Open Heart

Every time I start a post, I always exclaim how long it's been since I've done a post. It's come to the point where I think I should just accept that I don't blog regularly. Haha. But still, I am telling myself that I should start doing it regularly. Think about all the amazing life moments that I've experienced and will forget if I don't do this! 

Quick update: Just finished our written examinations for 3rd year! Cray! (Cray is a thing now, cuz crazy is just too long to say haha). And naturally, during the exam period, I found myself visiting my own blog which I haven't done in a long long time.. cz powers of procrastination are too strong. :P And reading a new friend, Gen-from-Singapore's, blog about her exchange in Europe made me really feel like I was missing out if I didn't jot down my memories one way or another. So here I am. 

I've changed the look of the blog finally! Goodbye to crazy colours, (red and yellow.. geez I was exuberant) and hello to the side of me that likes sweet feminine things too. Hahaha. And I've changed my url now from Strive to Open Heart. I think after going through that tough time, breaking up with someone so close to me and mum being sick, I really really pushed myself to stand on my own two feet, be the best I can be, go go go and not waste time. But in doing so, I actually slowly tried my best to not rely on others, to try and my find my own happiness and my own self you know? Like in trying to find my happiness and independence, I unknowingly put up walls around myself and kept other people out because I had to do it myself if that makes any sense at all. Then came my birthday, and man, the amount of love I got was really really surprising (which is kind of sad) and touching. I got calls and messages from close friends and not so close friends, some whom I haven't spoken to for a long time even. And then it hit me: I don't need to do it all on my own. There are so many people around who love me and have my back. I don't have to be so strong all the time, fighting to be happy and not waste time and live life. 

So yea. Now, at age 22, I want to learn how to have an open heart. To let people in, to be kind, to not have judgements, to not be calculative, to always be kind and generous and forthcoming. Too easily I get tired and lazy and just keep conversations to the bare minimum when I can contribute so much more if I just put more of my heart into it, too easily I get competitive or jealous or selfish which happens more than I like to admit. I want to be the kind of person whom when people meet, they'll know I've been touched by God. (omg so corny). But it's true. I wanna be a person who exudes.... selflessness I guess. I want to have an open heart. :) 

It's really late now so I'm off to bed. Can't wait to get this ball rolling again! 

Fri 1/5/15 1:44am