Wish the joy we feel on Christmas was felt all year round.
Mon 22:46 20/1/14
Monday, January 20, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Walk Two Moons
Finally, I've finished a book!
I haven't really been reading for a long time and it was my new year's resolution to read more this year. And I've finally finished this book I bought ages ago from high school. It's called Walk Two Moons, by Sharon Creech. And I absolutely loved it! It's a young adult's book, written in the perspective of a 13 year old girl, and truly, the way the narrator sees things, the way the book progressed, it was so amazing. There were parts of the book that expressed love in such simple words that reached out to my heart and squeezed it. And needless to say, I cried reading this book too. A definite must-read, will-read-again, worthy-of-my-bookshelf book!
"She isn't actually gone at all. She's singing in the trees."
18/1/14 Sat 20:03
I haven't really been reading for a long time and it was my new year's resolution to read more this year. And I've finally finished this book I bought ages ago from high school. It's called Walk Two Moons, by Sharon Creech. And I absolutely loved it! It's a young adult's book, written in the perspective of a 13 year old girl, and truly, the way the narrator sees things, the way the book progressed, it was so amazing. There were parts of the book that expressed love in such simple words that reached out to my heart and squeezed it. And needless to say, I cried reading this book too. A definite must-read, will-read-again, worthy-of-my-bookshelf book!
"She isn't actually gone at all. She's singing in the trees."
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Empowerment!
The future is indeed uncertain.
I don't know what lies ahead,
I don't know my capabilities.
But like I tell others: just dive in head first, and pray to God it's the deep end.
Where are we going
Oh I don't know
But still I've got to go
All the best to you, Denise!
16/1/14 Thurs 19:34
I don't know what lies ahead,
I don't know my capabilities.
But like I tell others: just dive in head first, and pray to God it's the deep end.
Where are we going
Oh I don't know
But still I've got to go
All the best to you, Denise!
16/1/14 Thurs 19:34
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
It Fades Away.
Hello! Hahaha. It's been ages since I've been here. And I actually shouldn't be spending time here since I'm supposed to be studying. But I have just gone through this crazyyyyy cycle of.. I don't know what you call it.
I have always been doubtful about the decision I made to study Dentistry. And I've been at that point where I was looking up other courses I might want to study. But I always just pushed those feelings away and eventually I would forget about it. It came and went from time to time. And a week or so ago, the feeling came back. And this time it came back full force, like I've never felt before. I think it was full force because for once, I didn't look up courses that was specialised in the sense that I would find a job in that field after I graduated. Instead, I looked up courses that I was interested in. So I looked at the Bachelor of Arts offered by Monash, and I was swept away. They offered many languages like SPANISH which I've always wanted to learn, and Korean, and Japanese. And the language subjects came together with units about their culture and tradition. And they also had a subject on the Holocaust and genocide. They had so many subjects that really made me so excited, thinking about the prospect of learning all that.
And I know this doesn't make much sense. But to me, my whole life has been about Science and memorising and passing exams. And I've slowly come to believe that I'm just an empty shell holding information that won't be of much use to anyone. I feel that science is so dry. I mean, it can be interesting and all that. But I really believe that it doesn't really enrich you in any way. Not like when you learn about other cultures, how other people live on the other side of the world, and what has happened to those people in the past. This kind of knowledge tells you so much about other people, other lifestyles. My gosh.. I really feel like it fills you up so much! Though I can't really explain why! I just feel that.. there's so much more to know about the world and the people living in it! And also, those social sciences I was looking at would require me to write many essays, and that would make me develop my critical thinking skills, and teach me how to form opinions. I felt that, if I took this degree, I would actually be learning. Like seriously, learning something that would let you see the world in a different light, which kind of changes your life too; instead of just memorising something and forgetting about it. It made me want to redo my education from the beginning and not be moulded by this "professional degrees give you the brightest future" mindset.
I talked to Shuen too, whom I met from Raleigh. She had done a year of Pharmacy, and then made a hundred and eighty degree turn and went ahead to do Politics, Philosophy and Economics. She said that it was one of the best decision she had ever made and said that she felt so much more alive and engaged doing this course, whereas she just felt like a dead fish struggling through Pharmacy. She said that if you were interested and passionate about something, that would be enough to pull you through even if that something was difficult. The uncertainty of my future with such an open-ended degree as well as the fear of not being able to make it cuz it's something that I'd never done before, all these were addressed by Shuen who had been through the same thing too.
And this sounds like I have decided to change my course. But in actual fact, I have decided to stay.
To be fair, I have to say that the trigger of my downy thoughts were my really bad test results. These results were from a continuous assessment for Neurophysiology. And it was really bad. Seriously like.. I'm not kidding when I say it was bad. I've never gotten results that bad before. And this. is. not. an. exaggeration! Ok. For my future self, I got twenty. nine. out of a hundred. It's highly shameful for someone who's always done really well in school. But it's my own fault anyway, so I shouldn't be too proud to not admit to this. This made me kind of depressed and probably caused me to start thinking negatively about my course. Granted, the test was held a day after an exam, and on the same day of another test. So I studied more for the others and neglected this one. But all in all, I felt like I had no drive anymore to study hard. Like I really had to force myself to study and it was always a drag. I felt like I was trying to drag my dead weight when I tried to force myself to study. So it was this reason that made me feel like this wasn't right for me. Why did it have to be such a struggle if this was the path that I'm supposed to take?
