob Patt and Kris Stewart) Hahahahaha. Then it was about time to go home so we waited for her car to arrive. So we were in her house, waiting for 7.30pm to arrive because that was when her dad would send me back. So I was in Crys' room reading The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton (I LOVE THAT BOOK!) and then Crys came in and said she wanted to bath. So as she was gathering her clothes, she said, Hey I'm going to your house k. Then it became a sleepover. I was actually kind of shocked because it was so sudden. But it was really okay with me. So at 7.30pm, we left with Crys' cloth bag full of things and her Doggy and her Blanket thing. Haha. Crys' mum wished me good luck with everything. What an early goodbye!
So we arrived home and her dad wished me good luck and stuff too. Then when I walked onto the porch, I was kind of confused. The old, old wooden table had a tablecloth on it and was laden with food. Seriously, nothing went through my mind and I didn't feel anything different, but confusion I guess. There was a place set out for me, an empty plate and cutlery. On the plate was a piece of white paper written on it 'This is what you want. NO party, NO friends, NO 'fan''. Fan as in frustration. I was abit shocked because I didn't want NO friends. This was the result of me telling Pei, Tur and Steph that I did not want them to plan a surprise farewell party I KNEW they were planning behind my back. I didn't want them to do it because I had alot of friends I wanted to invite, and some I didn't want to too. It was just very complicated, in my mind, though it might not actually be complicated. That will be another post. Haha. So I just stood there and asked Kev what it meant. He just said that my friends set it up at 3pm-ish for me. So I was like.. Okkaayyy. I seriously didn't know what to think. So me and Crys just went into the house. In the living room (which is just after the front door) I saw on the table alot of plates and bowls and cutleries. After that second, they came out from the dad's study, 'SURPRISE!!!!!!' they shouted. I was so shocked! I seriously did not think for a second that they would do something like that for me. Ok, maybe at the second when I saw the stacks of plates and bowls on the table I did think of it, but I coulnd't ponder on it because that's when they all came out.
I think that if Kev had said things like, 'Oh, because you said you didn't want a farewell party, so they said maybe you could celebrate it by yourself. They just borught you your favourite food from all around KK. They wanted you to celebrate your farewell by yourself with all the KK food you are going to be missing.', it would have been better and I would feel sad. But he didn't, and that's ok too.
after they surprised me and stuff, I went up to change because I was dying in my jeans (gained weight). When I was alone upstairs it really hit me and I was so touched! I wanted to cry, but didn't. What did I do to deserve such great friends? Pei, Tur, Steph, Crys, Pitza, Liau, Sim Ying, and Angela were there. SO BLESSED! So anyway, we ate after that. The food that they brought was Siew Mai from Emperor, Chicken Wings from don't-know-where, Soto from Sri Dewi I think, Bak Kut Teh from don't-know-where, Wo Tie and Shui Jiao, Kon Lau Mian, Chao Kueh Tiao from Bukit Padang, Ngiu Char Kueh from BP (British Petrol?!), and some other stuff I think. Kev bought a Black Forest Cake from Hyatt, but unfortunately I don't really like cakes. So anyway, everyone was really full. They also bought ABC from BP, and ice cream from Ananas. So kakak brought out the ABC and we started eating. Then after that there was durian (!!!) and talap! But again, unfortunately I don't eat those fruits. Hehe. But it really was fun watching them eat the talap and spitting the seeds out, seeing who could spit the furthest. There was a spider hanging on its thread beside the table we were sitting (outside) and they tried to hit it with the seeds. Hahahaha.
So then we just chatted and everyone started complaining about mosquitoes so we went inside. We just chatted and watched TV and then everyones car started to arrive. LeePei and Crystal were sleeping over. We were all so, so tired so we went up to bed. We didn't do the customary before-sleep chat we always have at sleep overs, I guess we were just so exhausted. I was tired because of walking around the whole afternoon with CRYSTAL! And of course also because of the continuous late nights before. So we only lasted until about 1am? I don't know. Only chatted for a while then we succumbed to sleep. Pei's mum said she'll be picking her at 9. We were all groaning at the early hour. But we got up at about 8 in the end. Haha.
Today.
