PG advised?

thoughts flying through my head. rant or vent. call it what you want

intro- 17th of SEPTEMBER we applied for classrooms, the hall and toilets through the secretary of the general affairs. this is for class trip. so after meeting her (the secretary) 3 times (i think) in 2 weeks (or so), yay! we finally got the classrooms. we were given classrooms 201-204. and she explained to us many things. and told us that we were to take the keys of the classrooms on the 7th this month. which is today. in the process of applying for the classrooms, for booking everything, she had to consider SPM classes still going on, orientation class, make-up class (extra classes for those who failed, before they were to take the exam to see whether they had to repeat the year). bcz of these classes, we moved our class trip earlier from the 16th of nov to the 9th. bcz at that time SPM exams and orientation classes havent started. so it was finally ok. we booked the classes. yay. it was a great accomplishment!

then comes today. we went to take the key. me and angela. we walked into the office, oh the secretary is not in. so we went straight to the G.A. teacher. he took a look at the forms we had. and the first thing he noticed is that we had booked the halls. he told us that it was not available. i was already fighting back tears. he said that it would be under renovation, they were changing the tiles. we could work around that. i guess i wouldnt have cried, but that day was a tough day for me alraedy. i was late for school. got told off by my mum. i dont really mind being told off. i deserve it sometimes but then she sort of pointed her finger at me. i knew not waking up was my fault. but then she brought in sleeping late and stuff, using the computer bcz last night i used it until 2.30am probably. that i couldnt stand. i hate being blamed for smth i shouldnt be blamed for. i was using it for the classtrip. i was organising some things. so was turtle. you think i wana sleep so late after attending a dinner? i was so tired. so that was the start of my day today. i got to school at 8am, after crying. sheesh. i was so stressed. my mum also said i shouldnt have forgotten to tell my kakak to wake me up, or set my alarm. she said i dont try hard enough to remember things. my brain was already so full. i was so stressed, since yesterday i have been reminding myself to: inform sdc ppl about the preach stuff (not done), borrow hula hoops from P.E. department (not done, they dont have any), take the key (of course not done), finish up the groups used in classtrip (not done), pick the songs for classtrip (not done), talk through with turtle about the treasure hunt thing (not done), ask G.A. about the metal gates, which one would be closed and which wouldnt (not done obviously), and the canteen doors to arrange that it will be open during our meal times (not done) . i had to keep running it through in my head, over and over, scared i would forget.

so. i wasnt really in a chatty mood this morning. the stress was increasing steadily. so when he told me no hall, i broke? and then he looked through the forms again. 9-11th? our classrooms are all used up then. that did it. i cried then. he didnt even seem to care at all. I HATE YOU! (but God said not to hate. so...) I DISLIKE YOU VERY MUCH! in my head i was thinking, what are we going to do. da bian ive put so much effort into this. we already collected the money (not easy, the money spent reminding everyone to bring the money. hah!), we already booked catering, we already informed everyone including those who were in our class before, we already bought some stuff we needed for games, i already printed on 36 papers (!) for a game, we already had our games planned and everything. i put aside so many things like studying for my last test in sunday school which is the deciding test, havent been free to use the com or watch tv (I ACTUALLY MISSED BIG WINDUP YSTD!, and havent been watching grey's anatomy), and piano and theory (da da bian), and almost every night my mind is running through classtrip things, the games, the timetable everything. all for nothing?

but i suppose its my fault right. (yes, i believe in God) and i think God is punishing me. bcz it was getting out of hand. bcz of class stuff and other stuff, ive been so stressed and busy. i was missing my meals (eating irregularly more likely), and my sleeping patterns were erratic. i couldnt keep up with myself. everytime my mum talked to me i was always busy doing smth. and i know i should have composed myself better, made more of an effort to talk to her properly. i was always quickly annoyed. i havent even talked properly to angela for a week or more now. and i guess this morning when i didnt wake up God probably said enough is enough. and i totally deserve it.

sort of.