But anyway. After many many days of being confused and sad because I didn't know where my life was going, and also many days of researching and reading up about the Arts degree, I've decided to stay.
I think it was because of something that would seem really silly to you. Today, we were walking from one class to another. Yong, myself and Adib were walking tgth and we were just chatting and laughing as usual. Adib mentioned the UCC New Batch fb group that he had posted in before he arrived in Cork, and Yong had replied but Adib just brushed her off, looking for a senior dent instead. And it was so funny. We were teasing each other and we talked about how funny we were in first year, and how we would look like when we were in fifth year, looking back to our time spent in Cork. It was really great, and I felt that it would be so sad if I couldn't be a part of that. And also, that walk we had was really full of laughter and fun, it was really enjoyable and uplifting. Then I realised that if I kept myself in that kind of mood, I would be ok. Because good company and good friends are all I ever crave, and just time spent chatting, laughing, teasing and enjoying would lift me up into the clouds and empower me to go forward. This would really fuel me with a positive outlook, and allow me to face all the horrible studying head on.
Another reason was, Yong is, omg so corny, but she is really a blessing. Studying here would definitely be so much less tolerable without her. We both have the same humour. Normally I would be afraid to spend so much time with someone because I would usually get annoyed of some particular thing the person does or says a lot. But Yong spends so much time with me, camping out at my place during exam periods, and eating lunch tgth between classes, and I still don't hate her yet. Haha. She's not only easy to be with but she is also so caring. Like when I got the bad test results and when I was thinking of changing course, she helped me and supported me. Omg this is all so CORNY I think my eyes will bleed. But yea. Today we had a Pathology lecture, and the lecturer put so many pics in his notes. Like almost half of the notes were pictures. So before printing them, I took the pictures out and saved them in a separate document so that I could save my printer ink. At the lecture, Yong was sitting beside me. And as I took out my notes, I told her "oh I took out the pictures", and then she said "ME TOO". Haha. What are the odds? Seriously you know.
So. I decided to stay. Because, I already think we are quite alike in some aspects, but really, a friend like that, who is so in sync with you without even trying, is someone I don't want to lose. And these people are kind of the people whom I would happily invite to my wedding. You know that kind of thing? When you just get along and enjoy time with them? Why would I give that up? And also I know that if I just make an effort to be less depressing and talk more to people and chat more, have more fun times with the Malaysians, I would be able to empower myself with the positive thoughts. I think that as long as I don't have a negative outlook, and dread all the effort I have to put into to go to labs and study and such, I would be able to make it out alive without becoming a dead fish. I also have to think about the times I spent last summer with Jessie. Going to Tenom via the choo choo train and looking out the window to see the river and finding the not-well-known beach together. Knowing I have such a beautiful home to go to, and so much more to explore.. I don't know why. It just empowers me.
So basically. I have to just be positive. Make an effort to spend more time with the people, even if it means me spending time to cook so that everyone can come tgth to eat and chat. And maybe also taking up an evening language class too will make me feel like I'm learning something, even though our semester is so packed already.
I have just spent about 2 hours typing this, because whenever I feel like I want to quit again, I can just come back and read this and remind myself that. I just. Need. To Get. Off. My. Lazy. Bum and just be positive happy with where I am right now.
Haha.
Wed 10:15pm 15/12/2014
I have always been doubtful about the decision I made to study Dentistry. And I've been at that point where I was looking up other courses I might want to study. But I always just pushed those feelings away and eventually I would forget about it. It came and went from time to time. And a week or so ago, the feeling came back. And this time it came back full force, like I've never felt before. I think it was full force because for once, I didn't look up courses that was specialised in the sense that I would find a job in that field after I graduated. Instead, I looked up courses that I was interested in. So I looked at the Bachelor of Arts offered by Monash, and I was swept away. They offered many languages like SPANISH which I've always wanted to learn, and Korean, and Japanese. And the language subjects came together with units about their culture and tradition. And they also had a subject on the Holocaust and genocide. They had so many subjects that really made me so excited, thinking about the prospect of learning all that.
And I know this doesn't make much sense. But to me, my whole life has been about Science and memorising and passing exams. And I've slowly come to believe that I'm just an empty shell holding information that won't be of much use to anyone. I feel that science is so dry. I mean, it can be interesting and all that. But I really believe that it doesn't really enrich you in any way. Not like when you learn about other cultures, how other people live on the other side of the world, and what has happened to those people in the past. This kind of knowledge tells you so much about other people, other lifestyles. My gosh.. I really feel like it fills you up so much! Though I can't really explain why! I just feel that.. there's so much more to know about the world and the people living in it! And also, those social sciences I was looking at would require me to write many essays, and that would make me develop my critical thinking skills, and teach me how to form opinions. I felt that, if I took this degree, I would actually be learning. Like seriously, learning something that would let you see the world in a different light, which kind of changes your life too; instead of just memorising something and forgetting about it. It made me want to redo my education from the beginning and not be moulded by this "professional degrees give you the brightest future" mindset.