We woke up and struggled to get ourselves out of bed. Then went downstairs to fix breakfast (YAY). We had toast (thanks Crys!) and Crys was introduced to WeetBix and Nestum Bubur (Pei's recipe Hahaha). I love fixing my own breakfast. So it was fun for me, hopefully for them too. Then after a while Pei had to go. Then Kev and Dad came home from church and they wanted to go for breakfast. Crys called for her mum to pick her up and after a while I was going out with Kev and Dad to Sandakan Noodles! Yum! Then after that we went to CP to get my tailored pants for school. We parked at Warisan and walked over. Well, it was too tight. SIGHHHHH. Crystal! We seriously need to do something about ourselves!!! =P (At least you are! T-T). So we asked them to alter it. So anyway, after that we walked around CP, spent some time in those electronic shops, looking at motion-flow demos on Bravia plasmas, spent some time in Times (my heaven!!). It hit my dad that it was the last Sunday I had left in KK (of course, I'll have more when I get back. NOT MIGRATING!). I could tell he was making an effort to spend time with me! =D So we left after getting Mao's Last Dancer (Kel's request) and Dad got an architecture magazine. Haha.
Then we went home, and me and Dad took a nap. I was really tired. So there I was, napping while Crys was in the gym (ROAR!!). Then when I woke up Dad had bought some Paos for me. I LOVE PAOS. Paos as in those tau sah paos/ ca sao paos those PAO. So he bought tau sah and zhu rou. YAY. He woke me up and we ate in the kitchen. (His effort!!! =D) and then after that we sort of did our own stuff, I think. And then me and Kev bathed (me in parents bathroom. I LOVE THEIR BATHROOM!) and went for dinner. Actually Dad had a wedding. He thought he had two weddings, so he RSVPed one saying he couldn't go, and went to the another one. But turns out the one he went to was actually next month. Hah. Trust my dad to mix these things up. So he went home and we all left for dinner. I was actually thinking about Fish N Co because I've had this craving for fish and chips for a few days already (Crys was supposed to take me yesterday but we ended up at Kenny Rogers). We ended up in Hyatt (Dad's effort!!!). It was a nice dinner I guess, but I unfortunately had gastric. Probably from the dinner last night and the paos. Haha. So we went home and that was the end of our day together.
I'm so blessed! Blessed that I have friends who care about me, and that I have a family that makes an effort. =D
Sigh... Thanks guys!!!!! SERIOUSLY! =D I love you guys!!! WILL MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(
Gone too far <- another coming post... eventually! =P
Went to school as usual and Crys seemed really upset (has been for a few days) that I was going to leave soon. She was so intent on me going out together with her, the last chance, she said. So she texted Kev to bring clothes for me to school, then I was to follow her to lunch and stuff after school. Haha. So after school I went with Crys to her house, took a bath and we went off to 1B with her mum. We ate Kenny Rogers (KL's is better!) and me and Crys went for a movie. Because the time was right for us, we watched Where Got Ghost, the Singaporean movie. I totally didn't think that it was a 'scary' movie and that Crys doesn't watch scary movies. I just thought about it being a funny movie. Oh well. Crys bought me Twisties, my going away present. Hahahaha. So anwyay, the movie was not that good. It was funny, but I was seriously sleepy halfway through. First time that's happened. Maybe I was just really, really tired from volleyball on Friday and sleeping late too. So we got through the movie then went to F.O.S. to get some cheap shirts. Haha. Crys had to get XL. Oh well. A reminder of why we need to lose weight, we're so unhealthy!!! =D I'll start tomorrow! =P Anyway, I found a nice long sleeved shirt I could use in Aus for only RM10! Crys bought it for me. She said it was the 'real' going away present. Thanks Crys!!!! Everytime I wear it I'll think of you! Haha.
So then we walked around, went to Harris (one of my heavens!!!) and spent some time there looking at magazines (Rob Patt and Kris Stewart) Hahahahaha. Then it was about time to go home so we waited for her car to arrive. So we were in her house, waiting for 7.30pm to arrive because that was when her dad would send me back. So I was in Crys' room reading The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton (I LOVE THAT BOOK!) and then Crys came in and said she wanted to bath. So as she was gathering her clothes, she said, Hey I'm going to your house k. Then it became a sleepover. I was actually kind of shocked because it was so sudden. But it was really okay with me. So at 7.30pm, we left with Crys' cloth bag full of things and her Doggy and her Blanket thing. Haha. Crys' mum wished me good luck with everything. What an early goodbye!
