As I organised my photos, and came across old photos of my 2nd year life, the 4th year me realised that I never ever take pictures like that anymore.
What happened?
I never have moments where I felt super happy which was followed by having the urge to snap a picture to capture it. Or maybe I've forgotten how to savour them. It's probably also because we're so busy now.
We don't have back to back lectures where we can chill in between lectures and chat; we don't leave lectures together, walking back together because now we always have some place else to be. When we finish lectures, we either rush off to clinics or for lunch because we have clinics after. Everyone's finished at different times of the day, maybe you could wait but you're so tired after the day you just want to get home.
Wow. What has my life become. I used to be the one snapping pictures so often. Just of random people, of random moments. "We're so busy now"- is that really an acceptable reason? :(
STOP GIRL, and LOOK UP!
Sunday 6/12/15 01:29
Saturday, December 5, 2015
The Past
Today has been a series of events that led up to a moment where... I have to let go.
I found out a few days ago that my ex has a new girl. I know that it's normal for it to upsetting, but I guess I wasn't expecting myself to be as upset as I was- and why? I don't even know. Even though I don't miss him or anything anymore, and I haven't gotten sad when the thought of him popped into my mind, if I were brutally honest with myself, maybe.. just maybe.. some part of me was still entertaining the idea that one day we'll get back together? I don't know really. But anyway, as I found out how the new girl looked like (IKR, self torture helloooo), it really bummed me out. And I know I know, I would tell myself- we wouldn't have worked out together anyway etc etc etc, but even then, feelings are feelings and I guess I never really knew how to control them.
On a completely unrelated note, I decided to sort out some of the pictures in my phone because my memory was running out. That led to me sorting out the unsorted pictures that I had in my laptop as well. I'm not even halfway done yet. But I came across some old pictures of when we were together. (Which BTW just goes to show how many years worth of pictures I have to go through :/). It was in a folder that had your name on it. And I looked through some of the pictures, looked at the face I used to know so so well. I contemplated deleting these photos. But I knew that I wouldn't forgive myself for trying to erase a moment of my life. (Since I believe that, foolish as it may be, that no matter what happens to us, the bad things as well as the good things, these make up our life, these make US up.) And so, I changed the name of the folder to The Past. And nowwww I hope that I will get over this bummer- for YOU ARE IN THE PAST.
blah
Sunday 6/12/15 01:19
Monday, May 4, 2015
Productive Monday!
So today, I woke up, prepared minced pork to be used as dumpling fillings- put celery, onions, garlic and seasoning into it. Then called home, cuz it's dad's birthday!!! But they were busy eating steamboat at ms. lim's place. MISS THAT SO MUCH. And then got ready for a run outside cuz today was the one nice day amidst a full week of incessant rain. It's already begun to rain and it should be like that for the next few days too.
Then I got back, took a long shower, put mask treatment in my hair and body buttered my limbs after. Did my laundry, and started wrapping the dumplings. And now I'm broken and tired and going to bed. The dumplings were kinda disappointing. The siew mais I made last time were much better. I just didn't season it well enough, totes needs more salt. So sad!!!! :( But my meal was yum though- had eggplant and minced pork with dark soy sauce, the dumplings, rice and chilli padi. Yummm.
The run was really really good too! I used the nike+ running app for the first time and I could see how far I've run and such, so with a target in my mind, I actually ran 5 miles which is about 8km and that's the distance I'll have to be running in the marathon relay! So excited, didn't know I could do it. It took me 1 hour and 10 minutes. So hopefully my next run will be under an hour. Excited!! Gonna go look at some cheap flights and go to bed. Mum said I can't go to iran even though Pouya will be there which is so sad. When will I ever get to go to a country like that? :( But all in all, great day! I got sunburnt too.
Haha omg, I should also mention how ridiculously embarrassing and funny yesterday was- THE BREAD MAN! Hopefully I'll talk about that soon. For now, nights!!!
Mon 22:38 4/5/15
Then I got back, took a long shower, put mask treatment in my hair and body buttered my limbs after. Did my laundry, and started wrapping the dumplings. And now I'm broken and tired and going to bed. The dumplings were kinda disappointing. The siew mais I made last time were much better. I just didn't season it well enough, totes needs more salt. So sad!!!! :( But my meal was yum though- had eggplant and minced pork with dark soy sauce, the dumplings, rice and chilli padi. Yummm.
The run was really really good too! I used the nike+ running app for the first time and I could see how far I've run and such, so with a target in my mind, I actually ran 5 miles which is about 8km and that's the distance I'll have to be running in the marathon relay! So excited, didn't know I could do it. It took me 1 hour and 10 minutes. So hopefully my next run will be under an hour. Excited!! Gonna go look at some cheap flights and go to bed. Mum said I can't go to iran even though Pouya will be there which is so sad. When will I ever get to go to a country like that? :( But all in all, great day! I got sunburnt too.