I talked to Shuen too, whom I met from Raleigh. She had done a year of Pharmacy, and then made a hundred and eighty degree turn and went ahead to do Politics, Philosophy and Economics. She said that it was one of the best decision she had ever made and said that she felt so much more alive and engaged doing this course, whereas she just felt like a dead fish struggling through Pharmacy. She said that if you were interested and passionate about something, that would be enough to pull you through even if that something was difficult. The uncertainty of my future with such an open-ended degree as well as the fear of not being able to make it cuz it's something that I'd never done before, all these were addressed by Shuen who had been through the same thing too.
And this sounds like I have decided to change my course. But in actual fact, I have decided to stay.
To be fair, I have to say that the trigger of my downy thoughts were my really bad test results. These results were from a continuous assessment for Neurophysiology. And it was really bad. Seriously like.. I'm not kidding when I say it was bad. I've never gotten results that bad before. And this. is. not. an. exaggeration! Ok. For my future self, I got twenty. nine. out of a hundred. It's highly shameful for someone who's always done really well in school. But it's my own fault anyway, so I shouldn't be too proud to not admit to this. This made me kind of depressed and probably caused me to start thinking negatively about my course. Granted, the test was held a day after an exam, and on the same day of another test. So I studied more for the others and neglected this one. But all in all, I felt like I had no drive anymore to study hard. Like I really had to force myself to study and it was always a drag. I felt like I was trying to drag my dead weight when I tried to force myself to study. So it was this reason that made me feel like this wasn't right for me. Why did it have to be such a struggle if this was the path that I'm supposed to take?
But anyway. After many many days of being confused and sad because I didn't know where my life was going, and also many days of researching and reading up about the Arts degree, I've decided to stay.
I think it was because of something that would seem really silly to you. Today, we were walking from one class to another. Yong, myself and Adib were walking tgth and we were just chatting and laughing as usual. Adib mentioned the UCC New Batch fb group that he had posted in before he arrived in Cork, and Yong had replied but Adib just brushed her off, looking for a senior dent instead. And it was so funny. We were teasing each other and we talked about how funny we were in first year, and how we would look like when we were in fifth year, looking back to our time spent in Cork. It was really great, and I felt that it would be so sad if I couldn't be a part of that. And also, that walk we had was really full of laughter and fun, it was really enjoyable and uplifting. Then I realised that if I kept myself in that kind of mood, I would be ok. Because good company and good friends are all I ever crave, and just time spent chatting, laughing, teasing and enjoying would lift me up into the clouds and empower me to go forward. This would really fuel me with a positive outlook, and allow me to face all the horrible studying head on.
Another reason was, Yong is, omg so corny, but she is really a blessing. Studying here would definitely be so much less tolerable without her. We both have the same humour. Normally I would be afraid to spend so much time with someone because I would usually get annoyed of some particular thing the person does or says a lot. But Yong spends so much time with me, camping out at my place during exam periods, and eating lunch tgth between classes, and I still don't hate her yet. Haha. She's not only easy to be with but she is also so caring. Like when I got the bad test results and when I was thinking of changing course, she helped me and supported me. Omg this is all so CORNY I think my eyes will bleed. But yea. Today we had a Pathology lecture, and the lecturer put so many pics in his notes. Like almost half of the notes were pictures. So before printing them, I took the pictures out and saved them in a separate document so that I could save my printer ink. At the lecture, Yong was sitting beside me. And as I took out my notes, I told her "oh I took out the pictures", and then she said "ME TOO". Haha. What are the odds? Seriously you know.
So. I decided to stay. Because, I already think we are quite alike in some aspects, but really, a friend like that, who is so in sync with you without even trying, is someone I don't want to lose. And these people are kind of the people whom I would happily invite to my wedding. You know that kind of thing? When you just get along and enjoy time with them? Why would I give that up? And also I know that if I just make an effort to be less depressing and talk more to people and chat more, have more fun times with the Malaysians, I would be able to empower myself with the positive thoughts. I think that as long as I don't have a negative outlook, and dread all the effort I have to put into to go to labs and study and such, I would be able to make it out alive without becoming a dead fish. I also have to think about the times I spent last summer with Jessie. Going to Tenom via the choo choo train and looking out the window to see the river and finding the not-well-known beach together. Knowing I have such a beautiful home to go to, and so much more to explore.. I don't know why. It just empowers me.
So basically. I have to just be positive. Make an effort to spend more time with the people, even if it means me spending time to cook so that everyone can come tgth to eat and chat. And maybe also taking up an evening language class too will make me feel like I'm learning something, even though our semester is so packed already.
I have just spent about 2 hours typing this, because whenever I feel like I want to quit again, I can just come back and read this and remind myself that. I just. Need. To Get. Off. My. Lazy. Bum and just be positive happy with where I am right now.
Haha.
Wed 10:15pm 15/12/2014
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