So we arrived home and her dad wished me good luck and stuff too. Then when I walked onto the porch, I was kind of confused. The old, old wooden table had a tablecloth on it and was laden with food. Seriously, nothing went through my mind and I didn't feel anything different, but confusion I guess. There was a place set out for me, an empty plate and cutlery. On the plate was a piece of white paper written on it 'This is what you want. NO party, NO friends, NO 'fan''. Fan as in frustration. I was abit shocked because I didn't want NO friends. This was the result of me telling Pei, Tur and Steph that I did not want them to plan a surprise farewell party I KNEW they were planning behind my back. I didn't want them to do it because I had alot of friends I wanted to invite, and some I didn't want to too. It was just very complicated, in my mind, though it might not actually be complicated. That will be another post. Haha. So I just stood there and asked Kev what it meant. He just said that my friends set it up at 3pm-ish for me. So I was like.. Okkaayyy. I seriously didn't know what to think. So me and Crys just went into the house. In the living room (which is just after the front door) I saw on the table alot of plates and bowls and cutleries. After that second, they came out from the dad's study, 'SURPRISE!!!!!!' they shouted. I was so shocked! I seriously did not think for a second that they would do something like that for me. Ok, maybe at the second when I saw the stacks of plates and bowls on the table I did think of it, but I coulnd't ponder on it because that's when they all came out.
I think that if Kev had said things like, 'Oh, because you said you didn't want a farewell party, so they said maybe you could celebrate it by yourself. They just borught you your favourite food from all around KK. They wanted you to celebrate your farewell by yourself with all the KK food you are going to be missing.', it would have been better and I would feel sad. But he didn't, and that's ok too.
after they surprised me and stuff, I went up to change because I was dying in my jeans (gained weight). When I was alone upstairs it really hit me and I was so touched! I wanted to cry, but didn't. What did I do to deserve such great friends? Pei, Tur, Steph, Crys, Pitza, Liau, Sim Ying, and Angela were there. SO BLESSED! So anyway, we ate after that. The food that they brought was Siew Mai from Emperor, Chicken Wings from don't-know-where, Soto from Sri Dewi I think, Bak Kut Teh from don't-know-where, Wo Tie and Shui Jiao, Kon Lau Mian, Chao Kueh Tiao from Bukit Padang, Ngiu Char Kueh from BP (British Petrol?!), and some other stuff I think. Kev bought a Black Forest Cake from Hyatt, but unfortunately I don't really like cakes. So anyway, everyone was really full. They also bought ABC from BP, and ice cream from Ananas. So kakak brought out the ABC and we started eating. Then after that there was durian (!!!) and talap! But again, unfortunately I don't eat those fruits. Hehe. But it really was fun watching them eat the talap and spitting the seeds out, seeing who could spit the furthest. There was a spider hanging on its thread beside the table we were sitting (outside) and they tried to hit it with the seeds. Hahahaha.
So then we just chatted and everyone started complaining about mosquitoes so we went inside. We just chatted and watched TV and then everyones car started to arrive. LeePei and Crystal were sleeping over. We were all so, so tired so we went up to bed. We didn't do the customary before-sleep chat we always have at sleep overs, I guess we were just so exhausted. I was tired because of walking around the whole afternoon with CRYSTAL! And of course also because of the continuous late nights before. So we only lasted until about 1am? I don't know. Only chatted for a while then we succumbed to sleep. Pei's mum said she'll be picking her at 9. We were all groaning at the early hour. But we got up at about 8 in the end. Haha.
Today.
We woke up and struggled to get ourselves out of bed. Then went downstairs to fix breakfast (YAY). We had toast (thanks Crys!) and Crys was introduced to WeetBix and Nestum Bubur (Pei's recipe Hahaha). I love fixing my own breakfast. So it was fun for me, hopefully for them too. Then after a while Pei had to go. Then Kev and Dad came home from church and they wanted to go for breakfast. Crys called for her mum to pick her up and after a while I was going out with Kev and Dad to Sandakan Noodles! Yum! Then after that we went to CP to get my tailored pants for school. We parked at Warisan and walked over. Well, it was too tight. SIGHHHHH. Crystal! We seriously need to do something about ourselves!!! =P (At least you are! T-T). So we asked them to alter it. So anyway, after that we walked around CP, spent some time in those electronic shops, looking at motion-flow demos on Bravia plasmas, spent some time in Times (my heaven!!). It hit my dad that it was the last Sunday I had left in KK (of course, I'll have more when I get back. NOT MIGRATING!). I could tell he was making an effort to spend time with me! =D So we left after getting Mao's Last Dancer (Kel's request) and Dad got an architecture magazine. Haha.
