Well.. Tomorrow is New Year's. So that's why I want to blog about this today. I have to get this done before 2010. Why? I guess you could say it's because I want to leave this in the past, get it off my chest? But then I think that doesn't mean that it's solved, or that I've overcome it already. Anyway. Here goes.
I have low self esteem when it comes to my appearance. I don't think I'm "nice to look at". So when people ask me why I don't straighten my frizzy, wavy hair, it's because I don't really want to. It's not because I like my hair the way it is. It's because I don't want people to think I'm "not bad to look at" when I'm not. I think it's giving a false impression to people, to let people think I'm "nice to look at" but actually am not. I want people to like me regardless of what I look like. You know? I know, it's so pointless and stupid, but that's how I feel. I want to "be strong" and "stand my ground", "be true to myself" and all that lousy stuff. But I think the main point is me not wanting to give a false impression.
I am still young. I try not to dress otherwise (hah, as if I could if I wanted to). But you know, sometimes I waver. When I look around at my friends and see them dressed so well and nice, while I'm just wearing a t-shirt with Felix The Cat on it (Felix The Cat!!!), I waver. I feel embarrassed. But I try to just be myself and "stand my ground".
Erm.. I guess that's all. This took me a long time to put together. I'm actually sort of confused. Have to slather on thick, thick skin and face it!
Pictures not mine. And the smile is just a diversion.
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