dilemma!!!

How can I forget the phrase "can't have the cake and eat it" when it is always so applicable in situations I'm facing.

Now, I am currently facing the dilemma on whether or not I want to change classes or not. Oh, by the way I'm now in Senior One (form 4). I'm in S1Zhong. And I'm turning 16 this year. And I feel so, so old! Seriously. But at least I finally look my height. Haha. But it is kind of weird, I guess, because people always get my age wrong. Now, hearing them guess it correctly actually makes me feel amazed of their accurate guess. I 'wow' in my brain and then I remember that the years have all flown by. Now I'm facing SIXTEEN. How sad! =P

So, back to the topic. I landed in S1Zhong with only 5 other classamtes from last year, and none of them which I am really close to. Theng went off to Singapore, and Angela and Pauline both landed in S1Xiao, together with many other classmates from last year too. Only a few school days have gone by, but I'm already torn up by this dilemma.

The choice I saw before were: good teachers, make friends again; or just-ok teachers, with comfortable friends. Also taking into account that this will be my last year in Tshung Tsin, as I'll be going to study in Aus next year. So, this being my last year, I really, really hope that it will be a great year, while keeping my new years resolution. I know that friends are not that strong a reason to give up great teachers, but for school life with that bunch of people in Xiao, for my last year in Tshung Tsin, it might just be worth it. Especially for sports day, which is definitely only fun when you have a bunch of great friends to participate with. That point really hit me when Sotong (Reegan, S1Zhong) asked me whether I was going to join the cheerdancing for sports day. I realized that there wasn't anyone to enjoy the practices with, and to enjoy the feeling of performing together. I know that making new friends during practices are possible, but it's just not the same. It's because with friends like those in Xiao, we are all familiar with each other's style and personality. It's different because you can be just you, and not worry about whether it's the right thing to say or not.

On the other hand, the teachers we got in Zhong are good teachers. Compared to Xiao, our Eng, BM, Sej, P.E., Bio and Chem teachers are all really experienced and they know what they are doing. Our Add. Maths and Phy teachers are the same as Xiao. I'm a little (and I mean only a LITTLE) worried because I have no tuition for the Sci subjs, and having good teachers is abit of reassurance for me. But I know that's not really the case, because I usually don't rely on teachers, I always rely on myself, as do many other students. For the last 3 years in Tshung Tsin, I have met some teachers who are not that good, whose lessons I am unable to pay attention to (not kidding!), and for those subjs, I study it myself. So in true fact, I'm not that worried about stuff like that because I know deep down (I hope) that I'll be able to cope one way or another.

Today I had my first Bio lesson since shcool started. I have no idea why, but i feel abit stressed because of the things my teacher keeps saying. My teacher is Leng Mary Chin, a.k.a. Ms Chin. She keeps talking about how tough it will be being in the Science stream, and that there will be alot to study for tests, tests and tests and that many assignments will be given and her tests will be tough, with at least one ques from each page of the text book, meaning we'll have to study very hard. I know it may not seem like anything, but I just got that nudge at the back of my head which is the sign of stress coming along. I don't want to be stressed. No. Not after promising myself I won't be. My new years resolution, I'm going to keep it. So that's a reason to change to Xiao, but Ms. Chin is a good teacher, in a way, something to lose.

Oh, and Sej and Eng teacher! Cikgu Evelyn and Ms. Ong! I love Cikgu Evelyn. She's a great teacher with a sense of humuor! Ms. Ong is also quite down to earth and I'm starting to like her. My BM teacher is Cikgu Chin who is a great teacher who is confident and knows what she is doing. These are big things to lose for me, because I really enjoy their lessons.

But then I also remembered last year when we got our forms to choose which stream we are heading towards. Angela, Pauline, Theng and I high-fived, in a way promising that we will be in the same class next year, in the Science Stream. Sigh... I'm so confused!!!!!

But honestly, I think I have already made my decision. But seriously, I feel like a pendulum! My decisions have been swinging back and forth, back and forth, my head feels dizzy.

ANYHOW~~, I THINK I have made my decision. I don't go back on my promises if I can help it. So I'm not going back on this one. I'll overcome any obstacle I will meet by changing classes, but always remembering (I hope) that I was the one who made this decision.