Then we went home, and me and Dad took a nap. I was really tired. So there I was, napping while Crys was in the gym (ROAR!!). Then when I woke up Dad had bought some Paos for me. I LOVE PAOS. Paos as in those tau sah paos/ ca sao paos those PAO. So he bought tau sah and zhu rou. YAY. He woke me up and we ate in the kitchen. (His effort!!! =D) and then after that we sort of did our own stuff, I think. And then me and Kev bathed (me in parents bathroom. I LOVE THEIR BATHROOM!) and went for dinner. Actually Dad had a wedding. He thought he had two weddings, so he RSVPed one saying he couldn't go, and went to the another one. But turns out the one he went to was actually next month. Hah. Trust my dad to mix these things up. So he went home and we all left for dinner. I was actually thinking about Fish N Co because I've had this craving for fish and chips for a few days already (Crys was supposed to take me yesterday but we ended up at Kenny Rogers). We ended up in Hyatt (Dad's effort!!!). It was a nice dinner I guess, but I unfortunately had gastric. Probably from the dinner last night and the paos. Haha. So we went home and that was the end of our day together.
I'm so blessed! Blessed that I have friends who care about me, and that I have a family that makes an effort. =D
Sigh... Thanks guys!!!!! SERIOUSLY! =D I love you guys!!! WILL MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(
Gone too far <- another coming post... eventually! =P
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sunday
Today is my last Sunday here in KK before I leave. Of course, I'll be back and will be spending more Sundays here I guess.
How sad. The population of our dogs just keep getting less and less. But I don't feel as sad as when Lobs went. Because I guess it was really, really heartbreaking to see Lobs suffer like that. See her slipping when she walked, struggling to get up or lie down, refusing to eat or drink and when she did, seeing her vomit it out again, stroking her and feeling only bones beneath her skin. =( I spent so, so much time sitting beside her, stroking her, scared to leave her alone in case she FELT abandoned, wiping her vomit up, trying to make her drink glucose water, and wiping her vomit up again. The living room stank of her sourish vomit, all the gastric juices that had nothing to digest. =( Sad that Lobs had to literally starve to death, even sadder that she didn't die at home.
I knew something was wrong with Twinkles one day when I came home from school. I stroked him and could see and feel that he was as thin as when Lobs was sick. Then at night I walked to the living room and thought I smelled the lingering scent of Lobs' vomit smell. I thought that the smell just hadn't disappeared yet and I just hadn't noticed until then, but in the morning I found out it was Twinkles vomit. I wondered at that time, as I still do now, whether it's a bug going around and was hitting my dogs one by one. But they were really old, so I'm not sure. Anyway, I wanted to suggest putting him down, end his suffering you know? =( I didn't want him to starve to death. But well, he's gone now. SIGH.
So the last Sunday, the last Sunday I have before I begin a new chapter of my life, it was pretty normal. Just that I'm really, really, really sleepy, and am going to take a nap efore blogging about it and yesterday.
I'm so blessed. Thank God, seriously! =D
How sad. The population of our dogs just keep getting less and less. But I don't feel as sad as when Lobs went. Because I guess it was really, really heartbreaking to see Lobs suffer like that. See her slipping when she walked, struggling to get up or lie down, refusing to eat or drink and when she did, seeing her vomit it out again, stroking her and feeling only bones beneath her skin. =( I spent so, so much time sitting beside her, stroking her, scared to leave her alone in case she FELT abandoned, wiping her vomit up, trying to make her drink glucose water, and wiping her vomit up again. The living room stank of her sourish vomit, all the gastric juices that had nothing to digest. =( Sad that Lobs had to literally starve to death, even sadder that she didn't die at home.
I knew something was wrong with Twinkles one day when I came home from school. I stroked him and could see and feel that he was as thin as when Lobs was sick. Then at night I walked to the living room and thought I smelled the lingering scent of Lobs' vomit smell. I thought that the smell just hadn't disappeared yet and I just hadn't noticed until then, but in the morning I found out it was Twinkles vomit. I wondered at that time, as I still do now, whether it's a bug going around and was hitting my dogs one by one. But they were really old, so I'm not sure. Anyway, I wanted to suggest putting him down, end his suffering you know? =( I didn't want him to starve to death. But well, he's gone now. SIGH.
So the last Sunday, the last Sunday I have before I begin a new chapter of my life, it was pretty normal. Just that I'm really, really, really sleepy, and am going to take a nap efore blogging about it and yesterday.
I'm so blessed. Thank God, seriously! =D
27.9.09
27.9.09 Sunday Early Morning
Rest In Peace
Twinkles
With your blue eyes that awed many of my friends.
I'll miss those eyes and your yucky fur coat. =(
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