Haha omg, I should also mention how ridiculously embarrassing and funny yesterday was- THE BREAD MAN! Hopefully I'll talk about that soon. For now, nights!!!
Mon 22:38 4/5/15
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Open Heart
Every time I start a post, I always exclaim how long it's been since I've done a post. It's come to the point where I think I should just accept that I don't blog regularly. Haha. But still, I am telling myself that I should start doing it regularly. Think about all the amazing life moments that I've experienced and will forget if I don't do this!
Quick update: Just finished our written examinations for 3rd year! Cray! (Cray is a thing now, cuz crazy is just too long to say haha). And naturally, during the exam period, I found myself visiting my own blog which I haven't done in a long long time.. cz powers of procrastination are too strong. :P And reading a new friend, Gen-from-Singapore's, blog about her exchange in Europe made me really feel like I was missing out if I didn't jot down my memories one way or another. So here I am.
I've changed the look of the blog finally! Goodbye to crazy colours, (red and yellow.. geez I was exuberant) and hello to the side of me that likes sweet feminine things too. Hahaha. And I've changed my url now from Strive to Open Heart. I think after going through that tough time, breaking up with someone so close to me and mum being sick, I really really pushed myself to stand on my own two feet, be the best I can be, go go go and not waste time. But in doing so, I actually slowly tried my best to not rely on others, to try and my find my own happiness and my own self you know? Like in trying to find my happiness and independence, I unknowingly put up walls around myself and kept other people out because I had to do it myself if that makes any sense at all. Then came my birthday, and man, the amount of love I got was really really surprising (which is kind of sad) and touching. I got calls and messages from close friends and not so close friends, some whom I haven't spoken to for a long time even. And then it hit me: I don't need to do it all on my own. There are so many people around who love me and have my back. I don't have to be so strong all the time, fighting to be happy and not waste time and live life.
So yea. Now, at age 22, I want to learn how to have an open heart. To let people in, to be kind, to not have judgements, to not be calculative, to always be kind and generous and forthcoming. Too easily I get tired and lazy and just keep conversations to the bare minimum when I can contribute so much more if I just put more of my heart into it, too easily I get competitive or jealous or selfish which happens more than I like to admit. I want to be the kind of person whom when people meet, they'll know I've been touched by God. (omg so corny). But it's true. I wanna be a person who exudes.... selflessness I guess. I want to have an open heart. :)
It's really late now so I'm off to bed. Can't wait to get this ball rolling again!
Fri 1/5/15 1:44am
Quick update: Just finished our written examinations for 3rd year! Cray! (Cray is a thing now, cuz crazy is just too long to say haha). And naturally, during the exam period, I found myself visiting my own blog which I haven't done in a long long time.. cz powers of procrastination are too strong. :P And reading a new friend, Gen-from-Singapore's, blog about her exchange in Europe made me really feel like I was missing out if I didn't jot down my memories one way or another. So here I am.
I've changed the look of the blog finally! Goodbye to crazy colours, (red and yellow.. geez I was exuberant) and hello to the side of me that likes sweet feminine things too. Hahaha. And I've changed my url now from Strive to Open Heart. I think after going through that tough time, breaking up with someone so close to me and mum being sick, I really really pushed myself to stand on my own two feet, be the best I can be, go go go and not waste time. But in doing so, I actually slowly tried my best to not rely on others, to try and my find my own happiness and my own self you know? Like in trying to find my happiness and independence, I unknowingly put up walls around myself and kept other people out because I had to do it myself if that makes any sense at all. Then came my birthday, and man, the amount of love I got was really really surprising (which is kind of sad) and touching. I got calls and messages from close friends and not so close friends, some whom I haven't spoken to for a long time even. And then it hit me: I don't need to do it all on my own. There are so many people around who love me and have my back. I don't have to be so strong all the time, fighting to be happy and not waste time and live life.
So yea. Now, at age 22, I want to learn how to have an open heart. To let people in, to be kind, to not have judgements, to not be calculative, to always be kind and generous and forthcoming. Too easily I get tired and lazy and just keep conversations to the bare minimum when I can contribute so much more if I just put more of my heart into it, too easily I get competitive or jealous or selfish which happens more than I like to admit. I want to be the kind of person whom when people meet, they'll know I've been touched by God. (omg so corny). But it's true. I wanna be a person who exudes.... selflessness I guess. I want to have an open heart. :)
It's really late now so I'm off to bed. Can't wait to get this ball rolling again!
Fri 1/5/15 1:44am
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