So, I guess blogging about this has helped organised my thoughts (sort of), so, this should be what i really want. Of course, said with small doubts in my head. @@

Angela and Turtle came over last night to do this poster for SDC to publicize it. Usually we go into the orientation classes and talk for a couple of minutes about SDC, but we didn't have the time slot for it this year (technically, last year as that was when the orientation classes were held). So I had this idea to put this huge poster (only huge from the manila cards we used) on the school notice board. We were racing against time as the CCA forms are due latest by next week, earliest by this Sat. I actually wanted to put it up today, but as my seat in class is not strategic, I am unable to do things that I'm not supposed to do during class. Because I spent the whole night doing it even after they left. I actually had a dinner to go to in Aunty Elaine's house, but as I said, we were racing against time. I slept at 3+, exhausted especially because there was volleyb trg earlier. And because of that poster, I didn't pack my bag so I forgot to bring a few books (luckily it's only the first week. No harm done! :P) and my P.E. clothes. Just as well because I was really, really tired.

So it will be up on the board at 6/7-ish tmr. I hope, hope, hope that it will turn out good. It's definitely not perfect, but I think it's kind of great for a 1 day effort. =D Acknowledgements to Rebecca, Angela, Turtle, me (haha) and Kel, who stayed up to help and almost did not wake up to send me to school this morning. Thanks! It's all Kel. The layout was her idea! So, thanks!

Vlyb trg yesterday was okay-ish. Apart from the fact my shoulder almost came off. Haha. It's nothing, don't worry (especially Kel and mum who MIGHT read this). My shoulder is still here, where it belongs. I'm trying to get the technique back, I've lost it and it is proving hard to get it back correctly. Oh well. Go Jessie! Go for what you want, k! And text me when you go for your one-book-a-month book shopping! I love book shopping! =D

Since Karazan, I have read a few books. The Forbidden Room by Sarah Wray. Bought from the book fair in Asia City. I didn't think it was anticipating at all. Only one part in the story makes your heart beat faster. It was only near the end when only things started to unravel. It was too late in the story, I feel, when things started to get more complicated.

It takes just one tragic moment for Jenny's life to change forever. Taken to live at Oak Hall Children's Centre, Jenny begins a very different life, confined to a wheelchair and dreaming of an earlier time filled with love, family and friends. Then Helen and John Holland offer her a foster home with their adorable 5-year-old son, Stephen. The model of a perfect family, Jenny dares to hope that she will at last find some happiness. But when she discovers an old diary beneath a floorboard in her new bedroom, she begins to unravel a horrifying secret. A secret that lies within the padlocked cellar under the house. A secret with mind-blowing consequences. And suddenly Jenny's perfect new life has turned into a deadly nightmare - in which right and wrong no longer exist...

Firecracker by Ray Shannon. Bought in Vietnam for only RM6! It's a random book. I think it is quite interesting. A nice read! :D

Reece Germaine is a big-time P.R. professional, entirely capable of supporting the baby fathered by football superstar Raygene Price during one wild Las Vegas weekend. But Raygene's reluctance to provide his fair share of child support ticks her off - until she remembers the betting slip he bankrolled for her as a gag during that same weekend. If it pays off, Reece will have more than a million reasons to forgive and forget Raygene for good. But he has a need for the slip himself, as an old, psychotic home-boy from the 'hood is blackmailing him to the tune of $200,000...

Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. Bought in Popular at normal price :P. I LOVE this book. It's so amazing. A great book and definitely recommended! =D

On his 83rd birthday, Eddie, a lonely war veteran, dies in a tragic accident trying to save a little girl from a falling cart. With his final breath, he feels two small hands in his - and then nothing. He awakens in the afterlife, where he learns that heavan is not a lush Garden of Eden but a place where your earthly life is explained to you by five people who were in it. These people may have been loved ones or distant strangers. Yet each of them changed your path for ever.

Currently reading: For Pete's Sake! by Geri Buckley. Bought in Asia City book fair. It's surprisingly quite interesting! A very nice book to read!

The death of her grandmother--the beloved matriarch of Langstown, Florida--has thrown Pietra "Pete" Lang's preparations for the Fourth of July into chaos. But nothing is going to stop her from throwing the most fabulous party ever. Not the fireworks igniting between her and her brother's infamous divorce attorney. And especially not the dead body in the freezer.

And also on hold, Breaking Dawn! It's too much for me! Haha. I just don't want it to end so soon. I'm almost at the end. I will finish it someday. =( =( =( It's coming too an end! So sad! I'm so scared it won't be a good ending. Haha.

Well, I have to do my homework (wow, I know!) and I might study. One of my new years resolution!

Enjoy it while it lasts, people!

S1Xiao! Hopefully, here I come~!!!! :D