stupid stupid. the orientation starts on the 17th. it didnt hit me then. why couldnt we have the classrooms booked for orientation? i didnt think of that then. I DISLIKE YOU SO MUCH! i could have thrown you outside your own window. it was the way he talked. like he didt care. he didnt even bother to offer any alternatives or anything like that. and the worst part:

we asked why we werent informed earlier. stupid him. he said oh why didnt you guys come and ask. you guys should have come. HELLO. we already booked it in SEPTEMBER. the secretary already considered everything b4 giving us the classrooms. thats why we were in no worry that it would be used for somthing in school. it was all taken into consideration before it was booked for us. the teacher was like you cant expect the shcool programs to revolve around your classtrip right. HEY. at least you could have told us earlier so we could have made other plans. but nooooooo. you leave it today. when our class trip is on sunday like THE DAY AFTER TMR. sheesh. stupid. I DiSLIKE YOU ALOT! i couldnt stand to see his face.

i was already thinking of alternatives. standing in his da bian office. i thought about going some place else. but bus fees and last minute bookings, not cheap. i thought about holding it in my house, no place to play games. not doing it overnight was out of ques. some of my classmates live in tuaran. changing date too. it would clash with SPM exams, and orientation, and not easy to inform my classmates plus alot of ppl would have gone off somewhere. angela thought of using the special classroom. he was like are you very sure the books will all be cleared by that time? (cz the school was selling new books for next year. today they were selling 09 s1 books, ours)

sigh. so i bought my books. couldnt look at him anymore. thought about using CCA. the office was closed they all went home already. out of luck? angela and theng went to find miss selena to seek for help. we sat on the staff room floor waiting for her, brainstormed and stuff. she was the one who reminded us that orientation was actually on the next week after our class trip date. hmm. (stupid me. i know. sheesh) she went to find the da bian GA teacher. i went home. read new moon to relieve my mind. and slept. ms selena called me. she said the GA teacher said he would have to discuss with vice head (mr hiew). discuss your head. so what if he approves? from 4 classrooms we only get two? one for boys one for girls wat about our activity room? and when will we get the keys for the rooms? will they be in school tmr? i still need to make sure everything about the metal gates and more importantly the canteen doors.

so annoying.

sigh. when i woke up this afternoon i had a headache. its like. i couldnt be bothered anymore. but then. 50 ppl will be affected by all these things and as always (like the choir stuff) i cant just say fine i give up right? sigh.

stupid. bleh. there are so many things i wana talk about too that i havent been free enough to blog about. like the tshung tsin idol. and the dinner yesterday! =D and bcz of this (we got our transcripts today) i didnt even look at my transcript properly.

well. like i said, these are all my thoughts running through my mind. i actually thought of going on strike before (hah!) outside the GA's office. highly unlikely =P

i seriously think i wouldnt have taken it so badly if it wasnt for this morning and yesterday 2am lights off. but like i said. i think i deserve it in a way. =(

and the world is still spinning, the sky has gone dark, everything is still in motion, nothing has stopped. no sitting about doing nothing. i'm going to study for my test. and tmr it will be classtrip discussion. double checking everything (IF we actually get the classrooms AND the keys) hope i'll find time to blog.

wish me luck

and congrats!!! to pauline!!!! and of course kelly chin and jovie? for success in quiting PB! dont worry, bcz its what you'll want in the end. so dont think too much about it! you wont regret this decision. (unless of course, its not the decision you want). and remember: you dont need to be a prefect to have prefect friends, or to continue to be friends with prefects. if you get what i mean. go drink a milo in celebration. yay

and all in all. i hate that i cried. like it helped anything. i'm not proud of myself. i wish i could read story books forever and not face up to reality.

oh ya. and i'm okay by the way. thanks to theng pauline angela. and song (vanessa) for accompanying me this morning) and hk for msging me. and of course my mum for being there. to leepei who patted my back (small gesture but appreciated!). and teacher hu man le for being concerned about why i was embarrassingly (?) crying there and listening. and miss selena for helping. thanks guys! *embarrassed and ashamed but grateful*

why????????

da bian

jason mraz said: cuz it all amounts to NOTHING in the end. I wont worry my life away~ (the remedy)